Chapter 2

I Spy and A Crazy Car Race!

Well, now the Sohmas were on their way to North Dakota! Yes, I know that they live in Japan, and North Dakota isn't in that country, much less that HEMISPHERE, but… DO NOT QUESTION NORTH DAKOTA!

The cars were seperated into two groups, since jamming all of them into the same car would have been inhumane and cruel, and Ritsu probably would have ended up jammed into the trunk.

GROUP 1

Driver- Ayame

Front Seat- Hatsuharu

Middle Back Seat- Hatori

Left Back Seat- Shigure

Right Back Seat- Kagura

GROUP 2

Driver- Kureno

Front Seat- Momiji

Middle Seats- (Kureno's car was a VAN!) Yuki and Rin

Middle Back Seat- Kyo

Left Back Seat- Ritsu

Right Back Seat- Tohru

Of course, the Mabudachi Trio were DESTINED to be together, so that's why they were all in that car. Luckily, anyone who could have caused a lot of problems wasn't in the car with them. Kureno's car was crowded, but nobody in it really loathed each other but Kyo and Yuki, and Tohru was there to simmer them down, so EVERYTHING WAS FINE!

Now, listen carefully. Obviously, I'm going to have switch between cars all the time, and YOU will probably get confused, and mixed up. So whenever it's Ayame's car, I'll make a sound like this.

HOOONK!

That's three O's, okay? And with Kureno's car, it'll be:

BEEEP!

That's three E's, right? Okay, good.

HOOONK!

" How did I get into a car with Ayame driving?" Hatori pondered outloud, and wondered if he could possibly manage to steal the driving position from him. Ayame was driving like one of those crazy old ladies that really shouldn't be driving at all, constantly saying things like, " Oh, dear!" or " That was a close one!" Luckily, they were starting to get into the country, and only a few small woodland animals had had to die.

" Because we're BEST BUDS! The Mabudachi Trio ALWAYS ride in the same car!" Ayame answered happily.

" No, we don't." Hatori argued quietly.

" Shut up, short-boy." Shigure commanded, not wearing a seatbelt, and letting his head hang out of his side's window like… well… a dog.

Hatori sighed, and looked at the two others they had in the car with them. Haru was slowly turning the little radio knob through every single station there was, listening to it for about eight seconds, then turning it again. He was looking for a good station.

Kagura was staring obsessively ahead, since she could see Kyo's little orange head through the back window of Kureno's van. Kureno's van was ahead of Ayame's car, by the way, since it was safer for him to lead the way to North Dakota.

" Shigure, I don't think it's safe for you to be hanging your head out like that." Hatori told his friend. " You should at least put on a seatbelt."

" REAL MEN don't need seatbelts!" Shigure chuckled.

Hatori decided to be quiet and wait for Ayame to crash into a random object, causing Shigure to fly out of the car window to an untimely demise.

BEEEP!

" I'm hungry. Why don't you have any snacks?" Kyo mumbled, not really enjoying his position in the car.

" I didn't think to bring any. We can always stop by a gas station later and get something." Kureno answered. If you want to know the truth, I don't know that much about Kureno besides that he's the chicken. And that's enough for me!

" But I'm hungry NOW. A gas station could be miles and miles away." Kyo grumbled.

" I APOLOGIZE! I SHOULD HAVE FORCED KURENO TO STOP AND GET SOME SNACKS TO GIVE TO YOU! GOMEN NASAI, GOMEN NASAI! I'M A WORTHLESS PASSENGER IN THIS CAR OF SAINTS, I AM THE DEVIL HIMSELF!"

" That's not true, Rit-san! There's no need for the devil!" Tohru protested.

" Look what you did now." Yuki sighed. " We have to put up with this all the way to North Dakota."

" SHUT UP!"

Rin… whinnyed! Okay, she didn't. I don't know that much about Rin either, except that she's the horse and that she and Haru…did a little dance… made a little love…got-

" I'M SO SORRY! I'M SORRY THAT YOU MUST ADMONISH KYO BECAUSE I AM APLOGIZING TO HIM!"

" SHUT UP!"

' It started in the house, it's movin' to the street, the sand beneath our feet! Let's have some fun with the funk!' The radio sang tackily, since Momiji was foolishly listening to Radio Disney which was playing some dated Aarron Carter song that only Momiji would find fun and entertaining to listen to.

" I'M SO SORRY THAT YOU MUST TELL ME TO SHUT UP!"

" Shut up!"

" Kyo, shut up, baka neko!"

" YOU shut up!"

" Kyo-kun…Yuki-kun…"

" I can't hear Radio Disney!" Momiji whined.

" I'M SO SORRY! NOW YOU ARE TELLING EACH OTHER TO SHUT UP BECAUSE YOU DON'T WANT ME TO BE TOLD TO SHUT UP AGAIN AND I MUST APOLOGIZE!"

" SHUT UP!" Kyo screamed to no one in particular.

" BUCAW-BUCAW!!!!!!!!!!" Kureno screeched insanely, and everybody went silent at his mad rooster call. Everyone froze and quit their bickering. Kureno simply drove on ahead calmly, satisfied that peace had been restored to their little van.

" So… where's Hiro and Kisa-san?" Tohru asked.

" Sohma Summer Camp." Rin answered boredly.

Everyone paused at this moment, and imagined poor little Kisa and Hiro stuggling at some stupid camp to not turn into a sheep or a tiger in a canoe or in a tent or roasting marshmallows and causing havoc out of everything.

" They must be having FUN!" said Tohru. Everyone else mentally shook their head.

HOOONK!

" Hey, Tori-san, do you think I have even fingernails?" Ayame asked, taking one hand off the steering wheel to hold it up for Hatori's approval.

" Yes. Yes, I do." Hatori snapped, aware that Ayame was taking his attention off his already horrible driving.

" How about this one?" Ayame pressed, letting go of the steering wheel completely and turning around to hold them up for Hatori's approval again. Hatori gave some sort of strangled little yell, and Haru coincidentially turned it to a heavy metal radio station…AT FULL VOLUME.

" DRIVE! FOR GOD'S SAKE, AYAME, DRIVE!" Hatori yelled, shielding his eyes from the sight of rapidly passing scenery around them.

" I can't hear you!" Ayame yelled back.

" HARU TURN THAT MUSIC OFF!" Hatori told Haru, who complied very…very… slowly. By the time he had turned it off, Ayame was driving along contentedly again, humming to himself, Hatori was taking deep breaths to try and calm himself, and Kagura was just sitting there like nothing had ever happened.

" Shigure?" Hatori asked calmly, relieved to see Shigure hadn't been thrown out of the window in the confusion. Shigure made an odd, choking sound.

" I think I swallowed a bug," he admitted.

" EWW!" Ayame yelled, followed by Hatori asking, " What kind?"

" Does it MATTER what kind? I swallowed a bug!" Shigure repeated, looking strangely proud of himself for swallowing a bug. " He just FLEW right down my throat."

" What if it was a poisonous bug?" Ayame asked, turning around to look at Shigure, once again not paying attention to the road ahead.

" I never thought of that! Haa-san, you have to use your magical dragon-doctor powers to help me!" Shigure exclaimed, looking at Hatori desprately. " Cure me!"

" HURRY!" Ayame echoed.

Hatori looked at Shigure who was still unbuckled and asking him to remove a bug from his throat, then at Ayame who was watching the both of them, eyes nowhere near the front window that he should have been watching. He then took Ayame's head in one hand, then Shigure's in the other, and turned them both around.

" You drive. And you buckle up." Hatori told both of them.

" But the bug~~" They whined.

" Shigure, if you die because you swallowed the bug, I will let you take a picture of me in an embarassing position, and you may distribute it however you wish." Hatori promised to get Shigure to shut up.

" How about you just take a picture of him NOW? In his short-shorts." Ayame chuckled, returning to driving horribly.

" Alright! Deal! Hey… if I'm dead…"

" I can't hear the radio…I want to turn it back up…" Haru said quietly, barely heard over Shigure's complaning.

" Haru, you have been switching that radio ever since we got in the car. You have rotated through all the stations at least three times. Pick a station and stick to it." Hatori told Haru in an authorative voice.

" But I haven't found a GOOD one, yet." Haru replied.

" Well, we'll just listen to THIS station." Ayame snapped, and switched it to Mix 1029, and began bopping his head along as Matchbox 20 started to wail.

" I don't WANT to listen to this one." Haru sighed, as if Ayame were playing Radio Disney or something.

" TOO BAD!" Ayame laughed.

Hatori, who secretly had a secret loathing for Matchobox 20 ( MAN, what does he NOT secretly hate?) just ignored it. HE wanted to listen to the tapes of Enya he had brought, since it was his favorite songstress. He was just waiting for the right time to innocently slip them in.

" I'm the PIG!" Kagura bellowed randomly in a guttural voice again, still watching Kyo's head nod around in the car in front of them.

" I want to stick my head out the window again." Shigure said to everyone.

" You just swallowed a bug a minute ago because you did that. Not to mention that it's dangerous." Hatori reminded Shigure.

" ALL-RIGHT, MOM." Shigure said in an overly sarcastic voice, crossing his arms and giving Hatori a resentful glare.

Hatori sighed, and resisited the urge to erase all the memories so they would turn around and drive back home.

BEEEP!

Without Shigure to do his special poke in the ribs to Ritsu, they had to put up with his wailing for a LOOOOOOOONG time. Kyo tried poking him in random parts of his body, but it didn't work and was kinda wrong anyway. Eventually, Tohru managed to calm Ritsu with words of love and care and everything was quiet for awhile, except for Radio Disney and Momiji singing along to MMMBOP.

" How much longer?" Kyo said, since he was starting to get all cramped. " I'm really hungry."

" I don't know, Kyo!" Kureno replied, and then chuckled at how he had rhymed.

" How are we supposed to get from Japan to North Dakota?" Yuki asked dryly.

" DO NOT QUESTION NORTH DAKOTA!" Everyone in the car screamed at him, so he just went quiet.

" I'm really bored." Kyo remarked.

" I know! Let's play a car game!" Tohru exclaimed, and you could tell she had just been waiting for someone to express a desire to do something so she could suggest this.

" WHAT?" Everyone in the van said like a bunch of animal-transforming idiots.

" They're games you play made especially for when you're in the car!" Tohru said, looking REALLY excited about it now. " They're REALLY fun!"

" In this case though, it would probably be more like a VAN game." Kureno chuckled to himself.

Everyone decided to play just to please Tohru, and Momiji even turned Radio Disney off. No one really wanted to let Ritsu play, but it would probably have been worse to leave him out. So they all decided to play, I SPY!

" I spy… something orange!" Tohru started enthusiastically. Of course, Kyo was the only person in the car with ANYTHING orange about him, so Kyo himself guessed in a matter of the few minutes it took him to think about it.

" Wow, you're good!" Tohru enthused, as if it had really been all that difficult.

" It's not fair to go if you guessed about yourself." Momiji argued.

" That's not true!" Kyo yelled, not willing to let go of his victory against Yuki. Even such a small victory of knowing his head was orange before Yuki did!

" Actually, it IS." Kureno answered. And he knew because back in high school, they called him… The Master of I Spy.

So they decided to just let Rin go. She spyed something green, and it was the grass outside! DA-HUCK! Ritsu guessed it, so then it was his turn. He spyed something red, and it was a small sticker on the car's dashboard that took a little time to find. Since Momiji was right in front of it, he saw it first. Momiji spyed something PINK and of course it was Ritsu's…dress…

Now it was Yuki's turn. He had been trying to avoid playing, but since almost EVERYONE  else had went, he gave it a try. " What are the rules of I Spy?" He asked first, since he NEVER knows how to play anything.

Everyone explained paitently, and then Yuki said, " I spy something yellow."

" IT'S MOMIJI! WHAT A STUPID AND EASY SPY! YOU SUCK, YUKI! I BEAT YOU! I BEAT YOU!" Kyo yelled, standing up and then hitting his head on the car roof.

" No, it's not." Yuki said in a disdainful voice.

" What?! But there's nothing else that's yellow in this car!" Kyo aruged.

" I'm not yellow, I'm blonde!" Momiji whined. Everyone ignored him.

" You must look underneath the underneath." Kureno said like Kakashi in Naruto.

" What's THAT supposed to mean?!" Kyo protested.

" Oh! It's the ribbon that you gave me!" Tohru said foolishly, pointing to the ribbon on her head.

Yuki gave one of his trademark strange, awkward, CREEPY Yuki smiles. " That's right, Honda-san."

" HA! You can't guess about YOURSELF!" Kyo laughed, and then said quickly, " It's HER ribbon!"

" Actually, you can guess about your articles of clothing, but not your body or hair color." Kureno corrected.

" NUH-UH!" Kyo yelled.

" UH-HUH!" Everyone yelled back.

" TOHRU WINS!" Said everyone.

" Everyone…" Tohru said with tears in her eyes, as if she had just been crowned prom queen.

" This sucks." Kyo muttered.

HOOONK!

" I'm so…" Shigure started, then waved his hand around for someone to finish his sentence for him.

" Shiny?" Haru asked.

" Why would I be shiny?" Shigure asked.

Haru shrugged as if Shigure was just choosing to not say the obvious.

" I'm BORED. Entertain me, Hatori." Shigure ordered.

" How?" Hatori asked, not intending to do anything to entertain Shigure.

" Hatori is a nut, he has a rubber butt!" Shigure laughed. Ayame laughed too, and they both laughed as if it were the FUNNIEST thing this side of Japan.

Hatori knew that he did NOT have a rubber butt, but just ignored them. " Haru, can I listen to my tapes now?" He asked, since Haru wasn't really listening to what was playing on MIX 1029.

" No." Haru stated bluntly.

" …but you're not really listening to anything." Hatori argued paitently.

" I SO am." Haru replied, and changed the station where… coincidentally, Purachina (PLATINUM) began to play! And since Maaya Sakamoto is the japanese equivalent to Enya, Hatori let it slide.

" I am a DREH-AH-MAH…" Everyone but Hatori in the car sang along in horrible engrish,   " HISUMU POWAH…"

The song continued, and everyone just began to hum along despondently.

" I really don't know anything else to that song." Ayame admitted. " I wish the first one was playing. That one was a lot easier."

" And it had LOTS of lines in english! NICE TO MEET YOU, GOOD TO SEE YOU!" Shigure said enthusiastically.

" Why do you guys watch Magical Girl shows?" Hatori asked suspicously.

" I'm bored. Haru, what about your secret?" Shigure asked.

" No." Said Haru. " I don't remember. And even if I DID, I wouldn't tell you."

" I am a DREH-AH-MAH…HISUMU POWAH…" Everyone echoed to the song once more.

" Why wouldn't you tell me?" Shigure whined.

" Because it's a SECRET." Haru said obviously.

Darn. I was hoping he would have forgotten what a secret was. Shigure thought.

Everyone contently listened to the rest of Platinum, and then Nyassu's Song came on. As they had no desire to listen to a cat that sounded like an old woman, they quickly changed the station.

BEEEP!

" So… Rin…" Yuki said in an attempt to be social to Rin who was sitting next to him with a bored look. " What's up?"

" I can't talk to you! Haru used to be in love with you! And Tohru likes you too! And I'm not FIT to talk to the object of affection from two PURE people!" Rin shouted, and then went back to gazing outside the window boredly so it wouldn't be TOO much like the manga.

" Oh, Rin, you can be so SILLY sometimes." Kureno tittered. " You're stubborn as a mule!"

" Well, YOU'RE as cuckoo as a chicken!" Rin chortled back good-naturedly.

" And Ritsu, you're as funky as a monkey!" Kureno told Ritsu.

" And Momiji is as 'hoppy' as a bunny. OH, GOMENASAI, I HAVE MADE A TERRIBLE PUN!"

" Yuki is as curious as a rat!" Momiji laughed.

Everyone in the car sort of laughed stupidly. Kyo, who had been left out, cleared his throat.

" And Kyo…well… you're the CAT!" Kureno exclaimed.

" Gee, thanks a lot." Kyo said sarcastically.

" And Tohru… you're as tasty as an onigiri!" Momiji said, not wanting to leave her out. I think it would have been quite strange if anyone else had said it.

Everyone in the car laughed. What a stupid compliment. What a stupid car. What a stupid story.

HOOONK!

" Is it bigger than a breadbox?" Shigure asked Haru.

" No," Haru answered, not really knowing what a breadbox was.

" Is it INSIDE a breadbox?" Shigure pressed.

" If it were INSIDE a breadbox, wouldn't it be BREAD?" Hatori asked.

" Well, what if someone decided to use it for something else? Like, what if someone decided to keep GO-GURT in it?" Ayame argued in a very ditzy voice.

" Ayame, you have to refrigerate Go-Gurt." Hatori said kindly, patting Ayame on the head.

" Oh. That explains the taste." Ayame said sadly.

" …I don't think it's Go-Gurt…" Haru said in a confused voice.

" Well, GOOD. I hate Go-Gurt." Shigure remarked.

" How do you know it's for you, Shigure? Maybe it has nothing to do with you." Hatori said, hoping this would get Shigure to quit playing 20 questions with Haru.

" You're just jealous that it's not a new stethoscope or whatever for you." Shigure said vainly.

" No, I'm not." Hatori said. And that was the end of that. But was it really? Now Hatori began to wonder; did Shigure think that Hatori just obessed over doctor equipment? Did he think that Hatori got really excited over tongue depressers and vaccination needles? Was THIS why all he ever got from Shigure for Christmas was a Nurse Barbie or a Doctor Ken?

" Why would I want a new stethoscope?" Hatori asked, trying to sound casual.

" So you could OBSESS over it." Shigure answered.

" I don't obsess over stethoscopes." Hatori argued quietly. " I don't even like them."

" If you don't LIKE them, then why are you a doctor?" Shigure said.

" And you obviously LIKE being a doctor. I mean, you read Doctor's Digest." Ayame added.

" Didn't you break up with Kana because she was getting in the way of you becoming the world's greatest doctor?" Haru asked, not wanting to be left out.

Yes, it was true. Hatori read Doctor's Digest. He was just about to tell Haru, NO, he had broken up with Kana because Akito had hit him in the head and made her sad and depressed so he had to erase her memories, but just THINKING about Kana made him start having inner monolouge.

She was as a buttercup of spring… as I was a buttercup of winter… Hatori thought to himself.

" Hey. Why are THEY always in front of us?" Shigure said randomly, pointing to Kureno's van that had been leading them along for the whole trip. He then glared at it as if it were mooning them.

" Because Kureno is the one that knows the way to the mystical bridge between Japan and North Dakota." Ayame said.

" How come YOU don't know it?" Shigure asked. " How come we ALWAYS have to follow in Kureno's big chicken footsteps?"

" You do not." Hatori objected.

" Why are we going to North Dakota?" Haru asked, but was ignored.

" I'm sick of Kureno always acting like he's BETTER than us." Shigure said, having gotten the idea and now deciding to hold onto it. " Look at him… driving ahead. Like he has a better mental navigation system! I could find my house in the dark! IN THE DARK!"

" Me too! What does he think I am, a stupid man who never even learned how to drive until I was twenty?" Ayame bellowed, and honked the horn at Kureno randomly.

" I don't want to go to North Dakota." Said Haru.

" HONK AT THEM AGAIN!" Shigure cheered, rolling down his window.

HONK! HONK! HONK!

" Ayame, quit that," Hatori ordered, but for once Ayame wasn't LISTENING to Hatori.

" ROAD RAGE!" Shigure screamed at the Kureno's innocent van.

" I want to go to California." Haru stated.

" We can't let them beat us! Come on! Let's make them eat our dust!" Shigure cried.

" YEAH!" said Ayame enthusiastically, and switched into HIGH GEAR!

" I want to become a happy cow." Haru continued.

Ayame's car began to approach Kureno's van, faster and faster and faster… he was PASSING IT! They could now see all the silly little people in the car! Shigure and Ayame were screaming put downs and cheers at them, but all the silly Kureno people just waved like a bunch of idiots.

" NOOOO!" Kagura screamed. " Don't pass them! I CAN'T SEE KYO!"

Hatori sighed, and prayed for a quick release from this madness.

Haru was still talking about real California cheese.

So now, Ayame was in the lead! They drove and they drove, Shigure and Ayame praising themselves and their wonderful victory over the van of losers that didn't know it yet. Of course, Kureno realized, that after Ayame and Shigure starting throwing suntan lotion at his van, he was being insulted. He wanted to beat them and beat them good, but the van was running low on gas. Luckily, a Buddy Barn Gas Station popped up randomly, so he stopped and the car zoomed along.

" Wait… Kureno's not driving anymore." Hatori said, turning around to see the rapidly fading figure of the van.

" He stopped to get gas and snacks. SUCKER!" Shigure cackled. " He'll NEVER catch up now!"

" I want snacks." Haru complained.

" Haru, my boy, would you rather be in the loser car with snacks or in the WINNER car?" Ayame inquired in a voice that suggested Haru would be an idiot to say the former.

" I want snacks." Haru repeated.

" Wait… do we need gas?" Hatori said worriedly, peering over Ayame's shoulder to see that… THE GAS TANK WAS ALMOST DRY! NOOO!

" It's okay! We're winning!" Shigure exclaimed, as if that made everything a-okay!

And for awhile, everyone believed him. Except for Hatori. But when that poor little car starting to make some STRANGE noises, and the scenery took five minutes to change, and the car wasn't even MOVING, no one believed him.

" Kureno will stop and give us some gas." Shigure said optimistically.

" Can you even do that?" Haru asked sarcastically.

But of course, when Kureno finally caught up to them, he was so pumped at beating them, he just ZOOMED right past them. Leaving Ayame, Shigure, Hatori, Haru and Kagura stuck alone in the middle of the Sahara Desert of Japan.

OMAKE!

I couldn't find Carl today, because he left a note like this; I DON'T FEEL LIKE ANSWERING ANY QUESTIONS. I'M GOING TO SIBERIA. So I guess I'll just give you nice normal answers.

Here's the first one from… LARA! Lara Larame, the Ponyta girl! (JUST KIDDING!!)

Lara: Who is Rin?

Me: NOT the stupid little girl that is mute and sings stupid songs from Inuyasha, Rin the HORSE OF COURSE! Rin is the horse in the zodiac that only shows up in the manga. I don't really know her personality or that much about her, so… don't really trust anything I write about her. Of course, if you REALLY wanted to know about her, you could always just look it up on some random website.

I got TWO questions from R-chan, who was also the ONLY person to review my angsty Yuki fic. THANK YOU! I LOVE YOU!

R: Who or what is this 'Shoopuf-dude'? I've never heard of him.

Me: Well, then, you've OBVIOUSLY not read my previous fanfic. But that's okay, because it's about Final Fantasy 7, and FF7 and Furuba are barely related… okay, they're not even related at all. And that fanfic didn't even really explain him either. Shoopuf Dude, if you've ever played FFX, is this crazy little dude that says things like, 'Ride ze Shoopuf?' and ' IMPOSHIBIBBLE!' When Shoopuf Dude let out with the former, I decided he was the coolest thing since sliced bread. And as I really don't think sliced bread is all that cool, he is the coolest thing since… EVER!

R: Is this story going to continue?

Me: …(looks up at second chapter title) …yes…

And the last question is very… odd…

Princess: can u add a girl dat kyo meets named jailene and then kyo falls in love with her and then some *cough cough stuff cough cough* happens? also if u consider my favor in mind can u make her puerto rican, tall, long dark hair, brown eyes, and considered very cute.

Me: O_o No…

Alright! Look for it next time! Please ask more questions!