Facing the Past
Chapter Nineteen
The closer the Rover got to the Cohen house, the more Ryan's stomach seemed to want to escape via his mouth.
His palms were sweaty, he knew because he had to keep wiping them on his jeans every two minutes.
Seth had to be nervous too, because he really hadn't said a word since they'd all left the pier. Not even Marissa or Summer spoke up from the backseat.
Ryan found himself staring out the window, watching the now familiar sights pass him by. He remembered the first time he had driven past all this with Sandy. Ryan had wanted to laugh and cry at the same time.
Laugh because people here seemed to have no worries about their financial future. Driving the best and newest cars with the loudest stereos. No kids here wore hooded sweatshirts and A-shirts from the local Walmart.
He had wanted to cry for the same reason, because everyone here seemed so entirely wrapped up in their Newport bubble, that they didn't know or even care about the people like him. It was sad, really.
"So.." Seth countered as he pulled the Rover in to the driveway.
Ryan glanced over at him, lifting his eyebrows.
"Uh, yeah, uhm… well it doesn't look like they're home yet so…"
Silence reigned once again.
"Grand Theft Auto?" Seth suggested.
"ooh, I love that game" Summer let out, "You get to –" she stopped and stared at Ryan who offered a wan smile.
"Been there, hit that state of awkwardness" Seth smiled as he got out of the car.
Ryan was the last to get out of the car, the trio waited anxiously. He glanced at Marissa, who smiled tentatively, holding out her hand.
"Look, if you don't want to –" Seth started, "I'll understand"
Ryan pressed his toes in to his grubby shoes. Did he want to do this? Part of him said yes, another part of him said no.
He wanted to see Kirsten and Sandy, spend some time with Seth… his family. Marissa.
He didn't want to be caught. Or yelled at. He wasn't sure what Kirsten and Sandy's reaction to him would even be. He had, essentially, up and left without a trace for a week. This was worse than hiding out in a development for a couple days.
But Sandy had given him that money. Didn't that mean there was some sort of approval?
Or maybe a trick. To get him to trust, to come back. If that was the case, he was falling for it head first.
"No, I'll…" he didn't finish the statement, instead he followed Seth and Summer inside, hand intertwined with Marissa's.
"I'm glad you're back" Marissa told him as they sat on the couch waiting for Seth to return.
"I'm not –" Ryan started. Stopped. Was he back? He couldn't be back. According to Social Services, to Catherine, the Cohens were no longer his family. He couldn't stay here, hiding out with the Cohens. It wouldn't work. Eventually, someone would see him and tell.
"It's not… permanent" Ryan finally told her, looking at his lap.
"But… you're here, right, why don't you just stay? I'm sure the Cohens wouldn't –"
Ryan snorted. "And what, I couldn't register for school, or even a job. It wouldn't exactly be inconspicuous" Ryan told her.
Marissa bit her lip, "But they're your –"
"Not anymore" he snapped. Because they weren't. His family. Not any more. He didn't even want to get in to it with Marissa, he knew it was still a sore spot for him.
He'd had hope here, of a future, of a career… of a family. And now…Now all there was was this small voice at the back of his head reminding him that Kirsten and Sandy were going through the adoption process.
A process that may, or may not, be approved.
"I'm sorry, it's just… can we not talk about this?"
"Yea.. I'm… sorry" Marissa said meekly. He noticed she'd withdrawn her hand from his.
Seth entered the room, balancing an assortment of snack food. "We have pop, popcorn, chips, cheesies and pretzels" he made a face, "Those are mom's"
"Uh, aren't we here for dinner?" Summer asked.
"Appetizer" Seth shrugged, "Videogames give me the munchies"
Summer shook her head. "You're a pig, Cohen"
"Hey, I've seen you eat, you're not a pretty sight yourself" Seth shot back, precariously setting things down one at a time.
Summer shot him a death glare, then eyed the pretzels.
"All yours" Seth noticed handing them to her, "Don't need a rage blackout". He turned to Ryan and Marissa who were seated on the couch, "And what can I get our resident couch potatoes?"
"Nothing" Ryan told him.
Marissa shrugged.
"If there's nothing appealing, there's more in the –"
"No thanks" Ryan interrupted.
"Oh. I see. Now that we're back home you're the un-talkative bunny again" Seth remarked.
Ryan shot him a look.
"Early morning cartoon" Seth explained, "A great one, like Happy Little Tree Friends or –" he noticed everyone staring at him, "Never mind" he finished, plopping himself beside Summer.
"So, what are we gonna play?" Summer broke the silence.
No one answered.
"Oookay, Grand Theft it is" she said, grabbing the case.
"Already in there" Seth remarked, finishing off a handful of popcorn. He shot a glance at Ryan. "You okay man?"
"Yeah, fine" Ryan replied.
Being back at the Cohens wasn't weird. Not at all. Not compared to… well, a dog with three heads or something.
…………………………………….
"Hey honey, what brings you home so late?" Sandy asked, waiting at the doorstep for his wife.
Kirsten made a face, "Newpsie meeting, and you?"
"Well, obviously nothing as.. important and interesting as a meeting with Newport's finest ladies" Sandy joked.
Kirsten laughed, "Try saying that without the sarcasm next time Sandy"
"I tried!" he protested, "I practise in the mirror and everything! It just…"
He was interrupted with Kirsten's kiss.
"Seth's home" She said when they parted.
"Yea… we could just avoid him and sneak up to the room.."
Kirsten laughed, "Only for him to interrupt two minutes later for dinner"
"Good point" he whispered, holding the door open for her.
"Seth!" Kirsten called once she entered, "Dinner!"
"Liar" Sandy commented, "We don't have dinner yet"
"It gets him to come faster" Kirsten remarked, "See" she said, Seth was sliding across the kitchen floor in his socked feet.
"Like a dog with a bell" Sandy commented dryly.
"Hey mom, dad" Seth greeted, standing apprehensively at the entrance to the living room. Sandy could hear the faint sounds of video games.
"Do you have company?" Sandy asked, raising his eyebrows.
"Yes, surprised?" Seth shot back.
"Female?"
"Two of 'em"
"That'll only get you in trouble" Sandy commented, setting his briefcase on the counter. Kirsten shot him a look, "Not that I know!" he exclaimed.
"Actually, guys, someone else is… here too" Seth finally managed to get out.
"Ah, a regular party when we're away" Sandy remarked.
Seth studied his parents. They weren't catching on. Sometimes adults could just be so…dense. He knew how to handle this, he turned around towards the living room, "Hey Ryan, what do you want for dinner?" Seth yelled.
He turned back to his parents. That got them. They had stopped, their faces frozen, expressionless.
At once, without a word, both parents began rushing towards the living room, brushing past Seth.
"High ground, it's a stampede!" Seth yelled, turning to follow them, rolling his eyes.
So predictable.
……………………………….
Ryan stared at them for a moment, hovering just inside the living room. They just stood there, seeming to wait as if it were a trick.
His mouth was dry, his tongue felt too big for his mouth. Like it was all cotton.
"What's wrong with them?" Summer asked, teasing.
Ryan stood up, stuffing his hands in his pockets.
"Ryan!" Kirsten exclaimed, rushing the couch and nearly crushing him with the weight of her hug.
Ryan smiled, glancing past her shoulder at Sandy.
"Honey… he has to breath" Sandy commented.
Kirsten didn't let go.
"Uh, mom…" Seth said pointedly.
Kirsten finally pulled away, rubbing her eyes. Mascara streaks tell-tale signs of her tears. "I'm sorry" she apologized, hastily wiping his shoulder, "I just.. it's"
She wrapped Ryan in another hug, "It's so good to see you! I was so worried" she sniffed, letting him go a little bit sooner this time and pulling back to look at him.
"You look cold, do you have enough clothes? Where are you sleeping? Are you eating? Drinking? You're not smoking again are you?"
The questions came all at once.
"Mom…take a pill" Seth commented, leaning against the wall and watching the scene unfold humorously.
"Yea honey, give him some space" Sandy commented, pulling his wife back gently.
Next thing Ryan knew Sandy was giving him quick hug, "Good to see you" he said, a million other things wanting to come out as well.
Like why? And where? And, how could you do such a stupid thing?
He held his tongue for now, it would only get him in to trouble.
"Summer, Marissa" Kirsten finally acknowledged the girls, quickly turning back to Ryan as though expecting him to disappear. "What do you want for dinner, Ryan?"
Ryan shrugged, "Whatever's around"
"Don't be silly. This is a special occasion, we need something big, something good, expensive…something –"
Ryan was uncomfortable. Expensive to Kirsten meant forty bucks a plate or more. "I'm not.. I mean, I'm not staying the night" Ryan interrupted.
He may as well get it over with.
Kirsten stopped talking, concern overtaking her face. "but where are you –"
"I have a motel… for another night" Ryan explained, "I already paid so-"
"What about tomorrow night?"
Ryan shrugged. He had planned on either roughing it or hitting a shelter, assuming he could find one, but he wasn't going to tell them that. "I know some people"
"You know us, you could stay until the papers are sorted out" her voice was pleading.
"I –"
"Lets talk about this after dinner" Sandy suggested, "I'm starving" he could sense Ryan's uneasiness. He didn't want the kid running off again.
"I'll go order, I was thinking Yoshi's –" Kirsten began, turning around.
"Yoshi's is awesome" Summer exclaimed, following quickly after the crowd, leaving Sandy and Ryan alone.
Ryan studied the floor.
"So.. it's good to have you back, even if it's just for dinner" Sandy told him, "You had Kirsten going out of her mind, me too"
"Sorry" he apologized, "I just didn't want to…end up at the centre."
"Better than the streets" Sandy remarked, immediately wishing he hadn't.
Ryan shuffled his feet, then looked up, reaching in to his pocket. He pulled out the wad of money Seth had given him and went to place it in Sandy's hand, which he withdrew.
"I don't need it" Ryan told him, "Really, I'm doing fine"
"You need it more than I do, keep it for an emergency." Sandy had doubts about Ryan's plans to stay with friends.
Ryan opened his mouth to argue, but Sandy shushed it with a look that said final. He stuck the money back in his jean pocket, following Sandy from the living room.
"I got that look from you, y'know" Sandy commented, a smile on his lips.
Ryan grinned. He was glad he was back too, even if it was only for a dinner.
………………………………..
They all sat around the large oak dining room table, gourmet plates of food filling most of the space, deserts covering the rest.
Seth let out a groan, wincing in pain. "I think I'm going to explode" he commented, leaning over slightly.
"Well you did eat two plates…" Summer commented, looking half amused, half disgusted.
Marissa grinned, "And your left-overs" she reminded Summer, sitting back in her chair.
"Pig" Summer remarked, laughing.
"Yeah, yeah, lets all pick on the one who's about to blow up on you all, good idea" Seth said, trying to straighten.
"You did eat a lot, man" Ryan told him.
"It was good" Seth defended.
"And all that popcorn" Ryan went on.
"And most of a two-litre of coke" Marissa added.
"And the pretzels you said I could have" Summer shot him a look.
"I think I'm going to be sick" Seth commented, laying his face down on the cool table.
"You do look a little green, son" Sandy said, joining in.
"If you're going to be sick, Seth, can you not get it on the new carpet" Kirsten commented, popping a left over piece of croissant in to her mouth and smiling.
Seth only groaned.
Ryan, on the other hand, stood up and began grabbing plates to bring to the kitchen.
"Ryan, you don't have to do that" Kirsten protested.
"No, it's okay" Ryan told her, continuing to gather.
"Let me help then" she replied, standing and grabbing a few things as well, shooting Sandy a look.
He stood quietly and began collecting what was left. "You kids… maybe you should try finding a bucket for Seth" he suggested, leaving the room as Seth groaned again.
In the kitchen Ryan was scraping left over scraps in to the trash, handing the plates to Kirsten who was rinsing them.
"I will still never understand the point of cleaning them just to put in the dishwasher" Sandy commented, grabbing the rinsed dishes and beginning to load the dishwasher.
Ryan, standing on the far side of the kitchen didn't offer a response. He knew it was coming. Sandy and Kirsten always railroaded in the kitchen.
"So, can we give you a lift back to the motel you're staying at?" Kirsten finally broke the tense silence.
"Uh, I think Seth was gonna –"
"Right" Kirsten nodded immediately. "And, tomorrow night you're going to –"
"Stay with friends" Ryan finished.
"Where do your friends live?" Sandy asked.
Ryan hesitated, "Here and there" he replied, not being able to come up with an answer. He didn't know the area well enough.
"Right" Sandy commented, "Does here and there include the streets?" Sandy asked, straightening up.
Ryan kept scraping, unable to meet Sandy's gaze.
"No, they have places" he lied.
"What are their names?" Sandy questioned.
"Sandy!" Kirsten exclaimed.
"What? I'm trying to keep our kid off the streets Kirsten! He doesn't have a place to go, and he knows that, I know that! He won't stay here –"
"How do you know he doesn't have friends around here?" Kirsten demanded, putting her hands on her hips. She wanted to believe he wasn't going to stay on the streets. To get through this, she couldn't believe her son would sleep on the streets.
"He hasn't been here long enough!" Sandy exclaimed, "And the people he does know are the same ones that beat him to a bloody pulp!"
"He could stay with Marissa!" Kirsten pointed out.
"Yeah, Julie Cooper would love that! Having the opportunity to turn him in after breaking probation, getting rid of him for good! Lets face it, he shouldn't have run away to begin with, it just made a big mess of things –"
"And a group centre would make it so much better!" Kirsten commented snidely.
"He'd have a roof over his head, decent meals and he wouldn't have broken probation!" Sandy's voice was raised again.
"I don't want him in a centre, I want him HERE!" Kirsten screamed
"Hey!" Ryan yelled.
They didn't hear him, instead they continued to argue.
He didn't want this. They shouldn't be fighting over him. His hands shook, "HEY!" he screamed again, smashing his hand down on the counter which was holding a plate.
The glass cracking caught their attention, they both turned to him, Kirsten with tears in her eyes, Sandy with panic in his.
Ryan swallowed. Now that he had their attention, he wasn't sure what else to say. So he said nothing. He grabbed the money from his jeans, tossing it on the counter, "I don't need the charity" he remarked.
"Ryan, you're hand-"
Ryan looked down, the plate had cut a gash across it. "it's fine" he remarked, leaving the room to find Seth.
He found him in the den, video game paused. The three of them were staring at the door, waiting for him.
"Seth, car. Now" Ryan remarked, turning on his heel.
Ryan needed out. Out of here. Coming back wasn't such a good idea. It had just made things worse, brought things out in to the open. Ryan preferred to keep everything inside. Inside no one could argue about it, no one could scream, yell…break plates.
He needed a damn cigarette. Ryan felt around in his jacket, avoiding the use of his right hand, as it was smeared with blood.
They must still be at the motel, he thought, nesting himself in the shadows and waiting for Seth to appear.
It didn't take long.
Ryan waited at the car door, but Seth didn't approach it at all.
"Uh.. mom and dad want you to… they want to talk to you"
"Why?" Ryan shot back, "So they can yell, scream and cry some more? No thanks"
Seth stood silent for a moment. "You shouldn't leave like this"
"Like what?" Ryan demanded.
"Angry… them and you"
Ryan forced himself to breathe. "Seth, I don't want to talk about it, are you going to drive me or should I walk?"
There was silence for a moment, then Seth sighed, pulling out the car keys and getting in the Rover.
Ryan only spoke to give him directions to the motel, and as they pulled in Ryan undid the clasp.
"There's just one catch" Seth finally said, letting out a shaky breath and parking the car.
Ryan glanced over at him.
Seth looked up, meeting his eyes. "I'm staying with you" he said.
"You can't" Ryan told him.
"Watch me" Seth said, getting out of the car.
"Look, I can't take care of us –"
"You don't have to take care of me" Seth shot back, "I can look after myself" he crossed his arms, noticing he was beginning to get through Ryan's anger defence system.
"Look, I don't know.. I'm not sure… I don't know where I'm sleeping tomorrow, okay?"
"We'll stay here" Seth said, pursing his lips.
"I'm out of money" Ryan admitted.
"Use the money dad gave you"
"I gave it back" Ryan shrugged.
"Then I'll pay" Seth said decisively. "I'm not leaving, Ryan. You're my brother, I have your back."
"Your parents are gonna be pissed" Ryan commented, a bit of a smile playing at his lips.
Seth snorted, "It's not them I'm worried about, it's abandoning Summer and Marissa there" he laughed.
……………………………………..