Facing the Past
Chapter Fifteen
"Hey" Ryan greeted Sandy from across the metal table.
"Ryan" Sandy greeted him, nodding his head.
It was Monday morning, and it had been a long week end for both of them. Sandy had broken the news of not being able to be Ryan's judge to both Seth and Kirsten, who seemed devastated.
He was here now to break it to Ryan.
"So.." Ryan began, "I guess it's a little too much to think you're here to take me home" Ryan commented.
Sandy knew his face must be showing his emotions, "Actually.. I… I can't be your judge, Ryan" Sandy blurted out.
Ryan fell silent, leaning back slightly as if Sandy had raised a hand towards him.
"I tried" Sandy rushed to explain the rest of the story. By the end, Ryan seemed distant and cool.
Ryan wasn't stupid. He knew what this mean. He knew that whomever he got for his defence wasn't going to try half as hard as Sandy would have.
He knew it meant he would likely be here until he was eighteen.
"If you.. get out Ryan. Kirsten and I.. and Seth, we want you to know that we still want you to come back to the house. Even if… even if it's not until much later" Sandy finished, sighing.
Ryan clenched his jaw, feeling his throat muscles moving when he swallowed the lump in his throat.
His hands were cold.
He stood up quickly and turned to the guard, "I'm ready to go" he announced. The guard opened the door and let him through, escorting him back to his cell.
Sandy was left sitting at the table, a sinking feeling in his stomach.
They were losing him.
Ryan was turning away from everything he'd learned and had in the past few months.
It was easier to walk away then be kicked out, Ryan mused. It was easier to pretend you never wanted it anyways, like you never expected it to last.
The thing was, he had expected it to last. He'd wanted it to last. The fact that he would be here for another year was tearing him up inside.
Sure, Donnie hadn't touched him since Saturday, but Ryan hadn't even seen him since Saturday.
He was probably being punished in a quiet room.
A time-out, the guards joked.
Conflicting emotions ran through Ryan's mind as he processed what Sandy had told him, the ramifications of what he had done.
He had done this himself.
He deserved it.
………………………..
"He wouldn't talk to me" Seth reported as he walked through the door.
He had just come from the detention centre. He threw his keys angrily on to the counter. "He wouldn't even come in and sit down when he saw who it was!"
Seth was upset. He thought he and Ryan were like brothers. That they could and would share everything.
But Ryan wasn't holding up his end of the bargain any more. He was cutting himself off, and Seth couldn't figure out why.
He figured that if he were stuck in a place like that, he would want Ryan to come and visit him. Keep him sane.
"His face was bruised up" Seth added, plopping himself down at the counter. "I think he's been fighting"
It was the wrong thing to say, Seth thought when he saw his mother's face.
They had all become accustomed to seeing Kirsten ready to cry for the past couple days. But this tidbit of information just made the event all the more closer.
Seth looked at his father, who looked ragged and worn out. He knew Ryan had shut himself off of Sandy too. He'd reported it when he'd gotten home yesterday.
His father had said that they were losing him, and Seth scoffed at him. They couldn't lose Ryan, Ryan was their family. His brother, their son. You couldn't just… lose someone.
He had reasoned that when Ryan saw Seth he would want to talk. But that wasn't the case at all.
Now Seth was thinking his father was right, about losing Ryan. But only because Ryan was shutting himself off, turning away from them. Why? Seth wondered. Why would anyone do that to their family?
………………………………..
"Atwood, visitor" the guard banged his stick against the cell door.
Ryan sighed, uncurling himself from a fetal position on the top bunk. It seemed like all he was doing was visiting these days.
Sandy and Seth had come. He was sure Kirsten was afraid to come back here, after what happened last time.
He wondered who it was as the guard led him down the long row of cells.
"Ryan Atwood?" an older woman sitting at the table asked as he entered the door.
Ryan didn't reply, but studied her.
"I'm Karen Sykes, your new public defender"
Ryan sat down across from her, again without saying a word.
She shook her head at him, looking down at his file.
"So you're here for assault this time?" she asked.
Ryan looked at the table.
"Well, I'll tell you now, that with your record, getting you off the charges will not likely be an opportunity, but pleading down your case is, which means you would only have to spend about six months in here" she sounded hopeful.
Six months in here, Ryan thought. He wasn't sure he could last six months in here. That would almost bring him to his next birthday.
"Great" he replied shortly, "Can I go now?"
"I hope you're planning on straightening that attitude in court" she commented.
Ryan glared.
"And a suit wouldn't help, do you have anything nice?
Ryan stared her down, "Judges make it a point not to judge on appearance of a minor in custody. It's looked down upon if they take any information except factual and residual in to consideration when making a decision with a case. So if you think that me, wearing a suit, is going to do your job for you, you're wrong." He told her then went to the door to be let out.
He knew he shouldn't have snapped at her. She was pleading his case of course. His being a jackass wouldn't change that, it would only piss her off.
Too late, he thought.
If she could only get him down to six months, it wouldn't be so bad to serve another few until his birthday.
At least in juvie he couldn't hurt anyone but himself.
………………………………………..
Sandy stared across the living room from beside Kirsten. He couldn't comprehend what Catherine was saying. He hadn't thought this would ever be the outcome. Somewhere, in the back of his mind Sandy always had this small little hope that was saying Ryan would be fine. Everything would work out.
Now Catherine, from Child Services, was telling them all differently.
She said she'd already delivered the news to Ryan, and that he seemed to be taking it rather well.
But Sandy and Kirsten also knew that it was all a façade. That was the way Ryan was.
"So… I just don't understand why he can't come back to live with us, if Louis isn't pressing charges"
"My supervisor thinks it's in his best interest to place him with someone else. Give him a different environment where, perhaps, he fits in more"
"He fits in fine here" Kirsten snapped at her. "I'm sorry" she quickly added.
Catherine offered a shaky smile, "Lets just all hope that this is what is best for Ryan. That's our common goal, right?"
Sandy and Kirsten nodded. But they both knew that this was not what was best for Ryan.
"What if it doesn't work out… at the group home?" Kirsten asked her, "What if he doesn't like it there? Can he come back here?"
Catherine smiled gently, "unfortunately, because he has already been placed here and it didn't work out, he won't likely be put back in to your care"
"But he wants to be here" Seth said, from the door way where he stood, "I know he does, he just won't show it!"
"Well, until he does show it, there's nothing we can do" Catherine slowly shook her head. "On the other hand, if you wish to, you can always apply for information on his whereabouts, assuming both him and his new legal guardians agree to let you continue to converse with him."
Sandy, Kirsten and Seth said nothing, instead they just stared at this stranger sitting in their living room. She was tearing everything they hoped for apart.
At first they had been ecstatic, when Sandy told him someone from Child Services was coming. It meant that Ryan wasn't going to be staying in juvenile hall much longer. He was getting out, coming home. Getting another chance.
But apparently there were no more chances for them to all be together left.
…………………………………….
Ryan sat in the small two door car with Catherine, his social worker.
He was on his way to his new home, she had told him.
He'd thought she was a good omen at first. The first words from her mouth had been 'Louis has decided not to press charges'
It meant he was free to go. He didn't have to deal with Karen, his new defence attorney. He wouldn't have to be afraid of being spotted by Donnie again, now that he was finished his 'time out'.
He could see the Cohens. Apologize. Get back to school, see Marissa. Have a life.
But then she'd told him the rest of the story. Including who she was, and why she was there.
To take him to a new home.
'What about the Cohens?" Ryan had asked.
They felt it wasn't the best placement for him, she had replied.
But it was, he almost told her. It was. But then why had he had so many problems living there?
He would be staying with three other kids at the group home Catherine had told him. Three other kids, Ryan had thought.
There was no escaping three kids.
He could escape Seth when he was in a bad mood, just be locking the pool house door.
He doubted there was a pool house where he was going. He doubted he would even have a room to his self.
She had told him he'd be staying in a house in Chino Hills. The better part of Chino, where the houses weren't so run down and there wasn't furniture on the lawns.
It wasn't Newport, Ryan thought, but it wasn't Larch street either.
There would be no drunken mother or abusive boyfriend.
Or at least, he didn't think so.
You had to go through a program to be part of the foster care system, didn't you? You had to have a decent income and a decent family, a decent house.
Thoughts of White Oleander popped in to his mind's eye. He pushed them away.
He could make a new start here, Ryan thought to himself.
He wouldn't be a burden to the Cohens anymore, or a danger.
He wouldn't have Marissa's problems to deal with. Or any other Newport Drama that Seth had informed him, several times, was to do with old plotlines of The Valley.
How Seth knew that, Ryan didn't want to know.
Maybe this was just best. He sort of stuck out like a sore thumb in Newport anyways. He could fit in here, be normal.
Sort of. Another normal foster kid anyways.
Ryan wondered why Louis wasn't pressing charges to begin with. He didn't have to search for an answer long.
He must want Ryan to drop his charges.
An eye for an eye.
He had, or he'd at least told Catherine he wanted to. She said she would take care of it, he needn't worry.
……………………………………
Sandy looked out the pool house doors and in to the bright sunlight. He was sitting on Ryan's bed.
Well, his old bed.
Just sitting. Thinking.
How could this have happened? He wondered. We're his parents, how could they take him away from the Cohens when they hadn't even taken him away from Dawn?
They loved him here. He loved them. There wasn't any of that with Dawn, but they'd left him there to be beaten, starved and ignored.
He knew they were all taking the situation pretty hard.
Kirsten wouldn't stop drinking coffee. He wasn't sure any more whether it was torment that kept her up at night or caffeine.
Seth wouldn't leave his room, except to attend school.
He hadn't seen Marissa or Summer over since Ryan had been taken away.
But then again, why would they be over? It's not like Seth was such a great person to see these days anyways.
…………………………….
Seth stared down at Captain Oats hard, blaming him for everything that had gone wrong so far.
Of course that was ridiculous, Seth knew that Captain Oats was merely a plastic remnant of a childhood toy, but he also knew that Captain Oats stood for a small reasonable corner of his mind.
The same corner that had told him to be Ryan's friend.
The same one that had told him Ryan and Seth were no brothers.
The same one that was now saying they no longer were. Friends or brothers.
Seth threw Captain Oats against the window, hoping for it to shatter.
It didn't happen, the horse merely bounced off the thick pane of glass and on to his maps of Tahiti.
It pissed Seth off even more.
He grabbed an old baseball his father had given him off his night table and chucked it hard. Right through the window.
At the sound of tinkling glass Seth could finally breathe. The warm California air drifted in through the now shattered window.
He knew he'd be in trouble. But Seth just didn't care anymore.
He was alone. Again.
………………………….
Kirsten heard the glass break and was up the stairs in a second. She knocked hard on Seth's bedroom door.
No response.
She grabbed the handle and opened it, finding Seth standing in the middle of the room, which was a mess, staring out the shattered window pane.
"Seth?" she asked warily. His back was too her.
"It's not fair" he said.
Kirsten pursed her lips, urging herself not to cry. "I know, sweetie" she replied, placing an arm around his shoulders and leading him back to the edge of his bed to sit down.
Sandy found them both quietly crying in each other's arms.
Both of them so precariously perched on the edge of the bed, Sandy though they would fall off.
The window was broken.
"What did you do?" Sandy started to lecture.
Kirsten glared at him through her tears and Sandy said nothing more.
It was just a broken window. A broken family was much more important that a stupid window.
He sat on the bed with them, putting at arm around Kirsten's shoulder and the other hand patting Seth's back.
They weren't crying anymore. They were just a broken family, sitting by a broken window in silence.
Sandy wondered if this would ever get better.
………………………………….
They pulled up to the small home in Chino hills just after seven and Ryan knew he was right.
It was a small house, worn down but in decent shape. The lawn was immaculate, the gardens were weed less.
And his new 'family' was sitting outside on the porch.
There would be no bedroom for himself.
When their car pulled in to the driveway Ryan saw the man and woman stand up, climbing down the few steps from the porch. The kids stayed where they were, as if the whole thing were rehearsed.
He hated it here already.