Disclaimer: Don't own TT, probably never will.
Title: To Soar Again
Robin stared out over the city from his spot on the roof of Titan Tower. It was almost midnight and the stars shown brightly from their spot in the heavens. The breeze ruffled his jet-black hair and made his cape flutter behind him. He had his knees up to his chest and his arms around his legs, leaning his chin down. He was young, but any who saw him would know that he had faced more than most other young men his age.
And something was troubling him. You could see it in the way he sat there. You couldn't see his eyes, but you would know from the slight downwards tilt of the corners of his mouth, the way his mask stood out against his face and black hair.
Thoughts flew through his mind, some stopping to linger longer than others...mostly ones about the recent disappearance of his old arch nemesis and mentor, Slade, and about his best friend Starfire, the Tamaranian girl with the cheerful disposition and bright green eyes to match. He thought of the way her flaming red hair flew in the wind, the way her laugh could always bring a smile on his face, the way she loved and cared for her friends more than anyone he had ever known.
And as he gazed out across the waters surrounding the tower and the city they called home, he thought about what all of these things truly meant to him. Not only Starfire, no, but his lasting friendship with the other Titans, how he went from their newest addition, to fearless leader, to best friend. How he had seen more people come and go than he could stand, including his parents, people he had cared about. And it scared him that any of the Titans could be lost in the same way, especially Starfire. She knew so little about this world, and he had so much more he wanted to teach her, to show her. And he wanted her to know. Know about what it felt like to be like him, to be him. What it was like feeling this raw emotion try and tear its way out of him, try and soar through oblivion to only be lost in the constant struggle of battle, until he was too scared to feel things like these for anyone he knew. He wanted her to know what it was like to feel scared once in a while, but not like everyone else, to be scared like him. To be scared of losing someone so important to you that it would kill you. To be scared of change, of going mad, of seeing too many people come and go.
And most of all, he wanted her to know what it was like to love someone so much that you would give everything to be with that person, no matter what the consequences.
He wanted her to love him, to love him back.
Click.
Robin's head snapped up and he stared as the girl this raw emotion soared for, the girl who haunted his waking mind and his most secret and private dreams. And she just smiled at him and sat down, not a care in the world it seemed except perhaps for his well-being.
"Robin."
"Starfire." Her eyes twinkled as they bore into him, into where his eyes should have been but his mask forever covered. It was his security blanket, in a way. Should someone deprive him of this one object, he wouldn't be able to face anyone. It was what protected him, protected everyone he had ever known or loved.
"Friend, what are you doing up here? It is so late for you to be awake!" she said, concern evident in her voice. He smiled faintly, one that did not reach the eyes beneath his mask, and turned he face away from her and back to the sea.
"Just thinking, Star. Thinking."
"About what?"
"Everything, everyone, you." She scooted closer to him and crossed her legs in front of her, staring down at her hands that rested in her lap.
"I was thinking of you, also, Robin. I am so very confused by...this!" she exclaimed, frustrated that she couldn't find words to describe something so raw, something so untamed that it couldn't possibly have a name.
"What does it fell like?" Robin asked curiously, turning his face back to stare at her. She looked at him, a small smile evident by the way the corners of her lips turned up.
"It feels like...something pent up, something locked inside of me, in here." She touched the tip of her fingers to her chest.
"In your heart."
"Yes. It feels good, but also bad. It...it confuses me. We Tamaranians do not identify these feelings. They go unnamed and we ignore them, but I cannot help but not ignore these. They feel so good, but also so wrong. Should I be feeling this?" She took her fingers and brushed them across Robin chest. He was now facing her, his legs crossed as well. "This right here. You feel it, too. I know you do. You feel this. What is it?"
"Star, I think it's love." He stared into her emerald eyes, yearning for a sign that she understood, that she really knew what it meant to be in love.
"Love? But I love everyone...and I do not feel this way when I think about Cyborg, or Beast Boy, or the blue furry food in the metal cold thing downstairs."
"The refrigerator."
"Yes, that thing. But why do I feel this way now?"
"Star, there are two kinds of love. One, the most common, is the one you feel for your friends, your family, things you like. The other is harder to find, harder to come across in two people. It's when you feel so much love for this person that you feel...you feel as though your heart will be torn to pieces if they don't say hello to you when you see them, when they don't acknowledge your feelings for them. When you feel as though you could fly with all the love you posses for them, and not just fly with your powers, but with your heart. In here," he said, putting his hand just under her collarbone. He could feel her heartbeat and he realised that they matched. Their two hearts beat as one. His heard fluttered and his stomach flip-flopped in a pleasant way.
"I see. I do feel that first love for everyone."
"I know you do, and it's what makes you such a wonderful person." She smiled softly at him.
"Thank you, friend Robin. This has meant so much to me! Thank you for explaining this thing!" He dropped his hand and stared down at his lap.
"Your welcome," he muttered, disappointed that she didn't understand that he felt the same way, that she wasn't just supposed to know about this feeling and not do anything about it. The injustice of it all worked up and adrenaline and anger in him that he was scared to keep in, but even more scared to let out. He clenched his fists and ground his teeth in anger.
"Robin, what is wrong?" her sweet voice cut in. She put her hand over his fist, making him relax considerably. He looked up at her apologetically.
"I'm sorry, it's just...you aren't supposed to do nothing about these feelings, Starfire! They're important. They are what keeps the world in order. Without love, no one is anything. We're all just empty shells. And if we can ever find true love, the real one that I showed you, then we are transformed into the most beautiful creatures alive!" He stared out over the water again. "We soar."
"Robin...."
"Starfire, I gave you my heart on a silver platter. Either accept it, or forget about it forever, but don't leave it here in front of you, don't let in whither inside of me again. It took forever to mend the broken feelings that came from the losses I've been made to suffer. I can't take any of it anymore. Starfire, this is the last time I can ever have these feelings, let these emotions go...and after that, I'll just be a shell, an empty shell. I'll never soar again. Starfire, I love you too much to explain, to describe. I can't survive if I don't have you. You are and forever will be my undoing." He paused for a moment. "I'm sure Slade would be proud." He laughed wryly.
"Friend Robin, I do not wish to harm you! Please, tell me what to do!"
"You can't do anything, Starfire, only accept my feelings for you or walk away for us both to forget."
Starfire looked at him, slowly bringing his gaze back to her own eyes.
"But I do not want to walk away, Robin. I love you, too."
"Good...good...." He cupped her cheek in his hand. "Good, because I don't think I could survive any longer without you."
He closed the space between them and brushed his lips against hers, making her eyes widen in surprise but then flutter closed.
"Robin...Robin...Robin! Robin, stop!" He pulled away quickly, drawing his hand back as if her was burned. "I am sorry."
"It's all right."
"No it is not. I was just confused. What were you doing?" Robin blushed and stared at his hands.
"I was sort of kissing you. It's what two people do when they love each other. I didn't mean to confuse you."
"It is okay, friend Robin. I understand now. You can kiss me again."
"No, that's okay. You kind of ruined the moment."
"Oh," she said sadly. "Robin?"
"Yes, Starfire?"
"What is behind your mask?" Robin turned his head sharply to look at her.
"Why do you want to know?"
"I was just curious, Robin, I'm sorry." She looked away.
"No, don't be. I'm just paranoid about it. I...." She looked up at him again. He sighed and reached a hand up to take away the mask. "You just can't tell anyone, Star." She nodded and he took the mask all the way off.
She cocked her head at him. They were just normal eyes, though she couldn't see the colour as he kept them closed.
"Robin, let me see you eyes...please...." He put his hand over his eyes and opened them, peering out at her from between his fingers.
"I can't, Starfire. It's sort of a complicated thing for me...." He trailed off when she reached a hand up and drew his own to the side.
She stared into his sparkling blue eyes, almost getting lost in them. She relished in the swirling colours. They were little pools of glowing colour, seas of bright blues and green, mixing together, dancing in and out around his dark black pupils.
"Please..." he whispered. She closed her own eyes and only opened them when she was sure he had his mask back in place. He was now looking out over the water and into the city, one left bent next to him, his elbow resting upon it calmly. "Thank you" he whispered.
"It is all right, friend Robin." He turned and smiled at her before sliding his other arm around her shoulders and pulling her close so she was almost all the way on top of him. He stretched his long legs out in front of him and crossed them at the ankles.
"Thank you, Star."
"For what, friend?"
"For everything. For being you. For letting me be the paranoid twat that I am. And...and for letting me soar again."
"Anything for you, Robin, one whom I love." He chuckled lightly.
"I love thee, too Koriand'r."
"You know my real name!"
"And now you know my secret, too."
"Well then, I love you, oh Robin of my eye," she said, making a little circle around her left eye with her thumb and forefinger. The laughed and snuggled closer, willing the moment and their time spent together for the rest of their lives to last forever.
And that night, Robin could only think of two things: of how much he lover the beautiful Tamaranian girl...and how much he know knew she loved him.
And she truly did make his spirit soar.
