A Glimpse of light through the night by Dark Blaze (2003)

Timeline: Takes place right after 'Hello, Goodbye'.

Summary: Three weeks after leaving Logan and Seattle behind, Max comes back to find things have changed and Logan has gone missing.

Disclaimer: Dark Angel and its characters are copyright 2000-2002 Twentieth Century Fox Studios and James Cameron and Charles Eglee. The original fiction and additional characters noted here are copyright 2003 Dark Blaze.

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CHAPTER 03



Logan's Apartment, Fogle Towers

Max pleaded to her sister, worried for what she was about to hear, "What? Why? What's wrong? Syl tell me."

"Max… I don't know how to tell you this…"

"Please, just tell me…"

"Max… I… I'm sorry… There was nothing we could do…" Syl refused to meet her sister's eyes and instead looked down, directing her full attention to the floor as she let out the dreadful news about her sister's boyfriend.

"Oh god… no…" the words escaped Max's lips, leaving her gasping for air breathless.

"He… they just came out of nowhere. Krit couldn't stop them… They tried to run, but… his exoskeleton short-circuited. They shot at them, Krit got hit in the shoulder and Logan got hit in the chest and his left leg." after taking a deep breath, Syl let out more of the events of that fateful night, "He's gone Max, we… we couldn't stop them, I'm sorry…"

During Syl's recollection of the past events, Max remained silent, literally lost for words as she tried to comprehend what had happened. She just couldn't set her mind to believe that Logan was gone; she had seen him just three weeks ago.

The worst part was how they went separate ways; they had a fight and Logan was left thinking that she was with another person. He now would never know how she felt about him.

"Is he… He… He's de…" her speech faltered, showing how she was on the verge of breakdown. She couldn't bring herself to admit that he could be dead, she just couldn't.

Seeing how Max had misunderstood her information, Syl tried quickly to correct herself, "Max no, don't think like that. We… we don't know for sure. You need to have hope."

"Hope is for losers…" Syl had a hard time hearing Max's words even with her enhanced hearing, words spoken quieter than even a whisper, as if for fear that if saying them out loud would make them true.

"So? Maybe it is, but it's what we have to keep on going."

Seeing Max so fragile at that moment, hearing what she had to say, but not really wanting to believe it was true, made Syl's heart ache for her.

She wanted to somehow comfort her with good news, tell her that everything was going to turn out well, but she knew she couldn't; she didn't have any news that would bring a smile on her face, reassuring her that Logan was out of harm's way.

So, instead, she reached out to hold on of Max's hands with her own, covering them as if to provide support and fuel each others bodies with a feel that everything would eventually turn out in a better way than they are at the moment.

Tugging at her hand, Syl brought Max to sit on the side of the bed, next to her, to lean in a sisterly embrace, leaning their heads with their chins onto each other's opposite shoulder.

After a few minutes, Max managed to regain some composure and she pulled away from her older sister's embrace, only to find the lack of warmth and reassurance from the embrace to be missed. However it wasn't as comforting as it would have been with Logan, seeing him again.

Trying slowly to get up with unsteady footing, she started walking towards the door to the guest room, only to stop for a moment to look back at her sister, and then carried on walking towards her destination, towards the big windows to try to stay composed, to try and think things through. She needed to maintain a level of serenity, she needed Logan; she had to find him.

Where was she going to start searching for him? Without the most vital hardware in his computer station it would be near impossible to use the Informant Net. Even if she managed somehow to obtain what she needed, probably from the black market like he did, she would need to get through all the security parameters he had set up. Yet with all her computer hacking knowledge obtained from her original stay at Manticore, she still had a limited amount of skills compared to Logan, which would make it difficult to hack into the Informant Network.

As every second of every minute passed, the loss and loneliness she was feeling was increasing. Even when she had left three weeks ago, deep inside her she knew that Logan would always be there when she returned; she never suspected that something like this would happen.

On her way to the window she often found herself looking out to the city, she noticed some of the books from the bookshelf that had fallen on the floor. Bending down to pick them up as she was reaching for each of the books, she came across one she uniquely recognised as Logan's book of poems; it had a piece of paper that was loose from the cover of the book upon which she noticed her name.

Finally picking up the books, she absent-mindedly placed the other fallen books in their original position on the bookshelf, while keeping her attention on the book firmly held in her right hand.

Walking towards Logan's bedroom, she stopped for a moment, her left hand leaning on the wall beside the door, to look around the room carefully, memorizing every inch of it into her memory.

She had come into this room with him in it so many times before. Sometimes he was sleeping and she just watched him, taking in everything her senses brought to her.

Slowly, with her feline grace, she walked inside, to the edge of the bed and sat down in the middle, the book still firmly clutched between her hands.

Looking on her right, she noticed the black sweater lying on top of the covers, the one she had gotten him for his birthday last year. It was a bit expensive, covering several days of payment from work, but it was definitely worth getting just to see his eyes brighten up as they did when she gave it to him.

Now it was one of her favourites, one of the ones she enjoyed seeing him wear; she felt that somehow he knew that too, so he made sure to wear it more often than others. It would fit him perfectly, outlining every muscle of his upper body, even though it was a sweater and not his tight leather jacket.

Resting the book momentarily on the bed, she grabbed the sweater with both hands, bringing it up to her face; she inhaled deeply, remembering his scent, enjoying the feel the smooth surface of the sweater provided on her skin. His scent was fading but for now it was still there.

Her mind slowly diverted from the sweater back to the book Logan engraved his thoughts, his true undisclosed self, without any walls guarding his emotions. She placed the black sweater on her lap and reached for the book again, her hands pulling out the folded sheet of paper that had caught her attention, containing her name on it.

Unfolding it, Max started reading several times through the document she had picked up, her eyes never wavering from it.

Her eyes transferred from word to word, carefully reading over and over every word. Her mind imprinted those words deep into her memory so that they would never leave her. Logan spoke them out loud to her as her eyes read them; it was as if he was actually there, looking at her, speaking to her.

Her mind started to produce more thoughts, racing as she took in those few words that were contained in the sheet of paper; those few words that enclosed so much emotion. Sobs all of a sudden filled her body and she started crying again, her body shaking with such emotion she hadn't felt since the time she had last seen him, as well as all the times she came close to losing him.

Tear drops started falling on the manuscript, until it was yellow from the moisture it had collected.

As she sat on the edge of the bed, she could almost feel him there sleeping soundly. She found herself wishing it were true as she clutched Logan's sweater tightly as close to her chest as she could, she fell back on the bed, pulling herself to the pillow and setting her head down as she curled up in a ball, letting her tears flow, her only thoughts being of Logan.

"I'm sorry." She whispered to the shadows as if someone could hear her words, pass the message to Logan, as if someone cared for what she had to say.

"I'm so sorry Logan…" She whispered before sleep took her.

Horrid dreams used to invade her when she was most vulnerable, during her sleep. She would dream herself being locked up in the farthest, darkest corner of a room. Her only feelings being of someone abandoned, unworthy and unloved by anyone and everyone. Logan was always there amongst the shadows, taking refuge in the darkness that surrounded the room, but he would never move; she would beg and scream for him but nothing would ever come of it. At that moment she would usually wake up, realising that she was more alone than even before.

In her mind she was having memories, reliving times from the past, a past she shared with Logan, of times together.

Her thoughts drifted, remembering the night she first met Logan. At first she recalled the first time they ever laid eyes on each other, their first words, their first emotions.

The day had started just like any other day in this post-Apocalyptic world. The sun came up, although it was well hidden above the clouds, obscuring its view to the people below. Those clouds earlier in the day had brought once again an ever expectant storm into the city, drenching Seattle's streets in dark grey tones and casting upon them depressing, humid shadows. Now, in the aftermath of the day, the shadows had fallen entirely upon the city, a welcoming feeling found by some in the shadows, a feel of reality, of security. In her dream, Max found herself staring out over the city through the window she had broken such a long time ago.

"You're a thief?" He had asked. She could honestly not retrieve from her memory a single occurrence when anyone had been so relieved to find out they were being robbed; considering her wide capacity of committing to memory ability it meant a lot. It was quite amusing to hear, and couldn't stop her lips from breaking up a smile.

"Girl's gotta make a living." She smiled.

"Thank God," Logan said. She snickered.

Again, she came to realization of something… she realized she had never laughed, truthfully laughed, while someone had a gun pointed at her.

Somehow she knew with certainty at that moment that he would never allow any harm to come upon her. It was a strange and yet wonderful feeling, a feeling she came to admit to herself that she actually wanted to have from that moment onwards.

"Never heard that one before," she replied. He had smiled then also, it was more of a quirk of his lips bringing upon them a smile, but he was obviously more at ease now than he was before.

"Things are a little tense around here right now," he said as an explanation to the situation.

"Guess you weren't expecting the pizza delivery guy…" she replied with witticism.

He glanced down at the bag. She had more than sufficient opportunities to get to him, relieve him of his shotgun and retrieve the bag with the stolen goods, but for some reason, she knew she was in no danger and found herself not wanting to leave.

It was like destiny had decided that they should cross paths. It appeared as if he had been waiting for her to show up, and when she finally did, their lives would never be as they were before, never be the same again.

"You have good taste," he commented, glancing at the statuette. "French, 1920s, attributed to Chitaris,"

"Whoever that is…" She smirked.

"Oh… what? You liked it because it was shiny?" He challenged her with a devious smile.

She knew he was challenging her at that moment, and in that confrontation, she realized he didn't fear her as much as he should have feared her. She knew right then and there; something was different about this man, something that set him aside and above other men, made him unique in a way.

This person seemed to have no longer a concern about his weapon, an ordinary as he seemed to be, and focused his complete and undivided attention towards the woman in front of him.

He had decided to use his charms and witticism with her. The feelings that aroused within her, washing over her like rain, were entirely enjoyable by her, so she chose to continue the foreplay with him.

"No, because it's the Egyptian Goddess Bast, the goddess who comprehends all goddesses, Eye of Ra, protector, avenger, destroyer...giver of life who lives forever…"

Then the security team came, and she run towards the huge windows and jumped through them and out of the apartment. In the background noise as she was falling she could hear the guy that owned the apartment call off his security force, telling them to 'hold their fire'.

Without him in her life, she wasn't sure what she would do, how she would go on living without him being a part of her life, a part of her.

He made her realize that she actually had a life, a soul, and emotions; that there were many reasons to keep on going, to fight for what she truly wanted and deserved to have.

He taught her how to care, how to be compassionate; he showed her that she was not a soldier, that she was a real girl, a person with a place in the world. He may have never realized, but he was her source of strength, her lifeline.

She could never truly repay all the things he had done for her, nor would he ever comprehend how important he was to her, but she only hoped that somehow, by searching for him, finding ways of tracking him and getting him back safe and sound, that she would have another chance at returning a bit of that to him.


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