CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR: Getting In Touch With Your Inner Self

Lycans

Alex sat forlornly on the bed, trying not to second-guess her decision. She wasn'tone hundred percentcertain that this was the right thing to do. But, she didn't have long to debate it, because Michael soon came back with a bag of blood in each hand.

"Beware strangers bearing gifts", she muttered as he came striding through the door.

"I would think you would be willing to do whatever it takes to make the wounds on your back heal?" Selene mentioned to Alex.

Alex sighed as she answered, "Yes. But that doesn't mean I have to like it."

"Oh, quit being such a big baby. You didn't make this big a fuss when Raze was beating the hell out of you", Michael chided her.

"How would you know? You weren't even there", Alex stated.

"I've heard things", he told her cryptically.

"Yeah well, that blood doesn't look all that appetizing. Ya got any brownies anywhere?" she asked only half joking. "I would kill for some chocolate or even a Dr. Pepper right about now."

"Nope, blood will have do", Michael told her.

"Okay tehn, let's get this over with", she said reluctantly. "So, do I have to drink that stuff first or what? Exactly how's this supposed to work?"

"Well, that's a tricky question", Michael answered. "I don't believe I had what one might call a normal change. I was bitten first, and once the lycans managed to capture me, it was already a full moon. I began to change right there in the car, then they shot me full of this stuff to prevent the completion of the transformation", he said trying to explain. "I remember it hurt like hell when it first came on, but it was triggered by the moon, not by anything I did. Now when we were in the tunnels and Kraven, a vampire, had shot me with silver, Selene bit me in order to save my life. It worked, but again I didn't have much control over the situation. I just let my emotions take over and the change pretty much happened", he finished.

"What about you Selene, how do you bring about our other side", Alex asked.

"It's easy for me, really. I simply think about my canines extending, and the taste of blood", Selene answered, "of course if we are injured it automatically occurs."

"So, you're telling me that all I have to do is think about the change and it will happen", Alex asked dubiously. "I mean, I have no idea as to what I will turn into, so how am I supposed to imagine the change in my mind?"

"I'll make the change for you, this way you can have a visual to go off of", Michael offered. "I should probably practice some anyway. I haven't even tried since that first time in the tunnels."

"Are you sure about this?" Selene questioned him.

Michael thought about it for a moment, then answered, "Yeah, I'm sure. Alex isn't the only one that has questions about this. I don't really remember much when I was fighting Viktor. During the heat of battle, I just seemed to rely on my instincts. This is something that I need to learn how to control, just as Alex does", he told Selene.

"Fine, then show me how it's done, and I'll give it a whirl", Alex said anxious to see what it was she would become.

"Okay, here we go", Michael said preparing himself.

Alex watched him concentrate for a few seconds; then before her eyes, she began to see his body transform. His eyes turned from their original blue to a silver gray color, and finally hardened into a black so deep it could only be called obsidian. Simultaneously, black veins could be easily seen snaking below the surface of his skin. Then his skin itself changed to a mottled black/gray color. She could actually hear his bones popping and cracking as they broke then reformed themselves, tearing his shirt and pants until they just hung off his muscular frame. His hands and fingers lengthened; with nails, on each appendage, like small sharp daggers. The final change happened when his mouth and jaw converted to a longer, wider version of its original form, molding itself around razor-sharp teeth, with four longer canines; two in his upper row and two in his lower.

Alex found it both frightening and exciting to watch at the same time. It was like driving past a really bad car wreck; you know you don't want to see what happened, but you can't seem to tear your gaze away. She didn't know what else to make of it. Michael's appearance was daunting, and the thought of being like the creature standing in front of her, made her slightly nauseous.

"Did it feel as bad as it sounded?" Alex asked.

"I have to be honest with you, yes it was painful. But it didn't seem to hurt as much this time as it did the two times before", he told her truthfully. "I know we have a high level of pain tolerance, but I also think it has to do with the fact that each time we transform ourselves, we know what to expect; therefore, lessening the pain itself", he theorized.

"Well, I guess there's no sense putting this off any longer", Alex said. She stood up, facing away from Michael and Selene, then dropped Lucian's burgundy shirt onto the bed. "Here goes nothing", she muttered.

She began imagining her body making the same physical changes she had witnessed in Michael's transformation. No response.

"Don't try so hard", Selene suggested. "Just let yourself find the part of you that will respond to the change."

Alex tried clearing her mind, shaking her arms and legs. Then she focused on finding the thing inside her that made her different now. She opened herself up and found it, lurking there beneath the surface. Then suddenly, an intense pain gripped her body, dropping her to her knees. She could feel the change as it came upon her. Bones could be heard as they broke and then re-mended themselves in places they never should have been. She could feel her muscles tearing then growing longer, stronger. She watched as her hands grew and her fingers developed joints they had never had before. Each digit was graced with the same razor-sharp nails she had seen Michael sporting. She didn't look all that different than Michael, except that her skin was a slightly different color than his. Her skin was like black marble, with veins of gold running through it. The pain seemed to ease up for a moment, then just when she thought it was over, her mouth began cracking as the bones molded themselves around four long fangs. Then it was over.

It had hurt like hell, but the change itself took less than a couple of minutes. She stood there a moment, trying to catch her breath. She looked down and saw that she still had breasts, though her shoulders seemed wider. She reached over and grabbed the shirt Lucian had left with her, and held it up to her front as she turned to face her partners in crime.

"Well, how'd I do?' she asked, noticing her voice sounded odd, what with the fangs and all.

Michael, still in superfreak form, looked dumbfounded. Selene was the first to respond.

"That was amazing", was all she said.

"What do you mean", Alex demanded.

"Your wounds, they're all healed up", Michael said finally able to speak.

"They're gone?' Alex said, rushing into the bathroom, trying to get a look in the mirror.

Michael and Selene followed her. "Not completely", Michael answered. "There are still scratches apparent, but the deep wounds are gone."

Alex looked over her shoulder and saw for herself what he was talking about. All that was left of the deep lacerations were scratches, criss-crossing over her back. She moved her arms up and down, flexing her back muscles, and found she was in no pain.

She turned to face the mirror and got a good look at herself. She wasn't beautiful by any means, but the creature looking back at her in the mirror, was now a part of her. She had to come to terms with that. She was no longer the human Alex, she was now something more.

"So, does this mean, I don't have to drink the blood", she wondered outloud.

"I guess not", Selene replied, "But if you're passing on it, I'll gladly take it. I'm starved", she said going back into the bedroom for some nourishment.

Alex looked over to Michael, both of them still in their alter egos. "What do you think?"

"If I had been asked, I can't say I would have chosen to go this route", Michael stated. "But, now that I've had a chance to experience this, I'm not sure I would want to go back to being a normal human. Could you?" he asked her.

Turning around to face him, Alex pondered his question for a moment. "I don't know. I mean, I can feel all these emotions running through me; it's like my feelings are running on super high. But I can also still rationalize and think. So, I can admit, it's not like I've lost my true self. But I can't say I'm truly happy about what I have become, either. In fact…."she said then she stopped speaking and began concentrating really hard. After a few painful moments, she was back in her human form.

"Listen Michael, I have seen far too many atrocities credited to these creatures to feel right at home with them. I know, I know, humans can be as despicable as the lycans and vampires. But I have spent over 25 years as a human, I find it hard to discard that life just because I have become something other than what I was before", she told him vehemently.

"Has anyone asked you to be anything other than what you are?" Michael questioned her.

Alex had to think about that for a moment. Michael was right, again. No one had made any kind of demands on her. Yes, Lucian had captured her, but he had never pushed her to change.

"God you are so annoying! Will you ever stop being right/", Alex asked with a sneer.

"I doubt it", he replied back with a grin.