Chapter 9
Ayame's Exciting THEE-AY-TER Excursion!
Well, there was a vote on what the next chapter would be about since this story has THREE different plots going at the same time, which is just CRAZY! But I decided to find out what Ayame and Yuki were doing as to give you a break from a chapter with Hatori in shorts.
Ayame didn't really know where the theater was, but he figured it he walked around that crazy North Dakota town long enough, he was bound to find one! Of course, all of the poor children following him believed he knew exactly where he was going, but they would soon be unpleasantly surprised.
" THIS IS SO FUN!" Tohru and Momiji cheered happily, skipping along and holding hands. Even though all they were doing was walking down sidewalks pointlessly, but maybe this is fun in North Dakota.
Haru was trying to decide who he should walk with- RIN or YUKI. Well, he decided Rin, because she was his ex-girlfriend, but she started throwing things at him, and chucking IV machines at his head, so he walked over to Yuki instead.
" Nii-san, do you even know where you're going?!" Yuki demanded.
" Yuki." Ayame said, turning around with his hands on his hips, " If you don't quit acting like I have NO idea where I'm going, I'm going to cut you loose from this group and you will have to fend for yourself!"
" But you don't have any idea where you're going!"
" I learned my directions. Never Eat Soggy Wheat." Ayame recited proudly.
" THAT'S NOT-"
" THE GAP!!!" Tohru suddenly shrieked foolishly. Ayame and Yuki blinked at her.
" What?" They asked.
" The Gap! It's right there! Let's go shopping!" Tohru remarked happily, pointing to a big Gap store right in front of them.
" That's a great idea! I need new clothes!" Ayame nodded.
" But we were going to the theater! I wanna see THE THUNDERBIRDS!" Momiji whined. But of course, anyone in their right mind wouldn't want to see The Thunderbirds, but all of the Sohmas are INSANE, so they all nodded longingly.
" Okay," Said Ayame. " We'll go see The Thunderbirds after we go to The Gap. And then I'll take you all out to lunch." Just so you know, he had just made this all up on the spot, but he made it sound like he had been planning it all along.
" Wow, Ayame, you're the BEST!" Momiji said, gaping in awe at Ayame.
" Yuki's very lucky to have you as his big brother." Tohru remarked foolishly.
" I wish Ayame was MY brother." Haru said aloud.
" Me too." Said Rin.
" See, Yuki? See what all these people have to say about me?" Ayame said, basking in all this newfound hero-worship. " And just for that, I'm buying you all something from the gap!"
" Hoo-RAY!" Cheered everyone but Yuki.
" Do you even have any money?!" Yuki demanded.
" No…" Ayame admitted, and for a minute everyone froze and stared at him.
" … But I DO have Hatori's credit card!" He added at the last second, whipping out a Visa Express card that had Hatori Sohma written on it. How had Ayame gotten this from Hatori? Well, I'm certain Hatori was just stupid enough to leave his credit cards lying around everywhere. Or maybe not? HMMM… Maybe YOU can figure out this MYSTERY!!
" I don't think you can just USE Hatori's credit card," Yuki said, because we all know Yuki is vying for the spot of Junior-Hatori.
You know what I just realized? Once again, I've forgotten Ritsu is in this story! (chuckles like Kureno) Oh, that crazy, forgettable, neglected Ritsu. OH WELL! Of course, YOU probably didn't notice. And if you did, well, you're a dork for actually CARING about Ritsu. We'll just say that Ritsu was left all alone at the Museum to wait for Hatori and Shigure. Hopefully I'll remember he's in the story NEXT time!
Luckily, since everyone was so busy NOT remembering their cousin Ritsu, Yuki's little comment just went by in an ignored way. Everyone followed Ayame as he marched into the Gap.
Even though this doesn't REALLY happen when you go to the Gap, some guy said, " Welcome to the Gap! Can I help you?" Normally you have to hunt down those sneaky little bastards, but this story is different.
" That's okay! Everyone, just go find something you like and bring it back to me, and I'LL charge it!" Ayame told all of the Sohma's and Tohru. Everyone cheered and skipped off merrily to grab stuff to charge on Hatori's credit card.
" Nii-san…" Yuki murmured with a crazy blue aura surrounding him.
" Oh my! Are all those children yours? They all look so different!" The nice little helper guy exclaimed, because he was VERY interested.
" Actually, I work at an orphanage and today I decided I would bring all the children to the Gap to splurge!" Ayame lied to the gullible man.
" That's so nice!" Said the helper man. " Although, is this your little sibling? You look just alike except your hair and eye color are RADICALLY different!"
" You're the smartest person I've talked to all day!" Ayame said cheerfully to the helper man.
" Then, if your sister needs any help finding clothes, why don't you let me help?" The helper man offered kindly.
Yuki froze and gave the guy a look that anyone else would have taken and realized their mistake. But the helper guy was oblivious.
" Yes, yes she wouldn't mind that!" Ayame laughed.
" NII-SAN, HOW DARE YOU-"
" Just kidding, Yuki! Now go off!" Ayame chuckled, waving him away.
" But I don't want to buy any girl's clothes!" Yuki protested, as memories of the DRESS came rushing back to him.
" Why not? You're wearing girl's clothes now." Ayame pointed out.
" I am not!" Yuki said, looking down at his clothes, which were his outfit that consists of the EXTREMELY girly white shirt with the sleeve's cut off and the little red tie thingy and the tight, zipper-less black pants. You know which one I'm talking about.
" SURE. Yuki, if you don't want to BUY girl's clothes, why are you WEARING girl's clothes?" Ayame asked, which was sort of a hypocritical thing to say, as he was wearing his pretty red dress thing.
" I'M NOT! I'M NOT!" Yuki yelled.
" Oh, so you're a tomboy?" The helper guy asked.
" I'M NOT A GIRL!" Yuki (which is normally a GIRL'S name) yelled in an angry voice (that was done by a WOMAN) and shaking his fist threateningly (which was pale and tiny and girly, JUST LIKE HIM!)
" Okay. WHATEVER you say." The helper dude chuckled and then walked away.
" I'm not. I'm not. I'm not." Yuki repeated to himself out loud, trying to calm his inner bitch trying to claw it's way through. You see, he knew he SHOULD have been a girl, and that he might as well BE a girl, but he didn't WANT to be a girl! All he really wanted was some cheese, and he wasn't sure if this was girly OR masculine.
" Ahahaha! You're so cute when you have a mistaken identity." Ayame chuckled foolishly, patting Yuki on the head. Ayame really didn't care if he was a BOY or a GIRL. Because he's the snake! Do snakes even have genders? " So, Yuki, is there anything you want? Anything at all?"
" NO!" Yuki lied. How he wanted that cheese…
HOOONK!
Rin, Tohru and Momiji were all shopping in the same section because they're all girls! Just kidding. They're not. Momiji is a boy. But he was still shopping in the same section.
" I LOVE Hello Kitty!" Rin shrieked outloud, but then realized she was in front of people and quickly added, " NOT."
" I think they should make Hello Bunny!" Momiji said as if it were the greatest idea in the world.
" I thing they should make Hello Strawberry!" Tohru added.
" Or Hello Doggy!"
" Or Hello Mousey!"
" MAYBE, Hello Horsey! For Rin! If I bought you a shirt that said, ' Hello Horsey!' would you wear it, Rin?" Momiji asked Rin.
" No." Said Rin. " Then everyone would know I was the horse. Anyone who knew about the secret, anyway."
" Wouldn't they ALREADY know then?" Tohru pointed out.
" Well… yeah…" Rin muttered, and tried to look mysterious and sexy so everyone would forget her goof. But Tohru and Momiji were far too simpleminded to be fooled that way.
" What are you going to buy, Momiji-kun?" Tohru asked Momiji.
" Hmm… I don't know! What I REALLY want to get is a new BERET!" Momiji exclaimed, as if getting a new beret was the one thing on his mind all the time. And maybe it was.
" I want to get a new ribbon!" Tohru sighed. " But I don't know if I should! It's so very kind of Ayame-san to use Hatori-san's credit card for us…"
" But you have to get something!" Momiji protested.
" No, I really shouldn't…" Tohru decided, shaking her head.
" Well, if you're not going to get the ribbon, I'LL get it for you!" Momiji declared. " That way it'll be a present from me to you!"
" Momiji-kun… you shouldn't…" Tohry said with tears in her eyes.
" ARGH! OH MY GOD! YOU TWO ARE DISGUSTING!" Rin yelled, naueseated by the cuteness and sweetness of the situation. And with that, she went stomping off.
Tohru and Momiji watched her go, and then went back to being happy.
" Oh look! This one has STRAWBERRIES on it!" Tohru exclaimed, holding up a ribbon with strawberries on it.
" Get that one. It's SO you." Momiji said, not caring that he sounded WAY too much like a girl. Momiji is another one of those people that doesn't care if he's a boy OR a girl.
" Okay!" Said Tohru. She wished that the days of picking out ribbons with Momiji could go on forever and ever and ever and ever.
HOOONK!
Haru was on a mission. A mission to find the golden chain. You see, Haru had many SILVER chains. He had a few bronze chains. He even had a little purple chain they had given him for his birthday. But what he didn't have was a golden chain. His whole life, or at least for about three months, he had been searching for that golden chain. And yet, it always eluded him.
As he walked about the Gap, he searched and searched under ever belt and chain aisle he could. He even went to The Buddy Barn Emergency Chain Store Inside a Store to look for one. But even they had run out. Just when Haru had given himself up for loss, he saw it. The perfect golden chain sitting on top of a pants display. Someone had left it there carelessly for him to find. Haru picked up the chain.
He rubbed his face against the cool metal. He poked his fingertips through the small links. He ignored the small leather circle that was attached to the end of it at first, but then realized whoever had made the chain was smart enough to attach a choker to it.
It was the second-happiest moment of that day for our friend Haru. He contently carried the chain off to Ayame. He didn't know that he had actually found a dog chain leash and collar, but then again, I don't think he'd really care.
HOOONK!
" Has everyone gotten something?" Ayame asked all of the assorted teenagers. Ayame himself had boughten presents for himself and the other two members of the Mabudachi Trio! Of course, Hatori and Shigure's presents were actually just presents that they would have no use for, and would probably give to Ayame since he had really just bought them for himself, but it's the THOUGHT that counts!
Haru had gotten his golden dog leash. Ayame didn't think anything of it, because he thought that Haru had a dog! Hardy-har-har!
Momiji had gotten a beret. It was pink.
Yuki hadn't got anthing, knowing he'd be glad he didn't later.
Tohru had gotten a ribbon with STRAWBERRIES on it.
Rin had gotten MORE batteries for her palm pilot. (ARGH! WHAT DOES A PALM PILOT DO?!)
" Okay! Well, charge it up!" Ayame said to the crazy cashier lady named Edna. Edna gave him an evil look. See, Edna was sad, because she wasn't very pretty. In fact, she was actually very ugly. And the fact that she had THREE males in front of her that were more feminine than HER, a WOMAN, offended her very much.
Are you wondering what everything cost? I bet you are! Well, here's the price tags.
Ayame bought 3 dress-chinese-men-clothes-thingys that were 45 dollars each.
Haru bought his leash for six dollars.
Momiji's beret had cost seven dollars AND three cence.
Tohru's ribbon had cost a dollar.
Rin's batteries had cost two dollars and TWO cence.
Now's your chance to take a little break from reading. Let's find out how much all those numbers are ADDED together. Now don't forget to carry your ones! Then I want you to come back with the answer.
…
…
" That'll be One-hundred-and-Fifty-One dollars." Edna said, and everyone immediately started humming the Pokerap in their head. " And five cence." I hope everyone whose reading this didn't actually add up the prices. Because if you did, well… you're a nerd that likes math and actually cares. And we laugh at you like we laugh at the Hatori who is wearing shorts.
(points) AHAHAHAHAHA!
Since I don't know how to add tax, there WAS no tax! Huzzah! Edna resentfully put all of their things into a bag, even though the only person who really wanted one was Ayame and then with a glare sent them on their merry way. She then exploded after fufilling her one, unhappy purpose in life.
" Ayame-san, I don't know how I can ever repay you for your generosity!" Tohru exclaimed, hugging her ribbon to her.
" Hmm… me neither." Ayame admitted. " But in any case, now we must move forward! Onto… where did you children say you wanted to go again?"
" You said you were taking us to the movies." Haru said.
" Oh! Which movie did I say I was taking you to?" Ayame asked.
" You were taking us to see the THUNDERBIRDS!" Momiji said, practically hypervenilating with excitement.
" Oh, GOOD! I'm glad I wanted to take you to see THAT movie, instead of something like The Stepford Wives." Ayame chuckled. " Okay then, we're off to the movie theater."
" Haven't you spent ENOUGH of Hatori's money?" Yuki demanded.
" NO." Said Ayame.
They eventually arrived at a movie theater. But not just any theater. The Super Ultra Deluxe Grand Mega Buddy Barn SUPER Theater! Unfortunately, they werent showing Thunderbirds. JUST kidding, silly, it's a plot time saving device! Of course they were showing the THUNDERBIRDS! Pssh, I mean COME ON, who wouldn't want to be showing that crazy movie?
" Welcome to The Super Ultra Deluxe Grand Mega Buddy Barn SUPER Theater!" That Buddy Barn Guy greeted them at the ticket window, and then held up his hand before Ayame could say anything. " Yes, yes, I know what you're thinking. That must take him a REALLY long time to say. How DOES he do it?"
" Actually, I talk just as fast. So I need six Super Ultra Deluxe Grand Mega Buddy Barn SUPER tickets to go see the Super Ultra Deluxe Grand Mega Buddy Barn SUPER three o clock showing of the Thunderbirds." Ayame replied without even having to stop for breath.
" Okay," Said That Buddy Barn Guy, as, since he was the only employee there, leading them to the food and drinks section right after he had given them their tickets, " Would you like a Super Ultra Deluxe Grand Mega Buddy Barn SUPER snack or refreshment?"
" I dunno! Well, being the snake, the food from breakfast is still slowly digesting as it will be for a week, so how about you guys? Are you hungry?" Ayame asked all of the children. It didn't occur to him that if he fed them all this popcorn and soda now, they wouldn't be hungry LATER when they all went out to lunch.
" No." Said Yuki, since he didn't see any CHEESE on the menu. And even if there was, it's not like he would have gotten it in front of everybody. " And nii-san, movie food is expensive."
" I KNOW, isn't that something?" Ayame replied, not really paying attention.
" Just a small popcorn, please." Tohru said, which wasn't too bad, even if the food was ridiculously expensive.
" I'll have some mystery-flavored starburst." Rin sighed.
" Can I get TWO large popcorns? And a large SODA? And a PICKLE? And some candy?" Momiji asked, because he was REALLY hungry.
Any adult in their right mind would have gone, " WHAT? OF COURSE NOT!" Because the total of Momiji's food would come to about oh, a MILLION dollars! Well, not a million, but a heckuva lot.
" Okay!" Ayame beamed naïvely, the wrath that Hatori would probably inflict on him absent from his mind. " How about you, Haru, young lad?"
" Huh. Oh." Haru blinked, because he hadn't been paying attention for the last five minutes. " I'll just have whatever Momiji's having."
" Okay!" Ayame said again, and then told That Buddy Barn Guy his orders. Unforunately, since they all had Super Ultra Deluxe Grand Mega Buddy Barn SUPER attached to them, I can't write out Ayame saying this, or I would fill up the the rest of the world with just that one order. So let's just say Ayame charged another unhealthy sum of money onto poor Hatori's credit card.
" Well, I'll take your tickets and you'll be on your way!" That Buddy Barn Guy said enthusiastically, as he led him to just ONE of the MANY showing rooms of the Thunderbirds. Do you want to know how they sat? Okay! They sat in a row near the top, so they wouldn't burn out their eyes. And this is how they sat.
Ayame-Yuki-Tohru-Momiji
Where's Haru and Rin, you ask? Well, Rin hadn't wanted to sit with them, so she had gone off by herself. Haru got lost and accidently went to go see ' The Notebook.' Fortunately, Ayame had already forgotten about their existence and everyone else… didn't care!
" I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait…" Momiji repeated over and over again.
" I'm so excited!" Tohru agreed.
" I'm glad you're so excited." Yuki told Tohru.
" Well, who WOULDN'T be excited to see the THUNDERBIRDS?!" Ayame asked enthusiastically.
" YEAH!" Everyone laughed including Ayame.
" Keep it DOWN!" Shouted some belligerent woman who was actually Rin from far away.
" The movie hasn't started yet! You have no right to tell me to be quiet yet!" Ayame yelled back since he wanted to make a big scene out of things.
" Nii-san…" Yuki said with a little sweatdrop.
" JUST SHUT UP!" Shouted that crazy guy from Pepper Ann.
Ayame was just about to say, ' Oh no, you din't!' and go teach that guy a lesson, when the lights suddenly dimmed and the movie suddenly started! And so, everyone forgot they were angry and settled down to watch the THUNDERBIRDS!
Let's… THUNDERIZE!
HOOONK!
" This is… the best… movie… EVER…" Haru sniffed, and dabbed his streaming eyes with a hanky as that sad music began to play and yet ANOTHER heartbreaking scene began to play in that crazy chick flick.
HOOONK!
Like I said before, someone would have to be INSANE to want to go see The Thunderbirds. But, it would take someone REALLY mentally ill to actually LIKE The Thunderbirds.
" That was the best movie EVER!" Momiji cheered as he skipped out of the theater with everyone else. All of the other mentally ill people that wanted to go see The Thunderbirds exploded. As they were not important, but also mentally ill.
" Yeah…" Yuki echoed shyly, but he really liked it just as much as Momiji. He just couldn't express his joy in such a happy way.
" That was the year's BEST!" Ayame proclaimed with an 'ah ha ha' laugh, but really, that was the only movie he HAD seen that year, so I wouldn't take his word on it.
" I want to see it again." Rin said, appearing out of nowhere, but nobody questioned her and her mysterious ways.
" Me too!" Tohru lied. See, she wasn't THAT mentally ill, and she hadn't really enjoyed the movie. But she was too kind to say that she hadn't enjoyed it. Therefore, even if she DID not enjoy the movie, she might as well have liked it if she was going to pretend she did. ARGH!
" Haru? Where were you?" Momiji asked Haru who wandered out of his showing of The Notebook with red eyes from crying so much.
" I accidently went to go see the movie in there." Haru answered.
" Was it good?" Yuki asked him.
" Take it from me, you're gonna NEED a tissue." Haru sniffed, still not quite over the sadness of the very predictable movie. Secretly, though, BLACK Haru had hated that movie. But we're talking about WHITE Haru and White Haru loved it. I don't know about the other Haru's.
" Well, now that we're done seeing the movie, we should go to lunch!" Ayame said.
Even though everyone was full, they agreed anyway, since they didn't want to seem ungrateful to Ayame spending Hatori's money on them. So Ayame took them to this really expensive resturaunt and ordered a lot of stuff that came down to about ANOTHER hundred dollars worth of money. No one really ate the food, but OH WELL!
So, if you must know, Ayame had now spent 314 dollars and 72 cence. And it was ALL Hatori's money. My God, what has he gotten himself into?
" Well, we better go back to the Museum now to wait for Gure-san and the others!" Ayame said happily.
" Awww…" Said everyone.
" Don't be like that, after I've been so majestically kind to you! Be grateful for the time you spent in my presence and DON'T think I'm going to spoil you with Tori-san's money EVERYTIME. Only MOST times." Ayame told all of them sternly.
And so they headed back to the museum after that WONDERFUL Thee-Ay-Ter excursion!
OMAKE!
Wow! Kyon-Kyon got a lot of questions! I guess this proves that the CAT is very popular! Unfortunately, I can't ask him ALL the questions you asked, because that would just be madness! But I'll ask him a lot. Oh, and thanks for the catnip! I'm already high off BETTER stuff than that, but this helps! (swallows cat-nip) Mmmm… catnip… As for my search for Carl, it's going swell. How can I be searching for Carl and here at the same time…? Do not question me, ignorant masses! HAIL IPALAZZO-SAMA!
Hayley: Okay, Kyon-kyon, question time! First one…
Person: Would you eat a leek if I paid you a million dollars?
Kyo: NO! NEVER! ( Doesn't know what a million dollars would equal to in yen.)
Person: Kyo-kun, how could you support the LONE CHICKEN?
Kyo: It's not like I WANT to! What kind of stupid question is that? DON'T YOU READ?! ARGH!
Naria: Wouldn't you like to be a model for Aya?
Kyo: WHAT THE HELL? NEVER! OF COURSE NOT!
Ayame: (appears from nowhere) Yes, yes, Kyon-kichi, it would be fun!
Kyo: NO IT WOULDN'T! I'D RATHER DIE!
Ayame: Ahahaha, Kyonkichi, you're such a KIDDER!
Kyo: AHHH! (knocks Ayame out of the hemisphere)
Person: Come on, you know you love Yuki and his adorable Nezumi-ness!
Kyo: …what…? Really, if it's just going to be like this, let me go home.
Hayley: (in Kyo's voice) What? Of course! I love Yuki! I'm IN love with Yuki! I want to shower him with my man-love!
Kyo: WHAT? NO I DON'T!
Hayley: (still in Kyo's voice) And I wouldn't ever admit it, but boy, do I LOVE collecting Teenie Beanies!
Kyo: DIE!
Hayley: (glomps Kyo) There! Now you're the CAT! And do you know what I do to cats?
Kyo-Kitty: No…
Hayley: I feed them to ALF!
Alf: Here, kitty, kitty… (proceeds to try and devour Kyo)
Kyo: ARGH! HELP ME! DAMN YOU CAT-EATING ALIEN!
Hayley: Oh, you wacky kids! Shucks Howdy, we're out of time! Okay, well next time send questions to Shii-chan! Until then…
Kyo: HELP!
Hayley: …Ja!