Facing the Past
Chapter Twenty
Ryan lay in the motel bed staring up at the dark ceiling. How often had he done this recently, he wondered.
Maybe he should check in somewhere for insomnia. He couldn't sleep, not that he wasn't tired, just that his brain wouldn't shut off for two minutes so he could fall asleep.
Seth's quiet snoring alerted him to the fact that Seth had, indeed, fallen asleep. How the kid could do it was beyond Ryan. He had a feeling Seth would be able to sleep through a world war.
He took Seth's snoring as a sign, silently pushing himself out of bed with his left hand, as the right one had been expertly bandaged.
By himself. Ryan had enough experience in the field of injuries to deal with something like this on his own.
He grabbed the pack of smokes from his duffel bag, and fished for a lighter.
You're not smoking again, are you?
He snorted. He couldn't explain his attachment to smoking. He knew he could quit, so he wasn't physically dependent like some. He had, after all, quit when Sandy had first brought him here, for a few months anyways.
But after everything started happening, after all this family shit piled up, Ryan had found himself drawn back to it.
Smoking was something that had just always been. Something he'd always done, either with or without anyone else. Almost like a comfort habit. Like little kids and blankets.
Like how he always played with the leather band around his neck when he was nervous or bored, or even just spacing.
Ryan clicked the door shut silently behind him, double checking for the key tucked in his jean pocket. He lit his smoke and tucked the pack back in his jacket he'd slipped on, taking a drag and setting off across the parking lot to the payphone.
Even if Sandy and Kirsten had pissed him off, even if they had scared him, they deserved to know Seth was alright.
He slipped in a quarter and dialled the number. He wasn't quite sure why he'd let Seth stay. Maybe it was the kid's puppy dog face, or the look that said he wasn't going anywhere.
Maybe Ryan just wanted someone around, after being alone all this time.
Even in Chino he'd had someone there. Trey, Theresa, Arturo, the rest of the gang. But now, since leaving the Cohens, Ryan had lost the first person he'd ever felt completely confident in; Seth. He had lost his friend, his brother.
The ringing stopped suddenly, a frantic voice answered. Kirsten.
"Uh, hey" he said. Why did she always have to answer the phone?
"Ryan?" she asked.
"Yea, it's me" he said, taking a deep drag from his smoke.
"Are you okay?"
"Yea, fine. Seth's here too, he's fine. Sleeping" He heard Kirsten let out a sigh of relief, and he suddenly felt the need to explain why he'd waited so long.
"I'm sorry, I… had to wait until he was asleep"
Kirsten snorted on the other end, "Only Seth could sleep now"
Ryan felt a smile tug at the edge of his lips. He had to ask, "How is Sammy?"
"Fine, it was an ear infection" Kirsten told him, an awkward silence followed.
"So. I'm Sorry. About tonight"
"No. Ryan, you're absolutely right. Sandy and I shouldn't have been fighting like that, especially about you and in front of you. You're a smart kid Ryan, but that's the thing, you're still a kid" she paused.
Ryan didn't feel like a kid. He couldn't remember the last time he'd felt like a kid.
"So, I'll send Seth home tomorrow" Ryan told her.
"Will you… come and… talk?" Kirsten asked warily.
He didn't know what to say. He didn't want to talk, but that was nothing abnormal. " I can't stay there Kirsten, and I can't stay at the group centre either"
"I wish you didn't have to" He heard her sniffle. She was crying. Again.
"Yeah. Well. That makes two of us. I'll send Seth home tomorrow" he repeated shortly, hanging up the receiver.
Ryan didn't want to be the reason that people cried. He'd had enough of that with his mother. Usually when she was drunk.
Why you gotta keep doing this Ryan? His mother screamed at him. He was terrified, only nine, balled up in a corner. His mom had been visiting with the Jack all afternoon while he was in school.
You keep pushing them away Ryan! How am I supposed to have a family when you won't let me!? I'm trying, Ry, I am, but you ruin everything. You always did ruin everything!
The tears were running down her face, freely. She clutched the cigarette and the Jack as if it were a life preserver.
I shoulda jus' left you at the hospital, you and Trey! Maybe you're father would still be here then!
She approached, her hands shaking. The bottle was empty now, the cigarette spewed ashes from her violent gestures.
The bottle flew over him, hitting the wall and showering glass in his hair.
It had been the first time that Dawn had ever hit him herself, instead of using her boyfriends for the dirty work.
Ryan pinched the warm filter between his fingers and tossed it across the parking lot, the red embers dancing in the night.
He could still hear the waves of the ocean, a comforting sound. He slowly shuffled back across the parking lot to the motel room. His soon-to-be-lost home.
He hadn't bothered telling Seth that, along with Sandy's money, he'd also thrown Seth's debit card on the counter.
In the hotel room, Ryan rubbed his eyes, waiting, wishing, that sleep would find him quickly.
…………………………………………..
"I spoke with Catherine" Sandy spoke from the kitchen entrance. Kirsten turned to face him, she'd been crying again, the cordless phone sitting beside her.
"Who called?" he asked.
"Ryan" she whispered.
"What did he say?"
"That Seth was okay, and he'd send him home tomorrow."
Sandy nodded. It was the parental thing to do, what Sandy had expected him to do.
"What did Catherine say?" Kirsten questioned.
"She said that if Ryan willingly returned to the centre under her care, she would have a talk with his probation officer, explain the situation. She gave us twenty four hours"
"I won't turn him in to that woman, to that… centre" Kirsten spat. "He doesn't belong there, he didn't do anything wrong"
"I know" Sandy consoled, rubbing circles on her back. "I know" he repeated.
"Are we okay?" Kirsten asked, turning to face him again.
Sandy smiled, rubbing a stray tear from her cheek, "Of course we are, honey" She smiled back at him, then dropped her glance.
"What are we going to do?"
Sandy grabbed a seat, letting out a long breath, "I don't know anymore" he admitted, rubbing his chin and raking his hand through his hair.
"What happens to him if Ryan's not in Catherine's custody by tomorrow night?"
"Well, the police continue their investigation in to his disappearance"
"If they find him?"
"They slap him with a punishment, he ends up in juvie instead of the group centre"
"That's not much of a choice" Kirsten whispered.
"I know"
…………………………………….
"Yo man, wake up" Seth's voice broke through Ryan's unconsciousness. He groaned.
Seth poked him even more, "Get up man, we've got like, some major Seth-Ryan time here, parent free!"
Ryan rolled over, opening one eye to glare at him.
Seth took a step back, out of arm's reach, also known as harm's way. He saw Ryan close his eye again, and quickly took a step forward to poke him.
He didn't get the chance. Ryan had grabbed his wrist firmly, not so that it hurt, but enough to say it could hurt.
"Yow, how'd you do that?!" Seth demanded, pulling his arm away, "You're eyes were closed!"
Ryan finally opened both eyes to peer at him from under his bangs, he raised a brow, "You really wanna know?" he asked.
"I get it, you just asked a rhetorical question" Seth smiled and nodded, tight lipped. "So I'll just pretend that my brother" he paused to throw himself on the bed, "Has a spidey sense!"
Ryan shook his head, "You are delusional, you know that Seth?"
Seth, instead of answering, grabbed Ryan's left hand and studied it closely.
"What are you doing?" Ryan asked, partly amused.
"Looking for little spider claws" Seth grinned, dropping his hand. "They're not there yet" he whispered.
Ryan groaned as he sat himself up, "What time is it?" he asked, yawning.
"Uh, like, eight"
"Really?"
"Yea, you slept in, completely zonked out"
Ryan sighed, he had to check out of this place in an hour. "You take a shower yet?"
"Naw, I decided to rough it today" Seth rubbed imaginary stubble.
"Right. And because of your decision to 'rough it' I have to put up with your smell?"
Seth's lip began to pout, "You're not so daisy fresh yourself, buddy. You smell like smoke and rubbing alcohol"
"But unlike you, I'm taking a shower" Ryan reminded him. Seth just shrugged and threw himself down on the bed.
"This is better than the fold out" Seth commented.
"You're the one who wanted the fold out" Ryan reminded him, "In fact" he crossed his arms, "I remember a little Seth pleading time in that conversation."
A guttural noise escaped Seth's throat, and he shrugged again, "Roughing it"
Ryan snorted and left the room.
……………………………………………
Seth needed a plan. He had meant to think of one last night, but he'd been way too tired. He needed a plan on how to get Ryan back to the Cohens.
Despite the argument last night, Seth knew that his mom and dad would know what to do. What was best for Ryan.
He felt guilty for letting Ryan run away from the hospital. But a brother had to do, what a brother had to do. The 'rents had Ryan's well being looked after, Seth's job was Ryan's wants.
Contrary to what he'd said to Ryan, the pull out hadn't been so bad. He might even be able to get used to this whole away-from-home thing.
Mind you his parents would kill him if they ever found him.
His parents. He should probably call them.
Seth stumbled his way to the bathroom door, knocking loud.
"What?" Ryan yelled back.
"Calling the parental units!" Seth yelled back.
"Already did, last night" Ryan replied.
"Oh" Seth told himself. Of course Ryan had called their parents. Why had Ryan called their parents? They were supposed to all be angry with each other.
Worried and angry.
Seth had missed something. He threw himself back on to the bed, staring at the ceiling, trying to figure out why Ryan had bothered to call the 'rents at all. It's not like he'd picked up the phone before, what was…. Of course, Seth thought. Ryan the energizer big brother. The parent in disguise.
So his parents knew they were together, which meant they knew that the two of them were probably in the area.
Seth found himself a little disgruntled that Ryan had gone behind his back, but told himself it was just a Ryan thing to do. He should have seen it coming.
He wondered if Ryan thought that he was getting rid of Seth today, because Seth knew that he wasn't going anywhere that Ryan wasn't going.
Brothers stuck together. Friends stuck together.
Nope, there was no way Seth was going home today.
………………………………………..
"You're going home" Ryan told him, after they'd checked out of the motel.
"Uh, no, I'm not" Seth told him.
Ryan eyed him warily, "Yes, Seth, you are. I don't care how smelly you are, you're not exactly ready to sleep on the streets, or in a shelter"
"That's why we could sleep at a motel, preferably one a little nicer than this one" he whispered, holding his thumb and forefinger an inch apart.
"With what money?" Ryan raised a brow.
"Mine, you got my debit card, right?"
Ryan smiled shortly, "I left it at home, where you were supposed to get it last night"
Shit, Seth cursed to himself. "We could sleep in the car"
"Seth, do you know how easy it would be for someone to find me, sleeping in a car with you? All Kirsten and Sandy have to do is tell them you're with me, and that you have the Rover"
Seth bit his lip. "I don't want to"
"We all do things we don't want to do"
"Like sleep on the streets?" Seth questioned.
"Seth" he warned.
He held up his hands in defence, "Fine I know when I'm not wanted. I just wanted to hang out with you for a bit, get a little bonding brotherhood time in. Watch your back while you watch mine, but apparently, that's too much to ask from you!" Seth snapped, turning and heading towards the car.
"Seth" Ryan called after a moment. He stopped. Turned.
"I didn't… I didn't mean it like that, it's just… I don't know what's gonna happen, okay? I could very well end up sleeping on the beach or something stupid, and I don't want anything to happen to you"
"Like what?" Seth demanded, his anger fading away.
"Well, it's not like it's summer, it gets pretty cold and night and you don't even have any clothes with you" Ryan pointed out.
Seth opened his mouth to shoot back an argument, then smiled, "Ry.. you just… totally .gave. me. a. plan.
Ryan stared at him quizzically, then realised what Seth was suggesting.
"I'm not staying at Summer's place!" Ryan exclaimed.
"Why? Really Ryan, look at it! It's a gift, an omen. You stay at Summer's, no one is the wiser. Her's mom's spaced out all the time, Summer told me that, her dad's never around and it's not the streets, or some shelter, or even the group centre! It's perfect!" he sounded excited.
"Yeah, cause I'm sure Summer will just be stoked with me living in her house. I don't even think Summer likes me, she still calls me Chino"
"Chino's a nickname, get used to it. People use nicknames for those they like!"
Ryan made a face.
"Ry, let me explain something to you. You're like a…wart. You just sort of grow on people and eventually, we don't want to see them go"
"A wart?" Ryan asked, deadpan.
"Okay, well maybe not a wart, but something that grows on you and you don't want to see go" Seth shrugged.
"Wait, you get sad when you have warts removed?" Ryan asked him.
Seth shook his head, "You are misconstruing everything I say, Ryan"
"No. That's what you said. That's what you implied."
"Don't be stupid, Ryan. That is definitely not what I said" Seth patted him on the back, "It's okay to be wrong sometimes"
"I'm not wrong"
"There, there" Seth consoled.
………………………………………….
Seth pulled the Rover in to the Harbour parking lot, glancing over at Ryan who sat next to him.
"Like old times" Seth commented, making way to get out of the vehicle, "Come on"
"I don't think I should" Ryan stated, uncomfortable.
"Why not?"
"What if someone sees me?"
Seth rolled his eyes, "For someone who's supposed to be cool, you sure the hell are paranoid"
Ryan shot him the glare of doom, and Seth raised his hands in defence, and his eyebrows in question.
"Fine" Ryan sighed, getting out of the car.
"Now, we just have to find them"
"And ask" Ryan pointed out.
"Right, easy stuff" Seth shrugged, scanning the campus. He checked his watch, "Almost lunch, they'll probably be on the patio" he said, heading in that direction.
Ten minutes later, the guys sitting at a lunch table, they spotted the girls walking outside, holding their trays.
"I miss this" Ryan stated quietly.
Seth met Ryan's sad gaze, "Everything'll be back to normal soon"
Ryan didn't offer a response, but raised his hand to catch Marissa's attention. It worked.
A smile stretched across her face and her step quickened, Ryan saw Summer following suit, a not-so-happy look etched on her face.
"Where did you go last night?" Marissa asked him after a quick kiss.
"Sorry, I just couldn't stick around with… things like that" he shot an evasive look at Summer, "She's pretty pissed, huh?"
"She'll get over it, right Sum?" Marissa asked her friend, who was eyeing Seth like a fresh prey.
"Hey Summer" Seth greeted, unsure of himself.
It emitted no response.
"I'm sorry?" Seth questioned.
Summer reached over and smacked him upside the head, "You could of at least called you know" she demanded.
"Yeah… in our rush, I wasn't able to grab my cell phone Sum, or my debit card" he shot a look at Ryan.
"Summer, I'm sorry. I mean, I made him leave quick, he didn't really have much of a choice" Ryan told her.
Summer eyed him, then looked back at Seth. "Why weren't you here for first period?"
"Uh, slept in at the Casa Cockroach" Seth joked.
"Uh huh, and what are you doing here now? And with Chino?"
"Well… that's a bit of a long story" Seth said, sitting himself back down at the table, "Care to join us?" he waved his arm.
They all grabbed a seat, Marissa pulling her chair close to Ryan and offering him some of her Tuna Melt. Seth saw the gesture and went to reach for Summer's, but she smacked his hand away, "You're still on probation" she told him.
"Speaking of probation" Seth began "Summer, Ryan and I need your help"
Summer arched a perfectly shaped eyebrow, "You need my help?" she asked, "What's it concerning, like fashion or something?"
"Uh, no. Ryan needs a place to stay" Seth rambled quickly.
"And how am I supposed to help with that?"
"Well. You have a house. A near empty house and –"
"And you want Chino to stay with me?" she questioned, amused.
"Well. Yes. That's exactly what I'm saying."
Summer glanced at Ryan, who shrugged his shoulders as if to say Not my idea.
"Okay" Summer shrugged, turning back to her lunch.
"Wait?" Seth laughed, "That's it. Just, 'okay'. "
Summer glanced up again, "What, you wanted me to fight about it?"
"More or less expected you" Ryan put in.
"Chino's cool. Just don't let me catch you wandering around in a towel after a shower, or snooping through any of my things." She told Ryan.
"Right" Ryan smiled, tight-lipped.
Marissa grinned, "Hey Sum, can I stay over the night?"
Summer made a face, "So you can sleep with Chino in the room next to mine? Eww, no way Coop!"
Marissa laughed, "maybe just for dinner then" she snuck a shy smile at Ryan.
"Can Seth come too?" Seth asked.
"Can Seth not talk about himself in third person?" Summer shot back.
"Uh, Seth. Are you even going to be allowed out of the house?" Ryan asked him.
"Right. Maybe dinner and then home"
"No way. Nu uh. I told Kirsten you'd be home today, not tonight. You're gonna be home right after you finish afternoon classes" Ryan lectured.
"First of all, tonight is still today, and who says I'm going to my afternoon classes?"
Ryan shot him a look.
"I don't even have my stuff" Seth protested.
"That's why I saw it in the back of the Rover, right?" Ryan asked.
Seth's face fell. "Why must you torture me like this? Today is probably the one, and only, day I can skip school without getting in a load of trouble from the parental units! After all, if they yell at me, I won't tell them where you are!"
The trio saw a panicked look quickly flee across Ryan's face, "Look, Seth, you can't tell your parents where I'm staying, okay?"
"Why not?" Seth asked, "At least they know you're not on the streets then!"
"If they know where I am, they might be under legal obligation to turn me in to Child Services. I don't want to put them in that position"
"They wouldn't do that Ry"
Ryan just stared at him.
"Fine. What ever dad" he stressed, "I'll go to classes and not tell anyone where my run away brother is and my life will resume to a boring nothingness"
Summer elbowed him in the ribs, "hey" she protested, "I'm boring?"
"I meant everything else, but you" Seth corrected. Summer rolled her eyes.
……………………………………
Kirsten couldn't believe she had dragged herself to the office today. Last night, prior to Ryan's call and even after it, had not exactly been a good night for sleep.
In fact, the last couple weeks hadn't really agreed with her usually sleep schedule.
She was so tired now, that she was sure if she put her head down on the desk in front of her, she would probably nod off.
Which was exactly what happened.
She awoke to a loud authoritive knock on her office door, her head shot up and she pushed back her hair as Caleb Nichol walked in to her office, leaving the door open.
"Hey Kiki" he greeted, then he studied her, "Were you sleeping?" he asked.
"Uh, dad, why would you ask that?" Kirsten asked her heart beating.
Caleb frowned, "You have the Newport Group logo on your forehead" he told her.
Kirsten slapped an open palm over her forehead and stood up, "I'm sorry dad, it's just been so hectic these past few days… I don't think I've slept through an entire night since Ryan left. Excuse me, I'll be back in a sec" she said, slipping in to her private washroom.
Caleb finally let a smile filter across his face when she'd left the room.
Kirsten re entered, her forehead scrubbed of any ink, but it was now a slight red tone. She shot him a smile.
"I guess you'll be sleeping better soon then?" Caleb asked her, "And then maybe… working instead of napping?"
"Dad, I said I was sorry….what do you mean sleeping better? Why would I be sleeping better?"
Caleb looked like a deer caught in a set of headlights for a moment, then he replied "I'm not sure…maybe things will be getting easier"
Kirsten studied her father, tilting her head, "Dad" she said pointedly, "Do you know something I don't?"
Caleb swallowed, "No" he replied shortly, "I have to go" he turned around, leaving the office before Kirsten had a chance to question him further.
But when he closed the door behind him, Kirsten smiled in hope. Maybe, just maybe, her father had come through for them.
…………………………………………..