Chapter 1- Default Chapter

I was so confused I didn't know what to do? Do I have the abortion or not? First I thought I shouldn't because I some how got sucked into the whole perfect image of a family that Craig had given me when I told him I was pregnant. You know we would have a boy and a girl and we would be happy forever. So I won't go through with it I won't have the abortion. But this is going to morph my body, and I'm not ready to take care of the kid. I don't know what to do I was just going to go with it.

I was in the waiting room waiting to get the baby out of me. I wasn't ready to have a baby but I wasn't ready to have an abortion either. This girl who looked like she wa atleast 16 came out crying her mom stood up and gave her a hug.

"I was so scared mom" she said

"It's ok"her mom said and they left

"Manny Santos." The nurse said

"Are you ready?" my mom asked

I just looked at her

I stood up. embarssed of what I was about to do. There where so many other girls there, some where adults some where teens but none of them looked as young as me. I hessitated to follow the nurse. I looked back at my mom and she gave me this look like go do it or your life is ruined. So I went I walked with the nurse. I saw a room it was called "The Crying Room" I think it's where girls cry once they are done with the procedure. We went into this room that said Dr. Hoboart.

"Take a seat Manny" The nurse said

I sat down on this cold brown chair. I was nervouse. My hands where getting sweaty, I was shaking, and I felt so cold. The nurse grabbed my hand.

"I know your nervouse, this is very hard Manny, including for someone as young as you are. You sure you want to go through with this?" she asked

I stayed quiet. Am I sure I want to go through with this?

"Ok don't answer that now." she said "Can you answer some questions for me?"

I nodded

"Ok..how old are you?" she asked

I was even to embarssed to say my age. "four..fourteen" I said

"Ok..how many months?" she asked

"One or two I'm not sure." I said

"Who is the father of this baby how do you know him?"

"His name is Craig Manning, he goes to my school, we sort of dated." I said

"Ok..is he aware of what you are doing?"

"Yeah, I told him before I came here." I said

"Do you have any questions?" she asked

"Does it hurt?" I asked

"They give you pain relivers so physicly no..but emotinaly and spitritualy yes because we can't give you pain relivers for that. Lots of girls go through break downs and stuff so it depends on who you are." she said

"Ok" I said

"Do you have anymore questions?" she asked

"No..not that I can think of." I said

"Ok the doctor will be here in a couple of minuets to see you." she said smiling and leaving the room

How could she be smiling at a time like this? I mean someone is going to kill their kid and your smiling. That is crazy. The docter came came in.

"Hi Manny" he said

I smiled

"So your one or two months pregnant?" he asked

I nodded

"Ok" he said "Now how about you go on the table looking thing and lay down." he said

I did as he had said. He looked at me.

"Now are you sure you want to do this? "he asked

It came back to this question. What was I going to do. Have a happy family with Craig and a baby, or have a happy family with Craigand no baby.

"Yes"

"Once you say yes we have to do it there is no way of reversing this process so are you sure you want to do this." he said

I looked at him.

"Your so young" he said

I just kept on looking at him and started to tear. I wiped my tears and sat up.

"I..I can't do it." I said

"So that means no" he asked

"Yeah that means no" I said

I got off of the table and walked outside of the room.

"Mannuela that was fast." my mom said

"I didn't do it" I mumbeld

"What?" she asked

"I couldn't do it mom" I said "I was too scared." I started to cry

"It's ok my Mannuela" my mom said "We'll be fine."

"Susan Johnson" The nurse said

A girl who looked about the same age as me stood up and looked at me.

"Good luck" I whisperd

Shee nodded and said thankyou

We left the abortion clinic. We left and I hope that I will never be there again.

When we where on our way home we where silent no one said a word. But my mom broke the silnce.

"I didn't want you to go through with it either Mannuela." she said "I was in the waiting room saying my rosary hoping that you wouldn't do it."

"Then why. Why did you drive me there? If you didn't want me to go through with it."

"Because I thought it was what you wanted Mannuela." she said "I thought you didn't want this baby. I didn't think we would beable to handle it anyways. I mean I'm a single mother trying to make ends meet with a fourteen year olddaughterand a 16 year old son who dropped out of highschool. But now with Gods grace I think we can do it."

My mom is very religouse. It started when I was born and our dad left us. Since then she makes us go to church together and she has crosses and everything everywhere. It's just crazy but it's my mom.

"So what are we going to do Mannuela?" she asked

That made me think of Craig and when I think of Craig I feel happy. I had a huge smile on my face.

"That shouldn't be good" she said smiling back

"Craig and I are going to get married and have kids mommy." I said "And we're going to live happily ever after."

"Oh don't give me that bull shit." she said

"Mom" I said

"Don't mom me, thats exactly what your papa said when I was 15 and having your brother but did he stick around no, he went off with his brothers girlfriend and got married." she said

"But mom, Craig isn't a drunk like papa he means things when he says it." I said

"Did he mean it when he told you he was going to break up with that Ashley girl durning Christmas?" she asked

My mom was right. Craig said he was going to break up with Ashley but he didn't how was I supposed to trust him now. No stop it Manny no negative thoughts.

"Mom that was last year ok." I said "He's changed."

"It's wasn't last year it was 2 months ago, that was December and now it's February" she said

"Exactly last year." I said

"I just don't want you coming home and crying your heart out, and not taking a bath, and not eating, and staying in bed all day. I mean you where just a mess "Last year" " she said

"I wasn't that bad" I said

"Oh yes you where. and I don't want to go through that again and it will be worse becaues your pregnant" she said

"You won't because Craig said he loved me and he means it this time." I said

"Whatever" my mom said

"I'm just happy that you didn't go through withthe abortion, because I know it was hard for me." she said "Damnit"

"What? you had an abortion?" I asked

"I was not ready for a third kid ok...I just didn't have the time." she said

"Mom" I said

"I dream about her everyday." she said starting to tear "My little baby girl..I just wasn't ready Manny...I already had you and your stuborn brother, I just couldn't have another one."

Only my mom can do it. She can be all happy and then be all sad crying and then be happy again. It's always been that way from when I was born but Martin (my brother) said it started after dad left.

"I'm sorry mom" I whisperd

"It's ok" she said wiping the tears with her sleave "I have you and unfortunatly your brother so it's ok I'm happy I'm fine."

We got home and I ran upstairs to my room. I jumped on my bed and thought about what a big decison I just made, I feel so grown up. I called Craig to tell him the great news.

"Hello" he said he seemed kind of sad

"Craig" I said very cheerfully

"So Manny, how does it feel to be un-pregant?" he asked

"I don't know, I've never been un-preagnet"I said

"What do you mean your un-pregnant now ? You had the abortion" he asked

"No..I didn't, I thought about the description you gave me of our happy family and I couldn't go through with it." I said

"So there is still a baby, I'll be there in 10 minuets ok?" he said

"Ok" I said

Craig and I where officioly going to be together. We where going to have a family and be husband and wife. Forever.