Disclaimer: Some of the technology is property of Paramount and Gene Roddenberry.
Claimer: All of the rest is from my own imagination!!!
STAR DREK: the Final Degeneration 1.01
Episode 1.04: Is there no end to this crap?"Captain to the bridge! I repeat: Captain to the bridge! We have a situation here!"
Captain du Merde, who was on his way to the transporter room to check if everything was ready for the new dry-shitium crystals, headed to the nearest communications device and replied: "I'm on my way, ensign!"
In a rather short time the captain made it back to the bridge, but he seemed to be a little out of breathe when he got there. The ensign that had alerted the captain was about to speak, but then she noticed the captain's condition and waited until Captain du Merde looked like he was himself again before trying to speak once more.
Ensign: "Captain, it seems like we're about to have company! The computer tells me that several small ships have left the planet, but the strange thing is that one of them seems to have come from the U.S.S. Traumatized!"
Captain du Merde: "Hmm... yes, that is an odd occurance, indeed. Georgie and the rest of the team would have notified us if they were about to leave the planet. They also would have streamed the crystals up to us before they returned to the ship. Hmm... put it on screen, ensign, then we might be able to get a better view of the situation."
The ensign did as the captain asked, but still didn't know what to make of the situation. This was no fault of her own though since she was a young for an ensign, but the captains reaction totally confused her. That is, he took one look at the screen and his jaw dropped!
Captain du Merde: "That... that's impossible! This can't be! Those things out there can't possibly exist!"
Ensign: "Captain? What, in all the worlds, are you talking about? I mean, surely a new species can have spaceships that we haven't seen before?"
Captain du Merde: "You just don't get it ensign! I have seen those things before! In fact, they were the shuttles for the untried spaceship that got stolen 20 years ago! That ship was supposedly destroyed after entering a germhole that collapsed suddenly!"
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"These are the misadventures of the crew of the U.S.S. Traumatized."
Back on the planet, at the prisoners cell, in fact:
Georgie la Fart: "Man, this really bites! Here we are close to the things that we need and now we can't get to them because we're locked up!"
Hades: "Well... if we had better equipment then we wouldn't have been in this mess in the first place. I'm really beginning to wonder if the United Federation Academy wants us to succeed in our missions when they give us stuff that only works partially or half the time or not at all in some cases."
Commander Hiker: "Now don't say such things, Hades! You know as well as I that they had to make some budget cuts or else we wouldn't be able to explore the galaxies and meet new species. It wasn't their fault that someone pressed a button at the wrong time or that another person passed gas at that crucial moment."
Hades: "Well yes, I suppose you're right about that, Hiker. Still... with better developed equipment we would have known that it would have been better not to have landed here. Heck, I think that we would have seen that these dry-shitium crystals were in fact from a ship that was hidden on this planet! The captain might then have been able to lock on to them with the transporter and streamed them up directly!"
Georgie: "Well it's no use arguing about that now. We have to figure out how to get out of here, before we do anything else! When we're back on the Traumatized then we can argue about why this mission became so crappy."
Hiker: "Yes, you have a point, Georgie, but how do you propose to do this? Those people have taken all our remaining gadgets with them, so escaping from here could be difficult indeed."
Luitenant H'Rorf: "If I may offer my opinions, commander? I think that I know how we can--," is as far as he gets before they hear footsteps.
Doctor Lena Flush shook her head at him and motioned for him to be quiet replied: "No, H'Rorf, now is not the time to ask be able to empty your bladder."
H'Rorf: "Slingons don't even have a bladder. They get rid of those fluids in a different matter than most people. That's one of the reasons we have our own waste disposal unit on the ship. The another one is that the stench is worse that that of Terrans, except one person, that is."
The guard that was left behind to watch the prisoners said: "Calm down in there, prisoners! You'll be getting company soon enough!"
Hiker: "But sir! Our crewmember over is in dire need of releasing his fluids and if you don't let him out to do his business, then all of us will suffer even you!"
The gaurd, who isn't one of the smarter persons, decides that Hiker is right, but has some reservations about doing this says: "Well... how do I know that you won't attack me and escape if I do this?"
Hiker: "Look at us, man! You and your people have bound our hands and feet together, so how could we possibly do that? Here, we'll all move away from the door, so that H'Rorf here can go with you. As you can see he's a small person, so he's no threat to you."
The guard sees them all move back, except H'Rorf, then opens the door to let H'Rorf out. He closes the door and then walks with H'Rorf some small distance away from the cell. Once there he realizes that the Slingon can't do much while his hands are tied, so he also gets rid of the luitenants binds. What happens next is obvious: after H'Rorf's hands are free he attacks the guard and gets him unconscious, then ties him up after finding the keys for the lock on the cell door. He then sets the rest free, who then grab the guard and lock him up leaving him tied up. They then try to resume their mission, but come across another problem: to get in the ship they need a password!
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Meanwhile things have become a bit hectic on the U.S.S. Traumatized:
Ensign in charge of communications: "Captain, these 'aliens' are hailing us! They demand to speak to you, captain!"
Captain du Merde: "Put it through, ensign. On the screen as well, please."
This ensign does as the captain says, so the strangers get their first look at the captain. This comes as a surprise to them since they have seen Captain du Merde before, but only from a distance since the news about his first voyage as a luitenant made him quite famous, even then. They are a bit shocked to realize that the captain is older now and a captain of his own spaceship. Then they see that they might have an advantage over the captain here, so they begin to set their demands.
Leader: "Well, well, well, I didn't expect to see you here, Du Merde. It looks like you're in trouble this time since we hold your crewmembers hostage. Now, I'd be willing to set them free, but before I do that, I want to negotiate about what you're willing to pay for their return."
Captain du Merde: "I think that you're making a big mistake, Leander! As for holding my crew hostage, we'll have to take you in and then bring you back to Terra where you'll be judged for all your crimes against humanity."
Leander: "Humanity? What should I care about that? It's your precious Terrans that created us! What was their moral justification for that? If anybody should be on trial, then they should go first!"
Captain du Merde: "Well, you do have a point, but when the Terrans discovered their mistake, they abandoned the project for various reasons. They had learned their lesson: that they could not create a superior race of humans. That their meddling with nature was wrong, even though it could have helped several generations."
Leander: "That's good to know, but were they ever punished for that? No, they get to start another project that the people neither need nor want! This is what Terrans call fair! They can hurt people without being punished for it! Well, now we're taking a stand! We won't tolerate these crimes any more! Before we go on, shall we discuss this in a more comfortable place? Like on your ship, captain?"
Captain du Merde, while he doesn't want to abandon his crewmembers, knows that this is one mistake that he can't afford to make. What he doesn't know is that while he was busy talking to Leander, the other ships were headed for the shuttle bay. The shuttle bay at this time has only a skeleton crew since the rest are having a meal.
Captain du Merde says to Leander: "No, I don't think that that is a good idea. Since once you're on board, who knows what you'll do. We Terrans were fools to have trusted you once and I'm not going to make that mistake twice!"
Leander: "Not even when I can order my men to kill our hostages? I think that you had better reconsider your answer, Du Merde."
End of part 5
See you next time when we see what will happen next!