Everything's wrapped up in this final chapter. This is the end. I'm not continuing this story anymore because I get too emotionally involved. Which is pretty sad if you think about it.

As usual, some scenes are familiar but in a different point of view. This is Paul's story. From the beginning till the end. Enjoy.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters mentioned. They belong to the awesome Meg Cabot.

"And don't forget to pass up the essay tomorrow. You can go."

Finally. Stupid class is over. Mr. Walden is an okay teacher but what's with the freaking essays every two days? It's pointless. Especially since you won't use any of that in real life.

It doesn't matter. School is over, and now I get to my favourite part of the day. No, favourite part of the week. Shifter lessons with my favourite student, the one and only Suze Simon. Of course, she's my only student, which is even more pleasurable.

I smiled to myself, thinking about what I plan for her today. It's our third class and well, we haven't made any progress on the learning part. But the other part…

Can you blame me? I mean, look at her. She was standing at her locker with her freaky friends, Cee Cee (way too intense) and Adam (way too gay) and the wind was blowing at her hair, and she looked gorgeous. She may not know it, but she is.

I started to stroll over to her but she has started to walk to the parking lot. Interesting. I didn't realise she was so eager to learn. I walked faster, and fell into steps beside her.

"Can't even wait for me, huh?" I smirked, glancing at her. She looked terrified and uncomfortable, the usual expression used when I talk to her. What else is new? Besides my new Fossil watch that is.

"I can't come to class today," she blurted out, her face flushed. She looked at me, then quickly look away. I stared at her.

"But we had an agreement, Suze. Do you want to back out on that?" I said lightly. Or tried to, anyway.

She sighed. We've reached the parking lot and she started to walk faster, like she's trying to get away from me. It's amazing how that simple action can make my heart feels like it's been ripped apart. "I'm sorry, Paul, not today."

Not today. Yeah, so you can spend some more time with that stupid cowboy. I felt like saying that and see her reaction, but I didn't. Instead, this came out, "And why not?" I'd like to know what excuse she comes up with this time.

She sighed again. "I'm not feeling too well," she said, and put her hand on her forehead. That's when I became angry. I mean, blowing me off is one thing, but to not even make up at least a realistic excuse for it is too much. Like she doesn't even care.

She started to walk away from me but I grabbed her arm. I didn't care if I did it too rough or whatever. Anger makes you don't care about certain things.

"You look fine to me today, Suze. And you look fine now. Don't tell me you're resorting to making lame excuses to not having the lessons because you know what would happen if I'm unhappy." I said, trying to smile but I couldn't help glaring at her at the same time.

Damn, this close I can see the gold flecks in her green eyes and the curve of her soft lips. It almost made me feel like I should stop being mad and just be nice or gentlemanly or whatever it is that makes her so crazy about Rico Suave so that she will come with me to my place.

There was a look in her eyes for a moment and then it was gone. "I'm not making lame excuses. I really am not feeling well, like my head is gonna explode." She tried to pull her arm from my grasp.

I stared at her, feeling like shouting and laughing at the same time. First signs of being psychotic. Trust me to end up liking a girl that makes me feel psychotic. What is she trying to pull here? She knew that this was only going to be her loss. Not mine. Hers.

"Do you think I'm stupid, Suze? This is the third time you've bailed out on me and each time you said because you're not feeling well. And yet you go around claiming that you're so tough. Well, that's a whole lot of bull!" I said harshly, not even caring that I sounded furious. Because I was, and I wanted her to know.

I grasped her arm tighter, and I could see the fear in her eyes now. But it was too late.

"If you don't want to go to the lessons, fine. I'm not going to force you anymore because it's obvious that you have no desire to learn all the great things that shifters can do. But if you're gonna have it your way, I'll have it mine too. When all is done, don't say I didn't warn you."

I flung her arm away and stormed off. I've made up my mind. If she doesn't want to play nice, then I won't play nice. It's never been my style anyway.

I heard her shout behind me. "You leave Jesse alone! I swear, if you try to exorcise him again, I'm gonna…"

I laughed, but not because it was funny. No. In fact, it was ridiculous. Exorcise Jesse De Stupido? When I have a better plan? I think not.

I turned around and saw that she was standing there, looking uncertainly at me. It made me feel powerful for some reason.

"Oh no, Suze, I'm not going to exorcise him. In fact I'm not going to hurt him at all. You might even say that it would actually be what he had wanted all along."

I smiled victoriously at her and turned to walk to my car again. I wasn't lying. It was what Rico wanted. I mean, who doesn't want a second chance to live again after being dead for more than a hundred years?

-0-0-0-

I reached home and went up to my room. I wasn't in the mood to waste any time. But then I remembered something which made me groaned. No way. I haven't thought about that.

Clothes. From the 1800s. Where the hell am I gonna get that?

I sat down on my bed, thinking. Then I grabbed my car keys and went out again.

I came back half an hour later with the clothes from a costume shop. I changed into them, trying not to cringe and reminding myself that I could burn them after the whole thing is over. Well, at least it's decent, not that crap that De Stupido wears. I mean, who wears pants that tight and still admit to be a man?

What does she sees in him anyway? Is it because he's Spanish, or just because he's all nice to her that she's blinded by what's good for her. Their so-called relationship can never go anywhere. I wish Suze would just realise that and get some sense into her pretty head.

After changing, I took out some candles and chalk from my closet, setting them on the floor. Then I went to my desk and pulled the drawer, taking out a small brooch, formerly belonging to Maria de Silva. The one I took, no, borrowed from the Carmel-by-the-Sea Historical Society. It's not like anyone will notice.

I just needed something belonging to someone from that time in order to be able to shift back in time. After placing the candles in the required positions and drawing some symbols using the chalk, I stood in the middle and began saying some words. I've learned all the steps by heart just in case an occasion like this surface. Of course I've known the time would come. The way it was going with Suze not listening to me and going off with that ghost, I had everything planned to go my way. Mine.

After a few minutes, I felt like I was flying through the air. Just as I opened my eyes – yeah, I've closed them, but only to concentrate – I saw that I was standing in the middle of nowhere. Standing beside a dusty road with no buildings and no transportation in sight.

Dammit.

I decided to just try walking, but then I heard someone coming from around the corner. It was a carriage pulled by two horses. It slowed down when the person on it saw me and I waited for it to stop. He looked old and weathered, but was smiling. Right.

"Do you need a ride, young man?' he asked in a gruff voice. No sir, I need a blanket and some food to have a picnic here, I thought. Of course I need a ride, was this guy serious.

I resisted rolling my eyes and instead answered in a nice tone, "Yes, sir, thank you." Then I climbed up the carriage.

"Where are you heading to?" he asked, moving the carriage once again.

"Uh…just to town," I replied, hoping that he wouldn't ask for anymore questions. Like where did I come from, where's my family, why was I standing alone by the road, things like that. Luckily he didn't, and just concentrated on handling the carriage. That was moving so slow. I sighed, cursing my luck. This was going to take forever. My plan better work or I just went through all this trouble for nothing.

We arrived in town at what felt like 5 hours later. I thanked him, and was about to give him some money as payment when I realised that I didn't have any. Crap. I was hating this trip with every second that passed. But that guy didn't notice, he just smiled at me and went on his way. At least the people weren't unfriendly.

I looked around the town and almost laughed. This was almost like scenes from those Western movies. It was unreal. I walked around aimlessly, looking at all the strange shops and the equally strange people. It was around late evening, and I realised that if Rico was on his way to his wedding, he would have either arrived at the boarding house – soon to be Suze's house – or he was on his way there. Unless I see him or Felix Diego, I wouldn't have any ways of knowing when the murder will occur. That was a problem.

I walked further, and saw a small building that was set apart from the other buildings. I guessed it to be some sort of a police station. This could be useful to know later. But just as I was planning my next move, I saw him.

Felix Diego.

He was strolling along like he was just looking around, but it was apparent that he was going somewhere. And I had a good idea where. I couldn't help snickering to myself, because this was going to be easier than I thought.

I watched Felix mounted a horse and went off along the road up the hill, and waited a few moments before making my way to the police station. The sun was already setting, and I knew that the time was almost here.

I pushed the doors open and walked to the counter where a guy in a cowboy outfit was sitting. Or what looked like a cowboy outfit. Hell, everyone here looks like they're wearing cowboy outfits; I wouldn't know the difference anyhow.

He looked up as I approached. Putting on a worried face, I said, "I'd like to report a man behaving suspiciously in town. I think his name is Felix Diego. He –"

But I was cut off by the police officer. Or whatever they call themselves in that time.

"Felix Diego? Are you positive that it was him?" he said in this stern voice, and I confirmed. He asked for my name, and I was tempted to give a false one, but I didn't want to be a coward. Besides, I wanted Rico to know exactly the guy who has saved his life. Will save his life, I should say, since it hasn't happened yet. But who cares?

"Paul Slater," I said, trying not to sound too proud, even though I should be. My name would probably be on the newspapers here tomorrow for being the man who saved the only son of a wealthy couple from a distinguished family from death at the hands of a slave-runner.

Then the police-guy got up and asked me to wait there while he went to the back of the office. While I waited, I realised that I was hungry. Great. This better don't take long because I can't see myself eating at the places they have here. Who knows what they eat in these times?

Of course, the lack of money on my part wouldn't have allowed to me have a choice on the eating places anyway.

A few minutes later, a tall dark-haired man with Spanish looks walked up to me, the first police officer behind him. I tried not to smirk. Spanish looks, just like Rico. This kept getting better and better.

"Paul Slater? Detective Fabregas." We shook hands. "You reported a man behaving suspiciously who you identified as Felix Diego, am I correct?"

I nodded, trying to look fearful or worried. I couldn't really choose. I was trying hard enough not to laugh.

"Can you tell me why this caught your attention?" he asked again.

I took a deep breath and nodded again. Then I told what happened. Well, my version of what happened. But it didn't matter, because with every word I said, the detective seemed to believe me even more. I don't think he would find anyone who would disagree with what I said, considering Diego's reputation. And when I finished the creative story that I made up myself and the detective started telling the other police-guy to assemble a few other police officers, I knew I had done my job. Man, was I a great actor.

Now all I needed to do was sit back and watched the rest unfold.

-0-0-0-

And that's what I did. As soon as that detective heard my believable account on Felix Diego trailing a Hector De Silva across town, he ordered a team of police officers to track Diego at the boarding house. Of course, as soon as he entered Rico's room, the police pretty much barged in and caught him in the act. To say the truth, when I saw Diego strangling DeStupid I actually wished that he would kill him.

But that wouldn't work out in the long-run. Say, about 150 years later long-run. So I just stepped back and watched the police arrest Diego. I didn't look at Rico. In a way, I wanted to go up to him and rub my victory on his face, but that would be immature. Besides, he would think I was crazy. Not that he would be completely wrong, seeing that I actually went back in time to save the life of my dream girl's boyfriend, but that's beside the point. I wanted to leave a good impression here.

I planned to leave as soon as they had caught Diego, but one of the police-guy stopped me and asked me stuff about where I came from and all that. Crap. I already told that Spanish detective, but because I was making things up as he was asking, I couldn't remember what I had said to the detective. And if I were to say different things to the detective and the police-guy, it would look suspicious. Very suspicious.

It was when I was trying to remember what I had told the detective about my background information when he walked out of the room and told me that Hector De Silva wanted to see me. Probably to thank me for saving his life. I almost laughed then, but I was more relieved that I didn't have to answer the police-guy. So I just went into the room.

He was standing near the window, looking out. I stood at the door, and realised that the last time I stood there, I had watched them standing so close to each other that they looked as if they were going to kiss. Of course I had interrupted them and caused a big scene with the hairclip and all. But after this, it would be like it never happened.

And I liked it better that way.

He didn't realise I was standing there. So I called out, "Mr. De Silva." I almost said Jesse De Silva but caught myself in time. Fortunately.

He turned, and I fixed a smile on my face, but I felt my heart thudding fast. Hatred. I felt it, from the very core of my heart to the tips of my fingers. This was the man who took the one person I ever wanted. The person I was meant to be with. And he was not even a man when he did it. He was a ghost, a lesser being not fit to mingle with us humans, yet acted like he had a life, living among us.

Yet now that I saw him alive and breathing, I felt my hate for him started to slip away. The man standing in front of me was not the one who had taken everything away from me. Because this man had lived, whereas the other man did not. So technically I hated his ghost and not him. I felt my smile widen as I realised that I had just get rid of the pesky ghost that had supposedly loved Suze.

My Suze.

Hector seemed to look at me strangely for a second, but then he quickly walked towards me, smiling uncertainly. "Thank you, Mr. Slater. You saved my life. I didn't realize that Diego was following me. If you haven't care enough to make a report, I would not be standing here right now." I tried not to snicker. Oh, you would still be standing here, Rico, except you wouldn't be breathing, I thought.

He held out his hand, and without even looking at it, I shook his hand. I just stared at him and said, "I don't know about you not standing here…but it was no problem at all. I was just being a good citizen." Yeah, that's me. I should be awarded the 'Good Citizen Award' of the week. Or better yet, a 'Best Actor' Award. Applause all around please.

I let go of his hand and continued smiling at him. He looked really uncomfortable. Gee, I wonder why. Could it be because me and him standing here in this room brought the term déjà vu to another level entirely?

But being the good guy that he was, he smiled – obviously forced – and said, "Well, I'm glad you were there. Thank you again. I don't know how to repay you…"

This time I swore I nearly laughed out loud. It was hilarious. But I restrained myself and just settled for a grin. "Oh no, that is quite alright. In fact I should be the one thanking you." For continuing on living in the place and time that you belong, that is.

He looked confused. Well, I wasn't making much sense. So I continued, "I'm pretty sure I will get the just rewards for my help in the capture of a dangerous criminal. And that is enough." I tried to keep the smirk off my face. Rewards? No thanks, the reward that I want won't be present until more than a century from now.

"Well." He hesitated. "I do hope they will reward you. I heard you are visiting your friend, how long are you staying here?"

I walked to the window, looking at the view of 1800s Carmel at night. My last look at the town before I leave. Without turning around, I replied, "Not long. In fact, I might be leaving tonight, since I have finished what I came here to do." Successfully, I should say. But that would be too much. I turned to look at him, and feeling a little wild, I said, "I have someone waiting for me back home." And I waited for his reaction. To see if he remembered.

But Jesse just looked at me, no recognition on his face. Suddenly, his expression changed, like he remembered something. I felt a pang of anxiety, until I realized that he must have been thinking about his marriage with that Maria. There shouldn't have been any other explanations for the worry on his face. I watched him as he stood there, staring at the floorboards and looking as if he was thinking about something.

Then to my horror, I sensed something creeping inside me. Something I wanted least at that time. That horrible feeling that made me do things that I didn't want to do just to get rid of the guilt. Looking at Jesse as he stood there, I realized that I had only wanted him to live. I didn't particularly want him to go and marry that two-faced Maria. Never approved of arranged marriages anyway.

Damn stupid conscience.

So I walked up to him and said truthfully, for once, "Look, I don't really know you…that well. I only know what I heard from other people and from the impressions that I get. But you seem like a nice guy, and…"

I paused, not sure what to say next without making him suspicious. Why was I even doing this? I'm not supposed to be giving advice to people who are on my elimination list. But whatever. Finish what I started was enough.

"I would think that you should be with a woman you love. I don't know if you will find her in this time…but I guess you deserve to be happy. I mean, you are stuck in this situation and I don't imagine that being nice at all. Why not find a way out?"

I might as well be speaking French for all the nonsense that came out of my mouth. He just stared at me, looking torn between incredulity and wonder. Maybe the part about being with 'a woman you love' was a bit too much. Now he definitely knew that I was talking about Maria.

"I…" he stammered, still staring at me.

Hey, I've never seen him this uncertain before, I thought, feeling triumphant. Usually he's all smug to me, since he got the girl and all. Not anymore. I smiled and shook my head, thinking that it didn't matter. When I got back to my time, none of this matters. I probably won't even remember any of this.

So I said, "It doesn't matter. I must have confused you. I should get going if I'm planning to leave soon." I walked to the door, and said, "Just think about what I said."

I turned to look at him for the last time, knowing that I had won. I smiled, and said the one word that would most likely caused him to remember me in the coming days even after I had left, because it was a word somebody like me shouldn't have known. A stranger like me.

"Jesse."

Then I left.

-0-0-0-

I hitched a ride back to the middle of nowhere and shifted back to my time. It was night time. Funny how time changed just the same in this time as it did in the past. But I had no time to think about that because as soon as I arrived back in my room and congratulated myself on a job well done, I passed out on the bed.

I woke up the next day feeling like I had a hangover. Not that I would know how that feels like, of course…but suffice to say that the pain in my head was about ten times worst than a post-shifting headache. I couldn't even lift my head up. So I just lay there, thinking of things that I plan to do that day. And then I realized something.

I remembered Jesse. I remembered what happened the day before – the trip to the past, the detective arresting Diego, the conversation. How is that possible? It didn't make any sense.

Soon I found out nothing made sense. Like the head-splitting headache that I couldn't get rid of even with the strongest painkillers, the vomiting I went through after eating any food, the nauseating taste in my mouth or the fact that I could barely walk. It was turning into a sucky, rainy day. And it was about to get worse.

"Paul," Mark, Grandpa's nurse called me. I didn't answer. I was lying on my bed pretending to sleep.

"Paul, someone's here to see you," said Mark again. I groaned, and replied in a hoarse voice, "Tell whoever it is that I'm sleeping." I was not in the mood to talk to anyone.

Silence. Then some noise and my bedroom door banged open, causing me to sit up, startled. Suze marched up to me. She was soaking wet, as if she just ran in the rain outside. Not that Suze wouldn't do such a thing. She has, in the past, shown incredible determination to run under the hot sun from guys who attempted to kiss her.

"What did you do to him?" She shouted. I winced, her voice echoing in my painful head.

"To who?" I said slowly, trying to focus at her face. As I was seeing two Suzes, I was not succeeding.

She looked like she was going to explode. She walked nearer to the bed I was sitting on and hissed, "Don't play games with me, Paul. You know who I'm talking about. What did you do to him?"

I stared at her and then cheesily, felt a light bulb switched on in my head. Oh, him.

Wait a freaking second. How come Suze remembers him? She's not supposed to remember him! She's supposed to wake up with no memory of him whatsoever and fall in love with me instead. Something is very wrong here.

I decided to follow on my plan, by pretending that I didn't remember. So I said, "Suze, I don't know what you're talking about. Or who are you talking about."

"Jesse!" She practically shouted again, looking exasperated. "I woke up this morning and no one remembers him. But you must remember him. You were probably the one who sent him away! Did you?"

Putting on an innocent face, I shrugged. "I don't know anyone named Jesse, Suze. And sending him away…why would I do that?"

She glared at me. "Because you hated him. Because you would do anything to win. Because you would do anything to keep us apart."

Right on, Suze. "Was he your boyfriend or something?"

Now she looked like she was going to cry. I hate to say this, but it kinda had an effect on me. Must have been those painkillers.

"Yes, he was my boyfriend. Paul, if you did something to him, please tell me. I need to know. Did you exorcise him? But that doesn't explain the reason why everyone forgets him." She was speaking to herself, pacing around the room. She looked so miserable, and I started to feel angry.

She was not supposed to be miserable. She was supposed to be happy. With me. None of this made any sense. If she was right that everyone else had forgotten Jesse, how come both of us remembered him?

I have to stop thinking. It makes me nauseated.

Slowly, I got off the bed and walked to Suze. It was not my intention to walk slowly. I just had to because my head felt like it was going to drop off.

"Look, Suze, maybe this is how it's meant to be. Maybe your Jesse had to move on and you and I are meant to be together."

She slowly turned to look at me. It was scary. Reminded me of that girl from The Exorcist.

"Move on? I thought you don't remember Jesse? So how can you know that he can move on? That he is a ghost?" She snapped.

Oh, right. Slip of the tongue. Well, guess the secret's out. No point in faking anymore.

I sighed. "I remember Jesse. Not that I want to, but I do. What I want to know is how can you remember him?"

Suze looked confused and angry at the same time. "What do you mean how can I remember him? Of course I do. Why shouldn't I be?"

"Because you're not supposed to have any memory of him, Suze. When I went back in time all the events that happen in this time are supposed to vanish. Did not happen. Like you and him. You're not supposed to remember because they didn't happen." I said nastily.

"You went back in time? To do what?" Now she sounded afraid.

Despite my nausea and ridiculous headache, I felt a sense of triumph and power over her. After all, I have done something she never saw coming.

"To prevent Jesse's death, of course."

Suze stared at me for the longest time, like she was frozen by this piece of information. Then she seemed lost, looking around yet not really focusing on anything. I watched as her face went through all kinds of expressions. Disbelief, shock, denial, sadness, hurt. Then she glanced up to me and I saw anger.

"You son of a bitch!" She swore, striding over to me. I tensed, thinking she was going to hit my face, but she decided to spare my already-broken-twice nose.

She punched my stomach instead.

The pain was a shock. I honestly thought that her punches weren't going to hurt me, that I was stronger than that. But man, it hurts like hell. Especially since she kept punching me non-stop. And I couldn't even fight back because my head was in so much pain and the punches she gave me just made me want to throw up.

There should be a new saying - hell has no fury like a woman angered. Especially one who had just lost her ghost-boyfriend.

I fell back to the floor, holding my stomach. Suze leaned over me, but then she stopped punching. She just stared at me, breathing hard. I stared back at her, trying to ignore the unbearable pain all over my body. Somehow I managed to wheeze out, "I did what's best for both of you. He would have wanted a normal life rather than being a ghost forever. And you…you could be with someone alive."

She stood over me, looking at me with angry eyes. But I think there was sadness in them too. And pity. Though I had no idea why.

"You have no clue, do you, Paul? You think you know everything about everyone. Well, guess what? You don't. And if this is how you're going to spend your life, trying to get in everyone's way, messing up with people's lives, well, I think that's just sad. Because you're not living your own. You're living through others. Through everyone else's pain and suffering that you caused." She shook her head.

What the hell is she talking about? Is she going to try to talk me into getting Jesse back? Because hell no, I'm not going to go through all that again. I said this to Suze.

She just stared at me. "It's all going to come around, Paul. One day you'll realize it." Then she walked out of my room.

I slumped back on the floor. Great. All my hard work, and what did I get? A nausea, a headache, a few punches to the stomach and a psychobabble by the one girl I did all that for who right now is going to hate me forever because my brilliant plan didn't work.

Maybe Jesse has better luck with his new life. Because I can tell you now, that mine is going to suck from now on.

-0-0-0-

And I was right. After that eventful day, everything pretty much went downhill.

The headaches and nausea that I got after the back-in-time trip? Never went away. No matter how many painkillers and pills and all kinds of crap I took, it was still inside me, so much that I felt as if I was slowly, painfully dying.

It got so bad that I couldn't do much anything, and Mark the nurse who noticed my condition was adamant that I seek treatment with the help of my parents in Seattle. At first I laughed it off. Since when have my parents ever done anything in my favor? All they ever thought me was how to serve better in tennis or swing better in golf or all other things that meant nothing in this world.

Ever since I left for Carmel and Jack went to boarding school, they pretty much had their lives back. A life on their own, without the hassle of having kids. That's all they want. They never said it, but I knew it. I always have.

Yet the other option of staying in Carmel weren't exactly peachy either. Suze has ignored my existence after she found out about Jesse, and the fact that she couldn't go back and get him because she would have ended up sick like me. And oh yeah, the reason why only me and her can remember Rico? Because we're practiced shifters. All mediators can be shifters if they try, but Father Dominic and Jack, the only other mediators we know never tried to shift. Not that they knew how. The only reason Suze knew how to was because I taught her. Did she show any gratitude? Zero.

And if you're wondering how we know all these stuff about shifters and time-travel junk, it was courtesy of Grandpa Slater. Or should I say Slaski. He didn't seem so senile once Suze got him talking. Pretending. That's what he's been doing all these years.

But that doesn't disregard the fact that he was sick. Supposedly caused by all those times he shifted in his past. And he's saying the same thing has happened to me.

No way. No way in hell am I going to end up like him. It's temporary. The pain, the sick feeling in my stomach is all temporary. I'm going to beat this. No way am I succumbing to this torture without living my life just yet.

-0-0-0-

Two years. It's been two years of living in hell on earth.

For the first time in my life, I'm admitting that I was wrong. The pain never goes away. I don't think it will. It has become a part of me, a growth inside that is constantly reminding me of how painful it can be.

No amount of medicines, research and money spent can explain this. To their credits, my parents tried their best to find a cure for me, but how can you cure something you don't even know?

I was back in Carmel. I had made my decision. All of these would never have happened if not for one person that started it. And I'm going to end it all.

I waited until she finished her work at the orphanage home or whatever the place was. I couldn't believe that she had turned into some kind of goody-two-shoes after graduating high school. Not that she wasn't good back then, what's with all the mediating ghosts and all. But this is worse. Instead of working in hotels and resorts like she used to do, during summer break from her college in New York, she would return to Carmel and do all these social work.

So different than the girl I used to know.

I watched as she walked out the building and to her car in the parking lot. Then I got out of my car, and followed her.

She was about five feet away from the car when she slowed, and turned around. Shock was written all over her face.

"Paul." She stared at me in disbelief.

"Suze." I nodded at her, trying to put on the smirk that was my trademark but forgetting how to. It's been a long time since I smirked at anyone. "Miss me?"

"Uh…" She stammered, then looked around her. Probably looking if there's anyone to save her from this psycho. But it was around 8 at night, and being a little away from town, the place was deserted. Anyone else who were there were inside the other buildings. There weren't even that many cars still parked in the lot.

"What do you want, Paul?" Now there was steel in her voice. But it was strained.

I looked at her, contemplating what to say. "Been doing charity work, Suze? Isn't it enough handling those sorry cases for the ghosts that you always rank so high?"

Suze's eyes flashed. "This charity work is my choice. Those ghosts who needed help, I don't have any choice other than help them move on."

Laughter. It felt so good to laugh. I couldn't even remember the last time I laughed. "Suze, Suze, Suze. You always have a choice. But you turned your back on every better option. And look where it has lead you to. When you could have had all the power in the world."

Now it was her turn to laugh, bitterly. "And become just like you? No thanks. I rather like my life the way it is. Of course it could have been better had some people not mess with it, but I've accepted everything. You can't make me feel guilty or angry or regret. Because I don't feel them anymore. In fact, I feel nothing," she snapped, turning to walk to her car again.

I started to call after her, but a sudden pain shot up my head. I stopped and held my head with my hands. It usually goes away after a few seconds. But there's no telling when will it return.

That's when I remembered what I came here for. Not to make petty conversations and resorting to lame insults. Not at all.

I straightened up, the pain gone. Suze was staring at me, her hand on her car door. She tried to look indifferent but there was concern in her eyes. And as I stared back into her brilliant green eyes, I saw everything that she has felt since I sent Jesse away. It almost knocked me back. The hurt, the grief, the anguish, were all still there. She can make all the excuses in the world, but she still feels them.

My pain may have been physical, but hers was emotional. It doesn't take a scientist to know which one hurts more.

One bullet. That's all it was going to take.

We stared at each other for the longest time. I think there were many things left unsaid, but it didn't matter. All I wanted was forgiveness. I think that's what I've been wanting since the day I went back to save Jesse. Only I never admitted it.

Did I love Suze? I think I did. Or I wouldn't have gone through everything just for her.

Yet I couldn't help but think that whatever I did or might have done wouldn't have made her happy. Not because I did the wrong thing, but because, ultimately, I was the wrong guy. And now she's going to live an unhappy life, pretending that all was alright when nothing actually was.

One bullet.

"I'm sorry Suze." I found myself saying, feeling the weight lifted off my shoulders. "For everything. Everything I've said, everything I've done. You don't deserve any of it. I was too stupid to know."

Suze just stared at me as if I've just lost my mind. In a way, I already have.

"Forgive me?"

She took a deep breath, glancing around her. Then she fixed her beautiful, sad eyes on me, and she nodded.

That was all I needed. Now it ends.

I took out the gun from the inside pocket of my coat. Suze gasped, staring at it, eyes wide with fear. Then she looked at me, terrified.

"What are you doing?" she barely whispered, a tremble in her voice.

I tested the weight of the gun, then slowly lifted my gaze to her. "What I should have done a long time ago."

"Goodbye, Suze."

Her frightened stare turned to horror as she finally realized what I was about to do.

"Paul, no!" she screamed and lunged at me, but it was a second too late.

Goodbye, world. It's been one hell of a ride.

I pointed the gun to my temple and pulled the trigger.

End of Memory.

It's over. It's done. Now I can get on with my life.

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