Jack was wandering aimlessly around the SGC, trying to avoid conversation. Rounding a corner at the end of a hall, Jack narrowly avoided a collision between his head and Siler's giant wrench. "Watch where you are going with that thing, Siler. In fact, where are you going with that thing? For what reason could you possibly need a wrench that size? Where do you even get a wrench that size?"

"Infected, Sir?" Siler asked.

Jack groaned and kept walking, talking to himself. "Unbelievable. It would figure the ones you can't pry information out of with a crowbar wouldn't have come down with this. I bet Teal'c is conveniently immune. Teal'c! Hey, that's a fantastic idea. I'll go hang out with my buddy Teal'c. Definitely the safest place to be."

Jack turned back down the corridor towards the elevators, ignoring the fast-approaching footsteps behind him. "General, Sir," the creator of the footsteps called after him, but Jack refused to stop. Walter caught up with him anyway. "Sir, you aren't in your office."

"Really? Maybe you should go back and check, just to be certain."

"You dish out a lot of abuse, General. But that's okay. I know you really depend on me. I've learned to anticipate your orders and stay one step ahead. I'm really proud of our great working relationship. We're kind of like Henry Blake and Radar O'Reilly, don't you think? Me being Radar, of course. In fact, you could call me Radar if you liked, Sir. You know, his first name was Walter, too!"

"Walter!" he interrupted, coming to an abrupt halt. "Was there something you actually needed, or is this another ambush?"

"Ambush, Sir?" Walter looked confused. Jack started chanting 'no' under his breath to keep his brain occupied. "No, General. I just wanted to tell you that Dr. Brightman feels she's made some progress in identifying the mechanism of the contagion, so she is one step closer to finding a treatment. She called your office, Sir, but you weren't there. So, I came looking for you. I said to myself, the General was determined not to leave his office, so only a strong inducement would get him to go. That's why I thought to come look for you at Colonel Carter's lab. Now, talk about a working relationship! You two have a sixth sense. I've never seen two people click so well. It's like you're telepathic."

"I was not headed to Colonel Carter's lab," Jack said indignantly. "I was wandering aimlessly. You just happened upon me in the wrong place at the wrong time. Colonel Carter is not telepathic either, and boy, am I glad for that. I'd be in giant trouble if she...no no no no no no no no no..." He marched towards the elevators, chanting furiously.

Jack made it to Teal'c's quarters without being accosted by any more chatty airmen, and was happy to find Teal'c within, quietly meditating. "T, I need a safe place to hide. Unfortunately, in my current state, I'm bound to disrupt your meditation. I hope you don't mind."

"I do not mind, O'Neill."

"Thanks, buddy. I'll do my best to keep it down. It's extremely difficult right now, but I've developed a little technique that helps." He returned to chanting quietly.

After a few minutes, Teal'c put out his candles and pulled up a chair next to Jack. "Humans are very strange beings, O'Neill. I am afraid I will never understand them."

"No no no no no no no no. I know we're all acting a little stranger than usual today, Teal'c, but you seem to have adapted to us pretty well. No no no no no no no no."

"I have not. I don't know if I shall ever adapt. Why do humans contort their faces so? I am at a loss to understand the need for all these 'expressions' when simple words will suffice to convey one's meaning. How is one to learn the difference between a smile, a grin, a smirk, and a leer? Why does one frown, pout, grimace, or sneer? Not to mention all the expressions of confusion or disgust, and those involved in the human ritual of flirting."

"You're infected aren't you?"

"I do not know, O'Neill. Why do you suppose it to be so?"

"Because that is the greatest number of sentences I've ever heard you string together. Granted, you are still talking half as much as anyone else on this base, except Siler."

"Right there," Teal'c pointed forcefully at Jack's face. "When you said 'Siler,' was that a grimace, a frown, or a look of disgust?"

Jack sighed. "All three, Teal'c."

"How am I ever to decipher this complicated form of language? Nor is it the only non-verbal form of language you humans employ. The so-called 'body language' involves gestures and postures, as well. And then, of course, there is the non-verbal communication technique you employ with Colonel Carter."

"Why can't anyone leave the subject of Carter alone?" Jack said with a facial contortion of his own.

"Eye-rolling. A gesture of frustration and disbelief. That gesture I have had much opportunity to observe and learn, during SG-1's mission briefings. Why should discussion of Colonel Carter make you frustrated, O'Neill? Have you had a falling out? Are you not aware of the non-verbal communication you share? I find it most interesting. You stare into one another's eyes with varying degrees of intensity, and somehow manage to communicate your thoughts. At first I wondered if you were blinking a code of some sort, but Daniel Jackson assured me that this was not the case. He says this form of communication is a rare gift among your people."

Jack jumped at a new avenue for conversation. "Daniel, huh? Daniel is the one I've had the falling out with. He attacked me earlier. Well, okay, not exactly attacked, but he made me extremely uncomfortable on purpose."

"In what way did he cause you discomfort?"

"For one thing, he insisted on coming in my office, even though he knew I couldn't stop talking. And he got all mushy on me. He told me I was like a brother to him."

"I have said the same to you, O'Neill. Did you consider that an attack?"

"It's not the same. We were about to die. It's normal to get mushy when you're about to die. But when you're safe and sound in your nice cozy office, it's just girly."

"Humans are very strange beings. Very strange indeed." Teal'c was quiet for a few minutes and Jack resumed his speech-abeyance technique. "Why does your government not reveal the existence of the Stargate to the population of your planet?"

"We've discussed this, Teal'c. The government doesn't feel that the people are ready."

"Yet, your planet is so violent. Could the energy invested in killing one another not be better used in fighting the Goa'uld?"

"I don't make those kind of decisions. I try not to even think about it. Sure, life would be much easier if we didn't have to keep so many secrets, but that's just not the way the political structures on Earth work. One of these days, things will change."

"When that day comes, you shall be honored as a great warrior among your people, O'Neill, and justly so."

"Aww, now don't you go getting all mushy on me, Teal'c. Between Daniel and Walter, I've had enough relationship talk for the day. Let's talk about Star Wars."

"These films are master works of Tauri culture. Great warriors fighting epic battles against evil overlords. Do they not remind you of our battle against the Goa'uld? Do you not think there are tremendous parallels? Daniel is like young Luke Skywalker, learning to be a warrior to avenge the death of the only family he had, and seeking a higher spiritual connection. You are like Han Solo, the reluctant hero -- independent, but with a strong sense of duty to your friends. Colonel Carter has much in common with the beauty and intelligence of Princess Leia."

"What does that make you? Chewbacca?"

Teal'c smiled with deep self-satisfaction. "Mace Windu."

Jack smiled back. "Humans aren't the only strange beings in this galaxy, Teal'c."

The sarcasm was lost on Teal'c. "We have encountered a great number of strange beings."

"Yes. Yes, we have," Jack said with resignation.

"Human mating customs are also incomprehensible to me. Why do humans hesitate to express their feelings for one another?"

"Not you, too. Sometimes other things stand in the way. There's nothing that can be done."

"Yet, this was not the case with Daniel Jackson and Dr. Frasier. They did not share their feelings for one another. They hesitated until it was too late. Why?"

Relieved, Jack took a moment to actually put some thought into the subject. "Daniel has spent a lifetime losing people he loves, and Janet had been through a bitter divorce and had a child's welfare to consider, too. They were both scared of getting hurt again. That's a problem a lot of adults face in starting relationships. That's what we call baggage."

"It is unfortunate. They could have had happiness together in the time they had, if only they had taken the risk. Now, the opportunity has passed. It gives me great sorrow to think of it. I hope I shall not have the same sorrow in years to come when I think of you, O'Neill."

"My opportunities have already passed, Teal'c. I had a few good years, a happy family. That will have to be enough."

"I do not believe it is too late for you and Colonel Carter."

"Do I have an 'Ask Me About My Second in Command' bumper sticker on my ass?" Jack groaned. "She's engaged to another man, and the regulations haven't changed. I'd say it's too late."

"As long as you and she still love one another, and as long as you live, it will not be too late. But our path is a dangerous one, O'Neill. You should take your happiness while you can."

Jack stood up abruptly. "Well, T, thank you for this enlightening conversation. I now know that the entire base is conspiring against me today. I think I'll go find a nice quiet broom closet to lock myself in until Brightman comes up with a cure."

"I miss Ishta."

"I can tell."