Chapter 4

Hatori and Camel-san? FATED LOVE! / The Bridge Finally Crossed!

" That camel is blocking our way." Hatori stated obviously, as they all stared at the camel that That Buddy Barn Guy had just left standing there after filling up their car with gas. The camel was chewing very slowly and let out an occasional yodel every now and then.

" Can't go around it, can't go over it, can't go under it, LET'S GO THROUGH IT!" Ayame and Shigure sang foolishly, clapping their hands. Hatori sighed.

" We can't run over an innocent animal." Hatori reminded them.

" You can't run over that camel." Haru echoed with an incredulous look. " We're related."

" Haru, you are NOT related to that camel." Kagura put in sensibly.

" I am too." Haru argued. " That camel and I are practically brothers. If I were a cow, I would go up to him and give him a big hug."

" Cows and camels aren't related!" Kagura argued.

" Yes they are." Haru replied. " In fact, I'm related more closely to that camel than I am to you."

" But Haru, we're your COUSINS." Kagura said, as if it were really all that big of a deal that Haru held a random camel in higher regard than his dear cousins.

" Yes. But you're a pig. Ayame's a snake. Shigure's a dog. And Hatori's a piece of plankton. None of those are in the same family as the cow. That camel is Rin and I's closest cousin." Haru said, as the camel yodeled randomly.

" I'm not a piece of plankton. I'm the dragon." Hatori said, offended.

" Oh, yeah, the 'dragon.'" Shigure snorted.

" I'm going to get into the car and honk at the camel. Maybe that will get it to move." Hatori said with only the slightest signs of anger appearing in his voice. He climbed into the driver's seat, and honked the horn at the camel. The camel just yodeled back.

" Honk LOUDER!" Ayame ordered.

Hatori did so. The came took a wavery step and yodeled again.

" Honk loudly and repetitively!" Ayame exclaimed.

Hatori did so. The camel yodeled in reply, and came walking over the the front of the car, and began to drool all over the hood.

" I think that sounded like a camel mating call." Hatori admitted.

" Hatori! This is no time to make the camel fall in love with you!" Shigure said angrily, as if it had been Hatori's intention all along. " Get out of the car!"

Hatori was about to lose his cool, but he never loses his cool, so he stepped outside of the car. As soon as he did, the camel came lumbering up to him with crazy heart shaped eyes. Hatori gave the camel a weird look.

" How come you don't want to see me? I'm your COUSIN." Haru said sadly.

" Go away." Hatori told the camel, which was drooling affectionately all over him.

" Well, while you distract the camel, we'll continue with our vacation!" Shigure said happily, as everyone headed towards the car.

" Oh no, you don't." Hatori said. " You're not leaving me here alone with this camel."

" You can just ride her after us." Said Shigure. " You've always wanted to ride a camel."

" No, I didn't." Hatori argued.

" I want to ride the camel." Haru put in.

" Haru, I don't want to even think about what would happen if you rode after us on a camel." Hatori sighed, pushing the camel away.  " Now go. Go on. Shoo."

The camel gave a yodel of protest. Hatori continued to push it away. Finally, the camel began to plod slowly and sadly away with it's head hung low, sniffing back big camel tears.

" HATORI, YOU'RE SO MEAN!" Everyone yelled.

Hatori didn't feel any remorse for the camel. After all… it would have been better… if he and the camel had never met, or fallen in love. Hatori only brought PAIN and SUFFERING and the CURSE to whoever fell in love with him, camel or not.

And so, they all piled into the car and continued on their journey.

BEEEP!

" We're approaching the mystical bridge between Japan and North Dakota now!" Kureno told everyone excitedly, as they approached what looked like Rainbow Road from Mariokart.

" How did THAT happen?" Asked Yuki.

" Anything that can happen! Expect the Unexpected in the horribly dubbed world of Cardaptors!" Kureno chuckled, and everyone shuddered at the thought of the horribly dubbed world of Cardcaptors.

" There's so many colors!" Tohru exclaimed, looking out her window. " I feel like I'm in a dream!"

" Hey… where's Ayame's car?" Rin pointed out, being the only sensible one.

" Oh… that's strange. Even though, being the Lone Chicken, I expected to beat the Mabudachi Trio here, I didn't expect for them to not show up at all." Kureno said, frowning.

" OH, GOMENASAI! THEY MUST HAVE DEICDED MY PRESENCE TO BE TOO HORRIBLE TO BEAR ON THIS WONDERFUL VACATION!" Ritsu screamed. " BAD DOBBY! VERY BAD DOBBY!" And then he began to hit himself over the head with a teacup.

He continued to writhe and flop around like this, until finally he accidently smacked Kyo right in the chest. Kyo, who had been so busily sucking his gobstopper, gave a start, and DOWN WENT THE GOBSTOPPER! Down…down… oh my, I think it's stuck.

" OH NO! I HAVE HIT KYO! GOMENASAI! GOMENASAI! YOU HAVE SWALLOWED YOUR TASTY CANDY BALL THAT YOU WERE PLANNING ON EATING! GOMENASAI! GOMENASAI! YOU ARE GAGGING AND MAKING CHOKING NOISES! YOUR FACE IS TURNING A FAINT SHADE OF BLUE, OHHH, GOMENASAIIIIII!"

" Kyo-kun!" Tohru yelled foolishly. She grabbed the choking cat because that's what she does when people are hurt, and before you knew it there was a POOF! And Kyo the cat stood there looking pissed. Luckily, the gobstopper had slipped down his throat in the sudden transformation.

" Oh NO!" Cried Tohru, as if she hadn't expected that to happen.

" I'LL KILL YOU ALL!" Kyo the cat promised, fluffing himself out. Everybody laughed, except for Ritsu who took it seriously, and begged for forgiveness.

Oh, Kyo… now he really is the CAT!

" NOW how will I beat Yuki?" Kyo cried.

" You just CAN'T! You never can! AHAHAHAHA!" Kureno laughed evilly.

" You… you can beat him at being a cat!" Tohru pointed out helpfully. " Not that Yuki-kun would be bad at being a cat, I just-"

" THAT'S RIGHT!" Kyo said, but only because he wanted to agree with Tohru and look good. He laughed and pointed one paw at Yuki. " I'm a better cat than YOU'LL EVER BE!"

" Whatever." Said Yuki. " I'll always be a better rat than you."

" NO YOU WON'T! SOMEDAY I'LL BE A MEMBER OF THE JYUNISHI AND THE RAT! AND I'LL BE THE PRINCE OF SCHOOL! AND I'LL ALSO BE AKITO'S PLAYTHING!" Kyo promised.

That would rock… thought Yuki.

" I still think I'm the best rabbit!" Said Momiji, but no one cared about being the best rabbit, so everyone just ignored him.

" Well, Kyo, we just can't have you sitting there waited to burst back onto the scene naked!" Kureno chuckled. " So I'm afraid this is where you have to stand out in the cold while we wait for you to turn back into a human."

" Are you sure I can stand on that?" Kyo said, pointing his little kitty head towards the Rainbow Road.

" Oh yeah. I forgot. You melt as soon as you step onto that bridge. I guess we'll just have to put you on the car roof with your clothes and hope you don't fall." Kureno smiled.

" You MUST be kidding." Said Kyo.

But no, before he know it, Kyo the cat was sitting on the car roof with his clothing, praying to the Gods that he wouldn't fall off the car and melt. It was bad enough that he would have to be naked and get dressed on the car roof, as that's a pretty uncomfortable place for that to happen.

" This is all my fault…" Said Ritsu sadly back in the car.

" No it's not!" Tohru interjected even though it really was.

" Are we going to wait for Hatori and the others?" Yuki asked Kureno.

" Sure. Why not?" Kureno shrugged. " We have plenty of things to catch up on with each other anyway, being family and all."

Everyone laughed long and hard, and then they all looked boredly out the window.

HOOONK!

" So then, I was like, Akito, no you di'int!" Ayame said waving one hand foolishly about.

" You tell 'im, girlfriend!" Shigure cheered.

" Are you two going to talk the whole time?" Hatori asked.

" Well, now that you've taken the driver's position, I can talk to Gure-san all I want!" Ayame said happily, and he and Shigure gave each other a high five. Kagura was sitting in the front by Hatori now, and Haru was edged away as much as humanly possible from Ayame and Shigure in the back.

" Can you talk about something besides Akito? He depresses me." Hatori complained.

" Well, you're the only one who get's depressed when we talk bad about Akito behind his back, because  you're the only one that he hit in the head with a vase." Shigure pointed out.

" That's not true." Said Hatori.

" Actually, Akito has never done anything to me. Just my brother." Said Ayame.

" Me either. I don't think Akito cares about the cow." Haru added.

" Akito hates women but he ignores me like everyone else in this story." Kagura said.

" Akito is my bitch." Shigure pointed out.

And so, since Hatori was the only one to ever be harassed by Akito, he had to listen to them talk about him and make fun of him the whole car ride, conjuring up all sorts of painful memories of Kana the whole time. POOR HATORI!

" Hey! Look! There's Kureno's car!" Shigure exclaimed, pointing in front of them.

" NOOO! HOW COULD KURENO HAVE BEAT US?!" Ayame and Shigure cried out in horror.

" Um." Said Hatori.

" All that hard work for nothing. It makes my blood boil! Let's ram into them!" Shigure demanded. Then he remembered that Ayame wasn't the one driving anymore. He stared at Hatori who was driving along at a liesurely pace.

" Doesn't it BOTHER you that that Mabudachi Quarter wanna be beat us to the Mystical Bridge that connects Japan to North Dakota?" Shigure asked, as Ayame gave Hatori over the top hintful nods.

" Not particularly." Said Hatori.

" When we catch up to Kureno's car, can I ride with him?" Haru asked suddenly.

" Why would you want to ride with Kureno when you can ride with us?" Ayame asked, with a big creepy smile on his face that made Haru think a little about what his answer should be. But only a little.

" Because you guys scare me. And Kagura doesn't do anything."

" I'm the PIG!" Kagura bellowed in a guttural voice randomly.

" See?" Said Haru.

" Fine, Haru. When we catch up to Kureno, we'll just trade you in for some BETTER troubled teenager. Why, you're not even THAT troubled!" Shigure scoffed. " Yuki and Kyo are TEN times more troubled than you'll ever be!"

" But I have multiple personality syndrome…" Haru complained.

" Oh, we all have that." Sighed Shigure in disgust, waving one hand dismissively.

" Hey, look! Kureno's speeding up!" Ayame exclaimed, pointing ahead. And indeed, Kureno's car was starting to hurtle forward at a breakneck speed.

NOBODY DEFEATS OR EVEN TIES WITH THE LONE CHICKEN! Kureno thought to himself furiously, and kicked the car into… wait for it… waaaaait for it… HIGH GEAR!

" Hey… this looks just like Rainbow Road." Hatori said, but then realized he'd just revealed that he had played a Nintendo before, and he flinched in shame even though no one cared.

" And you know what you do on Rainbow Road- RACE!" Shigure said, punching enthusiastically ahead.

" Well, I ususally fall. There's no gates to keep you from falling off!" Ayame chuckled.

" Which is why we'll continue at our slow, leisurely pace." Hatori said sternly.

" Awww…" Said everyone.

So, they drove and they drove, and once, Hatori fell off, but as they all plummeted screaming to certain doom, that little Lakitu guy came to save them so YAY! Lakitu shook his trafficlight at them scoldingly, and they made it the end of the Mystical Bridge Between Japan and North Dakota without anymore mishaps.

They met Kureno's van at the end where the rainbow ended, and a small tunnel led through to the normal landscape of North Dakota. As I've never been to North Dakota, you'll just have to imagine how that looks for yourself. In less you DO live in North Dakota… and if you do… I WON'T QUESTION YOU!

" I've beat you again, Mabudachi Trio!" Kureno laughed evilly when Hatori pulled up next to them.

" What do you mean? This is the first time you've beaten us. We're tied." Shigure protested.

" No, actually, he's won twice." Hatori said, because he secretly enjoyed Shigure and Ayame getting dissapointed over stupid things.

" NOOOOO!" Shigure and Ayame screamed.

" YES!" Kureno said, and honked the horn.

HONK! BAM!

Wait… bam?

" Why is Kyo lying naked on the ground unconcious?" Hatori asked after watching Kyo roll off the roof of Kureno's van and just splat onto the ground.

" Um… yaoi?" Kureno said uneasily.

" That is NOT the answer to everything." Hatori replied.

" Oh dear. I forgot that we were supposed to wait for Kyo to turn back into a human. He must have been holding on for dear life the whole time!" Kureno laughed.

" My clothes… where are my clothes?" Kyo mumbled deleriously.

" I think they flew off that way." Said Kureno, throwing the shiny thing you use to keep the car cool over Kyo's body. " But that's okay, I have some extra clothes for you. You can change into them when we get to the hotel!"

" What hotel?" Hatori asked.

" THAT hotel!" Kureno said, pointing to a hotel that just bounced onto the landscape randomly. It was called… Crazy Gringo Hotel.

And so, they drove forward to the Crazy Gringo Hotel. Then they drove back because they had forgotten Kyo. THEN, they drove halfway but had to stop because Ritsu had a nervous breakdown. THEN they drove past it to see if there was any other hotel besides Crazy Gringo Hotel. But there wasn't, so they went back to the Crazy Gringo Hotel.

CARL'S CORNER!

I couldn't find Carl today, because he left a note like this; I DON'T FEEL LIKE ANSWERING ANY QUESTIONS. I'M GOING TO BELGIUM. So I guess I'll just give you nice normal answers.

Jailene-Person: Can you still have a girl named Jailene?

Me: IF YOU ASK ME THAT ONE MORE TIME… okay. Ask me one more time and I'll put her in.

Person: What was the Stella reference in Chapter 1?

Me: Um… I actually DON'T KNOW! One day at my school this girl ran down the hall screaming, " STELLLAAAAAAA!" And it's kinda stuck with me since then. If anyone knows where that's from, I'd appreciate it. Unless that girl was just shouting for someone named Stella.

…

COME ON! SEND CARL MORE QUESTIONS! You HAVE to be more inquisitive than that! It doesn't even have to be about Fruits Basket! It can be about CROUTONS for all I care!

For example;

Random-Person: Hayley, why don't you like ranch dressing?

Me: BECAUSE I LIKE CROUTONS!

See? It's that easy. Sheesh.

Next time…

AKITO'S HITCHIKING ADVENTURE!