Facing the Past
Chapter Twelve
Seth studied Ryan's face as he approached the car, deciding he wouldn't bring up what ever had happened in the cemetery.
Honestly when Ryan had told him of his plan, Seth hadn't particularly agreed that it was the best option, for Ryan or for Phillip Symington, but it had been Ryan's plan and there was no changing it. Plus, he had agreed, promised even, to help him out if he could.
He'd kept his promise.
As Ryan climbed back in to the Rover Seth found that he couldn't particularly tell whether it had gone good, or bad. Ryan's face was masked, not even his eyes showed the slightest hint of emotion. All Seth had to go on were his body language.
He seemed to have a bounce in his step, which was good. It meant that something had gone right. But if all had gone well, wouldn't he want to talk about it? Brag accomplishment?
Most people Seth knew loved to boast their accomplishments. Then again, Ryan wasn't exactly most people.
"Ready?" he asked his brooding passenger.
Ryan nodded in reply, then turned back to the window.
He could feel Seth's eyes studying him, trying to determine what exactly had happened inside. Ryan hoped his poker face was enough to mask his thoughts.
He would already have one person delving in to his deep secrets, he didn't want Seth going there. It wasn't exactly pretty.
Ryan kept thinking over what happened in the cemetery, between Mr. Symington and himself. He couldn't tell if he'd helped or just made things worse.
Maybe he shouldn't have come. He should have figured out another way to help them, instead of intruding on one of the most private and emotional events there was in a person's life.
Then he thought of Josh. He had to have helped Josh. The kid had talked to him, which he apparently hadn't done for some time. He could've given Ryan a run for his money.
Would Josh and his father talk now? Better yet, would his father listen, just as Ryan had?
Right now was the determining point in Josh's life.
These next few days were going to determine whether Josh would let Chino swallow him whole, by not expressing his emotion or thoughts, turning to anger instead of someone.
Or maybe he would be turned in to a mind-numbing number cruncher, letting the school system chew and spit him out.
Or maybe, with any luck, Josh and his father would find a way through this. Together. Right now they both needed each other more than either of them would let on.
He hoped they would figure it out.
Ryan hoped he could work his life out. Maybe he could stop fighting, finally fit in with Newport. Maybe make something of himself.
He'd been thinking a lot about architecture lately. Again. Since he'd moved in with the Cohens, with Kirsten answering all his questions, that dream was coming in to focus again.
Only this time, it was within reach.
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Ryan sat in the leather padded chair, trying to make himself comfortable.
He couldn't.
Get comfortable that was. It wasn't as if the chair was uncomfortable, because Ryan knew it was, it was just the fact that it was situated in reception area to Dr. Landoll' office.
Beside him, Sandy seemed to be perfectly comfortable, relaxed even.
They were the only ones sitting in the large waiting area now. A man had gone in to the office next to Dr. Landoll's, but hadn't come out yet.
Ryan passively glanced at the pile of magazines sitting on the table in the centre of the room.
Sandy had grabbed a 'Waves' Magazine. Surfing. He wondered if Sandy would ever want to take him again, after what had been happening recently.
With a quiet click the door to Dr. Landoll's office opened widely, the man standing there himself.
Greying hair, a bit of a beard and brown eyes met Ryan's. He quickly gazed down at the carpet.
"You must be Ryan" the man spoke with a surprisingly loud voice.
Ryan nodded his head, still looking at the caramel coloured carpet.
"Well, come on in, I don't bite you know… not until the moon's full" he laughed.
Next to him Sandy nudged his side with his elbow, and Ryan tentatively stood up, following the chuckling Dr. Landoll in to his office.
It smelled like new car, Ryan thought as he walked through the door, the shrink closing it behind him.
"Go ahead and sit" the man waved at a plush leather arm chair, while seating himself in his own.
Ryan sat on the chair, feeling the coolness of the chair on his arms.
"So what brings you here?" he asked Ryan.
Ryan stared. Was he for real?
"Not a talker, huh?" the man chuckled again.
He reminded Ryan of Seth in a few ways. A thin Santa at that as well.
"Look, I know the first time in one of these places is a little weird, a little tough. You don't want to talk to a complete stranger about your life for what ever reason, but the fact is that you are here, so you must need someone to talk to about something. Now, I've heard some things from your parents, but I'd like to hear them from you, face to face."
"They're not my parents" Ryan blurted out, then flushed. He shouldn't have said that. Kirsten and Sandy gave him more than his parents had ever given him.
He saw Dr. Landoll smile, and had a feeling that he'd just been tricked in to talking. He didn't like that.
"So you do talk, I was worried I'd need to order some more pens and notepads" he laughed.
"They say that people who joke about everything don't want to accept things for what they really are." Ryan stated.
Dr. Landoll's face twitched in to a slight grin and he chuckled again.
Ryan began to wonder if he could even talk to someone who couldn't take anything seriously.
He looked down at his knuckles which were white, because he was grasping the arms of the leather chair so tightly.
He couldn't do this. Talk to a stranger.
Ryan stood abruptly, the smile vanished off Dr. Landoll's face and he held up an arm as if to defend himself.
Ryan wondered if he'd been reading about his fights in the past. Instead, however, of pummelling the Doctor's smiling face like he wanted to, Ryan walked quickly past him, grabbing the door and walking out in to the office.
He saw Sandy stand, but brushed past him through the waiting area door and out in to the California sun.
He took a deep breath. Kirsten and Sandy were nuts if they thought Ryan was going to talk to that guy.
That guy had tricked Ryan in to talking, and then laughed as if it were all a big joke. He heard the door open behind him and someone step out.
"Ryan?" Sandy asked, studying the boy's back. His son.
Ryan turned to him, his face full of emotion. Now probably wasn't the time to lecture him on walking out of the therapist's office.
"You okay?" he questioned instead.
Ryan looked him in the eye, "I can't talk to him, Sandy… you're crazy if you think I can… he's… nuts, he laughs at everything and it just drives me crazy!"
Sandy felt bad right away. He knew that in most cases a person had to find the 'right' therapist to talk to. He also knew that at this point, Ryan wasn't about to go to another one.
"Let's get in the car" he suggested to Ryan instead.
Ryan obliged, climbing in to the BMW beside Sandy.
Now that his tantrum was over with, he knew a lecture would be coming, so when Sandy pulled from the parking lot and began to speak, Ryan interrupted.
"I'm sorry" he muttered.
"For what?" Sandy asked.
"That. Back there"
Sandy nodded. "I wasn't going to lecture you Ryan. I understand, really, I do. If someone had dragged me out of The Bronx and had me go to a therapist I think I would have had the same reaction. You want something to eat?"
"Uhh… sure"
They ended up at the pier, eating giant slices of pizza and staring out in to the ocean. The seagulls flew over head, anticipating the next crust of fry that someone threw.
"So.. today, with Seth. I didn't go to Chino to see.. to say good bye to my mom" Ryan blurted out.
"I know" Sandy admitted.
"You did?"
"Remember when you looked at me that day, and told me you had to leave? I knew you were okay with the whole thing, I knew you had said good bye and accepted the fact. You may have the best poker face around kid, but I look at the eyes."
"Windows to the soul" Ryan commented, "So how come you didn't say anything"
Sandy shrugged, taking a bite of his slice, "I trust you guys… didn't want to worry Kirsten"
"You didn't think we were going back to kick some ass?"
Sandy snorted, "I did, at first, but quickly realised you weren't that stupid. I mean, that's twice now, right?"
Ryan nodded, eyeing his cast. "Can't wait till this thing comes off" Ryan admitted.
"Why, so I can drag you surfing?" Sandy teased.
"You… want to, again?"
Sandy looked at him as if he were nuts, "Of course, why wouldn't I?"
Ryan shrugged, "I just thought that maybe… I don't know" he realised now the thought had been stupid.
"Ryan, I want you to know that Kirsten and I… we're not ever going to try and replace your parents… we just… we want you to be part of our family, our son…. Seth's getting tired of being mothered by Kirsten, she could use someone new to pick on, and I.. well I just want a surfing buddy" he teased.
Ryan smiled, tossing his crust in to the waves.
"I could deal with that" Ryan said after a few moments. Sandy seemed to breathe a sigh of relief.
"I hate to ruin our moment but… has Kirsten told you about tomorrow?"
Ryan nodded. Tomorrow the investigator was coming, to take a statement from both Ryan and Seth now.
"What he did… it wasn't right Ryan, and neither you nor Seth have to stand for it…"
Ryan swallowed, "it's just that-"
"I know, I know" Sandy put in, "it's how you did things in Chino, just like how I did things in New York. But it's different now, we don't need to solve all our problems with fists and silent words"
Ryan nodded again.
"Do you know if you're going to speak with them?" Sandy questioned him.
Ryan stared out at the ocean. He didn't have to use his fists for this one. He could let someone deal with it for him. Let the responsibility go.
If Louis was locked up, he couldn't hurt anyone else, right? He couldn't deal cocaine to kids anymore, or beat up unsuspecting messengers of drug money.
He couldn't hurt the Cohens.
Plus, he should be put away to rot for what he did to Seth. And Seth had wanted to talk to the cops, right?
"I'll do it" he finally agreed, "I'll talk to them, tell them what happened… everything. And you and Kirsten should know too, about everything. I mean… because you've been there for me and all, the least I owe you is the truth, right?"
Sandy patted him on the back, tossing his left over crust over the pier where a sudden dive of seagulls rushed at it.
"Lets go have that talk then."
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