Facing the Past
Chapter Three
" I must stress that something like this does not look favourable to Ryan at all. It shows that he has a problem dealing with and expressing his emotions properly." The Dean's voice filled the office.
Ryan stared at the edge of her desk, listening to the conversation.
When Dr. Kim had seen his hands, she immediately entered the boys' lavatory to see what had happened.
The way Ryan looked at it, was at least it hadn't been a kid.
But here he was nonetheless, with Sandy and Kirsten sitting with him, listening to Dr. Kim bad mouth him and bust him for skipping his morning classes.
He deserved it, he guessed. He did break a mirror.
"We can pay for it" Kirsten spoke up.
"Kirsten.. You know it has nothing to do with the money" Dr. Kim smiled gently.
"So what happens next then?" Sandy asked, causing Ryan to raise his head and listen carefully.
Dr. Kim took a breath and looked at each of them in turn, finally settling on Sandy. "You know this wouldn't look good on his file Mr. Cohen"
"Sandy" he intervened.
"Sandy. Unfortunately, something as simple as this could have Ryan removed from Harbour. With his record I can't see the committee wanting to take a chance. Next time it could be one of the kids, do you see my point?"
Ryan seemed to deflate. He'd done it. He'd just ruined most of his chances for a decent college. He stared at the floor. Public School. He remembered Chino Hills and shuddered. Newport couldn't be as bad as that, could it? Where a diploma from there meant practically nothing.
Because that's what a diploma in Chino got you. Nothing. Ryan wasn't stupid, he knew that only seventy percent of the students graduated, and of those only 13 percent went on to do better things, like a bachelors. A measly 3 percent went to Grad school.
And to think, had he stayed in Chino, his grades would still be… well bad. His test scores would be high, but he probably wouldn't have moved on to bigger and better things. In Chino it didn't help to dream of things like college.
"Yes, I think we understand perfectly" Sandy replied, looking over at Ryan whom, couldn't in Sandy's opinion, sink much further in to the chair without landing on the floor.
Kirsten appeared as though she had a broken heart.
"I'm willing to not report this to the committee" Dr. Kim finally said.
Sandy looked at her, surprised, and Ryan's head shot up..
"On one condition" she eyed Ryan.
"Anything" he didn't want to have to leave Seth and Marissa.
"You begin attending some form of therapy. Anger management, counselling, something to prevent this from happening again… ever."
Ryan looked towards Kirsten and Sandy, as if questioning them. Sandy raised his brows.
"Okay" Ryan finally said. "I'll go"
………………………….
The ride home with Kirsten and Sandy was… surprisingly quiet. Ryan just assumed it was coming later.
Their lack of repercussions had him nervously jumping at small sounds, flinching when ever Seth closed a textbook quickly.
They were in the living room, studying, and still nothing had been said to him about punishment. Seth was tiptoeing around the situation as a whole, and hadn't even asked Ryan about it yet.
Kirsten and Sandy were in the kitchen, cleaning up after dinner. Chinese take-out.
"I'm not sure if I feel right doing that Sandy" Kirsten was saying.
"He has to be punished Kirsten… he broke private property. He lost it, he almost lost his entry in to Harbour for it. There's obviously something wrong and –"
"And when he's ready to talk about it, he'll come to us"
"Or smash something else, maybe some one else" Sandy pointed out.
Kirsten leaned her head to the side, looking at her husband. They were both extraordinarily concerned for Ryan. And they were both handling it differently.
"You want to leave it?" Sandy asked her, "No punishment at all?"
"He's agreed to Therapy Sandy, I think that's the best thing for him right now. And have you seen him, did you see him in the office Sandy? He knows he messed up, he's aware. He's so jumpy now it's like he's-"
"Expecting us to hit him" Sandy finished.
"Well yes" Kirsten replied.
"If we ground him, at least he'll be at ease, and recognize that as his punishment. Maybe he'll relax a bit then"
Kirsten sighed. "Okay" she finally agreed. "But you're doing the talking"
Sandy kissed her passionately, causing Kirsten to drop a plate in to the sink, "I knew you'd see it my way"
……………………………
"Dude, are you okay?" Seth asked, staring at Ryan..
Ryan looked at Seth, his eyes wide and wild, breathing shallow and rapid, "Yeah, I'm fine, it just… the noise…"
Seth nodded slowly, "Kay there, bud… stay clean… off the drugs"
Ryan shot a look at him as Kirsten and Sandy entered the living room.
"Seth" Sandy said, "I think it's time for you to go to bed"
"Uhm… maybe.. except that I'm not seven any more dad… it's only eight"
"Seth" Sandy warned.
"Right, I'm feeling a bit peckish anyways, night Ryan, cya in the morning… I hope" Seth finished, jumping up and leaving quickly.
He knew when he was not wanted. That was fine, he'd just sneak down and talk to Ryan later.
Ryan closed up his books, stuffing them back in to his school bag.
"Got much more to do?" Sandy asked, sitting down beside Kirsten.
"Nope, I''m done it all, just doing extra reading" Ryan replied.
"Ryan… about today"
Here it comes, Ryan thought. He'd been dwelling on this since the ride home. Well actually since he almost hit the Dean with the bathroom door.
"It's fine, I'm already packed" Ryan told them, standing up to leave.
Sandy studied him quizzically, and Kirsten jumped up with Ryan, "Don't be silly Ryan, we're not kicking you out, we would never kick you out…"
Ryan swallowed tightly, hugging his bag to his chest, and sat down on the couch across from them.
"Ryan, we just want to know why you did it, son" Sandy asked.
Ryan thought of telling him. Telling them. Everything, about the money, about his mom calling. But he kept his mouth shut.
He would handle this like a man.
"Ryan, is there something… anything, you want to tell us, to help us understand?" Kirsten asked.
Ryan opened his mouth to say something, then stopped and shook his head.
"So you just decided to punch the mirror for no reason?" Sandy asked.
"Yea" he replied. He was really just protecting himself. Protecting them from what he was.
"Was it something about Marissa? Or a class?"
"Nope, just me and my messed up head" Ryan snapped.
Sandy and Kirsten sat back. "Look, kid, we really don't want to have to do this, but you're grounded for the next four days, okay?"
"Four days?" Ryan asked.
"You see the therapist on Saturday, earliest we could get you in" Sandy replied.
Today was Tuesday.
"Fine" Ryan replied, shrugging and getting up. "I'm gonna get some sleep" Ryan told them, starting to leave.
"Ryan" Kirsten called out when he got to the door.
He stopped, but didn't turn. "Yea?"
"Are you sure there's nothing you want to explain?" she asked.
"Yes"
For a moment Kirsten's heart fluttered, he wanted to talk!
"I'm sure" he finished, and her heart fell.
"Okay" she whispered, "Goodnight Ryan"
"Night" he replied.
……………………………
Seth was going stir crazy in his room. All he knew was that Ryan had taken out the bathroom mirror.
He needed to know why and Captain Oats wasn't spilling the beans.
Seth looked outside for what must have been the hundredth time since he got upstairs. He saw that the pool house lights were on. He would give Ryan a few moments to change, and then confront him.
They were brothers.
Seth had the right to know.
………………………………………..
Ryan dropped his bag at the foot of his bed and threw himself on to the bed.
He was messing it up.
His life here. He was screwing it up. He could feel Sandy's disappointment coming off in waves. And Kirsten's worry.
They must be so angry with him.
Ryan sighed, then reached over, grabbing the cordless phone from beside his alarm clock. He punched in the number he had memorised last night.
It wasn't hard to remember something if you stared at it long enough.
Someone picked up on the third ring.
" 'Lo" a male voice answered.
"Dawn there?" Ryan asked.
"Who's this"
"Dawn please" Ryan replied, recognising AJ's voice. He didn't want to get in to it with him.
"Bastard little punk" AJ said in to the phone, still bitter about their last meeting when Ryan had clobbered him.
"Dawn, yer kid's on the phone" he screamed in to the background.
Ryan waited for a moment, pacing back and forth in the pool house. He approached the door and opened it, he was starting to feel as though the room were stuffy.
" 'Lo?" a voice answered.
"Mom?" Ryan asked, stepping away from the open door so that no one would hear him.
"Ry? That you?"
"Yeah, how are you?" he asked.
Dawn laughed, letting out what sounded like a raspy bark, and Ryan grimaced, holding the phone away for a moment.
"Been better, you?"
"I got the money" he replied, not getting in to it. She didn't care. She only cared about herself.
"Really? Ry you did that for me?" Yea, Ma, I got it. One thing, You have to drive out here and get it. I can't get away from the house"
"Why not?" she demanded.
"It doesn't matter mom, I've got it, you just have to come and get it"
"Are you settin' me up?" she screamed.
Ryan sighed, rolling his eyes, "no mom, I'm not setting you up, I have the money, you have to come get it"
Ryan didn't see Seth almost walk in to the pool house, then stop and hide around the corner.
"Why I gotta drive all the way down there for… AJ ain't gonna be too pleased"
"Then don't bring AJ mom:"
"Ry, you gotta come back to Chino, you gotta drop it off to them, to Louis. They'll kill me if I do… an AJ still owes 'em his debt"
"I can't come up there ma, I've got too much going on –"
"You won't even come and help your ma out, what kind of son are you, what kind of family do I have!?"
Ryan bit his bottom lip, hard, drawing blood. "I won't do it mom, come down here, or no money"
"Ry-"
"NO!" he yelled into the phone, "I won't do this any more mom, I won't sacrifice myself for you any more, I won't sacrifice what I have here now, If you want your money, You can drive here and get it!" he yelled, them hung up the phone.
Ryan threw himself on the bed and closed his eyes, tears falling down his cheeks for the first time since his mom had thrown him from the house.
………………………………….
Outside the pool house door Seth went over what he'd heard. Obviously Ryan's situation was above and beyond normal Seth banter. Bandages wouldn't make this one go away.
He would come back and talk to him in the morning. Maybe on the way to school.
When Seth had a plan.
Right now, Ryan needed some alone time.
……………………………………
Ryan could feel sleep pulling at the edges of his eyes, and a soreness at the back of his throat.
He took another puff from his smoke. He'd already had four, sitting here waiting, from a pack he hadn't felt the need to touch since he came to Newport. His head was spinning, like he was drunk, and nausea was creeping up on him.
He was sitting outside the small little gate community that Kirsten and Sandy lived in. Dawn probably wouldn't be able to get through the gates this late. Not without a call to the Cohens anyways. He'd decided that getting a phone call at ten at night wasn't going to put them in their good graces, so he waited here.
For the past hour he'd waited here.
The drive between Chino and Newport, and he knew from experience, took roughly forty-six minutes.
Which meant they hadn't left right away. They were probably getting drunk. Or high. Or with any luck arrested.
He'd just finished that thought when a car came swerving up the street, tires squealing on the pavement. Ryan stood, taking one last puff from his smoke, then flicked it down the storm drain.
He waited for her to stop at the gate, then walked over to the car.
"Hey Ma" Ryan greeted her, eyeing AJ, who was driving, with a passive glance.
He took out an envelope from his pocket and handed it to her through the window, turning to leave.
"hey kid, not so fast, we're not through yet" AJ's voice pierced the night.
"Yea, AJ, we are finished. You got the money, you drop it off, send someone else to be the messenger, I don't feel like getting the shit beat out of me tonight for you"
"Get in the fuckin' car kid" AJ swore.
His mom didn't say anything. She just clutched the money in the envelope, staring straight ahead.
Ryan eyed the security booth, then realised he'd been hiding in the shadows all this time for no reason. At night you had to have a swipe card to enter. There was no guy controlling the gate.
No witness to the fact. No one to save him.
"See you around" Ryan said, beginning to walk away.
He heard a car door open behind him, assuming it was his mother to beg him to come, he turned.
It wasn't his mom. It was AJ.
Ryan took an offensive position, balling his fists and waiting.
"Get in the car" AJ said, "You're making this drop, like it or not" and it was then that Ryan saw the gun shimmer under the streetlights.
Pointed at him.
Ryan eyed AJ, not doubting he would be shot if he didn't comply.
"Are you drunk?" Ryan asked.
"Not your damn business you little shit, now get in the back"
Ryan sighed and walked over to the car, opening the back door to get in. He was just sitting down and lifting his legs in to the car when AJ slammed the door closed on his right ankle.
He gritted his teeth, but didn't cry out.
He knew this game.
The more noise you made, the happier AJ was. And Ryan never wanted to make AJ happy.