iUnderstand, why
See, it's burnin' me to hold onto this
I know this is somethin' I gotta do
But that don't mean I want to
What I'm tryin' to say is that
I love you, I just
I feel like this, it's comin' to an end
And it's better for me to let it go now
Than to hold on and hurt you
I gotta let it burn"Christian, we need to have a talk."
The words, which were never the start of a good conversation, sunk in on the Canadian like a boulder. Inhaling deeply, he hesitantly turned his head. An uncomfortable lump formed deep in his throat as he gazed at Trish, who was lying beside him.
"About what?" he questioned in a curious tone, but the shakiness in his voice told Trish that he was not as oblivious as he wanted to appear.
"About this, Christian... about us," she said, raising her knees up a bit, her feet resting flatly on the mattress below them. "It... I don't think this is going to work."
Despite the fact that he knew what she was going to say, her words pierced through him like a dagger, stabbing directly into his heart. He raised himself into a sitting position, his eyes filling with sorrow.
"What?" he questioned, his eyes glazing over in a stupor of disbelief.
Trish gazed over at him, frowning as she took note of the effect this was already having on him. She swallowed hard, pressing her forefingers to the center of her chest, battling the burning sensation lurking near her heart. Sighing heavily, she reached for him, taking his hand in hers.
"I don't want you to take this the wrong way. The time we spent together is and will always be special to me. It's nothing that you did, I just... I feel like it's time we put an end to this relationship," she explained carefully, her eyes meticulously studying the sheets covering her bare legs.
Christian pulled out of her grasp, causing her to steadily draw her gaze back up to his. She winced as she noticed shades of anger nested deep within his sorrowful blue eyes. The nauseas feeling in the pit of his stomach caused by Trish's words had him nearly ready to vomit. Of all the emotions he could have been feeling, that he should have been feeling at the moment, all he felt was sick. Sick and numb.
"Why?" His questioned was asked so quietly, the blonde woman beside him could barely hear what he was saying. He cleared his throat with a cough and continued, raising his voice measurably. "Why do you feel that way? You say our time together is special... why end it?"
"Christian, I answered you already..."
"Well I'm sorry Trish, but your answer sucked!" he cried, slamming his fists down to the mattress on either side of him with such force the two of them bounced slightly in the air. "I want a real reason. Is it because you found out about my past? Is it because of Chris? Huh? I deserve an explanation."
"As far as your past is concerned, I know more than you think," she replied. "I never cared about that. But come on, you know my being with you isn't fair to Chris. He deserves better than that... I at least owe him a chance."
Christian rolled his eyes, "And I don't?"
"Please, stop making this about you. I've told you, you did nothing. I'm sorry, but this is something I just have to do," she explained.
Christian glanced at her again, his harsh eyes softening as he recognized a new expression on her face. He could plainly see the despair, the shame in her regretful eyes. She didn't want to do this, he could just sense it. He bit his lip, deciding he was unwilling to toss what they shared aside as easily as she had.
"Trish, you don't have to do this," he said softly, reaching out to rest his hand on her arm. "It doesn't have to end like this... it doesn't have to end at all."
"Christian, no. I can't, I can't stay. As much as I want to, this is hurting me too much. I... I'm sorry... I have to go."
With that, she shrugged out of his gentle grasp, rising from the bed as his lifeless hand dropped to the mattress. Christian buried his face in his hands as she silently pulled her clothes on overtop of her lingerie, battling the tears that had filled her eyes. Then, she made her way to the door, pausing on the way to grab the jacket she had earlier flung over an armchair. She took a step out into the hall, but then froze, turning back and eyeing the man she had left in the bed.
"Christian, I..."
"Shut up and go!" he cried, his head snapping up swiftly. He glared at her in silence for a moment before speaking again. "Just leave! I don't want your explanations, okay? I don't fucking care! Just get out!"
Trish's eyes widened slightly at his harsh tone. Her heart dropped as she watched the anger in his eyes fade away, his blue orbs once again filling with anguish.
"Christian, don't be like that," she pleaded softly. "Please, just let it go."
It's gonna burn for me to say this
It's comin' from the heart
It's been a long time comin'
But we done been fell apart
I really wanna work this out
But I don't think you're gonna change
I do, but you don't, think it's best we go our separate ways
Christian stared blankly at the door, his eyes fixed on the spot where Trish had been standing only a few minutes ago. His mouth hung open, still in a stunned shock after what had just transpired. His heart was screaming at him to go after her, to insist a better explanation than the lackluster one she had provided, but he remained still. At the moment, it felt as though his legs would fall off if he dared to try and stand. Heaving a loud sigh, Christian threw himself back onto the bed, lying down as he tiredly rubbed at his eyes. He knew it wouldn't be right to go after her. If their relationship was truly hurting her, then he was in no place to make her stay.
Still, he couldn't comprehend what he had done, why this was causing her so much pain. Sure, their relationship wasa bit unconventional, but it wasn't to say he didn't care deeply for her. What went wrong?
Tell me why, I should stay in this relationship
When I'm hurtin', baby
I ain't happy, baby
And there's so many other things I gotta deal with
I think that you should
Let it burnHouse passed, and Christian was still awake, stirring restlessly in his bed. His mind was still being invaded with thoughts of the blonde woman who had once occupied the empty space beside him. The more he pondered it, the more Trish's decision to leave him made a bit more sense.
One specific moment when he'd noticed Trish seeming to drift from him came to mind. he could recall a night about a week earlier, when he'd asked her to meet him at his hotel room. As she rested on top of him, their hearts beating against one another's, an uneasy feeling rose in his stomach. Something wasn't right.
Their lovemaking had been passionate, but something was missing. The intensity, the fervor that had always been present in her eyes had suddenly disappeared. Absent was her desire, the fire she possessed within her that had so many times driven him wild. Thinking back, he supposed he should have seen it then. She just wasn't into it anymore. Maybe she wasn't into him anymore.
When the feelin' ain't the same in your body
Don't want to, but you know
You gotta let it go
Cause the party ain't jumpin' like it used to
Even though this might bruise you
Let it burn, let it burn, gotta let it burn
Deep down you know it's best for yourself but you
Hate the thought of her bein' with someone else
But ya know that it's over
You knew it was through
Let it burn, let it burn, gotta let it burn
Only a few days had passed since she made her decision, and Trish was already finding herself having second thoughts. As she eyed the man sitting beside her, she frowned. He had been so unknowing, so naive to the affair that had been going on between her and Christian. A pang of sympathy hit her as she thought of how - despite the fact that she made things right by cutting herself off from Christian - she had wronged him.
"You okay?" he asked, his soft spoken words pulling her from her thoughts. Forcing a smile, Trish nodded, taking his hand in hers.
"I'm fine, Chris-" she replied, abruptly cutting herself off as she realized she had nearly called him Christian.
Taking a deep breath, Trish found herself questioning her decision once more. That hadn't been the first time she came close to such a slip up. Somewhat ironically, she never had that problem with Christian.
As she continued to stare at Jericho, Trish began to wonder if perhaps she'd chosen the wrong man. She had left Christian so that she could be with Chris without having guilt looming over her head. She hadn't been able to rid herself of it since then, but for a change, her guilt was caused by what she did to Christian, not with him.
It felt as though she had blocked herself into a hole, one that was entrapping and smothering her to the point where it was hard to breathe. Nobody could possibly understand how she felt except Christian, and it was far too late to go back to him. She had officially made the biggest mistake of her life.
Sendin' pages I ain't supposed to
Got somebody here but I want you
Cause the feelin' ain't the same
I find myself callin' her your name
Ladies tell me, do you understand?
Now all my fellas, do you feel my pain?
It's the way I feel
Christian still couldn't get over her. Despite his desperate attempts to move on, to find something to occupy his time and keep his mind off her, he was more heartbroken then ever. It had been nearly two weeks, and the sounds of Trish's voice ending their relationship still played rampantly in his mind, the image of her dark eyes staring down at him torturing his heart.
He couldn't help but blame himself. After all, he had to have done something to make her drive her away when their relationship was strong. As that thought crossed his mind, the Canadian laughed sardonically, despite himself. 'Strong' was not the word to describe their relationship. Hell, relationship wasn't even a proper description of what they had. Sex was what they had, and the more Christian thought about it, the more he was willing to put his money on the fact that that was what drove her away.
In an emotional, romantic sense, Chris provided Trish with more than any amount more of physical pleasure he gave her could replace. If he had been more thoughtful, more gentle, just more loving to her, he would never had found himself in such a predicament. To put it shortly, he fucked up. And it seemed now that his mistakes could not be reversed.
I know I made a mistake, now its too late
I know she ain't comin' back
What I gotta do now to get my shorty back?
Man, I don't know what I'm gonna do
Without my boo
You been gone for too long
Its been fifty-eleven days umpteen hours
I'm gonna be burnin' till you return
Trish silently made her way to the outside of the arena, pulling the door shut behind her. She walked over to the curb and took a seat, praying that no one would come looking for her. Sighing exhaustedly, she rested her arms on her knees, burying her face in her hand. She had never been so confused or distraught in her life. The anxiety of it all had her so tense that she felt as though she were literally going to explode.
On the one hand, there was Chris; poor, sweet, unassuming Chris. Trish had never been romanced in such a way before, and she had to admit his chivalry was very pleasing to her. But there was just something about Christian.
A nagging feeling tugged at her heart when she thought of him, and how she'd never given thr opportunity to be anything more than the guy on the sidelines. She found herself torn between two loves - one that hadn't been given a chance to live, and one that had never gotten the chance to live to its full potential.
I'm twisted cause one side of me
Is tellin' me that I need to move on
On the other side, I
Wanna break down and cry
Unbeknownst to Trish, Christian had been watching her, hidden safely behind the door. He wondered what she was thinking, and if her thoughts were at all similar to the ones running through his head. She seemed so distraught... he wanted nothing more than to join her outside. He knew doing so would only cause more trouble than good.
It tore at his heart to think of how he'd blown his chance with her. Part of him told him he needed to let go, to give it up and get over her already. But there was that other part of him that knew that there was still a chance. The flame that existed between them was still flickering, and it was killing him to stand by and watch it die out.
"I love you, Trish."
I'm twisted cause one side of me
Is tellin' me that I need to move on
On the other side, I
Wanna break down and cry
So many days, so many hours
I'm still burnin' till you return
When the feelin' ain't the same in your body
Don't want to, but you know
Gotta let it go
Cause the party ain't jumpin' like it used to
Even though this might bruise you
Let it burn, let it burn, gotta let it burn
Deep down you know its best for yourself but you
Hate the thought of her bein' with someone else
But you know that it's over
You knew it was through
Let it burn, let it burn, gotta let it burn