Facing the Past
Chapter Four
The whole drive back to Chino, Ryan kept asking himself why he hadn't just run. Why he hadn't hid past the gates where they couldn't find him.
He'd been drilling himself for the past hour, sitting in the back seat. It wasn't just the gun. The gun he could deal with, he'd seen them before. He'd had them pointed at him before.
The only reason that he could remotely come up with, was that Dawn knew where he lived. And if she told AJ, AJ wouldn't hesitate to show up at the door with that gun.
What if Kirsten answered the door?
He pictured it in his head, the look of fear on Kirsten's face. Suddenly the nausea rode up to his mouth.
Ryan swallowed it back.
What if Seth had answered the door? The kid would babble incoherently if he saw another gun. AJ would probably shoot the kid just to shut him up.
Sandy. Sandy was gonna be so pissed at him.
Ryan didn't realise he'd been biting his lip until it started bleeding again. The taste of salt and iron filled his mouth and he almost spit.
Almost.
In the seat up front AJ was driving, the gun no longer in sight. His mom stared straight ahead. She was on something.
AJ was drinking a beer.
He could run for it if they ever got to a stop light.
Thing was, next time he saw a stoplight would probably be in Chino. There wasn't a whole lot between the two places.
And then what would he do? Call Sandy and ask to be picked up? He snorted at the thought.
He could hitchhike, but doubted anyone would pick him up outside of the Los Angeles district.
He could just go and do it.
"You guys are taking me home after I do this for you" Ryan finally spoke.
"What makes you think that, you little shit" AJ cursed looking over his shoulder. The car swerved in to a different lane and Ryan held on to the door handle.
"If you don't, I'll go to the cops and tell them everything" Ryan threatened.
AJ turned back to the road and didn't say anything more on the subject.
Ryan didn't say anything either. He just watched the views pass, changing from time to time. It reminded him of the first time Sandy drove him home, to an abandoned house.
Except it had been light out for that trip. In essence it was the same. He was driving to Chino to get a beating. From AJ the first time. From Louis this time.
Ryan was so lost in his thoughts, that when the car stopped outside a small broken down house he made no move.
"Hey, Kid" AJ spoke, spittle landing on Ryan's face.
Ryan looked at AJ, and at his mom who was still facing the front.
"We're here, Louis is inside, we called to tell him you were comin'. We'll wait down the street."
Ryan grabbed the envelope of his own money and released himself from the car. He barely had time to close the door before AJ was barrelling down the street.
Ryan looked down at the envelope then up at the house. He knew that his place was only a few blocks away. He knew that the little shop Sandy had picked him up at was about forty minutes on foot.
Ryan inhaled deeply, shoving the envelope in to his left hand, then retreated up the stairs. He slammed his fist on the cheap wooden door and waited.
…………………………….
Dawn stared straight out the window, listening to AJ drumming his fingers on the steering wheel to the radio.
He opened another beer, chugging it down quickly then throwing the car our the window.
He lit a smoke, passing it to her, and then lit another one for himself.
"Lets go" Dawn felt herself saying.
AJ looked over at her, eyebrows raised in question.
"Your kid?" he asked.
"Lets go, I can't stay here and wait for them guys to find us. Ry will be okay. He can fight. He's not a softy"
AJ shrugged and threw the car in to drive, flooring the pedal.
…………………………………..
Ryan nearly jumped out of his skin when the door finally opened, swinging inward. Louis stood before him, eyes red and wild, strung out on something.
"Yea?" he leered.
Ryan held up the envelope, "Dawn's payment"
Louis grabbed the envelope from him and Ryan turned away, walking down the two cement steps.
"Hey kid, I know you?" Louis asked.
Ryan didn't answer, he just made his legs move faster.
A car pulled to the curb, and Ryan eyed it warily. At first he'd thought he could make a clean break, that Dawn and AJ had done what they said they would do.
Unfortunately it was not Dawn nor AJ who got out of the car.
"Where you goin, kid?" one of the guys asked him. He was wearing a white wifebeater, covered in dirt.
"Look, I'm just the messenger –" Ryan started, holding up his hands.
"Naw, I know you, you're that other kid, of Dawn's… yer Trey's brother.."
Ryan swallowed, dropping his hands to his sides, balling his fists.
"Dawn's kid, huh?" A voice asked from behind him.
Ryan turned to see Louis there.
His heart pattered wildly in his chest, sweat trickled down his neck.
"I know you then… you used to always do her pickups and drops… I've known you since you were this tall" Louis said, holding his hand at about Ryan's chest.
"That's great… great to remember old times but I've –"
His Seth-like banter was cut short as Louis drove a fist in to his gut. Ryan buckled over, clutching his stomach.
The rest of the guys in the car got out.
Then the fight began.
Someone clocked him from behind, right in the neck and Ryan nearly stumbled to the ground. Saving himself at the last minute he stood quickly, punching Louis in the nose.
He felt the satisfying crack it made, and the warmth of blood on his knuckles.
Which was when two guys grabbed him from behind, restraining him while the others got in on the action.
Ryan felt someone connect with his nose, causing his eyes to water. Everything was suddenly blurry.
He didn't know who it was that hit him in the right eye. Or the cheekbone.
He didn't know who had gotten a crowbar from somewhere and smashed it in to his side, and his already damaged knee.
He didn't know which one of them repeatedly punched his ribs, until he could feel them start to crack.
Ryan didn't know how long it was before they finally dropped him and went inside.
He didn't know how long he lay there, moaning and bleeding.
Ryan knew nothing but the fact this was going to be very hard to hide from the Cohens.
He rolled over, clutching his chest, and pushed himself to his feet, slowly. He could hardly see out of his right eye, it was already swelling.
There must have been a cut on his forehead too, because he could feel the blood drip down his face in to his mouth.
He shot a glance at the house, where they had disappeared in to, and remembered the number.
Slowly Ryan limped away from what had once been a weekly occurance.
When Ryan got to the corner, where Dawn and AJ were supposed to be waiting, he didn't hesitate. He knew they wouldn't be there.
He knew he hadn't misjudged them when he glanced around for cars.
He kept limping.
He needed to get to those payphones. The same ones that Sandy had saved him at before.
During his walk, Ryan mentally made a checklist of what was wrong with him.
Broken ribs. He could feel his shallow breaths, and had to keep stopping and sitting down.
When he coughed, there was no blood, so his lung wasn't punctured. That was good.
His left arm was incredibly sore and he couldn't even make his fingers move. Broken, he knew. AJ had broken that same arm once.
His head wound had stopped bleeding freely, which meant it wasn't too serious.
He was dizzy, so maybe a mild concussion.
He lost count after that, of all the small injuries he could feel stinging his body.
Ryan had checked his watch, lifting his left arm, painfully, to look at it. He was disappointed when he realised it was broken during the fight.
Somewhere in the night he heard a helicopter, and remembered his childhood with Theresa. They used to pretend those helicopters were looking for them. They would run and hide in bushes, laughing the whole time.
During his walk, Ryan truly realised how stereotypical his old neighbourhood was. It was the kind of place you would see in a movie, as a ghetto.
To Ryan it had always been home.
But now.. now Ryan couldn't wait to get back home. To lay in his warm bed, and wake up bathed in sunlight. To listen to Seth's breakfast banter, and Kirsten and Sandy try and get two words in themselves.
Ryan smiled, then winced.
He felt with his tongue then added missing tooth to his list of injuries.
By the time Ryan got to the payphone, and was able to check the time, it was nearly two in the morning.
Judging by when his watch was smashed, it had taken him nearly ninety minutes just to walk a few blocks.
Ryan picked up the phone, fishing for a quarter in his pockets. Coming up empty handed Ryan punched in to dial collect.
He'd have to pay them later. Louis had all his money now. And maybe his tooth.
Ryan listened to the operator, inserting his name when applicable. Then waited for the other end to ring.
When the line was finally answered it was a sleepy sounding Kirsten that picked up the phone.
"Ryan?" she asked. "Where are you?"
Uh, Hey Kirsten, could I talk to Sandy?" Ryan asked.
"You're not in jail are you?" she wondered out loud.
"No, not jail Kirsten. Don't worry, I just need a ride home."
Sandy must have taken the phone then because it was him who asked Ryan if he was drunk.
"No, not drunk" he said.
"Where… where are you Ryan?"
Ryan sighed, "I'm in Chino.. It's a long story Sandy.. could you.. can I just explain it to you on the way back?"
"Buddy, you have a lot of explaining to do on the way back" Sandy promised.
"I'm where you picked me up the first time"
"You better stay there" Sandy threatened, then softened his tone, "I'm on my way Ryan"
"Thanks Sandy" Ryan said, hanging up the phone.
……………………………….
Sandy's thoughts were muddled the entire trip to Chino.
He deliberately drove the speed limit so Ryan would have time to think about what he did. Almost like a temporary punishment.
When he finally pulled in to the variety store's parking lot he saw a lump waiting for him on the cement divider he had the first time. Sandy drove up and honked, wondering if Ryan was asleep.
The kid lifted his head from his arms and slowly straightened out, when Sandy finally realised that something was wrong.
He got out of the car right away and went to him.
"Ryan?" Sandy asked,
Ryan flinched at the voice and light, his head pounding now. "Yeah Sandy?" he asked, raising his head to look at him.
"Oh my.. Ryan what the hell happened to you!?" Sandy demanded, rushing over to him. He was glad he'd talked Kirsten out of coming. She would be flipping right now.
"Fight" he replied, pushing himself away from the wall.
"Just now?"
Ryan shook his head… " 'fore I walked here"
"Where did you walk here from, why didn't you tell me on the phone Ryan? Why didn't you call an ambulance instead? Or the police? Do you know who did this to you?"
Ryan nodded, "Can we talk later… I really wanna get home and sleep"
Sandy shook his head, taking Ryan's left arm then letting go when he let out a hiss of pain.
"Sorry.. think it might be broken" Ryan gave a half smile.
Sandy was trying to wrap his head around it. "You're going to the hospital Ryan. That's final"
"I-"
"Hospital, no excuses, now" Sandy said.
Ryan didn't try and fight back. Sandy sounded angry.
"I'm sorry" Ryan muttered when he was finally situated in the car.
"About what?"
"This" Ryan shrugged.
Sandy shook his head, "The only thing you should be sorry for right now is not telling Kirsten or I… or even Seth, what was going on. So tell me Ryan, why did you suddenly decide to visit Chino?"
Ryan shrugged.
"Look, you've got to talk. The police are going to want answers and you need to give them answers"
"No police" Ryan muttered.
"Oh there will be police. Who ever did this to you is going to pay"
Ryan stayed silent. Not if he didn't tell. That wasn't how things were done in Chino. If he told, he was a narc. If he was a narc, he would never have a place in Chino. Not now, not ever. Not to mention if anyone found out where he lived in Newport.
"If I tell –"
"Which you will" Sandy admonished.
"It could put you guys in danger… I won't be responsible for that"
"So instead you'll be responsible for whomever else this guy beats up?"
Ryan shrugged. "It's a Chino th-"
"You don't live in Chino Anymore Ryan" Sandy screamed. "You live in Newport, with us. You are our family now, you never have to go back to Chino. Why did you come back here tonight?"
Ryan shrugged.
"Ryan" Sandy warned.
"I didn't want to alright?!" Ryan finally snapped.
"Then why did you?"
They… he… I just wasn't left with a choice" Ryan finally stammered.
"Was it your mom?"
Ryan didn't say anything.
"What did she want?"
"What she always wants… money" Ryan spat.
"Why didn't you come to us?"
"She's not your mother, why should you have to take care of her?"
Sandy didn't know where to even start with that sentence.
"Ryan, she's your mother, you're our son, that makes her family, not to mention that you shouldn't be taking care of her, it's the other way around, why didn't you just walk away?"
Ryan snorted in reply, Sandy sighed, following the GPS voice to the hospital.
"We'll talk later, Ryan. I want. . we will want to know everything…"
"Great" Ryan muttered, staring out the window.
Sandy pulled up to the emergency doors at Chino Valley Med Centre, "You go get checked in, I'll park and meet you there in two minutes"
Ryan clambered from the front seat and limped his way through the door, well aware many eyes of waiting patients were on him.
He made his way to the sign in sheet at the nurse's station and signed his name, only to be prompted by the nurse immediately to sit down.
She took the clipboard and checked it, pulling the top sheet from under the clips she balled it up and chucked it.
Ryan had smeared blood on it.
"Ryan Atwood?" she asked, turning to her computer.
He didn't reply, but raised his brows in response.
"What happened to you?"
"I fell down some stairs" Ryan told her, rolling his eyes.
"He was in a fight" Sandy put in from behind him. "I want the police called and a report filed. I want every injury photographed and documented."
"And you are?" the nurse eyes Sandy.
"Sandy Cohen, Ryan's father and attorney"
"Father?" she asked.
"Yeah, problem?" Sandy asked.
Ryan smiled, feeling warm inside. Sandy had told her he was his son. Sandy was his father. He swallowed the lump in his throat.
"Look" Sandy said, leaning down to him, "I called Kirsten and told her what was going on. She wanted to drive up with Seth but I told her not to bother, we'd be back in a little while anyways. But she's upset. Don't be surprised if she won't let you go when you get home" Sandy joked.
Ryan smiled back tentatively.
"Ryan?" a nurse asked from around the corner. He turned to her.
"We have a bed for you right away"
Sandy nodded in approval as Ryan got up to follow her in.
………………………….
Plenty of bed rest and ice, the doctor had told him. He'd been prescribed some pain killers for his arm, which had been cast.
The wound on his forehead had required stitches so that it would heal properly. He had a mild concussion, which meant he'd have to be woken every three hours through the night.
They were supposed to watch for a fever and infection.
On top of that the police were called. A report was filed. Fortunately the Chino PD was so understaffed and busy at this point they said they'd have to send the investigators down to Newport.
Sandy hadn't told Ryan yet, but Children's Aid was also called, and a report filed there. There was no doubt there would soon be a follow up with the Cohens.
There was a chance they could lose him.
Sandy promised himself he would fight tooth and nail.
As he led Ryan slowly outside he felt Ryan tense, then pause. Sandy turned to him, eyes full of question. He met Ryan's eyes who were full of fear and realization.
"Ryan?" Sandy asked him.
Ryan could hear Sandy, but couldn't react. Almost like the rest of the world had gone silent except for one voice.
He knew that voice.
AJ.
He turned to it and saw the jerk talking with police. He was sitting on a stretcher.
Ryan felt everything go numb, and blackness sway him. Then he focused.
"She was driving" he told the officers, who were taking notes.
Who was she? Ryan asked himself. And even then he knew.
"- anything to drink?" one officer questioned.
"Yea… a couple.. she just lost her son you know.." AJ replied.
Ryan balled up his right fist and took a step towards the three of them, two cops, one AJ.
Sandy followed, holding Ryan back slightly. Was this man the one who had hurt Ryan?"
Ryan strode up to the three of them, and AJ looked up, his face contorting into wonder, then realization…
"Ryan?" he asked.
"Where is she? " he demanded.
"Wh…" AJ stuttered.
"What did you do with her? Where is she, where is my mom?" Ryan was yelling now, tears coming down his cheeks.
"She… she… we were driving and.."
"YOU were driving AJ, when you left me to get beaten to a bloody pulp!" Ryan yelled again, "WHAT HAPPENED?!"
"Kid!" the officer snapped, stepping between the two of them, "relax, what's your name?"
Ryan ignore the cop and pushed past him, Sandy standing helplessly by.
He grabbed AJ's collar with his right hand and pulled him forwards, staring him in the eye.
Ryan could smell the alcohol.
"Where. Is. Dawn. ?" he asked.
"She… she died Ryan… we were driving… she was driving drunk and she crashed…. Hit another car… she wasn't wearing her seat belt and she was thrown from the –"
Ryan shoved him backwards, letting go of his shirt collar. AJ quickly lost balance and toppled off the stretcher backwards.
All around them no voices spoke. There was just sobbing. And it wasn't AJ.
Ryan stood in the midst of chaos, his insides shrivelling. His heart slowing and breaking.
Dawn was dead.
His mother was dead.
He began to cry. Tears flowed down his cheeks and Ryan found it harder and harder to breathe. Sobs escaping him so loudly he couldn't control them. Couldn't shush them.
Ryan Atwood stood in the middle of the room, sobbing relentlessly in to Sandy's shirt.