Facing the Past

Chapter Fourteen

"I'm sorry" he heard Kirsten's voice right by his ear. But Ryan didn't look up. Couldn't look up.

Kirsten didn't know what else to say, just that she was sorry. Once Seth had explained who the unconscious form on their living room floor was Kirsten had begun having second doubts.

She had called the police on her own son.

She had thought he'd gone crazy, attacking an old friend he just didn't want to see.

Kirsten had been afraid.

Everyone had been afraid of him.

Seth was hurting inside. It was as if every blow Ryan had laid on Louis had gone directly to him. His stomach churned and his tongue felt too big for his mouth.

Everything had been so good this morning.

He didn't blame Ryan for what had happened, Louis shouldn't have showed up in the first place.

In fact, Seth at least could understand why he'd done it. For himself and Ryan, for Sandy and Kirsten. The fact that Louis had showed up in the house was clearly a threat to Ryan, as well as to his family.

Almost as if Louis were saying "I know where you live buddy, you testify at my hearing and you will regret it"

He'd had the same feeling. Of being violated. That's why he had moved closer to his mother, who had been oblivious.

Seth knew he wasn't a strong person. But he also knew he would fight to the death for his family.

Just as Ryan had done.

Seth wondered if his dad was going to do anything to prevent this. He wondered if there was anything his dad could do at this point.

Sandy stood with Kirsten, across the room from Seth.

He looked around at his family and wondered how things had seemed so perfect earlier.

Ryan had finally been starting to come around, and now this.

He had entered the living room just after the shouting began. It was the reason he had come down stairs in the first place.

Ryan didn't normally yell, there had to be something wrong.

So he'd entered the living room to find his son beating someone up, someone Seth had later told them was Louis.

He knew from his childhood in the Bronx what Louis' visit was. A threat. A statement of fact.

I know where you live, watch your step.

He also knew that Ryan was fiercely loyal to anyone he loved. Just look at all he had done for Marissa in the past.

Ryan was having a weird sense of deja-vu again. The first time he'd been arrested was with Trey.

Then with Luke.

Now it was all on him.

He'd seen Louis being taken away in a stretcher.

He'd seen the police speaking with Kirsten, Sandy and Seth.

Even though he couldn't hear them, he knew what they must be saying.

" He just went crazy on this kid, wouldn't let him go even after he was unconscious. Sandy had to drag him off the guy… there must be something wrong with him…No, he's not our son"

Ryan had long since stopped crying. He'd turned his face to stone before they had gotten there.

Show no emotion and they couldn't get to you, couldn't hurt you.

At least he remembered that lesson from growing up. It seemed to work, fronting your emotions with anger.

So Ryan didn't offer a comforting smile when Kirsten told him she was sorry.

He didn't flinch when Sandy patted him on the back and told him they would fight for him.

He didn't look Seth in the eye when he told him that Sandy would get him out.

Ryan's face was stone when he was escorted from the Cohens' by a police officer. In cuffs.

He was going back to juvie, at least for now. No one could help that. Hell, he even deserved it.

He had just beat someone to a bloody pulp.

Without even realising it.

………………………………………….

Once the police were gone Kirsten put on a pot of coffee an waited for it to brew, tapping her fingers on the counter.

Seth stood awkwardly by the door, having watch Ryan be taken away again.

Sandy was already on the phone.

"Well?" Kirsten asked him as he hung up.

Sandy looked disappointed. Sad. "We can't do anything until Monday. Not even my contacts at the PD's office are looking favourably on this one… because of his history of violence…."

"I shouldn't have called them" Kirsten said in a small voice, clutching a cup of coffee in her hands.

"You did what you thought was right" Sandy told her.

"That kid deserved it Sandy, if I'd known it was him I would have done it myself"

She glanced at Seth who still stood at the door, shoulders hunched.

"Seth?" she asked timidly.

He didn't answer.

He must be mad at her.

"We just lost him, didn't we?" Seth finally asked, turning around and breaking the silence.

Sandy looked down at the floor, Kirsten stared in to her coffee.

"Lets hope not" Sandy finally offered. But he knew in his experience that if Louis decided to press charges things would be a mess.

Child Services would be called, again.

Ryan would be placed in juvie, probably until he turned eighteen, then he would, depending on the courts, be released in to a custody or guardianship program or serve his remaining sentence in the county jail.

Where Trey and his father were.

No. Sandy told himself. Ryan is different from them. Ryan is not a common thug or criminal. He may mess up sometimes, but this isn't his fault. He's smarter that any of the Atwoods. Probably smarter than himself.

………………………….

Ryan went through the now familiar routine to being put in to juvenile hall. He forfeit all his possessions, which wasn't a hell of a lot though his wrist felt bare now, them having taken away the leather cuff.

He put on the required uniform and of course his 'I don't care' face.

Then he was informed of the mandatory chores and classes schedule and led to his cell. His home for what was likely to be the next year or so.

Ryan sat on the bed, hidden in shadow waiting to be called for exercises. The guard had said it'd be about twenty minutes.

…………………………………

He was the last person Ryan had been expecting to see while he sat alone on top of the bleachers.

But there he was, plain as day.

Donnie.

He knew he hadn't been spotted yet, but also wasn't dumb enough to believe he could escape him forever.

Donnie was talking amongst a few delinquents at the moment, oblivious to Ryan's presence.

Ryan wasn't exactly sure whether it was a god thing or not. How would he act towards Ryan? They'd sort of been friends… until he'd almost killed Luke.

Not that Ryan particularly cared what happened to Luke, it was just the fact that it was Ryan who had tackled Donnie to the ground, wrestled the gun away from him. Essentially, since Donnie hadn't been planning on shooting the gun, it was ultimately Ryan who had caused him to hit the trigger.

There for it was Ryan who had ultimately sent Donnie to this place.

"What's wrong, Sandy?" Kirsten asked from the breakfast counter as her husband entered the kitchen.

His face was grim.

"I just found out that they won't let me stay appointed as Ryan's lawyer, he's been appointed a different PD" he said, grabbing the car keys from his pocket.

"Where are you going?"

"Down to the old office, I need to find out who's been appointed, and I'm going to try and appeal it to a judge"

"You think his new lawyer won't want him to come back here?" Kirsten asked, worried.

"I don't think they would fight as hard for it as I would, as I can. A lot of public defenders get tired of seeing the same kids, Kirsten" he explained, "They get worn out and they just stop trying so hard to get them out of juvie" he kissed her on the cheek.

"He can't stay there" Kirsten whispered, "Last time they said they'd kill him-"

"I won't let that happen" Sandy spoke defensively.

Kirsten bit her lip in response and took another sip of her coffee. "Where's Seth?" she asked him.

"Upstairs, in his room. I tried talking to him but…"

"Our whole family's being torn apart Sandy, what can we do?"

He didn't have an answer for that. He wished he did, but he didn't.

………………………………

It was just before the whistle blew, signalling their return to the cells that Ryan descended the bleachers and made his way to the door area.

It was then Ryan's movement alerted Donnie to a new presence. Ryan felt a hand on his shoulder, but didn't turn.

"Hey, don't ignore me" Donnie's voice rang through the fenced in courtyard.

Around him Ryan could hear people stop and listen.

Again Ryan refused to turn around. He wasn't sure if Donnie knew who he was yet.

"Hey you little shit head, you want a beating?"

Apparently not, thought Ryan. He saw the guards standing at the door, eyeing the situation, he walked towards them quickly.

If he could get inside….

"Wait until the whistle, kid" the guards told him when he finally got there.

"Turn around, bitch" Donnie told him.

Ryan did, slowly, shooting a glare at Donnie and staring him in the face.

"What the…" Donnie cursed, a slight smile forming on his lips.

Ryan thought it would be cool. Donnie was smiling. He relaxed his body just in time for the impact of Donnie's fist to his nose.

Ryan heard the whistle blow and knew that everyone was dispersing to the back wall. Because that's what you did when there was a fight, unless you wanted a guard stick to your chest or head.

But Donnie was still there, punching him level in the gut, causing Ryan to lose his breath and double over.

"Fucking Newport bitch" Donnie swore at him, then spit in his face.

Then the guards were there, breaking it up and hauling Donnie off somewhere. They left Ryan alone in the courtyard, bloody nose and black eye.

His first day. It was a new record.

………………………….

Sandy was on a mission. He was looking for Judge Ryker, the judge he could appeal in front of to become Ryan's lawyer.

He stopped, hesitating for a moment before knocking on his office door.

Silence. Maybe he wasn't here, Sandy thought.

But the heavy wooden door swung open, revealing a stern looking man of about fifty.

"Judge Ryker?" Sandy asked, holding out his hand. The man in front of him took it, "I'm Sandy Cohen. I don't think we've ever worked together before, but I used to work as a public defender."

"Before you sold out" the man in front of him said in a gravely voice, letting go of his hand.

Shit, Sandy cursed inwardly, but on the outside he wouldn't let it phase him. This was for Ryan, it had nothing to do with him.

"I'd like to appeal to become Ryan Atwood's attorney"

The man turned and walked in to his office, sitting behind his desk. Only there did he speak.

"They told me you might come"

Sandy hated the office grapevines.

"I believe that in Ryan's case –"

Let me hand it to you straight, Sandy" Judge Ryker interrupted him. Sandy entered the office, closing the door behind him and waited.

"I'm afraid that you working for Ryan would be a conflict of interest for the county prosecutors. They would appeal any decision made on the information you brought forward, simply because you have a personal relationship with this kid."

"With all due respect, Judge, you're assuming that Ryan is even going to trial"

"After he violently beat up another person? Of course charges will be laid. I'm well aware of your… situation Sandford, but I'm afraid I can't move on this matter. You cannot be Ryan's listed attorney, as well as his legal guardian. Not in this case, not at this time."

Sandy was speechless.

"Have you ever wondered if…" the man began.

"What?" Sandy asked.

"You made a mistake, bringing home one of your clients? Look at his history Sandy. It's violent, it's terrible, it makes me want to stick his parents in prison. But he still has the option of changing himself. He had the option, he didn't take it. There's been fights before. Truancy from school. An incident with a house burning down? These are all indications of-"

"Of a kid making some mistakes!" Sandy's voice was raised now. "Bringing Ryan home was the best thing I ever did for him, and for my family. With all due respect, judge, he has improved. He's made great leaps and bound while living with us –"

"And fallen back in to old ways… you can't change him, it's in his nature" Ryker interrupted again.

"He's just confused!" Sandy yelled now, "He made some mistakes, we all do! Why provide him with a lawyer who will settle for getting his sentence reduced? I want him home, and I would bring him home if I were his-"

"You're not!" the judge roared. "And you wont' be! You're obviously far too involved emotionally with this. The courts would refute any decision or settlement made! You know that! Now get out of my office before I call security. If I recall correctly you no longer work in this building, and there for have no right to be back in these offices. Go home, Sandy"

Sandy's head was throbbing, his blood pulsating in anger. He knew his fists were clenched, along with his jaw. He said nothing and left the office, slamming the door and standing on the other side.

He had no control over this now. Whatever happened to Ryan, he couldn't control.

………………………….