Facing the Past
Chapter Two
Ryan was already sitting in the kitchen when Sandy was ready to go.
"Good morning, you got up did ya?" Sandy asked, throwing him his old wetsuit.
Ryan caught it, his tired eyes looking at the suit, "I thought you said it was your old suit?" Ryan asked, holding it up, it seemed in perfect condition.
"It is… purple was so last season" he grinned.
Ryan shook his head.
"Hey, you'll look fine in purple, really, hardly anyone's up at this hour anyways" Sandy smiled.
Ryan tentatively smiled back, feeling tired.
He hadn't gotten back to sleep last night. He had roamed around the yard in hopes his mother would call back laughing, saying she was just crazy drunk and it was all a mistake. The call never came.
He had walked all the way down to the beach, feeling the cool damp sand swallowing up his toes. He'd studied the moonlight in the water and the Cooper's house next door. He wished Marissa still lived there. Maybe he could have confided in her.
He doubted it though. He probably couldn't confide to a wall unless his life was being threatened.
"You look… tired" Sandy stated, studying his new addition to the family, "something wrong?"
"School work" Ryan replied, drinking down the rest of his coffee.
Sandy nodded, "You know, if it's too much you could –"
"No, it's fine, I'm fine… it's just.. Summer reading.. catching up I mean" he blurted out.
Sandy nodded, " better get changed then, I'll grab you a board"
Ryan nodded and headed off to the washroom to change.
He thought this would be over, when she left. He thought he wouldn't have to do any more of this shit. Maybe it was wishful thinking. Maybe being with the Cohens was starting to warp his mind in to believing things were okay.
Newport was brainwashing him, swallowing him up as another victim.
"Get real" he whispered to himself.
There was a whole other world out there that wasn't so content when it was a good surf day. Most of the world's population probably didn't care less if the waves were good in California, most of the world was focused on how they would pay the bills, feed their children, get to work, find work.
Newport was brainwashing him. Maybe it was a good thing his mom had called. He wasn't going soft, he wasn't a sellout. He would prove it by sucking this up and dealing with it.
Like a man.
Ryan looked in the mirror at himself, blonde hair falling over his eyes, the suit clinging to… well him. And purple accents running up and down the suit.
He shook his head.
Like a man.
When Ryan entered the kitchen Sandy looked up and smiled, opening his mouth, "Looks –"
Ryan shot him on of his silencing glares.
"Okay, well, it's not exactly your style but that's okay… if you like surfing we'll find you one that's all black… very manly " he smiled.
Ryan couldn't help but laugh.
……………………………………
"This isn't so hard" Ryan said out loud, once they were out in the water. They had both just finished paddling past the small breaks close to shore, out to the first main set of waves.
They were small, and Ryan was feeling…. Confident.
Sandy laughed, "That's because that was the easy part" he pointed out, "but that's the best part" he continued, pointing in to shore past the huge houses surrounded by cliffs and greenery.
The sun was rising in to the cloudless sky. The brilliant orange reflecting on the windows of people's houses, filtering through palm trees and sparkling in to the water.
"That view, every morning. It's priceless Ryan. You learn to love the simple things here, simple pleasures are what life's about."
Ryan was still staring at the sight. What would he be like if he'd grown up here? Would he be one of those spoiled brats, a self indulged jerk. One of the people who would regularly attend Holly's parties. Do nothing on the weekends but drink and confront hangovers.
Would he still flinch when people touched him?
Would he still be the tough guy, or would he be like Seth?
Ryan shook his head.
Brainwashing.
"So you ready?" Sandy asked, looking at Ryan's hapless expression.
Ryan nodded.
"Okay buddy, first we gotta find a nice set, that is a set of waves" Sandy explained.
Ryan listened.
…………………………………..
"Hey guys, we're home" Sandy yelled out once he and Ryan entered the house. They were both still damp and in their suits.
"Kitchen" Kirsten yelled back, she turned around when they entered the kitchen, "Nice suit" she remarked to Ryan.
Ryan gave her a half-amused and half-embarrassed look.
"how'd it go anyways?"
"Awesome" Sandy replied
"Okay" Ryan said at the same time.
"Well, was it awesome or okay?" she asked.
"He was great Kirsten, shoulda seen him, a natural I swear it.."
"I nearly drowned about ten times" Ryan remarked, sitting down at the counter.
"Oh don't exaggerate" Sandy laughed, "you were great, Better than me my first time out"
Ryan raised his eyebrows at him.
"Really" he said, unconvincingly.
"So, did you enjoy it as much as Sandy, ryan?"
He shrugged, "It was cool"
"We'll have to take you to the mall, for a new suit… I don't know what Sandy was thinking when he bought that one…honestly"
"You really don't have to do that…" Ryan stammered.
"Do what, get a new suit? Aren't you gonna go again?"
"Yea, sure" Ryan replied, "but this suit is fine" he shrugged, thinking of the money he put away in to his account for times like this. But now…. Now it was all going to his mom.
Kirsten shook her head, "Ryan –"
"Really, it's fine.. I mean.. who sees me this early in the morning anyways, right?"
"Ohmygod" came a voice from the kitchen behind Ryan.
Ryan cringed.
"Are you wearing a purple wetsuit?" Seth asked, "I knew you were minty Ryan.. but this… this just tops it" she shook his head.
Ryan glared.
"No.. really man, you should get a new suit.. that one.. it's not flattering… it wasn't even flattering for dad.. no offence pops" Seth raised his hands in defence.
"I don't even think… Ryan could you go change, I don't like seein' ya like this man… You're supposed to be like… my brother.. my friend… someone I learn some fightclub from…. This.. that, it's just not right" he smacked his lips.
"Seth" Ryan fixed him with a look, "The suit is just fine"
Seth took a step back. "Of course.. course it's fine" he told Ryan, nodding quickly. He shot a look to his mother, "He needs a new suit" he whispered.
Kirsten smiled.
Ryan was on his second cup of OJ for the morning when the doorbell rang.
"I'll get it" Kirsten replied, "Ryan you should go change, you have to get to school soon… Seth stop making faces at him"
"Not him, mom… the wetsuit… Ryan is fine, what he is wearing… is not."
Ryan rolled his eyes, the rolled up the newspaper he was reading, smacking Seth in the back of the head with it.
Finishing off his second cup of OJ Ryan rinsed the cup and made way to put it in the dishwasher when Kirsten entered the kitchen once more.
"Uhm, boys…. Marissa and Summer are here to… see you" Kirsten shot a quick glance at Ryan who looked down at his wetsuit, a look of panic spread across his face.
Seth began to laugh and Sandy chuckled, "so much for no one seeing you like that, huh Ryan" Seth commented.
"We'll get you a new suit tonight" Kirsten smiled at him.
Ryan looked up, pushing his cheeks out with air, "Uh.. yea" he replied.
And then they were there. Marissa and Summer both. In the kitchen.
"Hey guy-" Marissa stopped and looked at Ryan, smiling.
"ohmygod, eew" Summer wrinkled her nose.
Seth was now in hysterics, Kirsten was trying to hide a grin and Sandy wasn't even trying to hold it back.
Ryan was turning crimson.
"I think it' s cute" Marissa smiled at him.
"Oh.. ugh" Summer turned around. "Go change Chino, and hurry up, we can't be late for school"
Ryan gave a quick smile and hightailed it right out of the kitchen, leaving all those in his wake laughing.
………………………….
"It wasn't that bad" Marissa broke the silence between them later.
"You weren't the one wearing the wetsuit" Ryan remarked.
"Okay.. so it was… purple.. but I thought it looked pretty hot… made you look pretty hot I mean.
Ryan finally smiled and leaned over to kiss her on the lips.
"Thanks" he whispered.
"Thank you" she replied.
"Okay, uhm, lovebirds… time for class, lets for Coop" Summer said, dragging Marissa way.
"So, great impression on the ladies" Seth remarked.
"Seth" Ryan warned.
"Okay, okay, I get the point. I got to jet anyways, get to class, see you at lunch?"
"Sure" Ryan said, remembering his mission this morning.
They bumped knuckles and Seth ran off, leaving Ryan in the courtyard as the bell rang. People rushed around him trying to get to class, and Ryan turned around to leave.
He needed to get to the bank.
………………………………
He wasn't sure why, but Ryan found himself in the washroom at Harbour, wishing the day were over.
Over so he could get to Chino, drop off the money and say good bye to his mom for good. Because that was his plan. To say good bye, for good. He was cutting ties with her. He only hoped he could face the challenge.
Though he wasn't sure what the deal was. She left him first. Twice.
Damn, he inhaled sharply. She was back with AJ again. He wondered if he still hit her, or whether that was just when having Ryan was around.
She was doing coke again. And drinking. He wondered how much she'd had to drink last night. How much coke she done. He wondered where AJ had been.
AJ. He hated AJ. He hoped he never saw him. He wasn't sure if he could keep it cool with AJ. He'd smacked him around so many times. Smacked Dawn around so many times.
Ryan stared himself down in the mirror. Could he take on AJ? Last time wasn't so great. He'd gotten in a few, but ultimately AJ had kicked him, literally, out of the house.
Ryan studied his nose, a slight bump where it had been broken before. He looked at his arms, his muscles tightening at the thought of a fight. He made a fist.
He shouldn't fight anyone. He should drop the money off and leave. Cut ties and leave. If he fought, if he did anything wrong, he could be ripped away from the Cohens forever. Sandy might not even be able to help him.
He was getting soft. Living in Newport, with the Cohens, it was turning his brain, his fighting skills, his survival instincts, in to nothing.
He didn't remember raising his fist, and didn't remember thrusting it.
Now Ryan found himself staring at his reflection, shattered in to hundreds of little pieces. What once was the bathroom mirror. He looked down at his knuckles and instantly knew they would swell and bruise. They were already bloody, he must have punched more than once.
Blood wouldn't have been on the glass, or smeared across his hands with just one hit.
Ryan blew out a breath he'd been holding and rinsed the blood from his hands, wrapping them in paper towels.
He would go now. To Chino. Get it over with. He could go find Seth, borrow the Rover and drive to Chino, be back before school let out to pick up Seth.
Ryan pushed the door to the washroom open hard, surprised when a sharp intake of breath was heard. He looked up, wondering who he'd almost hit.
Dr. Kim.
Ryan close his eyes and sighed.
Chino would have to wait.