Facing the Past
Chapter Ten
There, in the midst of a small but surprising crowd, stood his father in an orange jumpsuit wearing cuffs on his wrists. He was escorted by two prison guards, Trey was in a similar fashion, baring one guard.
It was Theresa who walked over to him first, putting a hand on his shoulder. Of course it would be Theresa, they'd been best friends, and then some, for years.
Her deep understanding brown eyes met his hurt blue-grey ones, almost like silent understanding passing between them.
Ryan could breath again.
He could deal with this.
The same way he was dealing with AJ. Ignorance.
He nodded slightly to Theresa, his signal that he was okay, and walked over to the Cohens where Kirsten took his hand and squeezed it.
Sandy stood, rock solid, by his family, shooting daring glances around him. Seth, of course, stood awkwardly at Ryan's side, without a word.
"If everyone is here now, I will begin" the minister said from his position at the head of the group.
Ryan studied the ground. Someone had dug a hole in the earth, where his mother's cremated remains would eventually be placed. Felt and silk cloths were placed around the site, more or less hiding the fact that someone you loved was about to be placed six feet under the soil.
What was the big deal, everyone ends up down there anyways, right? Why hide the fact?
Ryan knew he had missed something when suddenly the minister was asking the small crowd around him if they would like to say any words of their own.
He had missed nearly the entire ceremony, lost in the thoughts of his head.
He felt Kirsten squeeze his hand, suggestively and without looking up Ryan shook his head 'no'.
What was there to say about Dawn? Ryan wondered.
You were supposed to say good things at a funeral, right?
Ryan couldn't put his finger on any direct good memories of her.
Of course, he could vaguely remember that at one time or another, they had all been a happy family. Mom, dad, Trey and himself.
But everything he could remember recently may have began okay, but it ended with her drunk or running away. Or both. Like Vegas night in Newport.
But shouldn't he say something?
Did he owe her that?
Dammit! Ryan cursed in his head, why the hell hadn't he thought of this beforehand? Why hadn't he written something down to say? He'd had a couple days to think of something.
Ryan curled his toes, pressing them on the inside of his good shoes.
"I would like to say something" a husky voice spoke from somewhere behind Ryan.
Ryan bit his lip, cringing. He knew that voice. He hadn't heard it in years, but he knew that voice, broken as a result of years of chain smoking.
The feeling of needing n escape filled Ryan again. God he wished Marissa were here, and that she wasn't angry with him.
Marissa could make him feel better about anything.
Especially heights.
"I.. have to go" Ryan mumbled, meeting Sandy's understanding eyes.
He nodded an approval and Ryan slipped away from Kirsten's grasp, weaving his way through the thin crowd of people.
He was done here. He had said goodbye. In his mind. In his heart. He didn't need to be here any longer.
"Where are you going?" a voice asked him. It was gruff.
Ryan didn't reply, instead he dodged around the voice.
Not fast enough. AJ grabbed his shoulder, spinning him around.
"Where are you going?" AJ asked again.
Ryan stared him down, aware that the hate and anger he felt towards AJ right now was seething from him. Obvious for everyone to see.
"Let me go" Ryan replied. AJ didn't lift his hand, so Ryan pulled himself away from it.
AJ grabbed his suit jacket, "You owe Dawn some respect!" he yelled, "We fed you, clothed you, put a roof over your head – "
"And then kicked me out!" Ryan spat, "I don't owe you, or her anything! You didn't raise me, I raised me, the streets raised me! Trey raised me! Theresa and her mom raised me, but you guys." He paused, "Did not!"
Ryan grabbed AJ's wrist, well aware that it was not particularly a well matched fight. After all, AJ had two good arms, Ryan's left one was still broken.
It was that fact that proved to be his failing, because though he grabbed AJ's left wrist in his right hand, AJ still managed to send a fist flying in to Ryan's cheek, hard.
He fell backwards, aware that people around his gasped. Ryan winced, the jolt had hurt his arm, his cheek throbbed. Quickly he pushed himself up to his feet, ready for more when someone else beat him to it.
Sandy Cohen had tackled AJ to the ground, both of them now rolling around in the grass, taking shots at each other.
Ryan stood there shocked for a moment, before he ran over and pulled AJ, who was now on top and straddling Sandy, off with one arm.
Ryan pulled so aggressively that he felt AJ's shirt rip in his hands before he let him fall to his ass.
Kirsten was kneeling beside Sandy now, Seth standing nervously at her side, eyeing Ryan and AJ.
Ryan stood over AJ who was looking up at him with distaste. But there was something else there now, something the anger was masking. Fear.
"Get out of here!" Ryan spat at him, "And if you ever come near my family again, I'll kill you"
AJ raised himself from the ground and angrily stalked out of the small enclosure that formed 'Hope Gardens'.
Ryan made sure Sandy was okay, which he was, and told them he would meet them at the car.
Seth paused with his parents for a few moments before following Ryan.
……………………………………
"Hey Atwood, I heard your mom's funeral was today" A voice rang out from behind him.
Ryan stopped, glancing over his shoulder.
"Wonderful, just what I need" Ryan muttered to himself.
"Hey Louis, so nice to see you again" Ryan stated sarcastically.
"Know what else I heard?" Louis asked.
"That you were a mistake?" he taunted, angry.
When Ryan was angry, rational thought didn't apply to him. Right now was no different. Somewhere, inside him, Ryan wanted this fight to happen, wanted to revert back to when things were simply solved with a fight.
Louis ignored him for a moment, "We heard that you were thinking of narcing on us"
Ah, shit. Ryan thought. We?
He felt a hand on his shoulder.
"Would a Chino guy do that?" Ryan asked, blatantly.
"No, but you aren't part of Chino anymore Atwood… you're a Newport bitch now."
Two strong arms grabbed him from behind, twisting his already broken arm. Ryan winced, letting out a hiss of pain.
Louis had only gotten a few punches in when Ryan heard another voice interrupt.
"Hey!" Seth cried, then stopped. What else was there to say, really?
The guy holding Ryan dropped him to the ground. "Seth" Ryan yelled out, tasting blood in his mouth, "Go back". But Ryan knew from the look in his eyes that Seth Cohen was willing to fight for him, just as Ryan had for Seth before.
Ryan received a jolting kick to the ribs and stomach from Louis. He attempted to roll away from the attack, unfortunately his broken arm disabilitating him in more than one way.
"Think before you narc bitches" Louis laughed, spitting on Ryan.
It was over, Ryan breathed. Or tried, anyways, but the pain in his chest caused him to gasp in sharp, shallow breaths of air.
"Seth?" he asked, managing to roll himself to his knees.
"Yeah, buddy?" Seth's voice came back.
"You okay?" he caught a glimpse of his best friend and brother.
"Hmmm.. I wonder how many days of rest mom will give us for this?" Seth smiled at the thought.
Ryan rolled his eyes, crawling painfully over to him. "You gonna get up, or sit on the ground all day?"
"The ground is a friendly place to be, Ryan. You don't have to move, and you get a pretty nice view" he waved his arm in front of him.
Simply by looking at him, Ryan figured that he himself had probably gotten the majority of the beating. Seth probably had a black eye and maybe some bruised up cheekbones, but he seemed to be breathing okay.
"Your chest hurt?" Ryan asked him.
"Naw, they got my stomach" he shrugged, just took my breath away." He studied Ryan, "You know what, you look like shit.. again" he pointed to Ryan's forehead, "I think they ripped your stitches.."
Ryan shrugged, then pushed himself up off the ground, holding out his god arm for Seth.
"I'm okay, I can get up… it's all good" Seth mumbled, more to himself than anyone.
Together they made their way to the Rover and leaned against the front, hidden from the view of anyone leaving the procession.
"So.." Seth started.
"So" Ryan replied, staring at the ground.
"They seemed pretty… angry"
Ryan snorted, "They always are, always were. In Chino, Seth, anger helps you survive."
"Uh, yeah, so I noticed today" Seth remarked.
"Sorry"
"Bout what?"
"All this" Ryan gestured. "Your dad and… Chino.. Louis.."
"Look Ryan, dad's fine, and it was his choice to like, jump AJ anyways… and as far as Louis and his pals go, they can kiss my white Newport ass cause we are so having them arrested for this"
Ryan shot him a furtive sideways glance.
"Aren't we?" Seth asked, looking for an answer.
Ryan licked his lips, making way to say something, but then stopped.
"Ryan, come on, I men, they just kicked your ass for the second time, and you're gonna let them get away with it?!"
"Seth, you don't understand –"
"Bullshit, Ryan. Bull. Shit. I understand perfectly. You're gonna tell me that this is the way things work in Chino, that you have to be like, a man and deal with it on your own. Muscles over brains. It's bullshit. They broke the law, twice. They should go to jail. It's simple as that. And if you can't grasp that thought Ryan, you're a lot stupider than I thought"
Ryan stood quietly for a moment. Maybe it was time he began to trust others. Let people around him in, let them help him out.
"You're right" Ryan finally said after a beat.
Seth patted him on the shoulder, "See, I knew you'd come around. But really, Ryan, you don't have to deal with everything on your own. That's what family's for, you know."
"So I'm told" Ryan replied.
"Give us a chance, we'll prove it to you"
"No worries Seth, one day I will. You rocked by the way.. totally had my back there"
"Uh, yeah. You're my brother!"
Ryan laughed, stopping quickly as it hurt his chest.
"You think your parents are gonna be done soon?" Ryan asked him.
"Our parents, Ry. And yes, they told me they'd just be a few minutes. Because they arranged this they need to be the last ones to leave. Some courtesy thing or whatever."
"Great" Ryan stated, "Cause I think my ribs are broken again"
"Hey.. we're guys, right?" Seth asked.
Ryan stared blankly at him.
"Guys like fights, they like their battle scars… do you think Summer will like my battle scars?" Seth questioned.
Ryan shot him another patented look.
"You know, I think she will… how black is my eye Ryan?" he asked, excited.
He couldn't hold back anymore, and let out a laugh, "It's black Seth, no worries..and hey, in a few days it'll be even worse…"
"Really?"
Another look.
"Just trying to make conversation Ryan, really, you could be a little more helpful you know"
A look.
"So you think she'll really like it? Cause if she likes mine man, I bet you can't wait to see Marissa!"
Ryan looked at the ground.. "Actually uh.."
"You had another fight, didn't you?" Seth asked him.
Ryan nodded.
"Over what?"
"I… really don't remember… something about Chino.. and explaining…" he shrugged.
"You gonna make up with her?"
"I really don't think she wants to.. she was really pissed when she left"
"Ah, Ryan. Girls are different than us simpletons. When they're mad, they want to be chased."
"Even when they walk away?" Ryan asked pointedly.
"Especially when-"
"Hey guys" Sandy's voice called out from behind them, "Why are you hiding over there?"
Seth and Ryan shared a glance, pushing themselves from the hood of the Range Rover and walking to the side of it.
"Your mom's on her –" Sandy stopped, mid-sentence and eyed them both up and down.
"Nice shiner, dad" Seth commented on the black eye AJ had given to him.
"Not nearly as nice as your two's. What the hell happened here, you were out of my sight for ten minutes!"
"Uh, dad" Seth interrupted his rant before it got too carried away, he shot a pointed look at Ryan, who's head was hanging, studying the ground, "Let's talk about this later"
"Was it AJ?" Sandy demanded, noticing that Ryan flinched.
"Dad" Seth warned.
"You're mom's going to kill you two, you know that –"
"Why would I kill them" Kirsten asked, coming up from behind Sandy.
Ryan bit his lip, not looking up, but it needn't matter as Seth stood proudly showing off his new battle scars.
"They got Ryan in the head again too, his stitches are messed up"
Ryan sighed, "Thanks Seth" he commented.
Seth, ignoring the sarcasm patted him lightly on the back, "No problem Ryan" he looked at his parents, "Can we go now?"
"What happened?" Kirsten finally blurted out, grabbing Seth's face and studying his injuries.
"Mom… " Seth complained, she moved on to Ryan, taking his face the same way she'd taken Seth's and gently pulled it up.
A small gasp escaped her throat,
"I'm okay, really" Ryan rushed out, "Looks worse than it is"
"Who did this to you guys?" she asked Ryan, still holding his face.
Ryan darted his eyes, avoiding looking at hers.
"Louis" Sandy guessed.
"Mmm, you know, I forgot to take his name while they were beating the crap out of us dad, I don't know" Seth's sarcasm was in full swing now.
"You're both going to the hospital" Kirsten said, letting go of Ryan now.
Ryan and Seth glanced at each other, then got in to the Range Rover.
"Who has my keys? Sandy asked, seated behind the wheel now.
Ryan dug them out of his pocket and handed them up front where Sandy took them, then paused.
"If you had the keys, why didn't you two just sit in the Rover and wait for us"
I didn't want to get blood on the seats Ryan thought, but instead said " Needed to cool down"
Seth smiled at him knowingly, nodding his head, "I knew you wanted to show off those battle scars buddy…"
Sandy slowly pulled away from Hope Gardens with Ryan staring out the window. They passed Theresa and her mother who were walking back, holding hands. Theresa looked up, noticing Ryan through the window. She waved goodbye, pausing midstep.
Ryan put his finger tips on the glass, his version of goodbye.
They passed one large white van, the windows at the back meshed, Trey and his father being led back in to it. Their ride home, to jail.
A ball of saliva descended Ryan's throat and hung there, unmoving. His hands clenched tightly, his palms sweaty.
He almost asked Sandy to stop the car. Almost. But they kept driving. Past the hundreds of tombstones and out the gates of Arlington Cemetery. Out on to Larch street, where Ryan had once lived a not-so-happy life.
They passed by dilapidated housing and broken down cars, people living their beat up tired lives, full of no hope. On their way, again, to Chino Valley Medical Centre.
Ryan couldn't believe that he had to come back here tomorrow, to find the Symingtons.
……………………………..