Chapter 2
The Baudelaires stared in amazement at their surroundings, a word which here means "the lobby of the Hotel Denouement." It was large and oval-shaped, like an eye, and had chandeliers hanging from nearly every inch of the ceiling. Many, many people were milling about, going this way and that, exchanging pleasantries and/or secret coded messages with their eyebrows. All that were wearing sandals had their eye tattoos exposed, and Klaus noted that they were all alike. Each and every tattoo was on the outside of the left ankle, and it was the same insignia, with the letters V, F, and D hidden in the image. Violet saw the elevators, which probably held amazing elevators, unlike 667 Dark Avenue, which had not held an elevator at all in its shaft. And Sunny saw a long, long desk that stretched from one end of the enormous lobby to the other, noted that it was very hard, and wished that she could bite it. And all three of them squirmed with pleasure over the thought that maybe, just maybe, they would be safe here, and all their mysteries would be solved.
"What do you think of it?" Kit asked them, sounding pleasantly pleased.
"Stupendous," Violet sighed.
"Astounding," Klaus breathed.
"Wow!" Sunny cried, throwing her little arms in the air.
Kit smiled. "I thought you'd like it."
"One question," Klaus said thoughtfully, a word which here means "wondering why there was a lobby on the top floor." "Why is the lobby on the top floor?"
"Because we're not allowed to enter from the ground floor," Kit explained. "All visitors must enter through the roof, to avoid suspicion. People on the ground just think this building is for sale, so the floors are numbered backwards. This is floor one, the floor below us is floor two, and so on. Now, I think first we should check all the notices posted on the wall to see if anything important is going on soon besides the gathering on Thursday, of course. Let's all check."
The four of them spread out over the room to read all the white bits of paper plastered on top of the flowery wallpaper. Many, they soon found, were in the style of acrostic poems. Acrostic poems, as I'm sure you know, involve a word written vertically, and then each letter will start a line of the poem. But all of these poems only had three lines, because each acrostic poem spelled out the letters V.F.D. Klaus couldn't help but wonder what a Vacillating Flurry of Distress could do, or why anyone would celebrate Vacuum Fixing Day. Sunny wished she knew why people were concerned with the Velocity of Flying Ducks, and she shuddered when she thought about Varying Forms of Demise. But Violet, after pondering over Vain Frumpy Damsels (this made her think of Carmelita) and Very Forgetful Dairymaids, found the notice she thought might help them.
"Listen to this," she said, and Klaus and Sunny hurried to her side. "This one says ATTENTION! THERE WILL BE AN ALL-NIGHT LUNCHEON ON TUESDAY CONTINUING INTO WEDNESDAY. ONLY THOSE WITH INVITATIONS AND THE WAITERS CAN ATTEND. THAT IS ALL. THANK YOU."
"Sounds odd," Kit commented. All three Baudelaires jumped. They hadn't noticed that she was right behind them. "On the one hand, it could be a meeting that our side has put together, but I think someone might have informed us. On the other hand, it could be persons from Count Olaf's side of the schism, and then we'd have to find out why they were having a luncheon instead of destroying the hotel."
"That seems like the logical thing to do," Violet agreed. "How do we find out?"
"We could check to see if anyone is in the Vicinity For Dining," Klaus said, pointing.
Violet and Sunny followed their brother's finger, which was pointing to a sign. The sign read, "VICINITY FOR DINING." "Does that mean the dining room?"
"Yes," Kit answered, "but I don't think it would be safe to go in without considering the consequences first—"
But Klaus, who had obviously been affected by the "He or she who hesitates is lost" philosophy, pretended not to hear Kit's dire warnings and strode right up to the door.
"Klaus!" Violet called to him over the bustle of the lobby. "Maybe Kit is right!"
"Don't!" Sunny shrieked.
But Klaus opened the door and peered inside.
Violet and Sunny squeezed each other's hands in fear, but they didn't realize that Kit had left their side until they saw her running for the door. She stretched out one white-gloved hand to grab the back of Klaus's collar, but just before she could grab hold, Klaus disappeared, a word which here means "was pulled inside the Vicinity For Dining by an unknown personage inside the room." The door slammed shut behind him.
"Klaus!" Violet and Sunny cried together.
Kit grabbed hold of the doorknob as if it were Klaus's collar and twisted, but to no avail, a phrase which here means "the door remained shut with Klaus inside." She knocked on the door, quietly at first, and then louder, and then louder, and then so loudly that it was amazing that no one was stopping to ask her why she was demanding entry into a secret luncheon. Finally she gave up, looking defeated, and trudged slowly back to the Baudelaire girls, who looked at her as if she had shoved Klaus inside.
"What are you doing?" Violet demanded. "We have to get in there and save my brother!"
"If we can't open it from the outside, there's no way to get into the room. That's the only entrance," Kit said in a hollow tone, a phrase which here means "sounding like she had given up the middle Baudelaire to be tortured by Count Olaf and/or his associates."
"Can't be!" Sunny cried, getting to her two feet.
"Let me try," Violet said firmly, and she strode over to the door.
"Violet, be careful, there are things about doors that you don't understand—"
But Violet, like her brother, did not listen to Kit's warning. Instead she grabbed hold of the doorknob. But instead of getting sucked inside the room, Violet got a severe electrical shock in her hand. "Ow!" she cried, pulling away and waving her hand around to get the pain out, as if red sparks were going to shoot out and make it all better. "That smarts!"
"That smarts" is an expression used when something stings, aches, or otherwise pains someone. It usually has nothing to do with the intelligence quotient of anyone in the surrounding area. If you were to fall off a horse, out of a car, or from a roof, you might say, "That smarts!" Of course, in the case of the roof, you might not say anything to anyone for an extremely long time. But in Violet's case, she was talking about the intelligence of someone, and how surprised she was that a person could have that intelligence. She was expressing her pain, of course, but she was also expressing how frustrated she was that Count Olaf and/or his associates had captured her brother, and the Baudelaires had just arrived at the last safe place. It was supposed to have been safe, but already there had been a kidnapping.
"There's no use, Violet," said Kit. "But I'm formulating a plan in my head as we speak. Let's check in and find a room, and then maybe we can try to locate your brother."
"I've already located my brother," Violet answered, tears springing up in her eyes. "He's behind this door. I just don't know how to get behind the door myself."
But the eldest Baudelaire followed Kit Snicket and her younger sister across the lobby to the long desk that stretched across the room. Kit approached a man behind the desk who was staring at a computer screen. But before Kit could say a word to him, he said in a bored voice, "Hello, Ms. Snicket, so nice of you to join us here at Hotel Denouement. Usual room? I figured. Here's your key." He tossed a key on a small ring to Kit. "Room 668, the address of the building, most special room in the entire place. Feel free to roam, except in the Vicinity For Dining, which is currently off-limits to those without invitations and who are not waiters. Please proceed to the elevators. I'm afraid our concierge service is down, so you'll have to carry your own luggage. Enjoy your stay."
Violet and Sunny stared at the man, who hadn't even looked up from the computer screen, not even to toss the room keys to Kit. Kit, however, looked like she was used to this sort of thing, a phrase which here means "not getting a word in edgewise and getting her keys tossed to her and having a usual room and not having any concierge service at all," so Violet and Sunny followed her over to the elevator doors. The elevator was empty when they entered.
"Press button?" Sunny asked eagerly.
"Yes, you may press the button, Sunny," Kit answered. "We're on floor sixty."
Sunny stretched and stretched and stretched and stretched some more, but her tiny little arms could not reach the sixtieth button on the elevator. Violet picked her up and held her high, but she still could not reach. Finally, when Violet stood on her toes and reached her arms to the fullest extent, Sunny was able to press the button, and the elevator began to go down.
"We have a long way to go," Kit sighed.
Indeed they did, for it took a good fifteen minutes for the elevator to go down through floors one through fifty-nine, and when the doors finally opened, Violet thought she was about to burst. "Please, Kit, tell us what your plan is," she pleaded. "We have to go find Klaus."
"I can't tell you my plan," Kit answered gently, "until we get the note."
"Note?" Sunny asked.
"Klaus's captors will leave us a note in our hotel room," Kit informed them. "I've dealt with this sort of people before, and it's all too predictable. Follow me."
After all the following, the two female Baudelaires thought they would explode with impatience, but they managed to cool their tempers, a phrase which here means "not explode" and follow Kit to Room 668. Kit inserted the key and turned it in the lock. Instead of a clicking noise, it made a silent whispering noise, not unlike the wind that the Baudelaires had heard in the Mortmain Mountains on Mount Fraught and in the Valley of Four Drafts. Kit Snicket opened the door.
Their room was like a hotel all by itself, except for the fact that it was connected to other rooms in a very large building. It had a kitchen, living room, dining room, sitting room, at least a dozen bedrooms, and this was only what the Baudelaires could see from the doorway. Kit entered and Violet and Sunny followed, not minding the following this time. But while they marveled over their new surroundings, Kit headed straight for the bed in the first bedroom. On the smoothly spread cover was a note. She picked it up and read it aloud, a word which here means "so Violet and Sunny would know what had happened to their brother."
"'Dear Volunteers,'" Kit read, her voice trembling slightly, "'we are sorry to inform you—why lie? We are delighted to inform you that we have your brother, Klaus Baudelaire, in our clutches. At this very moment our entire staff of villainous persons is humiliating him, and he must find it very unpleasant. If you wish to save your brother from even more dire consequences, it would be best to give up the thought immediately, because nothing can save him now. But if you wish to join in the lovely pain that he is about to experience, you may present yourselves accordingly at the Vicinity For Dining on floor one. Signed, The Most Handsome Count That Ever Walked The Earth and his crew."
"It's in Fiona's handwriting," Violet gasped.
Sunny looked and saw that this was true. When they had been with Fiona on the Queequeg, she had written down many things for them to see. And now, on the sixtieth floor of the Hotel Denouement, Violet and Sunny could see that it was the same handwriting, if much shakier. Fiona really was working for Olaf now.
"But if Fiona is here to write a note," Violet exclaimed all of a sudden, a phrase which here means "when she realized something," "then so is Olaf! How could they have gotten here in time to get a note in our room before we got here?"
"Olaf has associates all over this hotel," Kit explained grimly. For the first time since the children had met her that morning, her voice was shaking uncontrollably, and she didn't sound like she'd ever get used to what she was saying. "The number of evil people in the world is growing, and it seems like the number of well-read people in the world is diminishing." She wiped her eyes. "That's what my brother Jacques always told me. Then he told me that I was never supposed to diminish, because I was one of the few well-read people who could help save the regular people from the evil people." She looked at the Baudelaires, who could see every tear glistening under the light bulb on the ceiling. "I haven't seen him in a very, very long time."
Violet looked at Sunny, and Sunny looked at Violet, and they both looked at each other, and they both knew that the other was wondering if they should come clean, a phrase which here means "tell Kit that her brother Jacques was murdered by Count Olaf." Finally, Violet spoke.
"Kit," she said softly, "Jacques died."