STAR DREK: the Final Degeneration 1.01
Episode 1.03: Crappy communi... bzzt, grrzt... tions...
Back on Terra, the people of the United Federation Academy were concerned about what had happened to Captain du Merde and the rest of the crew of the U.S.S. Traumatized. The Admiralty were the ones who were mostly worried about them as the Captain (and his crew) had been very helpful with the capture of known criminals and had been instrumental in establishing a peace treaty with a few alien species. Since the Captain's last transmission to confirm his new orders, that had been 5 days ago, they had heard nothing from him.
Admiral T. Stryps: "I wonder what has happened to Richard du Merde since he should have contacted us three days ago. I mean, going to a formerly unknown star-system to have a new species as our ally and business associates, should not take that long I would think!"
Admiral G. Yalwurts: "They've probably got some malfunction of the ship's systems! It wouldn't be the first time that they couldn't get on time to the place where they would meet our new friends! Why Du Merde keeps sending her out on his missions, I'll never understand! That 'scrapheap' should have been destroyed 23 years ago!"
Rear Admiral J. Whynslow: "Don't be so unreasonable, Gurtram! You know perfectly well why the captain insists on taking the Traumatized on his voyages! He feels that it's his duty to travel in it and for him it's an honor since Captain Jerk also went on many missions with it. So it's not the original one, but one that was refitted and recommissioned, does that really matter? Besides, it's his ship, placing Richard du Merde on a different ship would not make him feel good. On the contrary, he would feel like an imposter if he had command of a new ship!"
Admiral Yalwurts: "Yes, that's so like him, but still it is a piece junk! If it was me in the captains seat then I would definitely want a newer ship! Anyway Jerrac, I wouldn't doubt that it's due to a malfunction that Captain du Merde missed contacting our soon to be allies."
Admiral Stryps: "Be that as it may people, the fact remains that he hasn't contacted us yet! If the captain was in any trouble he should have contacted us! In fact, I know that he would have done so, unless of course the communications-system failed... Oh well, I think we should wait for 2 more weeks before we start sending people out to search for our missing captain."
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"These are the misadventures of the crew of the U.S.S. Traumatized."
On the U.S.S. Traumatized Captain du Merde was on his tour through the ship and had reached Engineering, where the rest of the crew under Georgie's command was cleaning up the mess still pondering the fact of how the dry-shitium crystals could have been drained that fast. They were so absorbed with this that they didn't notice that the captain had entered until he spoke scaring them all. This caused the leftover crap from the crystal that had exploded, to get thrown all over them. The captain had been pondering another matter while he had been doing his duty and had an idea that might work.
Captain du Merde: "Lieutenant! I need to speak with you about something right now!"
This lieutenant jumped a few feet in the air before responding: "Me sir? I can't possibly see how I can be of help to you, captain."
Captain: "Let's talk privately for a moment because I need to know if you can do it before we try it. Now, the thing is that I need to get a link to lieutenant-commander Hades so that I might be able to communicate with the crew that went to the surface. What I need to know is, can you get a direct link to the lieutenant commander as he is a Mandroid and as such he is part machine. So can you do this for me, lieutenant?"
Lieutenant: "Well... I suppose that it could work in theory, but I would need some time to do it, captain. It's a small chance that we'll succeed, but it's worth a shot, sir."
Captain: "I give you an hour to do it, lieutenant! I expect you to be able to finish the job in the time I give you, so stop hanging around and just do it! Oh yes, could you also clean up this mess? It really stinks in here, almost as bad as... Ugh! You people are covered in that crap! I order you to get clean first!"
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Meanwhile on the planet...
Georgie: "Well... I'm not sure about this as it is hard to tell with people like you, but I wouldn't know as I was in my last year of the United Federation Academy when I heard about that escapade. What do you make of it, Hades?"
Hades: "Hmm... it is an odd case, indeed. However, all of this make it quite clear to me that these people are telling the truth. The stuff that we found out in our shuttle supports this theory, so they are correct, but you are also correct since the data on the ship corresponds with this."
Leader of the group: "What is this? Do you mean to say that we're both telling the truth? That's impossible! One of us has to be lying!"
The other members of the crew start to look nervous, but don't say a thing. The leader of the group doesn't notice this since he was talking to Hades.
Hades: "Well... there is only one explanation that I can come up since all of you are telling the truth. Everyone is aware that strange things can happen when they're travelling through germholes since they are unstable and when something happens on that ship then even stranger things may occur. This is one of the things that happened to you, so my only conjecture is that something went terribly wrong with your reactor-core when Nosey was there--"
Leader of group: "Yes, but that still doesn't explain how our team seems to have a 16.5 time difference with you people!"
Hades starts looking annoyed: "Hmmf! I was getting to that point, but if you interrupt me every single time then I'll never get the chance to explain it!"
Georgie: "Calm down, Hades! I still want to know how this happened! We can't help it if he's impatient and can't wait for you to finish your conjectures!"
Leader: "Oh alright! I'll try to be patient this time, just continue will you?"
Hades: "Well as I was saying when that happened, your reactor blasted Nosey to smithereens and with the very unstable germhole this was the thing that made it collapse too early, all this was too much for the energy-matter in the germhole and the ship, so that also exploded outward and you were blasted into the future. You're just lucky that you didn't have a reactor-core breach or all of you would have died!"
Leader: "Hmm, it's an interesting theory, but you could be wrong about that. Now let's take you to your cell! Come on everyone let's escort these people to the last place they'll ever see--!" He turns Hades around with his hands, then he pokes the luitenant-commander in the back, but since Hades is not human he almost breaks his fingers while doing that. "Ouch! That hurts!"
Georgie: "Didn't your instruments tell you that Hades isn't a human?"
Leader: "Well... you see, they did, but I forgot! Now march that way," he commands them. The crew knows that they're out numbered, so they obey him. Robby walks to fast, however, so crashes into Doctor Flush who then collides with Hiker and very soon all five of them have landed in the muck! They missed Hades because he heard them behind him, so that when they were about to hit him, he moved to the left.
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Back on the U.S.S. Traumatized, one hour later:
Captain du Merde: "Well? Are you done yet, lieutenant?"
Lieutenant: "Yes, we're done, but we haven't tested it yet, captain!"
The Captain switching it on says: "Well, let's try it now then, lieutenant!"
"Grzzzt... bzzzt... ...harder than ...realised ...bzzt ...encountered some difficulties ...can handle ...bzzzt ...situation... grrrzzt... bzzt..."
Captain: "I guess they're alright then, that's a relief! I'll just go on with my rounds to see if anyone else needs my help! You can switch it off now, lieutenant."
The lieutenant does what the captain says and then returns to what they were doing before the captain entered Engineering. What the captain didn't know was that D. Ploy had recorded their earlier conversation and was listening to it at the moment he switched the communications board on.
End of part 4
See you next time when we see what those strange beings are up to next!