I know I've messed up but that isn't the point anymore. Mamma thinks that I'm a horrible rotten person for not giving this baby to Gwen. How am I horrible for doing that? Did I cause Gwen to fall and loose her baby? Did I drag her ass out of that hospital? Everyone is willing to overlook everything she has done but are never willing to look at what she has done. She killed Sara. She took her child's life and she knows she did. Mamma knows it, Whitney knows it, Chad knows it, Fox knows it, and deep down so does Ethan. Denying this fact isn't going to make the truth go away. How can Ethan want to stay with woman that killed his own child? People say I have no morals, but I'm beginning to think that Ethan is farther away from the moral road than me. Maybe even farther than Gwen.
You know if I hadn't just found outthat my husband left me for another woman, I'd be in Theresa's room belittling her and trying to make her see the real truth. Ethan doesn't love her and has told her millions of times. He loves Gwen and wants a family with her. He and Gwen deserve a child after all the heartache Theresa has put them threw. Poor Gwen did not deserve to loose Sara. I can't help but feel sick that my daughter caused that pain for Gwen. Ethan chose to marry Gwen and Theresa's is just going to have to except that fact. Her talks of fate drive me crazy. Fate has never been on her side. Tell me, where was fate when Julian took advantage of her? Or, how about the time that she was sent to jail for his death? How about the time that it was revealed that she ruined Ethan by telling the tabloid who is real parents were? Where was fate when she lost the Crane Empire? Where was fate when we lost our home, jobs, and way of life? Tell, where was fate then? Fate has never been on Theresa's side. It's time that she faced that fact.
You know as time passes by I feel more ashamed that I'm Theresa's best friend. The other day Theresa told me she needed the support of her best friend and I told her to find a new one and I meant it. Why should I be her best friend when she's screwing with people lives? Why can't she just live by my morals? It's not real hard. As soon as someone does something that you don't like you just ignore them and move on. Slapping them across the face works as well! My mother deserved to be slapped. She wasn't pure or perfect like me. If you're not like me, then something is obviously wrong with you. I'm so virtuous and moral that I set an example for everyone. I'm not a hypocrite or a bad person. I'm one of Harmony's finest citizens.
You know tonight after talking to Theresa and begging her to let Gwen have her child, she still refused. Why doesn't she get this through her head? She and I will never be together again. I have hurt Gwen enough and will never do it again. Rebecca is wrong. Gwen is my life now and not Theresa. I don't even think about her anymore. Even though I keep saying her name that doesn't mean anything. It just means I know how to say her name! Theresa and I were the past and Gwen and her baby are my future. I won't let Theresa take this baby from Gwen. I won't let her take another baby from her. She has already done enough to Gwen. She doesn't deserve this. I owe Gwen a lot. She was there for me when Theresa was found for out for taking the Crane empire from me. She was there when it was revealed that she had gotten pregnant by Julian. She has always been there for me. She has never done anything to ruin our relationship or our friendship; I'll never leave her for that.
What Theresa is doing for me will help me keep Ethan for good. I knew that Ethan only married me because I was pregnant but I like to pretend otherwise. It let's me play the victim more efficiently. I've gotten so good at playing the victim that I actually forget I'm pretending. It's so funny how one can do that. My mother says that Theresa is going to take away this child from me but I just don't believe that. I know Theresa has done some horrible things to me like killing Sara and stealing Ethan but that is all in the past now. Theresa can not hurt me anymore.
How am I going to tell that ungrateful daughter of mine that her father is back with some whore. That Mrs.Wheeler is that whore and that Mr. Wheeler is her father. Maybe by telling her she will go into early labor and loose the baby. Then she won't have any baby to bargain with and all can go back to normal. My daughter will never again be able to hurt poor Gwen . Theresa will learn the hard way that Gwen and Rebecca are just too tough for her to fight and will then give up and let them raise lil Ethan. Of course, I will curse them to hell because that's what I do best. Sit back, berade my children for standing up for themselves, abandoned my children, and then justify our burdens by yelling at our enemy.
You know I'm so sick of mamma. One minute she's throwing Rebecca in a grave and the next she's yelling at me for exacting revenge on my enemies. Where is any of this right or fair to me? I'm so sick of having to fit into her mold of what is right and what is wrong. The same goes for Whitney. I wish that for once, Whitney would be in a situation where she had no choice but to do what was right for herself and for a loved one. Maybe that day will come when she gets pregnant. I just wish for once she'd knew what it feels like to be backed up into a corner.