He nodded tiredly when I told him to get some rest; Erik closed his eyes and I began to hum for him the Gypsy song he had used to take me through my dressing room mirror. I think he smiled slightly when I began, but the next moment his face was unreadable.
I stopped singing to him long after his breathing deepened in the telltale sign of sleep. I allowed myself to openly start at the face I had found so hideous and terrifying, fully expecting myself to gag. I did not, much to my surprise and satisfaction. My eyes roved over the face that had forced this magnificent genius into hiding. At one time, I had seen him as a monster.
But now, I did not see that monster.
All I saw was Erik - a dark, beautiful angel sent to me straight from Heaven.
With his sleep came the feverish dreams and haunting phantasms of his bleak past.
As I sat beside him, running a lukewarm cloth across his forehead, he suddenly called out in remembered fear. Nadir came rushing in from the next room. We could only watch helplessly as his memories played out in his mind, forced him to relive all of those gruesome moments. . . Erik jerked away with another cry as I vainly dampened his cheek; he covered his head with his arms, his shoulders shaking as he sobbed, "Please!. . . Let me go home. . . give me back my mask! I don't want to be here - I want to go home. . . I don't want people to stare at me. I won't be stared at! Let me out of this cage!"
He tossed and turned for what seemed like an excruciatingly long time. When he stilled I let out a shuddering breath and glanced at Nadir, in no way concealing my mute shock and horror. "A cage," I heard myself whisper; Nadir raised his eyebrows - the only visible sign of his own surprise. I bit my lower lip until I tasted blood and clasped the wet washcloth in my hands. Feebly, I drew closer to Erik to wet his forehead; only this time, he did not move away from me. Far from it - this time, he actually moved closer. . . .
"You said I could have what I wanted for my birthday," he whispered in an innocent yet accusing voice. "You made me ask. . . Mama, why don't you ever touch me? All I wanted for my birthday was a kiss. . ."
I couldn't keep back the gasp that escaped me as I looked down at him. Those last words seemed to thunder in my ears despite how quietly they had been uttered. My poor, unfortunate Erik! How cruel the world has been to you and your genius. I moved closer again and started singing softly. After looking around and finding that Nadir had gone, I touched the pale skin of Erik's right cheek. He shuddered slightly but stayed in his restless trance between sleep and consciousness. To my surprise, I found that his skin was unusually soft despite the raw scratches there.
"Christine!" he called out, his voice catching in his throat. "Christine - no! No!"
He thrashed around on the bed with unnatural strength, his hand reaching out blindly in the air. "Shh. . . Erik," I murmured soothingly as if he were a child, "it's all right, I'm here. . ."
I took his hand into mine and he let out a painfully miserable sob. "Oh, Christine. . ." I wiped the tears from his eyes as they mingled with his cold perspiration. "I trusted you. . . I trusted you to treat me as a human. . . I trusted you to come back and tell me. Yes or no - just two simple words. . . but you were just going to leave me here. . . just leave me wondering. . ."
"Dear God. . ." I muttered. He was reliving our ordeal with the scorpion and the grasshopper - the one moment I'd always remember for the rest of my life. I found myself weeping steadily when Erik stared at me with his delirious, clouded golden eyes.
"Why do you cry?" he asked detachedly. Merely a coincidence, I told myself. "You know it pains me to see you cry. . .
"I never wanted to hurt you, Christine - I would rather die than hurt you. . . But you left me with no choice. . . I needed to see you one more time - I didn't want to force your answer. It would have been so much easier if you had simply come back. . . Please stop crying. I don't want you to cry. . ."
"Erik," I said brokenly, "it's all right - I came back. . . I came back. . ."
"I trusted you," he repeated with a sort of tragic firmness. "I trusted you, Christine. . . I just wanted for you to. . . I just wanted. . . I. . ."
I brought his warm hand to my cheek and let my tears flow over his skeletal fingers. Glancing around one final time, I bowed my head, inching closer and closer to him.
"I understand," I murmured. "I always have. . ."
My lips touched his cheek and a sob wracked his body. "Angel," he croaked. "Christine. . ."
I wrapped my arms around him protectively, as if to shield him from the darkness of his past and the vicious demons that plagued him; as if to keep him safe from the world that had shunned him. I would keep him safe from the world that had forced him into this world of endless night, hate and fear. My heart swelled with my love for him. I wanted him to know that there was someone in this cruel world that cared for him and loved him deeply; a love so strong that it hurt to think of it.
His body became relatively still, yet he was trembling for a reason I could not decipher. Bust as I leaned closer, a thought raced across my mind - would he have wanted me to do this? I wanted him to know that I loved him.
But would he accept my feelings for him?
Would he forgive me for this new embarrassment?
For a brief and remarkably joyful moment, I had allowed myself to let loose my caged emotions - while he was asleep and unaware of my true presence. Would he want to "share once again with me, our strange duet" that overpowered the mind and ensnared the senses? What a simple sign of affection a kiss is! How complicated it was to share; especially with this man whom I loved more dearly than life itself! And yet it was so profoundly simple to pass it on to Raoul. . .
His body was still warm with fever, his face damp with tears and sweat, as I released him; I suddenly felt incomplete when I had un-wrapped my arms from him, as if something had gone missing. But it didn't take me long to figure it out - the answer was blatantly obvious. I simply did not exist without Erik. I was nothing if he wasn't there, if he wasn't with me. Sitting up now, vainly dabbing at his brow with the washcloth and checking the bandages on his forehead, I heard Nadir enter the room again. Wordlessly, he handed me a mug of tea and started to leave again.
"He's going to be all right," he assured me. "He's been through worse and still survived. . ."
I nodded, somewhat numb and feeling empty, sipping at the warm liquid. I felt only a little childish, staring at Erik as if he had suddenly grown another head. It was still remotely hard for me to keep my eyes on his face - not because of the features that would be horrendous to someone else, but because of the awful events that my foolish hysteria had caused.
"Mama? Are you there?" Erik's voice was suddenly innocent, an expression of fear passing over his eyes while his hand searched feebly for mine.
"I don't want to go to sleep, Mama," Erik suddenly whispered urgently, curling into a ball on the bed. "The monster will come back. . . the monster in the mirror! It frightened me, Mama; I don't want it to come back! I want it to go away forever. . ."
So he had feared his own face as a child. . . the same way that I had in one point in time. So even Erik had been afraid of something - he had been afraid of himself!
"Mama. . . I'm afraid. . . of the dark! I don't want the monster to get me. . ."
I took his hand and stroked his palm gently. "It's all right, my love," I said quietly, hesitantly, "I'm here."
"Will you protect me?"
"Of course, I will, Erik. . . for all time. . ."
Slowly, I woke to find myself once again in my room on the lake; the candles dim and nearly extinguished. I couldn't ever recall falling asleep during my silent vigil, and I began to quietly rebuke myself as I regained my bearings. I found that my head was rested on something, moving up and down. . . . There was a distant thudding in my ear; a familiar sound, with an even rhythm. . .
I'd fallen asleep on Erik's chest!
And even as I thought this, I could feel his soft breath on the back of my neck, his breathing even like that of a dreamer. I allowed myself the simple pleasure of knowing I was so close to him, becoming dizzy from that overpowering love. I sighed silently in contentment and was shocked to find that it was echoed by another voice.
I sensed a deliberate movement near me and had to force myself not to tense up. It took me a moment to realize that it was his hand that hovered over my cheek. His trembling fingers touched my skin gingerly for the briefest, yet most joyful, moment I'd ever experienced, before suddenly jerking away as though my skin had burned him. Silently I willed for those elegant fingers to touch my cheek once more, to call him away from that second-thought, but to no avail. He remained lying there, evidently rigid, trying not to move around excessively.
I took that moment to sit up and yawned quietly, covering my open mouth. I felt myself smile widely as I gazed into those golden orbs and I tenderly checked the bandages on his forehead.
"Good morning, Erik. How are you feeling?"