A/N: So.. I realise I've been updating quickly, and I know you all appreciate it, but here's the thing. I start work on Sunday.… so I'm not sure when the next update will be. I'll try and keep going at it, maybe a chapter a day or so, but I really can't promise anything, as I signed my soul over to my workplace. Sorry guys, gotta pay the bills.

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Facing the Past

Chapter Nine

"Well you're in a good mood" Kirsten remarked to her husband sarcastically. Sandy turned to face her, eyeing the kitchen. They were alone.

"I got some news" he told her, nearly throwing his briefcase on to the counter.

Kirsten stopped what she was doing and waited.

"A.J., turns out, has been released, apparently, they have nothing to hold him on as of yet, he got himself a lawyer."

"Sandy.. you're a lawyer"

"I know that" he replied, "But letting someone like.. like A.J. back on the streets? I don't like him Kirsten, at all. From the little things that Ryan lets slip I know there's more to him. I'm even willing to bet that Ryan sugar-coated the whole going to Chino thing for him, and I can't figure out why" he sounded exasperated.

"Uh.. Sandy, I hate to be the Devil's Advocated but… you got Ryan released from juvie after he stole a car… "

"In to our care. And plus, Ryan is a good kid, I knew that when I decided to help him. This is different, this is AJ. Even Dawn said he was no good when she was here" Sandy continued.

"Hey" Ryan greeted from the patio doors, pulling them closed.

He saw Sandy jump about a foot, then noticed hi dishevelled appearance. Like he was angry.

What had he done? Ryan wondered. He tried to figure it out. Maybe they'd found out about Seth and him sneaking out the other night?

"Sorry" he offered. But in his general experience, Sorry was not enough to feed the beast.

Now Sandy looked confused, "Sorry?" he asked.

"Yea.. uhm… never mind" Ryan told him, sitting down at the counter.

"I have to tell you something, Ryan"

Here it comes, thought Ryan. Amidst all this mess that was his life, there was still a lecture from Sandy. He waited.

"AJ called me today" Sandy began, noting that Ryan visibly tensed at the mention of his name. "He says he's been released, the police have nothing to hold him on. He wants to… attend your mother's funeral this afternoon"

Ryan felt his body go numb, which despite the cuts and bruises was not a pleasant thing. AJ wanted to go to his mother's funeral? The one that Sandy and Kirsten had arranged and Ryan had, apparently, forgotten about.

They'd told him this morning, he remembered, after it had been arranged.

His mother's funeral was tomorrow. Then on Saturday, he got to see the therapist.

"Whatever" he said, more or less to clear his mind.

"You.. don't care if he comes?"

"What?" Ryan snapped back to attention.

"AJ?" Sandy asked him, confused now. What had he said 'whatever' to?

"Yea, sure… I mean, a funeral's no place to hold grudges, right?" Ryan forgot why he had come in to the kitchen, so he stood up and left.

"You know Sandy, I think maybe our sixteen year old son just handled this situation more maturely than yourself"

Sandy said nothing, but shot Kirsten a teasing glare. "I just don't want him there" Sandy sighed as Kirsten began rubbing his shoulders.

"Well.. he has as much right in a way to see her off than anyone else, right?… Just don't make a big deal out of it. You don't want him there, don't talk to him. You don't have to be his best friend just because he's the same place as you Sandy"

"I know, I know… you're right" he admitted.

"As always" she inserted, getting a laugh out of Sandy.

"Oh, I almost forgot" Kirsten said, "The police called today about getting an interview with Ryan, and a statement. They wanted tomorrow, but I told them the earliest we could see them was Sunday… they're supposed to be dropping by the house sometime after lunch."

"What a week end. And Ryan's going back to school on Monday?"

"According to him" Kirsten replied, a little defensive, " I think he needs some time to.. get over all of this, accept it… before he goes back to school."

"You know Kirsten" Sandy began, "I think our sixteen year old son is handling this situation more maturely than you" Sandy smiled.

……………………………………

Ryan still had no plan, as to what to do about the Symingtons. He knew that the time to do it would be Saturday, but his therapist appointment was at three in the afternoon.

The paper said that the memorial would begin at eleven. It was enough time, wasn't it? He could get there, maybe do a little recon and figure out how he could help this family.

The trick was, how would he get there, without telling Kirsten and Sandy where he was going?

He could just tell Kirsten and Sandy he had some errands to run, but that he would be at the Therapists by three.

Too bad he was still grounded.

Seth. Seth could drive him, be his chauffeur. But then Ryan highly doubted Seth would want to do that.

He said 'we' Ryan thought, as in 'we' need a plan. He said he would help, and Ryan finally knew how he could help.

……………………………..

Ryan woke from his light slumber as his alarm clock went off. He reached over with his good arm, smacking the thing until it was silent.

Without opening his eyes he knew what day it was.

Friday. Today was his mother's funeral. Today himself and all the Cohens had to drive to Chino to pay respects to someone they hardly knew. Someone Ryan wished he hardly knew.

He cracked open his eyes, unsure of what to expect, and found that today, just as every other day in California, was sunny. A bright blue sky stood and met with the sparkling waters of the Pacific at the horizon.

It seemed so…. Normal.

Like today, to everyone but himself, was just a normal day. No. Life hadn't stopped because his mother had died. The world hadn't been rocked from it's course and ultimately destructed.

The world lived on while he sat on his bed, staring out in to the ocean, thinking about his mom.

It almost wasn't fair. Fair that he had to go through this while everyone else got to carry on as per normal.

Was he ready for this? Ryan asked himself. Was he ready to say goodbye?

It surprised him when the answer came back yes. And then he realised that he had, in fact, been ready to say goodbye since the night Sandy had originally picked him up.

While he had sat, waiting for Sandy to find him after being thrown out of the house, Ryan had had a lot of time to think. He'd been ready, mentally preparing himself to say goodbye.

It was just fluke that Dawn had come back in to his life so many times. He'd been ready when he burned down Kirsten's development and started hitchhiking. Because at that point, standing at the side of the road, Ryan had figured out something.

That he didn't have any family. He had given up on it. When he was leaving Newport, he was on his way somewhere. He didn't know where, just where he wasn't going. Chino was one. Back to Newport was the other.

And look at him now. All because of Luke, the one person who had wanted him here even less than Ryan had originally wanted to be here himself.

Ryan was ready to say goodbye to his mother.

……………………………………

Everything about today had been awkward so far. Ryan waking up had been awkward, to find that the world hadn't stopped over night.

Walking in to the kitchen, and trying to carry on a normal conversation, that was awkward.

To top it all off, the four of them were now stuck in the rover with each other. Awkward was definitely the operative word this morning.

Even Ryan felt awkward, sporting his fresh pressed suit from Kirsten, and a tie. And as some ironic twist of fate, he was dressed like this while going back to Chino. Chino, the city he'd grown up in. The city that wouldn't hesitate to steal the shirt off your back, good shirt or not.

Ryan wasn't sure how much this suit had cost, exactly, but he was willing to bet it was more than his entire Chino wardrobe combined.

The ride was so awkward, that even Seth couldn't make a plausible joke. Instead they were all, a little too intently Ryan thought, studying what they saw out the window.

"Where'd you live, Ryan?" Kirsten asked, trying to make conversation.

Ryan thought of Larch Street and it's run down houses with fenced in yards, then of Newport, he could feel his cheeks begin to flush, "We're in Chino Hills area still" he said, as a reply, then as an afterthought, "The uhm.. nicer part of Chino"

Kirsten let out a surprised, "oh" then studied what was out the windows again.

Ryan watched the streets go by, the houses were drastically smaller than the Casa a Cohen. As time went on, they got smaller, more run down. Paint peeled off the sides of the houses, laws were either overgrown with weeds or a dustbin. Old rusted bikes lay across the front lawns of the dilapidated little shacks.

Ryan sighed and turned his head, pressing it back against the seat.

This was his neighbourhood now. When the houses were gated in with rusty steel fencing, the lawns were covered in rejected furniture and every other minute Sandy thought he would lose the rover to a pothole in the street.

"Is it… foggy?" Seth asked, rubbing his eyes.

"The way it always is" Ryan replied.

"Oh" Seth said, refraining from rubbing them any longer.

Awkward.

Ryan knew his old house was coming up shortly. His mom was being buried at the cemetery a few blocks down.

A place where Ryan and his friends used to play.

Theresa, he remembered.

"Sandy, could we uh.. can you…stop, for a minute?" Ryan asked suddenly. Aware that the air around him felt like it was smothering him.

Sandy obliged, pulling over to the side of the road.

Right in front of Ryan's old house. Sandy was no idiot.

"Be right back" Ryan said, letting out a breath. He jumped from the car and walked not to his house, but the one next door. He knocked on the steel grating, waiting for the footsteps to get closer.

The door opened.

"Ryan?" a voice asked.

"Uh, hey" Ryan said. He hadn't seen her since Thanksgiving.

"What are you doing here?!" Theresa cried, throwing open the door to embrace him, "No girlfriend this time?" she asked, looking to his side.

"She's back in Newport.. I just came by for the… you know"

Theresa nodded, "Everyone knows Ryan, about your mom and about Louis… My mom and I are just on our way there actually… black dress can't you tell?"

"You always liked wearing black, I'd never know" Ryan shrugged.

"So are those the.. your family?" Theresa nodded her head towards the waiting rover.

"Uhm.. yea.. so, I guess I'll meet you there.. at the.."

"Yeah, mom's coming too.." Theresa told him.

"Well then…"

"We'll be there soon, I think we're just going to.. walk probably. Car's not running right" Theresa shrugged.

Ryan cast a glance at the old yellow convertible that Theresa and her mother used to get to work.

He wondered what would happen if they drove it in to Newport.

"What about Arturo.. can't he fix it?" Ryan asked, immediately knowing it was the wrong thing to say.

Theresa' s eyes fell, the smiled lifted from her face, "He uh..jail" she shrugged.

"Oh" Ryan said quietly.

"So We'll see you there, don't want to keep your family waiting" Theresa broke the silence.

Ryan nodded, backing down the steps. He held his hand up in a small gesture of good bye, then walked to the car.

"Friend?" Kirsten asked when he got back in.

"Uh.. yeah I guess" Ryan replied, casting a glance at his old house.

"What is it with you and the girl next door, Ryan?" Sandy asked light heartedly.

"Next door? You mean you lived-" Seth began, cranking his neck around to see the old house.

"Yea" Ryan interrupted him, timidly.

"So is your friend coming to the.. funeral then?"

"Yea" Ryan replied softly.

Awkward again.

……………………………..

Ryan sat in the car alone, preparing himself to say goodbye. This was it, he thought. He'd been waiting to say it since the Cohens.

Now that the time was here, it wasn't quite so easy.

Kirsten and Sandy had gone to speak with whomever was performing the ceremony. Ryan didn't know exactly who they were speaking to, because he couldn't ever remember attending church, with the Atwoods or the Cohens.

Seth must have realised the Ryan needed some alone time, because he had left shortly after, handing over the keys to Ryan so he could lock up the car when he was finished.

He studied the area they were parked in, having to admit that Kirsten and Sandy had done a good job at finding a location for her burial.

They had found a spot in this small enclosed glen called 'Hope Gardens', almost like a little park, very private. You couldn't even see inside of it from the road, where they were parked.

He owed them both so much. Not just for their money, but their time and patience with him. He knew it couldn't be easy… dealing with him on a day to day basis. Never knowing when Ryan could end up in jail or taken away.

He wondered if their nerves were always on edge, just as his were when ever a potential risk situation came in to hand.

Ryan spotted Theresa and her mother arrive, hand in hand, they walked in to the small enclosure where the Cohens had disappeared in to.

AJ would be in there, Ryan told himself. He felt hi knuckles tense, nerves on edge. You can just ignore him, Ryan thought. Just.. don't pay any attention to him and it will all go well.

Ryan sighed, opening the door to the Rover and stepping out in to the hazy sunshine. He locked the Rover with the keypad and winced when the confirming chirp rang out across the cemetery.

The walk to the path seemed like a long one, but really only consisted of what Ryan guessed was fifty feet of space. He then turned on to the small path that would lead him in to the enclosure and followed the sounds of hushed voices to where his mom would be laid to rest.

He kept his head down, only looking up enough so that he wouldn't fall and ruin Kirsten's.. his.. suit, until the quiet whispering stopped.

Ryan looked up and found everyone staring at him. His eyes made it around the circle and then his body froze, as though struck with a sudden case of rigor mortis.

He couldn't swallow.

He couldn't breath.

Ryan couldn't even move his feet to take him away from here.

Which was where he wanted to be.

Far, far away from here.

Ryan didn't want to be anywhere near Trey and his Father.