(A/N) Hello!! Fifth chapter! I'm not sure how long this story will be- it depends on what direction I choose to take it in. At the moment I have three endings- the hugely depressing ending- the moderately depressing ending- and the rather happy but still depressing ending. Heh- tough choice. But in the end it will be whatever I feel fits right.

Anyway- as I say every time- enjoy the story and please take time to review!!!!!(Reviews make me smile:-)

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CHAPTER FIVE: It's Only Your Shadow, Nobody Else

Remus awoke with a loud yawn, stretching his thin arms out; he sat up and eased himself up from the bed. A red dressing gown had been hung on the door for him and he slipped it over his pyjamas and headed out the door. He could hear the early morning chatting over breakfast coming from the kitchen and he headed down, pausing to look out of the window that let in light on the landing.

It was raining outside- not heavily- but a nice misty sort of rain that felt good on your skin. Remus half smiled as he watched a muggle family outside sending their children to school. Remus had never had that- that normality- something had always been different about him- his lycanthropy, his shyness, Lucius- Remus bit his lip at that thought. Why did he have to remember? Why did he have to fall in love and why couldn't he have at least fallen in love with someone else? Someone that wouldn't make his life miserable, someone like Sirius, but he could never love Sirius and the reason was simple- because he loved Lucius and always would. Plus he had, well- taken advantage- of Sirius, and he could never forgive himself for that.

Suddenly Remus didn't really feel like going down to breakfast anymore. With a sigh he turned on his heel and headed back to his room- shutting the door tight behind him.

He sat on the edge of the bed, playing with the frayed red sleeve of the dressing gown. The morning sun shone through the half closed curtains, paler this morning because of the rain.

Remus felt empty- he felt like he wanted to do something, but there was nothing to do- he felt like he wanted to scream, but that would bring Sirius and Molly up to the room. He didn't want to make them any more concerned about him than they already were. No matter what he did he could not stop thinking about Lucius Malfoy. Every thought seemed to lead back to the silver eyed man.

Remus really wanted a drink- but he had left all his Fire-whisky at home, and even if he could go and get it he didn't think there was much left anyway. Sirius probably had some somewhere; after all, the black haired man had his own share of problems- Remus however, was not about to go and ask him for some.

Angrily he flopped backwards to lie down on the bed, closing his eyes he came face to face with pale white skin and white-gold hair. Remus gave a little, soft scream and opened them again, "Why?" he asked quietly, his fingers clenching in the bed-sheets.

Somewhere outside a dog barked and at the same time Sirius shouted up the stairs "Remus? Are you coming down for breakfast?"

Remus sighed and tied his hair back, making himself more presentable. He really should get it cut, but what was the point?

"Coming!" he called- plastering a smile on his face and heading down the rickety stairs.

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Sirius opened the door of the living room carrying a cup of tea in his hand. Remus sat on a ratty sofa reading an old copy of the Daily Prophet that Molly hadn't managed to throw out yet. "Hey," he said softly as Remus looked up- his amber eyes questioning.

He sat across from Remus at the other sofa and placed the tea down on the coffee table. "I made you a drink." He said, "Molly's gone shopping- she won't be back for a few hours."

Remus studied him for a moment and then placed the newspaper down on the floor and turned to face Sirius fully. "What is it?" he asked.

Sirius smiled at him, "Remus, I just want to say that…..well, I'm here."

Remus looked slightly puzzled and so Sirius continued, "I'm here; I'm here for you Remus. I want you to talk to me, whatever you have to say I won't judge you. You're the only one I have left and you're so important to me so when I see you like this I want to help you, in anyway I can."

Remus smiled tremblingly, a small tear slipping quickly down his face. As if embarrassed he looked down at the floor- turning his head away from Sirius. "How can you say that?" he asked shakily- still looking away. "How can you say that?" he turned back to face Sirius, his amber eyes full of pain and self-disgust. "How can you say that when I……when I did that……when I did that to you."

Sirius sighed. "Remus I forgive you for that, but it doesn't matter if I forgive you. You have to forgive yourself- I want you to forgive yourself. Don't worry about that anymore."

Remus's pale face crumpled completely, "I can't….I can't forgive myself, Sirius….I, I'm so sorry." He said- his head bowed sadly.

"Remus," Sirius said hopelessly. "Remus….your tea is getting cold."

There was silence and then a little sniffle of laughter came from under the honey and silver hair. Remus looked up, a little smile tugging at his lips, "I had better drink it then huh?" he asked.

"Yes." Sirius said seriously, "But Remus, even if you didn't drink it, I wouldn't mind because it was my choice to give it to you- it was always my choice."

Remus stared at him- his amber eyes wide and almost smiling. "I know- thank you." He said softly.

"It's alright now." Sirius said. "I forgive you, so please forgive yourself."

Remus nodded and took a sip of the lukewarm tea. "I'll try."

"Now, will you let me help you?" Sirius asked- his blue eyes sympathetic and caring.

Remus placed the tea back down on the table and looked up at the dark haired man, his eyes desperate and hopeful. "Sirius, if you want to help me. If you want to help me then keep me away from Lucius Malfoy. I need to forget him, if I don't I think I'll go insane."

Sirius started as if to say something but Remus shook his head. "He's everywhere Sirius. Everywhere I look he's all I see. I feel hollow without him and lost when I see him. I need to forget him."

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Severus Snape stood outside the door of Sirius's family house looking rather unhappy. He could not believe he was actually there- but, whatever he thought would help Lucius Severus would do. Grimacing he knocked at the large black door.

No answer came for a few minutes and Severus prepared to turn away, convinced no one was in. Just as he was descending the front steps the door opened. There- looking slightly puzzled as to what Severus Snape was doing on his doorstep- was Sirius Black, his deep blue eyes questioning.

"Good afternoon Black." Snape said stiffly, managing to contain his hatred. "May I come in?"

Sirius stared at him for a moment. Molly was still out and Remus had gone upstairs to sleep. "I suppose so." He answered finally, stepping aside to let the other man in.

Wordlessly he showed Severus into the living room and shut the door behind them.

"Nice house." Severus remarked, his upper lip curling slightly.

Sirius glared at him, "Look, Snivellus, did you just come here to insult my house or is there something else you want?"

Severus sighed- he hated Sirius, the very presence of the other man in the room made his skin crawl. But he had no choice- it was for Lucius- that was what he had to keep in his mind.

"Don't call me that." He snapped. "I'm here to discuss Lupin."

Immediately Sirius's face became closed and suspicious. "What about him?" he asked defensively.

Obsidian eyes stared into blue for a long moment and then Severus continued, pacing the length of the untidy room as he did so. "Well actually, the one I am concerned about is Lucius."

At the mention of the blonde man's name Sirius made a scoffing noise. Severus glared angrily at him. "I'm really very concerned about him. He's well….you don't really need to be told the details, but I feel it would be maybe best for the both of them if they could meet. Talk about things or at least just end it finally. All I know is that whatever it is they still have between them, it's driving Lucius insane- I don't know about Remus but surely he's the same."

Sirius scowled at him and pushed Severus out of the living room- he opened the front door and the Potions Professor stepped onto the front steps. "You're right." Sirius said, leaning against the door frame. "You don't know about Remus. You say Lucius is going insane? Fine- I don't care- let him rot. But Remus? He's stronger than that; he'll be fine as long as he never sees Lucius Malfoy again."

Severus glared angrily. "How do you know?" he hissed.

"He told me. He told me that the only way to help him was to keep that slimy bastard out of his sight."

Severus shook his head, "If you believe that you're even stupider than I realised." He spat before turning and making his way down the peeling white painted steps and away from Sirius.

Sirius stood dumbly for a moment in the doorway- his whole body shaking with anger. How dare he? How dare Snape presume to tell him that he was wrong about Remus's feelings? Sirius was Remus's best friend not Snape- what did he know about anything?

"You're wrong!" he shouted angrily at Snape's retreating figure.

No answer came and Sirius made an angry growl, glaring at no one in particular he retreated into the house and slammed the front door loudly.

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The curtains were still drawn in Lucius's bedroom- even though it was two o'clock in the afternoon he was still in bed. He lay on top of the covers- cold and shivering even though all the fires in the house had been lit early that morning by the house elves. Narcissa had been up- standing outside his door and shouting at him about work but Lucius had not even heard her.

His silver eyes stared wide and glassy up at the ceiling- he hadn't moved since Voldemort had left him at around three o'clock that morning. He looked like a statue or a waxwork- his skin as pale and cold as marble. "Remus." He mouthed quietly. He could smell Remus's scent, he could see his eyes and his hair and the whole of him in his mind's eye.

There he was, Remus, reaching over the bed to stroke away a stray blonde hair from Lucius's face. Smiling, Lucius extended a pale hand- reaching to touch Remus's smiling face.

But there was nothing there- only the shadows- the shadows of the past. Lucius whimpered and curled up into a ball, exposing the scars on his back that spelled out 'Mine'. "Remus." He whispered.

Why had this happened? He had continued for years pretending that everything was fine and then Remus had walked back into his life and every wall had fallen, every window had shattered.

Lucius let out another pathetic whimper and turned over slowly- reaching for the drawer beside his bed. It opened with a little creak and Lucius sat up to pull out a small, silver knife.

Staring into the darkness with wide, sad eyes Lucius raised the knife to his wrist. "Remus." He said, his voice shaking a little. "Remus I'm sorry- I love you- I always did and I always will. I just can't go on with this; I can't go on being Voldemort's, well…. It's too late anyway isn't it? I'm sorry."

Slowly he sunk the sharp blade into his wrist, his pale face showing no signs of pain. Instead a small, almost happy smile graced his lips as his eyelids fluttered closed. He dragged the knife across and sighed as the blood flowed down his hand. He moved the knife across to his other wrist and smiled widely as the blood flowed. The silver knife clattered to the floor as he fell back onto the white silk sheets. His arms spread out wide he looked like an angel- his wings created by the blood that soaked into the white silk.

Somewhere, deep in the recesses of his mind Lucius was dreaming. He was standing on a bridge looking over into a river. Slowly as his eyes became accustomed to the sun he made out the figure staring up at him from its watery grave.

It was himself, arms spread out, hair floating around his face and white blossom petals creating a halo around his head. His own silver eyes called to him, pulling him in. With a sigh Lucius stepped forward and found himself falling, floating down to join his own body in the water below. Somewhere in the distance he heard his name being shouted- it was Remus's voice- Lucius smiled as he hit the water. It was too late now.

(A/N) Okay- there we go- don't worry that is not the end! Please review!!!!!