Chapter 8
The Unsurprisingly Dull Museum!
Well, now they're off to see the sights! I really don't know what sort of sights you see in North Dakota, so don't expect some detailed chapters all about well-known places in North Dakota. Also, DON'T question the sights they DO see in North Dakota. Okay? Okay.
" Here we are at the North Dakota Art Museum!" Ayame said happily, standing in front of the Musuem with an overly triumphant look. Yes, they drove there. I don't really feel like writing out the drive, but I'm sure you can imagine how crazy it was in your head.
" I don't wanna go to the Art Museum! I wanna go to Six Flags!" Momiji whined, which a really dumb thing to say since Six Flags is NOT in North Dakota.
" Nonsense! Everyone loves art!" Ayame laughed.
" I DO!" Tohru said enthusiastically, but no one else looked very excited.
Hatori, however, decided he would enjoy this trip to the Art Museum. Because this way they weren't going to some big, crowded place with a lot of noisy teenagers that would make fun of his shorts. Art Museums were great places for mean old scrooges like Hatori.
" Well, I think it's best if we split into four groups with an adult leading two of the juveniles." Hatori said authoritively.
" But, then the Mabudachi Trio won't be together!" Ayame and Shigure gasped.
" We're not together twenty-five days out of thirty in the month." Hatori replied, since he secretly really didn't mind the Mabudachi Trio not being together.
" I think we should just split into groups of eight." Kureno put in airily, as if he was saying what everyone else was too kind to keep to themselves.
" But there's only twelve of us." Hatori told him, not unkindly.
" I knew that! I can count!" Kureno lied. Well, I don't know if he can count or not. Did Kureno ever go to school, if he had to be with Akito all the time? Does he know how to read and write and count and take standardized testing? And speaking of which, WHY isn't Kureno with Akito now?!
" Fine. We'll do this 'group' thing." Shigure said sarcastically, with his hands on his hips. " But I'll let you know now, I am NOT happy about it."
" Why? It's not really that big of a deal." Hatori reasoned.
" Oh SURE. If it's not a big deal to Hatori, it's not a big deal to ANYONE." Shigure said, raising his shoulders in an over-dramatic shrug, like Cloud.
" Alright, all of you line up." Hatori said to the assorted non-Mabudachi Trio members and non-Lone Chickens. See, instead of letting the other people make a big mess of arranging themselves, they decided they would just pick them off one at a time like a Dodgeball team.
" Hmm…" Shigure said, scratching his chin as he tried to choose from the people. " I like torturing Kyo, but then again… I like to torture Ritsu. But in the end, I'll choose Haru so I can try to get the dirt on his secret again."
" I got picked! I got picked first!" Haru exclaimed it what was probably the happiest moment of his life. He walked over to Shigure and joined him proudly with his head held high.
" Well… I'll take Momiji." Hatori said, since he lived with Momiji, and he was used to Momiji's gleefulness. Momiji happily frolicked over to Hatori.
" DON'T WORRY YUKI! I'M PICKING YOU!" Ayame yelled as if Yuki had really not been expecting for Ayame to pick him. Yuki gave everyone a pleading look, but no one could save him now. He walked slowly with his head hung low over to Ayame, who looked like this had just MADE his DAY.
" Well… I have Haru, who I'm manipulating, but now I need someone I can torture. Alright, Ritsu." Shigure said good-naturedly.
" I'M SO SORRY THAT YOU HAD TO CHOOSE ME! I'M SORRY THAT YOU WERE FORCED TO PUT ME IN YOUR GROUP AND I'M SORRY THAT I AM SO EASILY TORTURED THAT YOU PERCIEVE ME AS A TORTUREABLE ENTERTAINMENT! I'M SORRY THAT I WAS BORN, THEREFORE MAKING YOU HAVE TO CHOOSE ME! I APOLOGIZE TO YOU! I APOLOGIZE TO THE WHOLE WORLD!" Ritsu yelled, writhing his way to Shigure and Haru.
" That's nice." Shigure said distractedly.
" I'll take Honda-kun, if that's alright." Hatori said, and gave Tohru this really scary smile where his mouth was too wide and his eyes were too big and his eyebrows had suddenly DISSAPEARED! The only thing that rivals the creepy Hatori big smile is the horrific Hatori shorts. But imagine both of them at the same time…
" Thank you so much!" Tohru said happily as she walked over to join Hatori's group.
" Then I'll take Rin, even though I've never spoken to her my whole life!" Ayame chuckled good-naturedly.
" I'm in the same group as YUKI?!" Rin said in disgust, and she was obviously very pissed off about this but no one cared. She stomped over to Yuki and Ayame and began to brood.
" Well, let's go!" Said Kureno.
" Kureno, you haven't chosen anyone to be in your group." Hatori pointed out.
" Hatori, what is so hard to understand about LONE…CHICKEN?" Kureno said in a slow, impaitent voice.
" But someone has to take Kyo and Kagura." Hatori sighed.
Of course, no one had chosen Kyo, because he's the CAT! And also, if one of the Mabudachi Trio had chosen someone that had a shirt that said DIE, MABUDACHI DIE on it, how would that make them look? And no one had chosen Kagura, because they knew she would insist Kyo come with her.
" Well… I'll put up with my flunky, but the pig has to keep quiet." Kureno conceded with his arms crossed.
" I'M NOT YOUR FLUNKY!" Kyo yelled.
Kagura was going to yell, " I'M NOT THE PIG!" but then she remembered, yes, yes she was the pig. They went to join Kureno, and finally people could get in through the Museum door since all the Sohma's had been blocking it.
" Alright. We'll meet back here in the lobby for lunch at two." Hatori told everyone, and they were just about to walk into the Museum when some random exploding tour guide lady stopped them.
" Excuse me," She said, " But I'm afraid those aren't allowed." She pointed at Hatori meaningfully. Hatori bristled. This was the last straw.
" Okay, okay, I get it, I'm wearing SHORTS. No, I don't usually wear them, but I didn't expect everyone to make such a big DEAL about them. It's not like I woke up and decided I'd purposely put on a pair of shorts of freak people out. But guess what? Silly me just thought that no one would care what I wore. But then, oh? My shorts offend everyone? I'M SORRY!" Hatori yelled suddenly, fists clenched. " But I am NOT going to stand around and believe that I can't even go to a Museum of Art just because I'm wearing SHORTS!"
" Actually, I was talking about your ciggarette." The lady said.
Hatori looked down to see he had taken a ciggarette out earlier without noticing it. He turned around to see everyone looking at him blankly, at a loss for words. Hatori realized his respect meter had probably just gone down a couple of notches and walked shamefully ahead into the exhibit room.
" Wow…" Said Ayame. " So he really IS self-concious in those shorts."
" Yeah…" Shigure nodded. " This just means we have to torture him even MORE."
HOOONK!
" Look, Kyo-kun!" Kagura said, pointing to a picture of a lady in a boat on a lake with a lot of ducks in it. " Isn't that ROMANTIC?"
" No…" Kyo admitted, because to him it just looked like a stupid picture of a lady in a boat on a lake with a lot of ducks in it.
" How about that one?" Kagura said, pointing to some random painting of a baby smiling, which no one would in their right mind would think romantic.
" No."
" That one?"
" No."
" How about that one?"
" NO."
" THIS one is romantic."
" NO!"
" How-"
" NOOOOO! THERE IS NO PICTURE IN THIS ROOM THAT IS ROMANTIC!" Kyo screamed angrily, grabbing his head and falling to the ground in pain.
" SHHHHH!" All the dorky Museum people said to Kyo because he was being an obnoxious disturbance.
Meanwhile, Kureno was going from painting to painting and staring at each one for about thirty seconds. Then he would chuckle foolishly as if he were reading Laffy Taffy jokes instead of looking at great works of art. I suppose that maybe Kureno just found great art funny. Or maybe each painting reminded him of something HEE-LARIOUS.
" Kagura, would you get off me?!" Kyo hissed quietly, since Kagura was still hanging all over him.
" What? I can't hear you." Kagura said, nuzzling him.
" Kagura, get off me!" Kyo exclaimed a little bit louder.
" WHAT, KYO-KUN?!" Kagura yelled, hugging him.
" GET OFF ME!!!" Kyo screamed at the top of his lungs.
" EXCUSE ME, but SOME people came here to look at FINE art!" Said a little man with big glasses and a bow tie. He shook his hand at Kagura and Kyo scoldingly.
" It's not my fault!" Kyo protested.
" Excuse me, but is there a problem here?" Said Security Fred, marching over. That's right! He's back! I knew you'd come back, Security Fred! Hooray!
" Yes, SIR. These two are stopping me from fully enjoying my art viewing experience!" The little man in the bow tie complained with his hands on his hips.
" Where are you two's parental supervision?" Security Fred asked Kyo and Kagura.
" We're over SIXTEEN. We don't NEED parental supervision!" Kyo argued.
" Where…?" Security Fred asking again in a no nonsense voice.
Kagura and Kyo sighed and pointed to Kureno, who had gone into ANOTHER barrel of laughs over a painting of a pony. Security Fred marched over to him and tapped Kureno on the shoulder.
" Pony…" Kureno chuckled foolishly, and turned around to see Security Fred. " Oh, hello there."
" You and your young charges are causing a disturbance! I'm afraid you'll have to leave." Said Security Fred.
" WE ARE NOT!" Kyo yelled.
" SHHHH!" All the dorks said again.
" Quiet, flunky! I'll get us out of this!" Kureno hissed at Kyo as if he didn't expect Security Fred to be able to hear him. Then he smiled over-nicely. " Now, I'm sure we can reach an agreement."
" OUT." Security Fred stated, pointing at the door.
" Fine… but the Lone Chicken is NOT happy." Kureno let Security Fred know. " Come on flunky, pig."
" I thought all the paintings were stupid ANYWAY!" Kyo yelled, angry because he was embrassed that they had to be kicked out of the museum and that it was HIS fault.
" Thank you, Security Fred!" The little man with the bow tie exclaimed.
" All in a day's work for Security Fred." Security Fred said proudly and walked out of the room for no reason. Everyone else cheered and then exploded.
HOOONK!
" Look, Yuki! Look! Isn't that nice? Yes, yes it is. WOW! That's all I can say about that one- WOW. It has wow written all over it! Wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow-"
" I GET it." Yuki said because, well, he HAD.
" Okay." Ayame chuckled foolishly, slapping Yuki on the back as they looked at the picture that supposedly had WOW written all over it. He hit Yuki a little too hard and Yuki fell to the ground. " I understand. An old-timer like me has to use more HIP slang, yo, yes? That picture has peachy-keen written all over it! Peachy peachy peachy!"
" Nii-san, they said peachy-keen before you were born." Yuki sighed, looking around carefully to see if there was anyone else in the room to get mad at them and Ayame's BOOMING voice. Fortunately, there was only Rin, and she was looking at… well, it's a MYSTERY. But it was sexy. It was a sexy mystery. The kind that Scooby and Shaggy WOULDN'T be able to solve, if you get what I mean, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh!
" Yuki? What are you doing on the ground? You wacky child. Look at that picture! Isn't it pretty?" Ayame said, pointing to a picture.
" That's the same one you just pointed to." Yuki stated.
" Really? It looks different. Are you sure you're not getting mixed up?" Ayame blinked.
" YES, NII-SAN." Yuki said, sounding like he'd like to throw Ayame into a blender.
" Ahahaha! You just don't want to admit the obvious. It's alright, Yuki. The fact that you're a little, you know, SLOW…" Ayame winked at Yuki over the toply, as if everyone knew this but Yuki, " Is covered up by your good looks! Which you got from me."
" IT IS THE SAME PICTURE! YOU'RE JUST TRYING TO MAKE ME LOOK STUPID!"
" That is SO not the same picture. And if you try and lie to your big brother again, it will make me very sad." Ayame said sternly, now looking at the whole museum as if it had offended him. " I try very hard to have a good time with you, and all you can do is make mistakes and then lie about them!"
" Whatever. Let's just not talk about it anymore." Yuki said, since he had a feeling Ayame would never stop.
" Good! Oh, I don't really like that one. Somethings wrong with the color." Ayame frowned, pointing to the same picture he had pointed to the PREVIOUS two times.
At this point, Yuki was about ready to break down and cry. But before he could, Rin came stomping up with a royally pissed look on her face.
" Is something wrong, Rin?" Yuki asked her.
" You don't know ANYTHING, DO YOU?!" Rin yelled in sudden disgust, throwing up her arms and stomped away again. Yuki blinked.
" Oh, that crazy Kagura." Ayame chuckled.
" Nii-san, that was Rin." Yuki told him, still wondering WHAT had possessed Rin to do something so random.
" Whatever." Ayame shrugged. " In any case, that's one crazy rabbit."
" MOMIJI is the rabbit. Rin is the HORSE!" Yuki exclaimed, looking up at Ayame with even LESS respect than usual. " Don't you know anything?"
" No, not really." Ayame said happily, pointing to… A DIFFERENT PAINTING! Good for you, Aya! This one was a picture of Harry Potter on a Broomstick. NO, I doubt you would REALLY find that in an Art Musuem, but then again, it's doubtful that you would ever REALLY meet a man who could turn into a snake! " Isn't that one nice?"
" Sure." Yuki sighed.
Ayame was overjoyed that Yuki actually agreed with him this one time. But he was even MORE overjoyed, because he's always overjoyed. But he was just a LITTLE bit more overjoyed, because it was his dream vacation. You know what Ayame's dream vacation is, don't you? Well, you should. Because this is it. Ayame doesn't ask for much, and so this is his dream vacation. Now think about it. Would YOU be satisfied with this vacation? Or would you demand a better one? Because AYAME likes it juuuuuust fine. Now, shouldn't we all try and be a little bit more like Ayame?
Yes, yes I think we should. And that has nothing to do with Ayame being my favorite character. Nothing at all.
HOOONK!
" I'm going to look at ALL the paintings!" Momiji exclaimed as if he were about to get a gold medal in the olympics, and began running around the room in circles trying to take all the paintings in at once.
" Momiji, don't run around." Hatori said half-heartedly, but his mind was preoccupied. He kept worrying about what trouble the OTHER groups were getting into. Well, actually, he was more worried about his shorts. But he pretended that it was the others.
"Whoa, I'm getting DIZZY!" Momiji said, tottering around the room like fool.
" I LOVE strawberries!" Tohru said, because she was looking at a large painting of a ten-foot strawberry. Just kidding. She was looking at a picture of a fruits basket. But guess what? There wasn't an Onigiri in it! AWK! But there was a pineapple and a strawberry, and that was good enough for Tohru.
" Okay class. This is a picture of a snowy pasture under the sun. And we all know what happens to snow when it melts, right?" Some random crazy teacher asked her random crazy class that was on a carefully planned field trip to the museum.
" SPRING!" Said some foolish little child.
" No… water. I mean, come on, it's obvious." The teacher said in disgust, giving the kid a weird look.
I was RIGHT! Hatori thought triumphantly. But then he remembered Kana and began to angst. Luckily, he snapped out of it when he realized what he was standing in front of. Being wrapped up in thought, he realized that he had been standing in front of some nude sculpture for about seven minutes without moving.
Some crazy little guy with glasses and a beanie hat walked up next to him and looked at the statue. " HOMINA HOMINA HOMINA!" The crazy little guy said enthusiastically, then walked away as if this were a normal thing to do.
Hatori shook his head sadly, and walked off to some dark corner where him and the shorts could brood in peace.
HOOONK!
" Hey, Ritsu, THAT'S a nice picture." Shigure said, as he and Haru walked up to a picture of an Octopus Ritsu was staring at.
" AHH! I AM SORRY! I AM SORRY THAT I HAD TO BE SELFISH AND SEE THE OCTOPUS FIRST-" Ritsu started to scream, but Shigure poked him and he fell to the ground. Because I think we've had enough of that for one chapter.
" Hey, Haru! Let's play a game!" Shigure said randomly to Haru, who was staring contently at the Octopus.
" Okay." Said Haru.
" I'll say something, and you say whatever pops into your mind FIRST! Okay? Okay!" Shigure asked and then answered because he knew it would take Haru too long. " Mouse!"
" Yuki."
" Cat!"
" Stupid."
" Up!"
" Plane."
" Down!"
" Butterfly."
" Snow!"
" Spring."
" THE SECRET!"
" Garden." Haru said with a happy look. Ah yes, that had been his favorite book when young. Those days it had just been Haru, a glass of milk, some oreos, and The Secret Garden…
" NO! Not that stupid book! What is your secret?" Shigure demanded, enraged.
" I don't feel like telling it."
" Well, WHEN will you feel like telling it?" Shigure whined.
" Maybe tomorrow."
" TOMORROW?! I HAVE TO WAIT ALL THE WAY UNTIL TOMORROW?! Okay." Shigure said, happy because now it was GUARENTEED that he would know the secret eventually.
" What? You'll tell the secret?! It's the secret that must NEVER be told to ANYONE!" Some random lady gasped, and then exploded.
" Why not?" Shigure asked.
" HEE-MEET-SUU." Haru said as Yuki's theme began to play in the background.
" Okay." Said Shigure.
HOOONK!
" Well, did we all make it back?" Hatori asked as everyone scuttled back to the lobby to meet for lunch. And miraculously, they all arrived at the SAME time, so I can't tell you who won and who lost this time.
" Of course! There's me and Shigure and Tohru and Yuki and you! Who else would there be?" Ayame chuckled, leaving out almost everyone else.
" Ayame, what about Haru and Momiji and Rin?" Shigure pointed out.
" Oh yeah, well, I forgot their names. Oh well!" Ayame laughed.
" I don't see Kyo-kun anywhere…" Tohru said, looking around for him.
" GOOD!" Everyone yelled except for Tohru.
" And Kagura-san!"
No one really cared about Kagura, but Hatori pretended he did.
" And Kureno-san."
" HURRAH!"
" Who needs that Mabudachi-hater following us around anyway?" Shigure said. " Him AND his flunky."
" Shigure, we can't let Kyo and Kagura be alone with that man for long." Hatori reminded him. " Okay. Me and Shigure will go and find Kureno, Ayame, you stay here and watch everyone."
" WHAT? ALONE?" Ayame said, as if they were asking him to clear the high jump with one bound. " I don't know half of their names!"
" Yuki, you're secretly in charge. We just have to pretend an adult was more responsible than you guys." Hatori told Yuki. " Let's go, Shigure."
Shigure and Hatori ran out the door as the Mission: Impossible theme started to play, and put on their dark sunglasses and began rolling and flipping over cars. Just kidding. Shigure did that, but Hatori didn't. He was wearing shorts, and that would just NOT work.
" Well… now we wait." Yuki said boredly.
" NO! We're going to the theater!" Ayame said. Only he said it like, ' THEE-AY-TER' instead of the the other way, ' PHEE-ER-TER.'
" YAY!" Said everyone.
" No, we're not." Yuki protested.
" Of COURSE we're not." Ayame laughed as he led all of the foolish Sohma out of the art museum. Yuki sighed and followed.
" Excuse me! Would you like to make a donation to-" A crazy art dork asked, but then exploded. And even if he HADN'T exploded, it's not like they would have actually given away money for a stupid MUSEUM or anything.
Omake!
As I continue on my search for Carl, I'm constantly reassured by the fact that one purple wooper can't hide THAT well. In time, I will find you Carl… in time, we will see who is REALLY the master and who is REALLY the servant. In the meantime, Yuki will answer your questions now! Good ol' Yuki. First of all, Naria de Lecour, Yuki thanks you for the cheezits and cardboard! Unfortunately, Zack ate them all out of anger that he had not received any cheezits. HAHAHAHA! POOOOR YUKI! We'll let him chew on the cardboard. Anyway, now answer those questions, my slave!
Yoshiko: Yuki, are you a woman? Because I saw a picture in which you were! And I know you are Akito's (ahem) slave!
Yuki: I'm not a woman. You never saw that picture. I'm not Akito's slave.
Hayley: MORE INTERESTING ANSWERS, YUKI-KUN OR ELSE!
Yuki: Um… well… I am a… guy with… hair… and I'm the rat, so that makes Akito like me best.
Hayley: More interesting…
Yuki: And… um… my favorite movie is ' A River Runs Through It!'
Hayley: Nerd. Next question.
Moonmage: Were you on drugs when you said you didn't like Tohru and how do you deal with the Yuki Fan Club and Ayame?
Yuki: The fan club… I tend to just ignore them. And Onii-san… I tend to just ignore him. But for some reason they just keep coming back. Maybe if I was SMARTER I would just tell them how I REALLY feel!
Yuki: Hey! I didn't say that last part!
Hayley: Uh… shut up.
Yuki: And I wasn't on drugs. My feelings for Honda-san are really just-
Hayley: AW, just say you like Tohru THAT way!
Yuki: But I don't!
Hayley: SAY it… (shakes fist)
Yuki: I do…
Hayley: And say you're in love with Haru!
Yuki: WHAT?
Hayley: And that you think Kyo is pretty!
Yuki: NO!
Hayley: Then I have no choice. (glomps him. Takes rat and makes Yuki run on a wheel to make LEMONADE!)
Yuki: I'll get you for this.
Hayley: But first, you'll get me lemonade!
Next time, it'll be KYO answering questions!
Kyo: WHAT? HELL NO!
Oh yes, send your questions to everyone's favorite CAT!
Kyo: I WON'T BE HERE!
Yes he will, just ignore him.
Ja!