Yeah, been wanting to write this for a while. Wowbagger the Infinitely Prolonged insults someone with a short temper, a very sharp tongue, and a red electric guitar: Me! I don't own a red electric guitar, but I want one.

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The silver craft landed, and a tall green alien walked out. He looked around for his target, one Masamune Sylverwulf. Then he spotted her.

She was playing a GameBoy, apparently oblivious to everything else. Her cat ears were poking up from messy silver hair, and a shining red guitar was slung across her back. The corner of a red towel was visible from her leather satchel.

The alien, Wowbagger the Infinitely Prolonged, walked up to her, and scanned his clipboard.

"Masamune Sylverwulf?"

She looked up. "Hai?"

"You are a dunce. A complete kneebiter."

Masamune cocked her head. "Haven't you used 'kneebiter' on someone before?" She pulled out a rather battered copy of "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy". Rooting through it, she pulled up an entry on Arthur Dent. "Yeah, you used it on Arthur Dent, as I thought."

Wowbagger was taken aback momentarily. "Well, then, you're a... um...."

"Gotcha, Wowbagger. I'm an intergalactic hitchhiker. Nothing surprises me anymore. Least, not after the talking mattresses," she said, grinning. "I'm not even from earth. I'm just here temporarily."

Wowbagger was getting angry now. "Look, you, I'm supposed to go around insulting people, and I can't leave until I've insulted you!"

Masamune shrugged. "That's all well and good, but you'll have to either find someone else, or try a different person."

"For the love of Zarquon, just be insulted already, so I can leave!" Wowbagger said angrily. Masamune shook her head and started digging through her satchel. A few minutes later, she pulled out a book of insults. She tossed the book to Wowbagger.

"Try to find one in there. You could find one for me in Idlers, Pessimists, Screwballs, Squelches, Writers, and probably Nicknames." She sat back down, and began idly strumming the guitar.

Wowbagger flipped through the book. "You could make a fortune renting out your head as a hot air balloon," Wowbagger said, feeling that he had at last insulted her. The next thing he felt was pain, as her guitar descended onto his head.

"Wrong category, stupid. You have a wonderful head on your shoulders. Whose is it? Just remember—the mosquito that buzzes the loudest gets swatted first. Years pass on, but you don't—more's the pity. Why don't you leave and let live?"

Masamune stood up as Wowbagger rubbed his sore head. She started to walk away, then stopped. She turned around and grabbed her book back. "I'll take this. If I've said anything to insult you, believe me, I've tried my best."

With that, she walked away. Once again she stopped, though she didn't come back. She called, "Go insult someone else, Mr. Infinitely Prolonged." And with that, the Heart of Gold descended and picked her up.

Wowbagger watched her leave, feeling very much like he had been had. Just then Alderyn walked by. Wowbagger brightened. Perhaps he could insult her.

"Alderyn?"

"Hai?"

"You are a complete lout."

"You're at your wit's end, and it hasn't taken you long to get there." Once again, the Heart of Gold descended, and picked Alderyn up as well.

Wowbagger's feeling of being had increased. He frowned, and headed back on his ship, calling a kid who walked by an idiot. The kid replied, "Bite me," and walked on.

"What's with this stupid planet?!"

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There you go, the product of too much free time in the early morning. OWARI!!