Believe Me, I'll Be There

Chapter 13 – Don't know him or what I want

Disclaimer: I don't own Gilmore Girls, Yale, Harvard, or any books, authors, or movies.

A/N: I'm REALLY sorry this took so long! My only excuse is that I've been having fun working on Connecticut Writers (chapter 4 of that is almost done). I've had this written for a while, I just didn't type it. THANK YOU for all the reviews! They're great and I'm glad you like this. I can't say I've exactly started the next chapter, but I'm planning several more, and they should be up pretty soon. I can't wait for "I Can't Get Started" tonight! lol. And Jess will be more in character next chapter, I hope! Also, I promise Lorelai will get more understanding in future chapters. Enjoy! ~Arianna

The week passed as usual. I read. I went to school. I studied. I talked to Jess almost every day. He met me at the bus stop most days. When he didn't, I usually went to the diner. It was great. Things with Jess seemed at least as good as they had been before the fight.

That Saturday, I woke up, looking forward to a good weekend. I didn't have much homework to do, and the Inn wasn't busy, so my mom wouldn't have to go in much. Then I remembered something. I still had to tell my mom about going to Yale. But that could at least wait until after Luke's…

"Hey, Mom," I said, walking into the kitchen.

"Rory, Rory, is that you?"

"Mom?"

"I'm in great need of caffeine!" she said dramatically. "I may be dying."

"Right," I replied. "C'mon, let's go to Luke's."

"We must hurry!" Mom exclaimed, trying not to laugh.

Jess came around the counter, just as we walked in. Mom went to sit down.

"Hey," I said.

"Hey." He leaned over and kissed me. "You okay?"

"Yeah…it's just—I was looking forward to this weekend. And I realized I have to tell my mom about Yale, and it's gonna be hard."

"You haven't told her yet?" He looked surprised.

"Well, no…why are you surprised?"

Jess shrugged uncomfortably. "Well…you told me. And I just figured—"

He was right. Things were different between me and my mom. I could tell Jess anything…and now I was scared to tell my mom where I wanted to go to college. What had happened?

"You're right," I said. "You're right! I mean, I always meant to tell you first, but still…"

"Wait, Rory. It's okay." Then he seemed to realize what I'd said. "You always meant to tell me first?" he asked.

"Yeah. I knew you would understand…"

"Hey. I'll get you coffee."

"Thanks, Jess." I smiled at him and joined my mom at the counter.

"You couldn't talk to him later?" she asked.

"Mom!"

"Sorry. Lack of coffee."

"Okay." I didn't say anything else. I didn't know what to say. Jess came over and poured coffee for both of us.

"Luke'll be over in a minute," he said, flashing a glance in my direction. I smiled again, into my cup of coffee.

"Rory, what are you thinking right now?" Mom asked me.

"What?" I looked up. What do you want me to say? The truth? That I'm thinking about kissing Jess?

"You just got accepted at two of the best schools in the country! And he looks at you, and you forget in a second."

I hoped Jess couldn't hear her; because I knew it would hurt him, even though he'd never show it, never say anything about it.

"Wow, that was random," I said.

"No, it wasn't. As soon as you come in here, you—"

"Hey, wait a minute. You have coffee now." I was trying not to get mad, but it was hard. Jess was my boyfriend and I loved him, whether my mom did or not.

"Yeah, well maybe it wasn't lack of coffee. Maybe it's what I'm seeing right now, in front of me."

I stood up. "That's not fair!"

"It wasn't at first, right. But now you've had the letters for a week and you need to start deciding. I made mistakes; I know you don't wanna do that. What's happened, Rory?"

I did not want to have this fight in the diner, with everyone watching. I saw Jess standing in the corner and I knew he couldn't help listening. I could tell from the look on his face that he felt sorry for me.

And I did not want to respond to that where everyone could hear me. I wouldn't. I got up, without finishing my coffee, and left. I walked home, fighting tears and losing.

When I got home, I sat down on my bed and started to cry. I heard the door open a few minutes later, and my mom came in.

"Rory?" She walked into my room. I don't know what I expected her to do, but what she did wasn't it. She picked up the pro/con lists for Harvard and Yale on my desk. "Look, Rory." They were blank. They were also under a picture of Jess and me.

I looked up, still crying.

"I haven't been doing nothing! I know…" I stopped.

"You know where you're going? Well, if I'm gonna find out, maybe I should ask Jess."

"Maybe you should," I said quietly.

"What?" She turned to face me. "You…you told him?"

"You make it sound like a crime…" My voice was shaking.

"It doesn't seem that far off right now!"

I couldn't put it off any longer. "Mom, I'm going to Yale."

She stood there, shocked. I felt awful.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you…" I tried to stop crying again. It didn't work.

"You wanted Harvard your whole life!"

"Things have changed!"

"Things like James Dean wannabes who don't care about anyone—"

"I don't know anyone like that," I said shortly.

"So why are you kissing him?"

Didn't she see how much she was hurting me? "Jess isn't like that!"

"Jess is like that. He's changed you. Why Yale?"

"It's close…it's what I want! It really is."

"Why is it what you want?" She sounded tired.

"It has the classes I want, great teachers, and I can live here and I won't have to lose the people I care about…"

She gave me a questioning look.

"You," I said. "And Jess, and Lane, and Luke. And Sookie. And Luke's coffee…"

I could see she'd only been listening until I said 'Jess.' "He's my boyfriend!" I said. "And I care about him, and I told him because I knew he would support me!"

"At least, you knew he would pretend to," she replied.

"You don't know him!"

"I know who he is. That's enough."

"No, it's not! He's had a really hard life and it's hard for him to show who he really is, but he's a great person, he only has to let you see it—"

"Is he going to college, Rory?"

"Yes. He's going to college." We hadn't talked about that yet, actually. I just…felt I somehow owed it to Jess to say that. And he was way too smart not to…right?

"Rory…is Yale really what you want? Or is it what Jess wants?"

"It's what I want! I told you that, I'm glad Jess is happy about it, but…I don't want to leave Stars Hollow! Not forever, not for four years. Now I won't have to! Did you want me to leave? I never thought you did…" I sat back down on the bed and started to cry again.

"Rory…" Mom left my room. I tried to read, but I couldn't concentrate at all. The phone rang about an hour later. I picked it up.

"Hey."

"Hey, Jess."

"You okay?"

"I guess."

"What happened?"

"We…we had a fight. Again."

"About…"

"Yale," I said. I hesitated. "And…you."

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault."

"Sort of…yes, it is," he told me.

"No, it's not."

"It is."

"Jess, no. It's okay. We'll…"

"You'll make up."

"Jess…"

"You know that." He waited. "I'm sorry."

"I love you."

"I love you too," he replied.

"See you later."

"Yeah."

We both hung up. I stared at my wall for a while, at all my Harvard posters. Only the Yale brochure was sitting on a corner of my desk. And next to it was a picture of Jess and I at the diner.

My life had changed so much, so soon. Right now…only about half of it was good.