Facing the Past
Chapter Seventeen
Phillip knocked on the solid wooden door. He wasn't sure why he was doing this, wasn't sure why he felt compelled to… help this kid but he did.
According to Ryan it was the same way Sandy had felt first meeting him.
Phil had finally settled it down to a few things. Simple things. The kid had had a shitty life. Then he'd been given a chance. Because of a number of extenuating circumstances, his chance had been taken away. Now he was miserable, stuck back in Chino where, in Ryan's words, "He didn't belong".
So the real question was, Why leave a kid some place where he's unhappy and set up to fail, instead of a place he could be very happy, and make something of his life.
Just the way Ryan talked about Seth he knew the two boys got along better than brothers. The Cohens offered a support system to Ryan, which was what her really needed.
The door swung open revealing a man of about fifty whom Phillip knew to be more accommodating than he looked.
"John" Phillip greeted.
"Hey Phillip, I didn't think you were back in the office yet, you were –"
"Taking a leave, I know, and I did, but it just doesn't feel right not being around all this" Phil smiled at the man, following him in to the office.
"So what brings you here?" John asked him, sitting himself down in a large leather chair.
"Business, mostly"
"As always, what can I help you with?"
Phillip smiled. He and John had been friends since high school at Chino Hills. They both understood the system there, and they both understood that Chino could swallow a person alive, including their dreams.
"I know this kid, John. He's a good kid, and he's at a placement I can see he doesn't like. Thing is, he has people that love him, care for him, want to be his parents… "
John shook his head slowly, "You've lost me, Phil, you know I don't deal with the placements themselves, you'd have to speak with the kid's social worker"
"That's the thing, John. This isn't a normal case. Social services doesn't believe that placing this kid with the people who care about him is his best option, ridiculous, right?"
"Sounds like it so far" John admitted, "What's the catch?"
"Kid comes from Chino. I mean the right-down-town-walk-outside-and-you'll-be-shot part of Chino. His family history frankly sucks, no parents around, so as far as the kid's concerned, he needs to fight to survive. Few months ago his defence lawyer takes him in for a couple nights, turns in to a long stay when the kid's mother abandons him for a second time. Loving home, great school, kid's got friends, a girlfriend and a few black marks appear on his record, namely for fighting…. Suddenly he can't stay with these great people anymore, and he's whisked back to Chino by Child Services –"
John was nodding his head now, he raised his hand to silence Phillip, "The Atwood kid, right? Sandy put you up to this?"
Phil shook his head, "I met this kid through… well weird circumstances –"
"Weird?"
Phil looked at the man dressed in dark robes, his friend for years. "His mother was in the car that killed Rae"
John's face fell, "I'm sorry, Phillip"
"Thanks John. Thing is, the kid shows up at the funeral, pisses me off to start with, I ran in to him yesterday John, the kid was obviously unhappy, he wants to be back with the Cohens."
"Kids can't always have what they want" John shrugged, "Look, I already talked to Sandy about this and –"
"John!" Phillip pleaded, "Listen to me, as your friend for years. Remember when we were growing up? Why put another kid through that when he has a safe place to stay. He has reasons for doing what he did, they're just not acceptable to the judicial system or Child Services, but to us, to anyone from Chino or a rough area, they are at very least understandable."
John said nothing so Phil kept going.
"The fight where he beat up that kid? He did it because that kid beat himself up twice, beat his brother up once, then he shows up at the house? We both know how Ryan was perceiving that John. As a threat. Tell me you wouldn't do the same if some stranger walked in to your house, with your family, and threatened it!"
"We can't have vigilantes running amok in our society, it undermines the entire legal system!"
"I know that, John, just as you know it. But do you understand why he did it? Wouldn't you do the same thing? It wasn't revenge! It was an answer to a serious threat!"
John let out a long breath, leaning back in his chair. His fingers rubbed the grey stubble on his chin for a few moments.
"I still don't see how I can impact the Child Services department" he sighed.
Phillip smiled, "I do" he replied, handing John a package of legal documents.
………………………………………….
Kirsten, Sandy and Seth were all sitting down to a silent dinner of Thai when a knock on the door echoed through the kitchen.
They all looked at each other for a few beats before Kirsten stood up to answer it.
She swung the door inward, stepping back a few feet, to reveal a man who looked to be in his forties, a tad of greying hair at his temples. The man looked determined.
And Phillip was. He didn't know these people, only that Ryan cared a great deal about being with them. They had to be nice, understanding people.
John Ryker had finally gotten around to reading through and signing the applicable forms today. Phillip had been hoping to be able to visit the Cohens sooner, but he didn't want to show up with an empty promise. It had been four days since his visit with John, five since he'd last seen Ryan.
"Hi" Phillip greeted, he couldn't keep the large smile off his face.
Kirsten smiled briefly back, "Can I help you?" she asked, looking for whatever the man was selling.
Phil noticed, "I'm not here to sell anything… I mean, except an idea. I just, sorry I'll start over" he was too excited.
Someone approached Kirsten from behind, a man about her age with dark wavy hair.
He introduced himself to Sandy, who shook his hand as well.
"I'm sorry, nervous.. happy" Phillip babbled, "You don't know me, my name is Phillip Symington and –"
"Ryan's not here" a voice interrupted him from behind Kirsten.
"Seth" Kirsten lectured silently.
Phil smiled, "So you're Seth?" he asked the boy.
Seth stared back at him.
"Maybe you should come in" Sandy finally said, backing out of the way to let Phillip through.
Phil smiled.
………………………………………
Ryan sat on the small wooden porch to his 'home'. He snorted at the thought, taking another drag on the cigarette between his fingers.
It was dark, late. He had last checked the clock at two in the morning, when Sammy had woken him up with his crying.
He had found a few packs of smokes a couple days ago, when he was sorting through the Hamiltons' things trying to figure out the place they were staying.
They had left for the night, after leaving Ryan to babysit. Ryan had even been feeling fairly confident on his child care skills.
At least until mid afternoon the next day.
When Mark and Lorraine still weren't home.
It was a set up, he told himself. They were gone, they didn't want anything to do with us anymore.
Ryan lit another smoke, listening past the propped door to make sure the kids were still sleeping.
He hadn't called Catherine yet. He didn't want to. If he called someone, it made the situation all the more real.
He had made someone leave again, only this time, it wasn't just himself, it was three other kids as well.
If he called someone, it meant that Mark and Lorraine were gone for sure, that they would all be placed some where else in the system, and frankly, Ryan wasn't sure he wanted to meet another set of Lorraine-and-Mark.
He didn't want to be re-placed.
They had been steadily running out of food. The groceries Ryan had bought hadn't lasted two days. Namely because most of them had finally turned. The fruit was gone, Ryan had chucked it as soon as he saw fruit flies doing their little dance around the bruised apples.
The meat they had cooked on their first day alone, for dinner.
Ryan had suddenly been very glad that he had learned to cook at such a young age.
The children had been pestering him since Mark and Lorraine had left.
"Where mom, where dad?" Sammy kept asking.
Klara's eyes told the story, that she knew. After a couple days they seemed to get even sadder when she realised they were now on their own.
Case had surprised him by throwing a tantrum, then bursting in to tears.
That had been interesting, Ryan thought back. It was the first time he had ever hugged someone first, willingly.
But something inside him had changed. Ryan had felt it. The kids were first, he knew after the parents had left. Just as he'd looked after Trey, despite the fact that Trey was older.
Just as he'd watched over Theresa on the playground. Just as he felt the need to watch over Seth.
He was the protector of innocence. Ryan snorted again in amusement, throwing his smoke butt in to the overgrown front lawn.
If he were the protector of innocence, he was also the breaker of it, because today he'd fallen back to his old ways.
He thought back to the woman sitting outside the supermarket, waiting for a bus. How surprised would she be when she realised her wallet had been stolen. From someone towing around three kids to top it off.
The wallet was inside on the kitchen table, beside the man's he had stolen earlier. Men were easier, the woman just happened to be there.
He had kept the wallets, instead of tossing them, simply because he wanted, one day, to be able to…
To what? Ryan asked himself. To write them? To apologize?
No. he wanted to send what was stolen from them back.
He definitely wasn't a Chino kid anymore. Ryan let out a yawn, his eyes watered.
He hadn't had a good sleep since the night he'd gotten home from talking with Phillip. The night it felt like weights had been removed from his shoulders.
Inside he heard Sammy let out a loud cry. He hadn't cried this much before, Ryan thought, getting up from the porch.
When he entered Sammy and Klara's room, he saw Klara sitting up in her bed, eyes twinkling in the dark. She was staring at the two year old across the room who was throwing a fit.
"Sammy" Ryan comforted, lifting the kid from his railed bed. He rubbed the kids back, walking around the room in circles. This had worked before, it had worked the night Mark and Lorraine left.
It wasn't working now. Sammy's screams just kept getting louder.
He shared a glance with wide-eyed Klara, who sat on the bed staring at him.
"I'm sorry" he told her. He was sorry about this mess, about Mark leaving, and Lorraine. He was sorry that Sammy was keeping her up at night, but most of all, Ryan was sorry that he was finally going to call someone.
Let them know that the Hamiltons were no longer around.
Her eyes showed understanding, and if Ryan didn't know better, it looked like a small smile was on her lips.
He paused. He hadn't ever seen this little girl smile before, he held out his hand to her, "you want to come sit outside?" he asked.
Klara jumped from the bed and grabbed Ryan's hand, "lets go wake up Case too" he whispered in to the night.
He flicked on the hall light, entering his and Case' room to find the twelve year old already awake and waiting.
"Are you calling them?" Case asked Ryan, meeting his eyes.
Ryan's breath caught, "I'm sorry… I have to, I can't.." he tried to explain.
Case nodded solemnly, getting out of bed he followed Ryan and the kids in to the kitchen.
The kids had all been fairly quiet the past couple days. Case had told him he didn't want to move again, which was partly the reason Ryan had not called Catherine prior to this. Even Klara had been more responsive.
Not that she had really spoken, but her eyes seemed… brighter… inquisitive.
Ryan knew she understood everything that was happening.
Sammy let out another loud wail, causing the other kids to slam their hands over their ears and whisper "shhh" out of habit.
Ryan smiled, hoping he was doing the right thing.
Placing Sammy on the table still wailing loudly, Ryan grabbed the plastic phone from the charger, punching in a number he had long since remembered.
It was Kirsten that answered this time as well. She must be closer to the phone, Ryan reasoned, remembering the last time he'd called so early in the morning.
"hi Kirsten" Ryan managed to get out.
There was a pause, "Ryan?" she asked, "Why… what's wrong?"
What wasn't? Ryan asked himself. "Uhh.."
"Is that a kid crying?" she asked.
Ryan turned, glancing at Sammy who was red faced. Ryan opened the fridge, grabbing a sip cup and giving it to Sammy, kissing him on the forehead.
It was hot. Sammy's forehead that was. He wasn't sure how he hadn't noticed it before, but the kid seemed to be burning up.
Sammy threw the sip cup at Ryan, causing it to bounce off his shin. Ryan let out a hiss of pain, the kid had an arm too.
"Ryan?" Kirsten's worried voice questioned.
"Yea, sorry. The crying is Sammy.. I think he has a fever… or something" Ryan rubbed his shin.
"Where are his… where are the parents?" Kirsten asked, closing her eyes and biting her lip.
"They…." Ryan found he couldn't seem to get it out.
"They left, didn't they?" Kirsten knew. She just knew. Maybe it was the sound of Ryan's defeated voice in the phone at… two in the morning that told her, or maybe it was just a mom thing, but somehow, Kirsten knew.
"Where are you?" Kirsten asked, grabbing a notepad from the night table.
Ryan repeated the address, then paused, "Can you.. bring Sandy?" Ryan asked in a whispered tone.
"We'll both be there shortly… " Kirsten said, hopping out of bed and shaking Sandy awake.
"Do you have a thermometer? To take Sammy's temperature?" Kirsten asked, mothering skills taking over.
"I… don't know" Ryan said, "Where… where would it be?" he asked.
"Try the dish cupboard, or where ever the bandages and that are kept" Kirsten told him, taking the phone away from her mouth to whisper to Sandy.
"We have to go, now. Ryan needs us" she explained.
Sandy jumped out of bed, more awake than he'd ever been in the mornings. Kirsten smiled, the two of them sure the hell loved this kid.
"Uhh.. Kirsten, I found one" Ryan said, holding the thermometer in his spare hand.
"Great, now what kind is it?" Kirsten asked him.
Ryan studied the thermometer in his hand. "Uhh.. I… don't know"
"Is it in a plastic casing?" she asked.
Ryan nodded, then realised she couldn't see him, "Yea" he told her.
"Take it apart and see if the instructions are still there" Kirsten ordered him.
Ryan took the thermometer from it's casing, it was in an odd shape. He studied the casing looking for clues.
"The ear" he finally told her, looking at the small pictures on the casing.
Kirsten let out a small laugh, "Kid, you don't know how much you just lucked out" Kirsten told him, "This is easy Ryan… just hold the thermometer in Sammy's ear until it beeps and gives you a reading, then read it back. I'm gonna give the phone to Sandy so I can get dressed" she finished.
"Hey kid" Sandy greeted him over the phone.
"Hey" Ryan let out, watching the small apparatus. Sammy was, incredibly, managing to wail without moving his head much.
It beeped, and he checked it. " 101.7" he read back to Sandy. He could hear Sandy repeating it to Kirsten.
"The Kirsten says that it's high, but at home treatable for now. She needs you to try and find some medicine for children with fevers… How old is Sammy?"
"About two" Ryan replied, unsure exactly.
"Okay, Kirsten says to use some cool clothes if you can't find any medicine. She's going to grab some from here, and we'll be there shortly…. You okay kid?" Sandy asked.
"Uh, yea… great" Ryan muttered, looking down at the three kids sitting in the kitchen. "Can you be… quick?" he asked.
Sandy let out a laugh, "Yea kid, we'll go as fast as we can"
Ryan hung up the phone, setting it on the kitchen table he looked at Case, "Do you know if Lorraine has any kid's medicine?" Ryan asked.
Case shrugged, but Klara took off down the hall to the washroom.
She re entered the kitchen carrying an old brown metal medicine chest, setting it on the table.
"Thanks" Ryan told her, opening the lid. It was full of old prescription medicine and some Contact-C. He dug out a bottle of Robitussin, half empty, and checked it. It didn't say it was for kids.
He kept digging, about to admit defeat when he saw a small bottle full of purple syrup.
Children's Motrin, he read. For relief of pain and fevers.
Ryan breathed a sigh of relief, flipping over to the instructions, looking for a dosage.
………………………………………
By the time Sandy and Kirsten pulled up to the small house in Chino, Sammy was fast asleep in Ryan's lap. They were all sitting on the porch with the light on, staring quietly in to the semi-darkness.
Ryan had been eyeing his cigarettes warily for the past forty five minutes or so, then looking at Sammy.
He couldn't do that to a kid. Someone who had no say.
So the red Marlboro softpak lay on the steps, just out of reach.
"Ryan?" Kirsten called out, emerging from the car. Ryan stood up, holding Sammy in his arms, he felt a tired Klara and Case stand beside him. Klara grabbed his arm, hiding behind him.
Ryan was afraid that Kirsten would squish the kid he was holding, he took a step back and Kirsten finally let go.
"Is this?" she asked.
Ryan nodded, "Sammy, Case and Klara" he pointed at each one in turn.
Tears began to run down Kirsten's face, "How long since you saw-"
"four days or so" Ryan whispered, hanging his head.
"Why didn't you call?" she asked, wiping her cheeks.
"I…" Why hadn't he called. It all seemed so stupid now. Stupid reasons. He shrugged as Sandy approached, a tussled Seth following in his wake.
"I wouldn't let them leave without me" Seth smiled largely. "Their fault they woke me up anyways" Seth grinned, holding out a fist.
Ryan would have bumped knuckles with him, if Klara hadn't been tightly grasping on to his arm. He looked down, and Seth seemed to understand, dropping his hand.
"We leave you alone for a couple days and look what happens" Seth joked, "You've been busy" he cocked an eyebrow at Ryan.
Ryan let out a quiet laugh.
"Did you find anything for –"
Ryan nodded at the bottle sitting on the porch, beside his smokes. Kirsten's gaze followed.
"Children's Motrin, Seth's medicine of choice" Kirsten commented.
Seth stiffened, "It comes in good flavours" he defended himself.
Ryan grinned.
"Marlboro, not such a great choice for kids" Sandy couldn't let it pass.
Ryan bit his lip, "I'm sorry I just…"
Kirsten shot Sandy a look, quieting him. "Not that I'm defending your smoking, Ryan, I just feel that now isn't quite the time to deal with that" Kirsten told him, sharing a look that said he would get the lecture later.
"Let me take him" Kirsten nodded to Sammy, "Give you a rest"
Ryan nodded, carefully handing Sammy over to Kirsten who took him gently.
His arms felt like dead weights. Ironically they also felt incredibly light, as if he'd been lifting for hours and was finally free of them.
"I guess we'd better call Child Services" Sandy said, he paused at the door to the house, "And we have a lot to talk about" he finished, sending a glance at Ryan and thinking of Phillip.
He knew Phillip hadn't told the kid anything, out of fear that nothing would come from it.
Hell, Sandy knew that even now nothing may come of it, but he was also positive that he couldn't hold such good news, such a good chance, away from Ryan.
Yes, they all had much to talk about.