This is the longer version of my story which I entered in the MCBC "Heartbreak" competition, so there's appearances by Paul and Jesse and more explanations. Hope it's okay!

Disclaimer: If I own all of the characters mentioned below, do you think I'll be writing fan fictions instead of the real thing? Of course not. They belong to Meg Cabot.

"I'm sorry, Paul, not today." I said, walking faster across the parking lot. I could feel him smirking at me as he followed me from behind.

"And why not?" he asked, somehow sounding curious and at the same time like he couldn't care less.

To tell you the truth, I didn't have any legitimate reasons on why I didn't want to have the shifter lesson today. Well, okay, so my reason was I was getting annoyed that all those trips made to his house didn't actually teach me anything other than how to resist the charms of hot blue-eyed shifters – and his lips – without messing my makeup.

And I was getting tired of being looked at as a toy to be played with. If these lessons didn't guarantee the safety of the love of my life, there's no way I would have agreed to it in the first place. But enough is enough.

"I'm not feeling too well," I lied, feeling my forehead at the same time while continuing to walk to Sleepy's car. I dropped my hand, then felt it being pulled – quite roughly might I add – by the said blue-eyed shifter.

"You look fine to me today, Suze. And you look fine now. Don't tell me you're resorting to making lame excuses to not having the lessons because you know what would happen if I'm unhappy." He was smiling, but the look in his eyes told me that he wasn't kidding.

I wanted nothing more than to lay one on his face – a punch, not a kiss obviously – but reminding myself of the possible consequence, I restrained myself and instead said, "I'm not making lame excuses. I really am not feeling well, like my head is gonna explode."

Okay, I might exaggerate there a little, but I wanted to get away from him and his grip on my arm and Sleepy was already hitting on the car horn.

Paul stared at me. "Do you think I'm stupid, Suze? This is the third time you've bailed out on me and each time you said because you're not feeling well. And yet you go around claiming that you're so tough. Well, that's a whole lot of bull!" He spat – not literally of course – while suddenly looking mad. I felt dread creeping up on me and thought maybe I should have been nicer when rejecting him.

"If you don't want to go to the lessons, fine. I'm not going to force you anymore because it's obvious that you have no desire to learn all the great things that shifters can do." He gripped my arm tighter, making me fear that I would be left with a bruise no amount of makeup can cover.

"But if you're gonna have it your way, I'll have it mine too. When all is done, don't say I didn't warn you." He let go of my arm and started walking away.

I panicked, suddenly realising what he meant. I shouted after him, "You leave Jesse alone! I swear, if you try to exorcise him again, I'm gonna…," I trailed off, not sure what I could do to Paul Slater that would actually scare him instead of amuse him.

He laughed bitterly, then turned to face me. "Oh no, Suze, I'm not going to exorcise him. In fact I'm not going to hurt him at all. You might even say that it would actually be what he had wanted all along." He smiled mysteriously before turning again to walk to his car.

I stared after him, thinking of what he just said. It would be what Jesse had wanted? What was that? The only thing he could actually want is…

Oh my God. Paul can't mean that. He can't. Because that would mean that Jesse would be…

Alive.

I stood there in shock before Dopey's shouts of my name freed me from my daze. I ran to the car and sat down quickly. My heart was pounding so hard, my ears are buzzing and my face felt strangely hot. I was so focused on deciphering Paul's message that I didn't even made a comeback to Dopey's line about me and Paul doing something which, had the novices at school heard him, would have caused them heart attacks.

-0-0-0-

After dinner, I ran back to my room to think some more. Paul couldn't have meant that he would bring Jesse to life, did he? Because that would leave him with zero percent of me ever being with him. Paul, I mean. I'm already with Jesse, or I'd like to think I am, since it's a little complicated, him being dead and all.

But what else could Paul meant? What else does Jesse want? I couldn't think of anything else that Jesse might want except maybe granting a new ear for Spike to replace the deformed one.

I shut my bedroom door, still thinking deeply that I didn't realise that someone was sitting at the window seat. That is, until that someone said, "Hello Susannah."

I looked up in surprise. "Jesse? What are you doing here?" I said, unfortunately sounding more surprised and less grateful then I felt. The thing is, Jesse hasn't been to my room since he moved to the rectory a few months ago. Whenever we want to see each other, it's me who always go to the rectory to visit him. Not the other way around.

He stood up, smiling his perfect white teeth. "Can't I pay a visit to my querida?"

I grinned at him, while trying to form a coherent thought in my head. It's kinda hard though, when he's walking towards me and his dark eyes are looking into mine, making me feel like the most special girl in the world. I even forgot about Paul and his cryptic lines.

"Of course you can," I managed to whisper, before he leaned down and kissed me. I pulled him closer, and all my worries disappear as he held me in his arms. After a while, we pulled back and looked at each other.

Jesse was smiling, and he grazed my face with the back of his fingers, like he has done so many times before. "I have to go. Father Dominic will notice that I'm missing."

"Must you? Can't you stay a little longer?" I pretended to pout. He laughed and kissed my forehead. "Good night, Susannah."

"Good night, Jesse," I said and we kissed good night. He dematerialized, leaving me dazed and happy. What was that about? Did he just come to visit me so that we could make out? We didn't even have a conversation!

Whatever the reason, I don't care. As I snuggled in my bedcovers that night, the only thing in my mind was Jesse and I fell asleep, still smiling.

-0-0-0-

I woke up that morning feeling weird. Yet I couldn't put a finger on it, so I just got out of bed and went to the bathroom. It was a Saturday, and I had planned to go to the beach with Cee Cee later. Suddenly, I remembered the night before, with Jesse's visit still fresh in my mind and instantly I felt happier.

After getting dressed, I went to my bedside drawer and pulled it open. In there lay something very precious to me – Jesse's miniature. He didn't even know I had it and the only other people who do were Jack Slater (yeah, Paul's lil bro and mediator as well), because he gave it to me; my youngest stepbrother Doc, because he accidentally saw it while I was cleaning my drawer, and Cee Cee, because I wanted to show her how Jesse looked like.

And she had said that he's beyond hot. With his dark eyes and crisp hair and perfect face, I couldn't agree more.

I felt around the drawer as I usually pushed the painting way behind the other stuff in there. But strangely, it wasn't there. I rummaged around; pulling out some stuff but my search was futile. Panicking, I dumped the contents of the drawer on my bed and searched again. It still wasn't there. The miniature was missing.

Telling myself to calm down, I quickly walked to Doc's room and frantically knocked on it. He opened the door, looking at me curiously.

"Did you take Jesse's miniature?" I asked in a whisper. I didn't exactly want my whole family to know about my dead boyfriend.

"Jesse?" Doc said in a politely interested voice. "Is he your friend?"

Feeling incredulous, I replied, "Well, yes. You know that. Did you take his miniature, the one you saw last week?"

"I haven't seen any miniatures. But I have read about them, they are what you call small paintings..."

I interrupted his speech, "It's okay, never mind, thanks anyway." I hurried back to my room. I picked up the phone and started dialing Cee Cee's number.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Cee Cee, it's me. I was wondering if you accidentally took the miniature I showed you on Thursday? Because I can't find it."

"Miniature? You have a miniature of yourself? Cool! But you've never shown me."

I started to feel anxious. "No, Cee Cee, it's a miniature of Jesse. You know, the guy I'm kind of seeing." And the guy she suspected was a ghost, but I will never reveal that her suspicion is so true.

"What? You're seeing someone? How come you've never told me before?" She exclaimed, sounding excited. "Where is he from?"

"I did tell you, Cee Cee!" I said, my voice starting to rise. "Just last week. I showed you the mini painting and you said he was hot!" How could she not remember? I can't lose that painting. It's not even mine!

"But…" Cee Cee sounded confused. "If you did, I would have remembered, Suze. It's not everyday you tell me about your love life. Especially if you showed me his picture. But I've never heard you mention anyone named Jesse before."

I sat down heavily on my bed. Crazy thoughts were running through my head, like maybe Cee Cee took the picture to keep for herself since she admitted that she liked the look of Jesse. I ask you, who wouldn't? But that seems stupid and I know however hot another guy is, she wouldn't care much because she already like Adam, who seriously doesn't have a clue that she does.

Maybe it's not that she forgot, said a little voice in my head. Maybe you never did show her the miniature. Because it doesn't exist. Because Jesse doesn't exist.

It's not the painting. It's Jesse. Oh God.

I realised that Cee Cee was saying something, but I just said, "I gotta go, Cee Cee. Bye." before hanging up.

Maybe it's all a mistake. Yeah, it is. I'll just go to the rectory and find him then. Okay, I'll do that.

-0-0-0-

When I arrived at the rectory I saw many tourists milling around the Academy, so I couldn't throw stones at the window of Jesse's room. Instead, I try calling him. First mentally, and when he didn't appear, I called his name out loud.

"Susannah." I whirled around, expecting to see him. But I was met by a puzzled look from Father Dominic, who was standing near the Juniperro Serra statue. "What are you doing?"

I was torn between thinking up a lie and telling the truth, but decided to just come out and say it. "I'm looking for Jesse. Is he here?"

"Who?" Father D looked even more puzzled. I felt my heart beating fast again, and my neck started to felt prickly.

"Jesse. You know. The ghost who was haunting my bedroom. He moved to the rectory because you said…" I trailed off as Father D walked towards me, suddenly looking stern.

"What is this ghost you speak of, Susannah? Why haven't you mentioned him before?"

"But I did!" I cried, starting to feel hysterical. "You've met him! You've talked to him! He's your confessor, for God's sake! And he had saved my life so many times! How could you not know?"

"Susannah, do not use the Lord's name in vain. And I would not lie to you, not only because it's a sin, but because I have no reason to. I have not met this Jesse person. And I do not receive confessions from ghosts." He fixed his blue eyes on mine, then soften his tone. "Maybe you've made a mistake."

I shook my head while simultaneously walking backwards. No. No, no, no.

NO, I did not make a mistake! How could everyone forget him? How could I be the only one who remembers? I turned and ran to the cemetery, ignoring Father D calling me to stop.

I pushed the cemetery gate open and ran down the path that I've walked so many times. Except there was no path, just grass growing like it would at other places. I ignored this and kept running down until it reached the end, where it would be.

Jesse's tombstone. The one Father D and I helped to carve the writing on it.

I stopped, so suddenly that I nearly fell on my face and cracked my head hitting the headstone. But if I had fallen, I would have been safe because there wasn't any headstone to fell on to. There was no headstone at all.

I stared at the empty spot in disbelief. Distant thunder clapped in the distance. Somehow, in the back of my mind I knew that it was going to rain soon and I should get back inside, but at the moment all I could think about was the fact that Jesse's tombstone was missing. Which meant that his grave was missing.

And if his grave was missing, that means his body was missing. So if his body was missing, that means either it hasn't been dug up yet from my back yard, or…that there wasn't any bodies to bury. Which means that he didn't…

Oh no.

Rain started to fall, but somehow I couldn't feel it. I stood there, even when the rain poured down and I was drenched from head to toe. It felt like I stood there for an eternity, before I fell down to my knees and started crying, covering my face with my hands. I couldn't even tell which were tears and which were rain drops because I was soaked right to my skin, but all I knew was that I cried my eyes out because I finally realised the inevitable.

Jesse was gone.

I don't know how, or why, whether he had moved on or whether Paul had something to do with this but all I know is Jesse was gone. Along with everyone else's memory of him. Except mine.

I sat there numbly as I remembered the night before. Maybe Jesse felt something to have visited me so suddenly…maybe he felt that he would no longer be here on this earth. All I knew is that last night was perfect, because no words were needed to say how we felt. We just knew.

The rain kept falling, and so did my tears.

-0-0-0-

I found out later that Paul had went back in time and prevented Jesse's death, altogether erasing the fact that he ever existed in my time. He did it using some things he learnt from his grandfather, who expressly told him not to. And Paul being Paul, of course he did what he wanted anyway. He's used to getting what he wants.

And what he wanted was Jesse to live in the past and by not ending up as a ghost, would not have fallen in love with me. The way he wanted me to not fall in love with Jesse.

But his plan backfired. He had hoped that I would forget about Jesse like everyone else when he disappeared, but apparently shifters remember events that happened, even if technically they didn't happen according to everyone else. So even mediators like Father D and Jack didn't remember Jesse but Paul and I do.

Paul wasn't too happy about that, especially after I punched him in the gut – that is, after forcing him to tell me what he did. He couldn't fight back as he was still weak from the time travels. So I found out about him messing up with time.

But I couldn't reverse what he had done because Dr. Slaski said going back in time would probably kill me, someone who has no clue about shifting powers. And I believed him.

As for Paul, it turned out that the back to the past trip was too much for someone who uses too much power too soon, like him. He fell sick and moved back to Seattle to get a treatment. As if there are any doctors that can cure sickness caused by a spiritual disease. Maybe he'll end up on a wheelchair like his grandfather. I hope he does.

Because as much as I'm happy that Jesse has lived, I still couldn't forgive Paul for doing what he did. He took my love away from me.

Yet now, I've lost all reasons to be hateful. I only wished the happiness for Jesse. I couldn't bring myself to check the history books and find out what he did in his life, but I'm sure whatever he did, it would have made a change in the lives of all those who knew him.

Because he sure changed mine.

The tears still fall sometimes. But I held on to the only thing that is left of Jesse,the first and only love I would ever have.

My memory of him.