Chapter 10
Shigure and Hatori Grand Theft Auto!
Well, when we left Shigure and Hatori, they were off to search for Kureno and his charges. Two tough guys about town… wearing dark sunglasses and suits… well, actually, they were just wearing the dark glasses because it was so sunny outside. Shigure had changed magically into his fancy suit and Hatori was wearing shorts.
" We're like Reservoir Dogs! Get it, Haa-san? Reservoir DOGS! HAHAHA!" Shigure laughed. Hatori didn't laugh back.
" See, it's funny because I'm a member of a cursed family that turns into an animal under certain conditions, and I just happen to be the dog-" Shigure started to explain.
" I get it Shigure. I just didn't think it was very funny." Hatori admitted.
Shigure chuckled heartily to himself for awhile. He didn't stop until finally Hatori turned around and glared at him. " What?"
" I was just thinking that you were a Reservoir SEAHORSE!" Shigure chuckled warmly.
" I am not a Reservoir Seahorse." Hatori said as if the idea offended him.
" You SO are." Shigure giggled.
" Whatever." Said Hatori, turning around to look over the large city of North Dakota. " Where do you think Kureno took them?"
" I dunno. Why do we have to go look for them? Won't they just eventually wander back in time?" Shigure asked, because he didn't really want to go find everyone and be responsible.
" No. We have to be responsible adults and find them ourselves." Hatori said.
" I hate it when that happens." Shigure groaned.
Hatori ignored Shigure. He had really only brought Shigure along because… well, Hatori didn't know why. Probably because he would have been lonely without one of his BEST buddies tagging along! Or not. Yeah, probably not that reason.
They walked about for awhile, and Hatori was going through everything he knew about Kureno that would help to their search in his mind. Shigure was thinking about… nothing! He was still sniggering over the whole seahorse thing.
" If I were Kureno, which Thank God I'm not," Hatori said out loud, stopping in the middle of a walk. " I would probably be doing something mindless and stupid to try and ruin you, me, and Ayame."
" Curse that Lone Chicken!" Shigure exclaimed, shaking his fist threateningly.
" That would probably mean he's spending money on something… if I could track him down using his credit card number, we could find where he is." Hatori said. Of course, in reality, this would be a very stupid, unrealistic approach. But then again, I've seen too many spy movies, and it ALWAYS works in them, so why not?
" That's genius Haa-san! But where are we going to find a Credit Card tracking device?" Shigure asked Hatori.
" Did anyone say they needed to track a Credit Card using a Buddy Barn Credit Card Tracking Machine thingy?" That Buddy Barn Guy asked, appearing next to them with a small laptop computer thing.
" HUZZAH!" Shigure yelled.
" How do you pop out of nowhere?" Hatori asked suspiciously.
" Excuse me? EXCUSE ME? I come from nowhere to offer you easy, time-saving ways to do things disguised as a plot hole, and all you can do is WHINE about it?" That Buddy Barn Guy asked angrily.
" I'm not whining." Hatori argued.
" It's not NICE, that's what I'm trying to say! All I'm asking for is a little respect! Yeah, give it to me when I get home!" That Buddy Barn Guy sang suddenly, as a Buddy Barn Powered Spotlight and Buddy Barn remix of Aretha Franklin came on.
" Just a little bit!" Shigure added.
" R-E-S-P-E-C-T! FIND OUT WHAT IT MEANS TO ME! R-E-S-P-E-C-T! RESPECT, GIVE TO ME!" That Buddy Barn Guy continued to sing and then began moon walking all over the sidewalk.
" Sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me-" Shigure started to sing along, but Hatori hit him on the head to stop this madness.
" Okay. I apologize. Now can you please stop singing and help me?" Hatori asked, because well… can you imagine Hatori NOT being disturbed by what just happened?
" I suppose. But only if you realize that all I'm asking for is-"
" Yes. Respect. Don't sing any more." Hatori said quickly.
" Fine. I won't." That Buddy Barn Guy said, but you could tell he probably really wanted to continue singing it. " Now, if you'll just give me the name of the person whose credit card you need to track, I'll get on with my time saving duty."
" Sohma Kureno." Hatori told him.
" Sohma Kureno? Sohma KURENO? SHUCKS HOWDY! What kinda name is SOHMA KURENO?" That Buddy Barn Guy exclaimed like a hick, slapping his forehead.
" Are you done?" Hatori asked him.
" Yes. Yes I am." That Buddy Barn Guy said with dignity, and punched in Sohma Kureno's name. All at once, a lot of information on Kureno came popping up all special-like. It had his name and his address and where he lived and all of that sort of stuff. But it ALSO had a list of all the things Kureno had ever bought within the last three days with his credit card! Of course, all of the snacks they had bought at the gas station were there.
" The last place this Kureno Sohma bought something at was… at a Golden Corral restaurant! FIVE seconds ago!" That Buddy Barn Guy said triumphantly. " And as this is getting a little TOO convenient, I will leave now before the readers began to get angry." And with that, he whipped out his magical ocarina and teleported off to wherever it is Buddy Barn Guy's go.
" The Golden Corral! The most evil of evil cafeteria style restaurants! I wonder what he's doing to poor Kyo and Kagura there…" Shigure said dramatically, shaking his head.
" Well, he's probably getting them something to eat." Hatori pointed out obviously.
" I knew that. The question is… how do we find them?" Shigure ignored Hatori, striking another dramatic pose.
" I don't know. I don't even know where the Golden Corral is in North Dakota." Hatori replied.
" I DO!" Shigure exclaimed. How did he know? Well, swallowing Tingle had imprinted all the maps of the world into his brain and so now he knew where everything was. Just kidding. He had gotten a little brochure on great dining upon arriving in North Dakota. " Here. It's ALL the way on the other side of town." He said pointing to a little dot that indicated The Golden Corral.
" Great. We'll have to walk all the way there. I hope Ayame can keep those kids busy." Hatori said with a manly sigh, and began to march heroically west.
" Wait! Are you saying that we're ACTUALLY going to walk all the way there?" Shigure demanded with his hands on his hips.
" Yes… Shigure, it only looks like it's really far away. In reality, it should only take us about forty-five minutes." Hatori reasoned with Shigure. His mind was set. He needed to liberate Kyo and Kagura from the clutches of Kureno NOW!
Hey… they're names all start with K! Triple K! They're the KKK! Oh wait. That's bad. Never mind.
" I am NOT walking for forty-five minutes. Not in THESE sandals, and not in YOUR shorts." Shigure reasoned. Yes, even though he had changed into his kick-ass suit and sunglasses, Shigure was still wearing those crazy little wooden sandals. Why? Me no know!
" You're just being lazy."
" I'm not being lazy. I'm being practical. We have to think of the PRACTICAL way to solve this situation. And you are not being practical." Shigure added, since he had just discovered that saying the word practical was really fun.
" And what, do you suggest, is the practical way to solve this situation?" Hatori asked Shigure sarcastically.
All of a sudden, some crazy guy in a business suit drove up RIGHT next to them, looking down at his watch and then up at some crazy tall sparkly building. His name is Late George. He was very late for an important meeting.
" I'm late! I'm late! ARGH!" Screamed Late George and catapulted himself out of his car and ran towards the big building like a fool, leaving his car door open with the keys still in and everything. See, when Late George is late, he drops EVERYTHING.
" That was dumb. I better go tell him he left his keys in and everything." Hatori said, ready to be a good citizen. However, Shigure… was NOT! He frolicked over to the car happily and sat down in the driver's seat. He then gave Hatori a happy grin.
" No. Shigure, we can not just steal some poor man's car." Hatori reasoned.
" We're not stealing! We're borrowing! This is a very practical solution to our problem!" Shigure argued, but he still had a big grin on his face. At this moment, Shigure was the dog of glee.
" This is NOT practical." Hatori argued.
" Okay. Well then, you can do it YOUR way. I'll see you after forty-five minutes of WALKING." Shigure said evilly, and began twisting the wheel of Late George's car happily.
" Wait." Said Hatori. See, there were many things wrong with this situation, but what was wrong right now was that Hatori would have to walk through town in shorts all by himself. And this would just not do. Hatori sighed, and walked over to the passenger side and poked his head through the window. " But can't you at least let me drive?"
" No." Said Shigure. " This is the first chance I've gotten to drive in a long time, and I'm not letting YOU ruin it for me."
" Shigure, you have no driver's license. And this is a stolen car." Hatori argued.
" BORROWED." Shigure corrected. " Now are you getting in or not?"
Hatori sighed, and knew he was going to regret this, but then again, he was regretting the whole vacation, so what the hey? He got into the passenger seat. Late George's car was very clean and nice, and if he was there, those two crazy Sohmas would have complimented him, but he's not. He's being very LATE at his meeting.
" Buckle up, Haa-san!" Shigure chuckled, as if it were the funniest thing in the world.
" I don't have to." Hatori argued, because… he was INSULTED! Not only was Shigure going to drive him around in a STOLEN car, but now he was TELLING Hatori Sohma what to do? THE NERVE!
" We're not going until you buckle up." Shigure said sternly.
Hatori glared at him and buckled up.
" Okay… well… it's been a long time since I used to drive Ayame around in your car…" Shigure murmured, looking at the car with a thoughtful look.
" You and Ayame drove around in my car? YOU drove around in my car?" Hatori demanded.
" Only when you didn't know. And most of the time it was Ayame." Shigure added, as if this were supposed to make things better. " Okay! Here we go." He then pressed down hard on the right pedal and they began to accelerate at an alarming pace down the road.
" Shigure slow down." Hatori said.
" No. I WON'T." Shigure replied with a gleeful little laugh just to annoy Hatori.
Hatori would have argued more but he noticed that Shigure was actually pretty GOOD at driving, even if he didn't have a license, and decided he would just lay his head back and think about things that made him calmer. Potpourri, potpourri, potpourri… Hatori thought to himself over and over.
" Oops! A yellow light! Better slow down!" Shigure chuckled like Kureno as they neared a traffic light. Hatori blinked and then gave Shigure a weird look.
" That was a green light." Hatori said.
" Oh. Well, then, better NOT slow down!" Shigure laughed nervously, and sped past the green light.
" How could you not know that was a green light?" Hatori asked suspiciously.
" Oh, I don't know, Hatori. How could YOU not know Doctor Wright had a daughter? Named KIMBERLY MANNINGTON?" Shigure yelled.
" Quit ruining that book!" Hatori argued.
" DOCTOR WRIGHT COULDN'T SAVE THE TWINS, DOCTOR WRIGHT COULDN'T SAVE THE TWINS!" Shigure sang over and over as Hatori plugged his ears with his hands and pretended that Shigure had really just told him everything anyone needed to know about the rest of his beloved book.
Just then, Hatori noticed that Shigure was still driving rather quickly as they neared a red light. What's MORE, Shigure was looking straight at the light and acting as if he didn't see it! What's gotten into that sick puppy?
" Shigure, that's a red light. Why aren't you stopping?!" Hatori demanded as Shigure continued to zoom straight towards the light.
" Oh. Is it?" Shigure asked curiously, but it was too late. They had whished right past the RED light. And as you know, that's ILLEGAL! AND BAD!
" Shigure, why did you do that?" Hatori asked in a very dangerous voice.
" I can't tell you, Haa-san!" Shigure said dramatically, as he continued to drive.
" Okay. Well, just quit driving." Hatori said, not really caring. HE just wanted to be the one driving that crazy car.
" The truth is… I am colorblind, just like the cursed dog I represent!" Shigure continued, because he really had wanted to tell his dramatic story. " I can't distinguish colors!"
" You mean to tell me you can't see what color the traffic lights are?" Hatori demanded.
" Nope!" Shigure said cheerfully. " Not a one!" And with that, he drove past ANOTHER red light.
" Quit driving!" Hatori yelled.
" I don't wanna!" Shigure whined, as suddenly sirens began to fill the air. Both of them looked back to see none other than SECURITY FRED on a motorcycle, headed their way!
" YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME, COPPERS!" Shigure yelled, and he started to put the pedal to the metal, but Hatori flicked him in the forehead, rendering Shigure TEMPORARILY immobile and shocked. The car slowly ground to a halt, as Security Fred drove up to them.
" Did you just FLICK me?" Shigure demanded.
Hatori shrugged. It seemed like a trick question to him.
" I can't believe that you FLICKED me!" Shigure said out loud, as if it were the most incomprehensible thing in the world.
Security Fred got off his motorcycle and came walking up to the window. He would have said, " Not those CRAZY Sohmas again!" But he had only met Akito, Kyo, Kagura and Kureno. So he didn't! Darn!
" Excuse me." Said Security Fred in an important voice.
Shigure rolled down the window and gave Security Fred an amazed look. " He just FLICKED me!" He exclaimed, pointing at Hatori, who wished he was anywhere but there.
" Yeah, yeah, I've heard THAT excuse before. Do you realize you were speeding AND ignoring the traffic lights?" Security Fred asked.
" Yes…" Shigure said giving Security Fred a 'duh' look.
" May I ask to see your Driver's License, sir?" Security Fred continued.
" You MAY." Shigure laughed heartily. " But I don't have one!"
" Shigure, you insufferable fool…" Hatori muttered like Giovanni.
" What? You don't have a driver's license? And you were driving around hilly doe may just as much as you please thank you?!" Security Fred exclaimed, never having run into such an OFFENSIVE speeder.
" Yup." Shigure nodded.
" And you! Do YOU have a Driver's License, you flicker?" Security Fred asked Hatori, who was unsuccessfully trying to become invisible.
" Yes… yes I do." Hatori replied with a raised eyebrow at being referred to as a 'flicker.'
" Um. Then why weren't YOU driving?" Security Fred said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Or at least in North Dakota.
" REALLY." Shigure clucked, shaking his head in disgust.
" I… do not know…" Hatori said slowly. He was AWARE that he looked like an idiot but he was too preoccupied to worry about that. He was asking himself why INDEED had he let Shigure drive? Why hadn't he thought ahead and imagined this scenario? Was Hatori getting too old for this?
For some reason, it all seemed to be the SHORTS fault. That's right, Hatori. Blame the shorts.
" Well! I can't believe how utterly irresponsible you are. I'm giving you a ticket." Security Fred told Hatori angrily.
" What? How come I get a ticket? How come he doesn't get a ticket?" Hatori demanded, pointing to Shigure who was sitting there innocently.
" It's not HIS fault that you didn't step in and try and guide him from walking down the wrong path, you flicker." Security Fred said with an evil look. " And for talking back to Security Fred, I'm making your fine even MORE expensive."
" You can't do that!" Hatori exclaimed.
" Hatori, dear, please!" Shigure snapped like a nervous housewife. " Just do as the man says."
And so, just like that, Security Fred gave Hatori a ticket for TWO-HUNDRED and thirty-three dollars! My God! And he wouldn't leave them until Hatori moved into the driver's seat, and he glared at them the whole time. Then he asked to see Hatori's license, which Hatori didn't want to show him, because the picture on his driver's license was really old, and Hatori had a funky haircut in it. Then Shigure and Security Fred laughed at Hatori's old funky haircut. Then Security Fred drove off on his motorcycle into the sunset.
" Two hundred and thirty three dollars. I can't believe it. You just cost me two hundred and thirty three dollars." Hatori breathed very slowly, trying to calm the inner rage he felt.
" Well, it probably would have only been TWO hundred dollars if you hadn't been such a smarty-pants with the officer." Shigure said, rolling his eyes.
Then Hatori killed Shigure. Just kidding. But he WANTED to. Hatori's face got all red and his palms got all sweaty, so he began to drive, and turned up the radio WAY too loud. Shigure gave him an uneasy look, but he decided that if he tried to talk to Hatori now he MIGHT not make it out of the car alive.
HOOONK!
" I don't WANT to go to the Golden Corral!" Kyo whined as the three of them got out of a crazy exploding taxi Kureno had called for them. " The food sucks!"
" What? The Golden Corral is my favorite restaurant! And the Lone Chicken and his flunky must agree about everything." Kureno said with an offended look. He was so happy! Not only was he going to eat at his FAVORITE cafeteria-style-restaurant, but the Mabudachi Trio WASN'T!
" And I have to agree with everything that Kyo-kun likes! So The Golden Corral is MY favorite restaurant!" Kagura added, excited because she was getting to eat out with KYO! THE CAT!
" THAT'S NOT TRUE!" Kyo yelled, but neither of them were sure what he was yelling at so they ignored him.
" Thanks Mac!" Kureno told the crazy taxi driver.
" My names not Mac!" Said the taxi driver whose name was not Mac.
" Oh." Kureno chuckled foolishly. " Sorry."
" It's BOOM-BOOM BARNIE! And don't you forget it!" Boom Boom Barnie yelled, shaking one fist at them resentfully, then drove off and exploded.
" Well, then, let's go, flunky, pig!" Kureno laughed, linking arms with the both of them and skipping into the Golden Corral. Except, he missed, since both Kyo and Kagura dodged his grab. And he sort of skipped a centimeter before he realized how dumb that would be. But they did enter the Golden Corral.
" This place has EVERYTHING!" Kagura said happily.
" And it all SUCKS." Kyo muttered, because he really DIDN'T like Golden Corral. Not just because he wanted to disagree with Kagura and Kureno. He just didn't like the food. And I don't blame him.
" I'm going to get whatever you get, Kyo-kun!" Kagura promised Kyo.
" Then I'm not getting anything." Kyo replied, thinking that of course Kagura would then change her mind and get something, therefore leaving him alone.
" Okay!" Kagura said.
" Never mind." Said Kyo.
" I'd like to get a table for three." Kureno told some crazy little butler dude at the front of the restaurant. Actually, at a real Golden Corral, you wouldn't have a butler. But this one did, because it was in North Dakota, and North Dakota is FULL of crazy little butler guys.
" We don't HAVE tables for three. We just have tables for even numbers." The butler guy said, and his crazy mustache quivered as if it were alive.
" Well, that doesn't make any sense! Surely, you get parties of ODD numbers sometimes." Kureno reasoned good-naturedly.
" No. We never do. In fact, this is the first time anyone has ever asked for an uneven number of people to be sat at a table." The butler replied.
" Oh. Well… can't you just pretend we're a party of four and let us sit at a table for four?" Kureno asked.
" But there are THREE of you." The butler guy pointed out.
" I KNOW. But you could just let the three of us sit at a table for four with ONE empty seat." Kureno explained very patiently and slowly.
The butler dude just stared at Kureno as if he were speaking some sort of strange foreign language. " But who would sit in the empty seat?"
" NOBODY." Kureno said, finally beginning to lose his cool a bit. But he won't lose it completely. Just a little bit, I promise.
Don't worry. It's okay.
" I think I understand what you're saying… alright… so for four people that will be fifty-two dollars…" The butler dude said slowly, giving Kureno a weird look.
" But there's only THREE people! No one else is coming!" Kureno exclaimed.
" But you're sitting at a table for four." The butler guy said.
" ARGH! FINE! WHATEVER YOU WANT!" Kureno said, and then calmly handed the butler guy fifty-two dollars. The butler guy thanked him, and then led the three of them to their table and gave them their trays to hoard food upon.
" Why do I have to carry two trays?" Kyo demanded when he was given his trays.
" For our 'fourth' party member." Kureno chuckled foolishly.
" But they're only three of us!"
" Zip it, flunky. Now, I'm off to the quiche section." Kureno said in a no nonsense voice and marched off to some stupid table that was full of quiche.
" What sort of food do you want to get, Kyo-kun?" Kagura asked Kyo excitedly.
" I don't know… what do they have…?" Kyo asked grumpily, putting ONE of his trays on top of the other one.
" They have a JELLO aisle! And a cauliflower section! And look!" Kagura exclaimed with a foolish titter, " A LEEK section!" She then pointed at a giant leek stand with just about every leek species imaginable.
Never before had Kyo wanted to burn something to the ground so badly. Never had he been this offended.
" I have to leave before I throw up." Kyo said darkly, wishing he could gouge his eyes out after seeing so many leeks.
" Okay!" Kagura said happily, and followed Kyo over to the seafood section. She got everything he did, even though she didn't particularly like fish heads! Just kidding. Kyo got popcorn shrimp. He loves popcorn shrimp.
" Kyo-kun, let's feed each other popcorn shrimp." Kagura said, since it was probably her idea of a romantic dinner.
" Why? I got my own, and you got your own." Kyo blinked, looking down at his plate, which had WAY too much popcorn shrimp on it. But he loved popcorn shrimp.
" Well… let's feed each other something else! Like cauliflower!" Kagura suggested, because she really wanted Kyo to feed her something and she really liked cauliflower.
" I hate cauliflower." Kyo said as if cauliflower had called him a nasty name.
" But I LOVE it!" Kagura said.
" Whoopty freakin' doo." Kyo muttered, and stalked off to the table to go eat his popcorn shrimp.
" KYO-KUN, YOU'RE SO HEARTLESS!" Kagura screamed, and grabbed a large cauliflower and chucked it at Kyo's head. It hit him in the head and all his popcorn shrimp went flying everywhere.
" OH MY!" Said all of the crazy Golden Corral Customers.
" KAGURA! WHY THE HELL DID YOU HAVE TO GO DO THAT?" Kyo yelled, shaking the cauliflower at her. Then he looked sadly down at all of his ruined popcorn shrimp.
" Oh my! This quiche is SUPERB!" Kureno said happily, coming over to them. Then he looked at Kyo who was sitting there like a fool surrounded by popcorn shrimp with pieces of cauliflower in his head. " What happened, flunky?"
" It's okay, Kyo-kun! Now I can feed you MY popcorn shrimp!" Kagura said.
" FINE! BUT ONLY BECAUSE YOU'RE PAYING ME BACK!" Kyo yelled, and stomped off to his table. Once they had gotten there, Kyo ate Kagura's popcorn shrimp, Kagura watched Kyo eat her popcorn shrimp and Kureno ate his QUICHE. Which was absolutely SUPERB!
" Excuse me. I couldn't help but notice you have an empty chair." Said some random person who we will call Corral Steve. Corral Steve was sitting at a table across from our letter K christened friends with five friends, making it an EVEN party of six.
" Yeah…?" Kyo said, distracted from his popcorn shrimp.
" Where's the fourth person in your party?" Corral Steve asked. " If you don't have an even number of people, you won't be able to have a team for Corral Bingo!"
" We don't WANT to play Corral Bingo." The three of them said.
Corral Steve gave them all a horrified look, and whispered something to his even number of friends. Then they all gave the three Sohmas bug-eyed looks.
" They're staring at me! How am I supposed to eat when people are staring at me?!" Kyo whined, not able to continue dining while people were watching him.
" People ALWAYS stare at me when I'M eating." Kureno said as he cut his quiche into very, very tiny pieces that were no bigger than the tip of your pinky.
" That's because you eat WEIRD." Kyo pointed out.
" No, I don't! This is how all chickens eat." Kureno chuckled foolishly.
" But you're not a chicken! You're a man!" Kagura pointed out.
" He's a chicken I tell you! A chicken!" Some random person cried.
" I am what you see." Kureno said mysteriously like Red XIII.
" But you just said you were a chicken." Kagura replied.
" Right! I am what you see."
" But I see a man." Kagura said.
" I'm confused!" Kyo whined.
" OH WELL!" Kureno said, and everyone in the Golden Corral shared a hearty chortle. And then the song began playing in the background: Chicken Boo, Chicken Boo, You're not a man, You're a CHICKEN BOOOOO…
HOOONK!
" HOORAY! It's Golden Corral!" Shigure cheered as he and Hatori pulled into the Golden Corral driveway.
" Shigure, you said Golden Corral was evil earlier." Hatori said.
" I wasn't hungry then." Shigure said sadly.
" Fine. But we're going to go to lunch when we get back to the museum anyway, so just wait." Hatori replied patiently. Hatori was pretty hungry too, considering he hadn't eaten ANYTHING since breakfast!
" But I'm hungry NOW…." Shigure whined.
" Shigure, shut up." Hatori snapped as they walked into the front door of the Golden Corral. And guess what? That same butler guy was there! HOORAY!
" Hello, gentlemen! Can I get you a table for two?" The random butler guy said politely.
" No. We're just here to pick some people up. Thank you, though." Hatori said quickly, and started to walk past the butler into the main room. But then the butler blocked his way.
" Um… excuse me…" Hatori said uneasily.
" I'm afraid I can't let you go in unless you're going to be eating something!" That butler dude exclaimed as if Hatori were trying to rob the place.
" But we don't want to eat. Haven't you ever had someone come here to take other people home?" Hatori asked.
" No. We never have. In fact, this is the first time anyone has ever asked to just waltz on in and MEET with somebody." The butler replied.
" But we HAVE to meet these people." Hatori said with an uneasy little smile, as if this were all just a little joke.
" Then you HAVE to pay to get in." The butler replied evenly.
" I'm hungry!" Shigure complained randomly.
" Shut up." Hatori said. " Can't I just have you go get them for me, then?"
" No." The butler decided. " You have made my day a lot more confusing, and I don't really feel like doing that for you."
" Listen, I just lost two hundred dollars and I really can't afford to waste money like this." Hatori pleaded.
" Sucks for YOU." The butler snorted.
Hatori froze for a second, and he was THIS close to erasing that man's memories then and there, but he took a few deep breaths, then bowed his head and counted to ten. Then he looked back up. " How much for two people?" He asked.
" YAY!" Shigure cheered as Hatori handed over twenty-six dollars. And if you've been keeping track, and even if you haven't, this is how much money Hatori has 'spent' today:
573 dollars and 72 cence.
" I'm so hungry. What should I get first? I want to try everything but it all looks SO good!" Shigure said as he hopped around eagerly with his little tray.
" Shigure, we're not here to eat. We're here to find Kureno, Kyo, and Kagura then leave. Got it?" Hatori said, having placed his OWN tray on a nearby table.
" Got it!" Shigure replied affirmatively.
" Good. Now let's split it up and look for them. You go that way and I'll go this way."
" Oh-KAY!" Shigure said enthusiastically, and ran off in a random direction that Hatori hadn't pointed to. And so, Hatori began his search. He was very hungry and several times he thought about secretly sneaking a carrot stick or something, but then Shigure might find out and yell at him about it. So he continued without eating ANYTHING.
Hatori looked and looked for a LONG time for those crazy cousins of his, but they were nowhere to be found! Finally, he went to go look to see if Shigure had any luck. He found Shigure consuming a large amount of cheetos in a corner, trying to look unsuspicious.
" Shigure. What are you doing? We're supposed to be looking for everyone else." Hatori asked, as Shigure jumped and nearly choked on one of his cheetos.
" I know… but… but… I was HUUUUNGRY, Haa-san…" Shigure whined with little fake tears. Hatori ignored him and snatched the bag of cheetos away from Shigure. For a second, Hatori had an instinctive urge to empty the whole bag into his mouth in one gulp, but he ignored it and threw the bag in a conveniently placed trash can.
" Come on." He sighed as Shigure continued to cry. But really, Shigure was already full, since he had eaten two brownies, one pie, three pieces of cheese and the cheetos while Hatori had been searching. Hatori had stopped him just as he had hit a cheese high.
" Let's sit for awhile. I'm tired." Hatori sighed, as they sat down at a random table.
" Okay!" Said Shigure. And so they sat for awhile. Hatori was trying to calm himself, and he looked pretty calm, even though he was crying in a very manly way on the inside.
" 5-C? Does anyone have 5-C?" Some crazy Corral Bingo guy called.
" BINGO!" Kureno cried.
" For the last time sir, YOU AREN'T EVEN PLAYING!" The Corral Bingo guy screamed.
" Oh!" Kureno chuckled foolishly. " That's right! Silly me."
Hatori turned around to see Kureno, Kyo, and Kagura sitting there at a table looking very different from all of the even-numbered people. They all looked back and waved.
" MAN, Hatori, why couldn't you get here sooner?" Kyo whined as soon as Hatori made his way slowly over to them. " I was stuck with Kureno!"
" Well, I'm very sorry, Kyo. Now, let's go." Hatori said in a very dangerous voice.
" But I haven't finished my QUICHE!" Kureno protested, since, because he had cut it into about a hundred little pieces that he took a long time to chew, it was taking FOREVER!
" I do not care." Hatori said slowly, emphasizing every word. And with that, he gave them all the Hatori glare of doom, and everyone, even the LONE CHICKEN, got to their feet and began to follow him out.
" Come on, Shigure." Hatori said to Shigure, who was sitting there filling out a bingo application.
" But I want to play bingo now!" Shigure whined.
" I am going to stuff that application down your nose. Now let's go." Hatori whispered in a really creepy voice.
And so, they all got back into the stolen car, and drove away as that crazy Golden Corral exploded.
HOOONK!
" Hey… where's my car?" Late George said, coming back from his meeting. He looked down at his watch.
" OH NO! I'M GOING TO BE LATE FOR CHEERS RE-RUNS!" He yelled, and began a mad dash for home. Go, Late George, GO!
OMAKE!
Ah, yes… the search continues. I am now in the very jungles of ABAKALOOBIE looking for that wretched Carl! Will I ever find him? WILL I? Do you even CARE? Probably not. But there's questions for Shii-chan, so hooray!
Person: Are you and Ayame an item?
Shigure: We are much, much more than an item… we are a story! A song! A beautiful rose opening it's buds, the very testament to love itself! WE ARE THE WORLD!
Hayley: …are you done?
Shigure: How come Aya didn't come back me up?
Hayley: (shrugs) He's probably still somewhere out of the hemisphere because of Kyon-Kyon last week.
Person: What are you wearing under your Yukata?
Shigure: Actually, nothing but my freakishly hairy chest!
(pause)
Shigure: Ahaha… just kidding. I'm just not wearing anything. I have a nice chest.
Hayley: Well, THAT'S a relief!
Person: Don't you think it's a little bit wrong for an almost middle-aged man to have an unabashed lust for high school girls?
Shigure: WHAT? (gasp) Shigure is offended! There is nothing wrong with it!
Hayley: I'M a high school girl!
Shigure: Really? Then I lust for you!
Hayley: (points to random object) THAT'S a high school girl!
Shigure: No it's not.
Hayley: Just testing. SHII-CHAN! I LOVE YOU! KISS ME, YOU FOOL! (glomps him)
Shigure: Um… well… I could lick you now, if you want.
Hayley: (sniffs) That's okay…
Next time send your questions to Kagura! It's not like she's that interesting, but OH WELL!
Ja!