Cordelia's Diary, entry V

Spoilers: Seasons 1-3

Disclaimer: I wish I owned them, but I don't. Poor me.

A/N: Aw, you guys deserve an update! I've just been really busy with my site lately. (If you want to visit my site devoted to all things Buffy, click on the link in my user profile.)

            The "Be my deputy" reference is from episode 1.11, "Out of Mind, Out of Sight."

April 1, 1997

Dear Diary,

Did I ever mention how fun April Fool's Day is? I love it. You get to do pretty much whatever and no one says anything. I usually wear a new outfit I'm not sure about on April Fool's Day. That way, if people think it's hideous, I can pretend it's all a big joke.

            But today, things didn't go as planned. For one thing, Harmony made a big deal out of this party she was having, and about how great it was gonna be, and how everyone who's anyone was gonna be there. Imagine my shock when Buffy was on the invites list and I wasn't.

            I flipped out at her, and I was all worked up when she just cracks up and says, "Chill, Cordy, it's just a joke! April Fool's!"

            "I am not a fool," I told her, and I stomped off to the library to get a book on capital punishment. Not because I'm morbid like Buffy and Freaks, but because I'm supposed to do a report on it for Social Studies, about its ethics or lack of ethics or whatever.

            I should have known things were weird when Xander Harris clapped me on the back and said loudly, "Long time, no see, Cordy."

            Eww! Since when does Xander Harris socialize with me? Since he's up to something, apparently. But I was too stupid—I mean, I was too upset over Harmony to pay attention. So I just said, "Yuck, Harris, get your blue-collar hands offa me!"

            "Just trying to be friendly," he muttered, walking off to join Willow. Buffy wasn't in sight, but the two of them put their heads together and snickered. Nerds.

            The first bell rang and I had to run off to class before I could reach the library. People snickered all through class. I didn't really pay attention. Probably laughing at some poor geek with a "Kick Me" sign on their back. Not my problem.

            Somewhere about halfway though the class, I got up to go to the bathroom. After I got a hall pass I left the class and nearly ran into Buffy. I told her to move it.

            "Nice to see you too, Cordy," she grouched. I ignored her and walked. She paused in the middle of picking up her books and said, "Cordy? It's great that you're proud of your rank and all, but don't you think that now is not the time nor the place to publicize it?"

            "What are you talking about, Buffy Summers?" I demanded. "And since when do you call me 'Cordy'?"

            She picked up her books and strolled over to me, obviously enjoying the situation but trying to tactful about it. She reached across my shoulder and pulled a piece of paper off my back, then dangled it in front of my face. "Congratulations, Deputy Chase," she remarked dryly, dropping the paper into my hands.

            I said, "Ooh, Xander Harris, I am going to kill you."

            "That's not Xander's writing!" Buffy said, jumping to the defense of her partner in freakishness. "In fact…" she trailed off, examining the paper. "…it's Willow's. And hey, look, Giles's on the bottom there."

            "Laugh all you want, Summers," I sniffed, continuing on the way to the bathroom.. "Just remember who's actually appreciated around here."

            A little flicker of self-doubt crossed her face, but she squished it pretty fast. Then her eyes got kind of sad. "Can't argue with you there," she said, mostly to herself.

            "Freak," I returned, leaving her behind on my way to the bathroom.

            And when I got home, Mom and Dad told me we lost everything to taxes. I was slower to believe them, and turns out they were joking. Ha, ha. Funny. Just wait until it really happens someday. I'll go into denial and then it'll be worse for me in the end and I'll be in counseling 'til I'm thirty—and it will all be because they decided to cry wolf.

            I'm going out to the stable. I wanna brush Sparkle. At least she knows how to treat me. And then I'm gonna go for a ride. I think I'll take Buffy (the horse). I can kick her some more!

                        —Cordelia

                                   THE TOP SEVENTEEN REASON'S I'M GREAT

                                                            By: Cordelia Chase

I'm pretty. I've got great hair. I'm popular. I'm rich. I'm in tune with my animal senses. I appreciate others for what they are—nerds. I keep an open mind. I can spot a shoe sale a mile away. I'm great at manipulation.  I have excellent taste. Gotta love my quick wit.  I'm honest.  I know the value of a dollar. I catch on quick. I stay out of trouble.  I'm good at flattery…when I want to be.  Guys love me!

A/N: The list at the bottom was kinda random, but I keep lists in my journal, so I figured Cordy could too.

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