Facing the Past
Chapter Seven
He couldn't remember falling asleep. Couldn't remember why he would even fall asleep, in the middle of the day. But he did remember waking up.
Ryan opened his eyes slowly to find Marissa hovering over him, a worried expression across her face. When their eyes met, she smiled.
"I thought you might be –" she cut herself off, embarrassed.
"Dead?" Ryan asked, raising his eyebrows.
As if an Atwood could be so lucky.
Then again.
Ryan sighed, "I'm sorry, it was just a joke"
"No, no, it's okay… " Marissa said, leaning back and sitting cross legged on his bed.
Ryan pushed himself up using his right arm, slowly. "So what's up?" he asked.
"I.. thought we could, you know, talk about what happened."
Well, at least she was to the point, Ryan thought. "Sure… I guess" he hesitated.
"Look, if you don't feel comfortable telling me.."
"No, it's not you Marissa, I just.."
"You don't like talking" she pointed out.
Ryan smiled softly, silence filling the room for a moment.
"So.. you're okay then?" she finally asked.
"Yea.. I'm fine.. I mean, I'm sure I look worse than I feel" he shrugged.
"I hope so…" she smiled, "because you look horrible"
"I see you missed the class on conversation etiquette when you were little" Ryan joked.
Marissa made a face, laughing. " I see you missed all your classes"
He shrugged, " When you're seven, you just can't pass up a game of ball at the park"
She shook her head slowly, and they both knew what was coming next.
"What did happen.. Ryan.. to you?"
He inhaled deeply, staring at the blankets on the bed, picking off the cotton beads. "My mom happened.." he said, in way of explanation.
She didn't prod him to go further, just listened.
Ryan's mind worked quickly, attempting to process the story while taking out details such as AJ's gun, or his less-than-willing attitude.
"She needed money… to pay off these guys… so.. I ended up giving her all my money from the crab shack. When I made the drop, I guess the guys weren't in such a great mood, cause the next thing I really remember is walking ninety minutes to get to a payphone… and that's the story"
"Are you filing charges? I mean, whoever did this, they should be put in jail"
"Sandy's pressing charges, as my guardian"
"You mean.. you don't want to?"
Ryan curled his lips inwards…"That's not.. exactly how things are done in Chino…"
"But you live here now.. for good, don't you?"
"I grew up in Chino, Marissa… I… my whole life until this summer I was raised to deal with things as they came at me… like a man. "Fights…drugs….beatings… when I was younger the police weren't on my side Marissa. We didn't call them when one of us got jumped, we just took care of it ourselves…. "
"But you don't have to hide from them anymore Ryan, this time, you didn't do anything wrong!"
He shook his head, agitated, "There's more to it than that Marissa, you just don't understand"
"Then explain it to me" she told him.
Ryan stood up, quickly, "It's something that you wouldn't understand"
Marissa stood up too, now getting upset, "Not if you won't explain it to me!" she cried.
Ryan could feel his heart thumping loudly, he knew his blood pressure must be rising. And he knew he had to get out. She wouldn't understand. She couldn't understand. She was Marissa. She'd grown up here, in Newport. She hadn't had to worry about bills or her mother's boyfriends or a brother who was nearly getting arrested every other week.
"Don't worry about it!" he finally shot back.
"I want to know"
"I don't want you to know" Ryan stared at her. He knew he'd said something wrong. He could see it in her eyes. The tears that had suddenly sprung from nowhere. The pain written across her face, as if he'd slapped her.
Marissa turned and ran.
Ryan punched the wall with his good hand, causing the drywall to crumble. His knuckled bled.
"Great" he muttered, walking to the washroom. What was one more injury?
……………………………….
Sandy opened the front door, not sure who to expect.
A woman, probably mid-forties, with brown hair tied back stood at the door. She was dressed casually, holding a clipboard.
"Yes?" Sandy asked, a sinking feeling in his stomach.
"You must be Sandy Cohen" she greeted, holding out her hand.
Sandy shook it, "You must be the social worker" he replied.
"Kate" she nodded.
"Come in… " he stepped back away from the door, holding it open for her.
"Thank you, you have a lovely home" she commented.
"My wife's.. well, her dad's, as he so often enjoys reminding me" he smiled.
Kate smiled quickly. Fakely.
Time to lay off the jokes, Sandy told himself.
"Come in and sit down, I'll go hunt everyone down" Sandy told her.
"Thank you" she smiled, following him through the kitchen and in to the sitting room, where she seated herself.
"Kirsten" Sandy knocked urgently on the door.
"Yea?" she asked, leaning back from the desktop of papers piled in front of her.
"We have company" Sandy told her.
"Oh.. " she smiled, then it faltered, "who?"
"Kate…the social worker" he nodded.
"Oh" Kirsten bit her lip. "We haven't even had time to tell Ryan" she pointed out.
"Yea, I know" Sandy told her, "So lets just keep our knowledge to ourselves"
She nodded.
"I'll get Seth.. you go… entertain.. but no jokes, she doesn't seem to like jokes.. or at least not mine"
"That's because you make bad jokes, Sandy" Kirsten pointed out, walking down the stairs.
Sandy knocked on Seth's door lightly, then opened it slightly.
"Seth?" he asked.
"Uh.. yeah?" he asked. Sandy heard him jumping off his bed.
"Uh.. Kate the Social Worker is downstairs… to talk to us about Ryan"
Seth studied his father, "and what would she like to know about him"
Sandy shot him a stern look.
"Okay, be down in a minute, geez"
………………………
Ryan was reading through the newspaper article for the tenth time when his stomach let out a loud growl.
Food. Something he hadn't had much of since…when had he last eaten a proper meal? Ryan couldn't remember.
His mind was muddled with mixed images.
His mother. Marissa crying. AJ. Louis. Marissa again.
He needed food. Food would clear his head.
Ryan opened the sliding glass door, spotting Kirsten sitting in the living room. "Hey, Kirsten, are there any leftovers from dinner?" he asked, closing the door behind him and stepping further in to the room.
Kirsten had company.
"Sorry" he apologized, "I'll just.. I'm going this way" he muttered, thumbing towards the kitchen.
The woman whom Kirsten was sitting with stood, suddenly, her eyes studying Ryan. "I heard there was a fight but.."
Ryan stopped, and turned, shooting Kirsten a glance. She couldn't meet his gaze.
"I'm sorry" the woman apologized, "I'm Kate" she explained.
Ryan raised his eyebrows, prompting for more.
"I'm with Children Services Ryan. They assigned me to your case after your visit to Chino Valley Medical Centre. I'm looking in to your… home situation.
Ryan felt his mouth go dry, and his palms sweat. His home situation?
"so.. do you…enjoy living in the pool house… Kirsten was telling me that's where you sleep"
Ryan didn't like this person. Not because she was a social worker, he'd met plenty of them before. But because she was so goddamn nosy.
He knew the drill.
Ryan put on a bright smiled, "The pool house is great, really, I'm just going to go grab a bite to eat" he turned quickly, rolling his eyes and escaping in to the kitchen.
Seth was taking residence on a stool already.
"Hey buddy.. so.. haven't talked to you in.. well ages" he commented.
"Hey Seth, why is Kate here?"
"Oh, is that her name? I wasn't sure exactly…"
"Seth" Ryan warned
"Man, I don't know.. well, I mean, I do. I'm sure we all do really."
Ryan sat himself on a barstool.
"Anything to eat around here?"
Seth handed him a box of cereal he'd been munching from, "dig in"
"Cocoa Puffs" Ryan said.
"I knew you could read" Seth pointed out.
Ryan smiled. It almost felt… normal. He'd missed Seth's light hearted banter.
"Actually it was a guess" Ryan admitted.
"Well… good guess…next week we'll try you with something harder, like Muslix"
"We have Muslix?" Ryan asked, making a face.
"Mom has Muslix… but we both know mom is a little…strange"
Ryan wrinkled his nose in distaste, "She can't cook, she can't choose cereal…"
Seth slid around on the stool, "She can make houses though" he pointed out.
"Until I burn them down" Ryan shrugged.
"All in good fun… plus, essentially, it was my sleeping bag that caught fire so quickly…if it had been… say some nice wet reeds you'd been sleeping in, probably would have burned down"
"Aren't sleeping bags supposed to be non-flammable?" Ryan asked.
Seth shrugged, "Maybe Sandy and Kirsten rigged it. I knew they were being too pushy for me to go to summer camp"
"Summer camp" Ryan snorted.
"Hey, I didn't go.. well… Sailing camp but-"
Ryan laughed, "You went to sailing camp?"
"Please, Ryan. Years dealing with water-polo jerks… I got enough of it.."
"Sorry.. it's just… I mean in Chino we didn't have anything but Day camp, you know what that was? Designated mom day."
"Designated mom day?"
"The one designated wasn't allowed to drink, and therefore, in charge of the kids."
"Sounds like a ball" Seth shook his head.
"Well.. it was after the designated mom passed out drunk"
"But you said-"
Ryan shot him a look.
"Right. Chino. Buncha bad-asses over there."
Ryan swatted him playfully in the head.
……………………………
"The only reason I bring up the pool house, it because it may just offer Ryan too much freedom, as well as make him feel a little…detached from the rest of the family."
"With all due respect… I'm sure Ryan doesn't feel detached. We make it quite clear he's a part of this family now"
"But does he really understand it? Does he feel it? These are the questions you need, and I need, to ask yourselves. We all want what's best for Ryan here"
"Of course we do.. but I don't think living arrangements are necessarily a concern. He seems to enjoy living out there. He can come and go as he pleases…"
"Have you ever given him a curfew?" Kate asked.
"Well, on school nights we ask both him and Seth to be home for ten. Weekends are situation pending"
"Situation pending?" Kate persisted.
"Ryan's girlfriend, for example, has been having some problems and a few… later nights have been required."
"Has he ever been grounded?"
"He's grounded right now"
"Because of his trip to Chino?" Kate asked.
"No, before that… he skipped a couple classes to do with.. what we told you earlier. Kirsten and I decided it would be best if he were grounded until Saturday"
"And.. what is Saturday?"
"Uh.. Ryan has agreed to see a therapist to help him work through some of his issues"
"And this isn't a… forced agreement?" Kate pursued.
"No, it was brought up and he seemed to go for it."
Kate nodded, seemingly pleased.
"And how is his relationship with your son.. Seth?"
"It's.." Sandy shook his head slowly.
"Not good?" Kate asked.
Sandy laughed loudly, "just the opposite. It's amazing how those two are together. They just seemed to.. to bond instantly. Ryan has really done some great things for Seth, brought him out in to the open a little bit more. Vice versa as well. We couldn't be happier the way things turned out between them."
"Well that sounds very positive" Kate smiled. "If you both don't mind.. I wish to speak with Ryan now.. alone"
Kirsten bit her lip, and Sandy nodded, standing quickly. "We'll get him" Sandy smiled.
"Oh and.. don't forget about what I suggested" Kate added, nodding to the folder in Kirsten's hands.
Sandy looked at Kate, then the folder. "We won't… thanks"
……………………………
"Hey guys, nice of you to join the party, what's going on?" Seth demanded, seeing his parents' faces.
"Uhm, Ryan, Kate would like to speak with you now" Kirsten said.
Without a word Ryan got up and left the kitchen.
"Way to ruin his good mood guys" Seth remarked, "I totally had him going.. we were bonding like two people in the middle of Armageddon"
Sandy shot his son a worried look.
"Not like that" Seth glared back, "But really, we were doin' good, like old time y'know."
……………………………..
Ryan surveyed the woman from behind prior to entering the room. He stood in silence while she went over her clipboard with her pen, then began to study the view through the sliding glass doors.
He cleared his throat and she jumped, turning in her seat.
Ryan smiled, "You wanted to… talk?" he asked.
"Yes.. I would like that… have a seat Ryan" she directed him to the abundance of seating. Like it was her home.
Ryan sat off to the side of her a little, facing the view outside. The Infinity pool. The beach house. The pool house.
She seemed to be waiting for him to say something. He didn't.
"Well then.. I guess you know why I'm here"
"Yep" Ryan told her.
"I'm here for you, Ryan" she told him. "Kirsten, Sandy and I… we all have one thing in common. We all want to see what's best for you"
"Then let me stay here" Ryan said simply, meeting her eyes for the first time.
She seemed surprised at his bluntness. Surprised he was so open. She smiled. "It seems very nice here, doesn't it. Right at the beach… a pool house all to yourself.."
"I told you, the pool house is great. The beach is great. The Cohens are great. Everything is fine, you don't even need to be here."
"If that's the case, Ryan. Why is it that since you've gotten to Newport, you've been in numerous fights… and it says here you may have even burned down a house…"
"The house was before the Cohens took me in for good. So were a lot of those fights" he pointed out.
"But not all of them, right Ryan?"
"No, not all of them.. but what do you expect.. where I come from… I'm not perfect, I can't just change who I am, who I was, overnight"
Kate said nothing, for once.
"Look. Kate you said your name was. I like it here. Things are starting to settle down. I'm happier now than I ever could have been in Chino, why don't you just leave well enough alone?"
"If everything was so great here, Ryan, why did you go back?"
"That was.. it had nothing to do with my life here. That had to do with Dawn"
"And Dawn is your biological mother?"
"Was" Ryan corrected.
She nodded, "How are you dealing with that?"
"I'm dealing"
"Look, Ryan, I can't help you unless you open up-"
"You're not my shrink" he told her.
Kate bit her lip and Ryan leaned his head back in to the cushions.
"I'm sorry" he explained… "Things are just.. they're rough right now. But I'm getting through them, and I know that if I ever need it, Sandy, Kirsten and Seth are right there to help."
"You didn't ask them the other night for help" Kate pointed out.
"I'm learning" he shot back. "Look, this may not mean anything to you, but when I came here, I didn't trust anyone, I didn't even trust myself, my decisions. Now.. in just the few months I've been here, I've learned to trust myself, I'm learning to trust others. It won't come all at once, and I'm not saying I'll never make another mistake… but if you guys take me away now… you're just going to ruin that whole progress, everything I've learned."
"And you've learned…."
"To Trust" Ryan told her, meeting her eyes with intensity. "Trust is the most common necessity for life, and now I have that. I've learned that I have a better chance of making something of myself here than I ever could have had in Chino. I've learned that you don't always have to fight.. and I've learned…. I've learned that family isn't supposed to just give up on you, and pack up the house while you're gone…"
Kate smiled, "You are a very smart young man, Ryan. I have no doubt you will make something of yourself one day."
Ryan gave her his half grin.
"I think that I have everything I need." Kate said, looking down at her clip board. She stood up from the chair, smoothing out her black dress pants. Ryan stood, offering her his hand.
She took it, shaking it firmly, "I hope you heal up soon, I hear you play a hell of a game of soccer" she grinned, walking towards the kitchen.
Sandy stood against the counter, his arms wrapped around Kirsten, Seth was still at the counter and almost fell off the barstool when they both entered.
Sandy eyed her impatiently.
"I'd like to say that you're all doing a great job. I'm recommending that the case be closed again, but I also want you to know that I'm not the last word on this. I just perform the interview and make a recommendation. But I really don't think you guys have anything to worry about.. unless Ryan decided to burn down another house" she winked at him.
"Hey.. we were so just talking about that-" Seth began to babble excitedly.
Kate left shortly after, leaving behind a very happy, very relieved Cohen family. It was one less thing on their plate.