Note: Hey Lawrence! Hey Lawerence! HEY! (okay, sorry, bad Skies of Arcadia inside joke.) Anyway, I just wanted to tell everyone if you like Fruits Basket, you should try some manga called Hana-kimi. It's like Fruits Basket only… DIFFERENT! But it's still good. ANYWAY, I'm off! HEY LAWRENCE!
Chapter 13
Congratulations!
Okay, continuing from where we left off! Don't remember where we left off? We left off with everyone inside the hotel except for Haru, who was OUTSIDE the hotel, and Hatori still without shorts. But, actually, we'll continue a little AFTER we left off. Now Hatori had a shirt on. And everyone but Haru was gathered in the little hotel lounge.
" Okay." Said Hatori, wearing a t-shirt that said something like ' I Want to Become Happy With You' or ' Protect Me From What I Want' or something else girly like that. Except the letters were in english, so no one knew how stupid it looked. They just thought it was cool because it was in english! HA-HA!
" We're changing groups as far as rooms go. I can't face spending the night with Ayame and Shigure after what just happened." Hatori decided.
" WHAT? WE ARE OFFENDED!" Ayame and Shigure huffed, but they were kind of glad. Hatori had been scaring them, what with his red face and hoot breaths earlier.
" Oh well! We'll just sleep with Tohru instead!" Shigure chuckled like Kureno.
" Eh? EHHH?" Tohru said like she always does.
" NO YOU WON'T!" Kyo and Yuki screamed like they always do.
" Ignoring that…" Hatori interrupted like HE always does-MY GOD! CAN'T THEY DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT?! Just once, I want a scene of Fruits Basket to be like this:
Momiji/Ayame/Shigure/Haru: I'll do (something ambigously pervy) with Tohru.
Tohru: YAY!
Yuki and Kyo: (big cheesy Kenji smile) Why, go ahead! Have fun!
Actually, never mind. That would just be not funny. Anyway, continuing!
" Ignoring that…" Hatori interrupted (THANKFULLY!) like he always does, " We'll all just switch around except for the girls. They can stay the way they are."
" But I wanna sleep with Kyo!" Kagura whined.
" Too bad." Said Hatori.
" YOU SUCK, HATORI!" Kagura screamed and socked him a good one in the jaw. Hatori blinked, then massaged his smarting jaw. Normally, he wouldn't have let it bother him because he's a big, tough strong man, but poor Hatori had taken just as much as he could that he wanted to cry! AWWW! But all he did was give the whole world a hurt look.
And you can't imagine how sad and cuddly a hurt Hatori looks.
" WE'RE SORRY HATORI!" Everyone yelled.
" Especially for the last chapter!" Shigure added.
" Can we please… just get through this without any more arguments?" Hatori asked, ignoring their apologies. Don't worry guys, he doesn't need your pity. He's a man. He can TAKE it.
" Okay!" Everyone said. But you don't actually believe them, do you? If you do, you need your head examined.
" Alright… Shigure and Ayame split up. You cause too much trouble together." Hatori said.
" No we don't!" Shigure protested.
" We're the ones who make everyone chuckle warmly when we go off on our crazy hijinks together!" Ayame retorted.
" And… I don't know what's going to happen to Haru, but I guess Momiji, you'll just have to go with Kureno, okay?" Hatori said, since he had a bad feeling about putting Kureno with anyone else.
" WHAT? THE RABBIT?! I want to be with my flunky!" Kureno argued.
" I AM NOT YOUR FLUNKY!" Kyo screamed for the umpteenth time.
" And I want to be with Kyo!" Kagura said again even though they'd already established this could not be so.
" What's wrong with the rabbit?!" Momiji cried.
" I want to be with Yuki! We'll deepen our bond as brothers!" Ayame exclaimed with sparklies in the background.
" NO! It's deep enough." Yuki said.
" It's never too deep! Come on! Let's get diggin'!" Ayame said enthusiastically with a giant shovel that appeared from nowhere and a little construction hat.
" I don't want to be with these girls. They're too GIRLY." Rin said.
" I want to be with Haru! I'm ALWAYS with Haru for some random reason!" Momiji whined.
" I'm happy with EVERYONE!" Tohru beamed.
" I'm NOT!" Kureno bellowed.
EVERYONE SHUT UP!
My God… this could take all day! Okay, I'm just going to pair you all up whether you like or NOT! So THERE!
Okay…
Group 1!
In the Girl's Room will be…
The Girls!
" But I said I didn't want to be with them!" Rin whined.
" Maybe WE don't want to be with YOU, Rin." Kagura snapped in a mildly offended voice.
" I do!" Said Tohru.
Group 2
In the room with two beds but no televisions there will be…
Hatori and Haru!
" But Haru isn't here." Hatori stated. Then he realized… But Haru wasn't THERE…meaning Hatori got his very own room without any stupid people bothering him! YAHOO! Things are definitely looking up in the world of Hatori!
Group 3
In the room with two televisions and TWO beds is…
Shigure, Momiji, and Ritsu!
" What? Ritsu is HERE?" Shigure said as if it were the most surprising thing in the world.
" I thought he was gone!" Momiji exclaimed.
" I AM HERE! I AM STILL MISERABLY EXISTING IN AN OFFENSIVE WAY! OH, GOMENASAI!" Ritsu yelled like the neglected monkey he is.
Group 4
In the room without a bed but WITH a television is…
Kyo and Kureno!
" WHAT?!" Kyo yelled.
" Hooray! I've got my flunky!" Kureno hooted.
" DO YOU HATE ME OR SOMETHING?!" Kyo screamed.
No… you're just the CAT!
Group 5
In the room you DIDN'T see! The room with ONE bed and ONE television is…
Ayame and Yuki!
" HEY!" Yuki yelled.
" Hooray! I've got my brother!" Ayame cheered.
" DO YOU HATE ME OR SOMETHING?!" Yuki yelled.
Actually, I just like to torture the both of you.
Anyway, that's what the groups were. If you wanted them to be different, my most sincere apologies. Maybe you can write your own fanfic JUST like this one, and when you get to THIS sort of part, you can have Kyo with Tohru or Haru with Yuki or Hatori with Tohru or something shippy like that. Good luck with that!
And with that, everyone trudged up to their crazy rooms.
HOOONK!
" I like being out here." Haru said under his little umbrella.
HOOONK!
" I don't WANT to be here! I'm going to see Haru and enter information into my Palm Pilot!" Rin yelled at the other two girls and marched out. Someone told me what a palm pilot was! YEAH! And I also saw it on Will and Grace, but WHO CARES?! At least now I know it doesn't massage things. Which, for some reason, I was sure it does.
" Bye Rin!" Tohru and Kagura called as Rin stomped out.
" Wow!" Said Tohru. " It sure is empty without Rin!"
" We'll just have to become more entertaining really fast to make up for her mysterious absence!" Kagura said.
" FIGHTO GRINGO OH!" They both yelled cutely, but unfortunately, it wasn't enough, and that's all I have to say about them.
HOOONK!
Hatori gave a long sigh of relief and streched out across both of the beds that he had connected together and just relaxed. Even if he WAS wearing shorts, at least he was ALONE in wearing them. He pulled out his electronic blanket that made him all nice and warm and snuggled under it, and pulled out his tape player with Mario on it and put in his Enya tapes.
" Who can know… why your heart CRIES…or the day FLIES… ONLY TIME…" Enya sang like a pretty bird on the tape.
And with that peaceful music playing, Hatori went to sleep. He deserves a break after what he's been through. And what he's ABOUT to go through tomorrow. But we won't worry about that now.
" ONLY TIME…"
HOOONK!
" Alright!" Said Shigure. " So one bed for me… one bed for Momichi… and no bed for Ritsu! That's just right!"
" YAY!" Said Momiji and started jumping on his designated bed. Of course, Shigure didn't bother to tell him to stop like Yuki or Hatori would. Momiji could probably break his head open and Shigure wouldn't blink twice.
" I will sleep in this corner where no one will see my horrible face and let it disturb their dreams! OH GOMENASAI!" Ritsu cried, cowering in some random corner.
" Cool." Said Shigure. " What's on TV? Thank GOD it's Friday!"
And even though this was canceled quite a long time ago, they switched it onto channel eight and watched TGIF! And not the new crappy WANNABE TGIF, the REAL TGIF, which means that Sabrina and Boy Meets World were on! Oh yeah, and some shows about genies and old people, but no one payed any attention to those.
" Oh MAN!" Shigure laughed as Salem made another wisecrack joke that really wasn't that funny. It was just funny because he was a CAT making a joke. " I sure wish KYO was like that when he's a cat."
" I wish Kyo was Salem!" Momiji wished with all his might but it didn't come true.
Next they watched Boy Meets World!
" What kind of name is TaPANGa?" Shigure scoffed. " It sounds like some sort of tropical fruit."
" I dunno. But I wish she'd make up her mind about Corey!" Momiji said.
They watched the show in silence, and then Shigure said, " Did you ever think that maybe Shawn is in love with Corey?"
" The show would make a LOT more sense if that were true." Momiji nodded.
They all waited and waited because we know they were really only watching for Mr. Feeney. ( FEENEY! OH, FEENEY! HELLOOO, FEENEY!) When it was over, they switched around the channels boredly, but there wasn't really anything on late Fridays. And they were both very tired from all the illegal driving and thunderizing, so they decided to just go to bed.
" Good night Shii-chan!" Momiji said.
" Good night Momichi!" Shigure said. Tomorrow, he thought, tomorrow I'll know the SECRET! But unfortunately, he was so excited, he couldn't sleep all night! POOR Shigure!
" I APOLOGIZE WORLD! OH, GOMENASAI!" Ritsu yelled, and hit his head really hard against the wall. Then he passed out for the rest of the night.
HOOONK!
" Alright, flunky, here's our plans for tomorrow." Kureno said, spreading out a giant blueprint he had probably spent precious time and effort making in front of Kyo who just gave him and his blueprint a disgusted look.
" I am NOT your flunky." Kyo said, and turned back to the television. He was watching Joan of Arcadia, the stupidest show EVER! He WISHED he was watching Wonderfalls but unfortunately it had been CANCELED! ARGH!
" Tomorrow morning we'll get our breakfast and sit down at the table." Kureno continued as if Kyo had never said anything, " And since we'll be the first ones there, we'll be there before the Mabudachi Trio. Well, after they get their breakfast, they'll come up to us and they'll be all, ' Hey Kureno and flunky, can we sit with you?'"
Kyo knew that the Mabudachi Trio probably wouldn't do this, but he decided to just be quiet.
" And then we'll be all, ' No you may NOT.' THAT will teach them to mess with me, the LONE CHICKEN!" Kureno laughed evilly. " They won't know WHAT to do then!"
" Maybe they'll just go sit at another table." Kyo suggested.
" Shut up, flunky." Kureno snapped.
" DON'T TELL ME TO SHUT UP, YOU IDIOT!"
" You can't talk to your leader like that! Shame on you!" Then Kureno withdrew one of those little fifty-cence plastic squirter guns and started to carelessly squirt it at Kyo. " For shame! For shame!"
" No… STOP IT! I DON'T LIKE WATER!" Kyo yelled pathetically as he covered his head and curled up into a little ball as Kureno to squirt tiny jets of water at him. This went on for awhile until Kureno ran out of water, so Kyo uncurled.
" I don't want to have to do that again." Kureno warned him.
" FINE!" Kyo yelled angrily, but he really didn't want to get squirted at again so he didn't do anything more than that.
" As I was SAYING…" Kureno said, " After that, we'll use Tohru to turn them all into animals and make them eat each other! BWHAHAHAHA! Ayame will eat Hatori, and then Shigure will eat Ayame! AHAHAHAHAHA!"
" But who will eat Shigure?" Kyo pointed out.
" Oh… I hadn't thought of that. Which Jyuunishi animal eats the dog?" Kureno asked as if this were a problem you ran across every day.
" Well… if Kisa were bigger I guess SHE would eat him…" Kyo murmured moodily. " You do know they would never eat each other, right?"
" Don't make me take this to the sink." Kureno warned, shaking the little water pistol.
" Sorry." Kyo grumbled, flinching.
" I guess I'll just have to go back to my first plan: Sticking them all into a car with no brakes and having them drive off a cliff…" Kureno sighed and took out a giant blueprint he had made of THAT. Then he looked at the blueprint and began to chuckle foolishly at how funny it was that the Mabudachi Trio were falling off a cliff.
Kyo wished that HE had a blueprint for beating Yuki. Even if it didn't do much, it probably would have made him look as confident as Kureno did now. And that's PRETTY confident.
HOOONK!
" Come in, Yuki! You can't just sit outside the room all night!"
" Yes, I can."
" COME IN NOW!" Ayame yelled and dragged Yuki into the room.
" Well, look, there's only one bed! It's so nice of you to sacrifice that bed for your delicate older brother. But fear not! I've got something for you to sleep on too!" Ayame declared as he laid down on the bed and tossed Yuki a little pillow that wasn't even as big as his head.
" You can't just take the bed!" Yuki yelled.
" Oh, FINE. We'll sleep side by side, the warmth of our bodies against each other just as warm as the love in our hearts for each other!" Ayame said enthusiastically.
" Never mind." Yuki said quickly. He looked glumly at his little pillow, and laid down to see what it would feel like all night. Unfortunately, the pillow was so small that he missed and hit his head against the floor.
" Ah ha ha! Yuki is so dumb!" Ayame laughed as if that were a funny thing to say.
" SHUT UP!" Yuki yelled, embrassed. " Quit laughing at me!"
" Hee hee HEE! Yuki is ANGRY!" Ayame guffawed hysterically, slapping his knee.
" ARGH!" Said Yuki. I'm just kidding. He just gave Ayame an evil look and marched off to the other little room with the mini refrigerator in it to find some ice for his head. He also wondered if there was some cheese. But there wasn't any. TOO bad.
He found some ice, but it was so cold that he let it sit for awhile. He moped about being stuck with his overbearing older brother in a room with only one bed. Then he looked back at the ice and he got an idea. An awful idea. A HORRIBLE idea. Yuki got a horrible, awful, TERRIBLE idea!
" Hey, nii-san." Yuki called to Ayame who was in the other room chuckling foolishly to Bernie Mac. " Can you come help me with something?"
" I'm BUSY!" Ayame called back, but then he remembered strengthening their bond as brothers was more important than Bernie Mac so he came bounding up. " YES?" He asked Yuki like that guy on the Simpsons. You know, Ayame's horrible, evil english dub sounds a lot like that guy.
" I lost my contacts in the mini-freezer. Can you find them for me?" Yuki asked in a very nice, very sweet, very un-Yuki talking to AYAME way. The fact he was being nice, and the fact that he didn't WEAR contacts should have tipped Ayame off to a sinister idea behind all this.
But Ayame is a ditzy man, so he just said, " SURE!" and opened the mini-freezer and began looking all over for the contacts. Yuki went to go make the bed comfy for himself and turned it to channel 13 because that was his favorite intellectual channel.
Ayame searched and he searched but he didn't find those crazy contacts. He searched for thirty minutes STRAIGHT! Of course, he didn't find them even after all that time. Because there aren't any contacts. I mean, you KNEW that, right? Joo stoopid if joo don't 'now dat!
Yuki was just nibbling on some Planters Peanuts when he heard a loud POOF and Ayame the snake slithered into the room foolishly. " I have turned into a snake." He stated obviously.
" Good for you." Yuki replied dryly.
" Hey…" Said Ayame the snake slowly, " You don't wear contacts! YOU DID THAT ON PURPOSE!"
Yuki clapped very slowly and dramatically.
Ayame gasped and looked just about as offended as a snake can look. " How DARE you treat your older brother that way?!"
Yuki turned the volume up on the television.
Ayame slithered up to Yuki and wrapped himself around Yuki's foot as hard as he could with his little snake self to try and cut off Yuki's circulation, but it didn't work, so he just gave up and went off to pout in a corner by himself.
HOOONK!
" Hey Haru." Rin said, striding outside of the hotel to see that Haru was still outside under his little umbrella with his chains. " What are you doing?"
" Counting the stars." Haru said because it was something you KNOW Haru would be doing.
" Oh. How many have you counted?" Rin asked. Normally she would be MEAN to Haru but she had decided randomly to be nice. Why? I don't know! Isn't it MYSTERIOUS?
" Um…" Haru said for like five minutes then he said, " I don't know anymore. I've lost count after you asked me. I guess I better start over now." Then he pointed up to one random shining star and said, " One."
Rin put up with this until Haru got to star twenty, then she brought out her palm pilot and sat down next to him under the little umbrella. " This is stupid. Help me think of things to put under people's profiles on my palm pilot."
" RIN, you made me forget which star I was on." Haru protested in a dissapointed voice.
" Twenty." Rin snapped.
" Oh, that's right. But I think I'll start over again anyway." Haru said.
" HARU, SHUT UP ABOUT THE STARS. I need to write descriptions for the people on my palm pilot. You have to help me. Okay, in alphabetical order. First is Akito. What should I say about Akito?" She asked.
" Hmm…" Haru rubbed his chin in a thoughtful way. " Like what do you want to say about them?"
" You know, their likes, their dislikes, what they do." Rin said. She couldn't do all of this information herself because she was anti-social and a bitch most of the time.
" Akito likes vases." Haru said.
" OKAY!" Said Rin and typed under Akito's profile; Likes vases. " That's a stupid thing to like."
" I like stars." Haru said. " And camels. And Yuki. What do you like Rin?"
" I DON'T KNOW!" Rin yelled, since she didn't want people to KNOW what she liked because that might bring them closer to her and get them hurt and it would all be very painful and BAD!
" I like a lot of things. But what I DON'T like are pandas." Haru nodded.
" What? How can you NOT like pandas?" Rin demanded since EVERYONE likes pandas.
" I guess they just… ANNOY me. I mean, they're black and white. What's up with THAT?" Haru said in a disgusted voice.
" YOU'RE black and white!" Rin yelled at him.
" Oh yeah." Said Haru. " Anyway, you should put under my profile; Likes chains and camels, DISLIKES pandas."
" Haru, you're an idiot!" Rin yelled and ran off.
Haru watched her go disdainfully, and arranged his little umbrella more comfortably around him. Then he looked back up at the sky. " One…two…three…"
HOOONK!
" WAKE UP YUKI!" Ayame screamed, yanking out the blankets from under Yuki so that he flew off his bed and hit the floor. " HURRY!"
" What?! Is the hotel on fire or something?!" Yuki said, trying to stand up, but he had probably broken his leg or something, so he just laid there on the floor.
" No. I just wanted you to get up." Said Ayame and laid down on the bed where Yuki had been sleeping. " Good night."
Yuki said some sarcastic remark but didn't do anything AS USUAL. Then he looked up to the random Gringo alarm clock. It was SEVEN o' clock in the morn! Yuki supposed he might as well just get up NOW!
Yes, I know, Yuki ALWAYS sleeps late, but Yuki DOESN'T sleep late on the floor and with a sprained ankle. As he stood up, he realized that he should probably go find Hatori so he could DO something about it! Then again, he didn't want to look weak in front of everyone.
Also, Yuki realized, if he was awake before everyone else, he could get to the cafeteria and get CHEESE before anyone else did! With this newfound purpose, he hobbled out of the room and started down the hall to the cafeteria.
When he got to the cafeteria, however, he only found Shigure who was sitting at the table with giant bags under his eyes and who was muttering to himself like a fool about some sort of secret. You know why, don't you? He didn't sleep at ALL!
" Morning." Said Yuki sociably.
" Yeah, YOU and the other one." Shigure replied groggily, and then slammed his head onto the table and went to sleep. Yuki blinked and just edged away from the table carefully.
Little did Yuki know that Shigure was still on his cheese high from the other day, so he had eaten all of the cheese during the night. So even though Yuki searched his hardest, he never DID find that cheese! Darn!
So then Yuki went outside to see how HARU was doing. He found Haru with his little umbrella still sleeping outside.
" Hey Haru." Said Yuki. " Get up. It's morning."
" Get away panda, GET AWAY!" Haru yelled in his sleep, then woke up. " Oh. Hey Yuki." Then he looked up at the sky. " Five hundred and sixty-"
" Did you really sleep out here all night?" Yuki asked.
" Yes." Said Haru proudly as if it were something to be proud of. " Just me and my umbrella."
" So Hatori was all by himself." Yuki observed.
" I feel bad about that. Poor Hatori." Haru said thoughtfully.
HOOONK!
As Hatori brushed his teeth cheerfully, he hummed his favorite song to himself. The Pretty Sammy Dance Mix! He made sure his teeth were all pearly white and shiny, even though nobody in Fruits Basket really ever HAS teeth, and then just as good-naturedly changed into his clothes. Guess what? He changed into his DOCTOR'S outfit! And he wore some of Kureno's blue jeans that he had gotten out of Kureno's room. Of course, he hadn't asked Kureno's permission, but in this case, Hatori just plain didn't CARE.
See, Hatori had a NEW outlook for today! After having such a wonderful, peaceful night, he had woken up filled with good cheer and optimism! He was going to put up with his stupid, crazy family and then go buy some pants at the store, and THEN he was never going to have to worry about being pantless again!
So WHAT if he had lost almost all his money? So WHAT if he had been made a fool of in front of WAY too many people to count? So what if the evil author was making him a subject of ridicule in front of the world? LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO WASTE!
With a twinkle in his eye and a spring in his step, Hatori stepped outside. Tohru was right outside his door as if she belonged there.
" Good morning, Honda-kun." Hatori said happily. Of course, for HATORI happily probably sounds like Tohru DEPRESSED. Let's just say when Hatori is happy he sounds like he's depressed, but NOT going to kill himself.
" Good morning, Hatori-san! Would you like some tea?" Tohru asked. That's right. Even though she was at a hotel where they MADE the food for you, she had still gone and made tea to give to everyone.
" Don't mind if I do!" Hatori said with a small grin that STILL didn't show his teeth, and took the tea and went merrily along in his doctor robes. As he entered the cafeteria, Ayame and Shigure were waiting for him.
" We're sorry about all your money being lost, Haa-san. We want you to have this." Shigure said, handing Hatori one of those giant checks you see people get on TV from some guy who looks like the host of Wheel of Fortune.
" It's a MILLION dollars! We all pitched in!" Ayame added.
" CONGRATULATIONS!" All the Sohmas shouted.
" Congratulations!" Said Tohru.
" Congratulations!" Said Yuki.
" Congratulations!" Said Kyo.
" Congratulations!" Said Shigure and Ayame.
" Congratulations!" Said Asuka.
" Thanks everybody… I don't know what to say…" Hatori said, but actually he knew JUST what he wanted to say. And why not say it? " I DESERVE this more than anyone else in the world."
" We bought you twenty pairs of pants as well!" Kureno chuckled foolishly. " And burnt your shorts!"
" HI, Hatori!" Said Kana, riding into the room on the camel from earlier.
" Kana? How did you get here?" Hatori asked in an amazed voice.
" I remembered who I am! And I've come to take my rightful place at your side!" Kana said as she made her way to him on the camel.
" Best…day…EVER!" Hatori cheered, raising his fists into the air.
…but of course that was all just a dream.
Hatori sighed as he was roused out of his wonderful dream by Ayame pulling the covers out from under his bed, but Hatori is heavier than Yuki, so he didn't fall onto the ground.
" WAKE UP!" Ayame shouted sternly, and then left. If you must know, Ayame was doing this to each and every person in the hotel, even the ones he doesn't know. When Ayame wants everyone to be up, EVERYONE GETS UP!
Hatori grunted and sort of rolled up to go brush his teeth glumly. He then opened his baggage case to look at what he had to wear. Inside were the same shirts he always wore and three pairs of shorts.
Hatori sat down on his bed and resisted the urge to scream and cry manly tears, and then practically had to MAKE himself put the the shorts on. He couldn't even watch himself do it. Because of this he put them on backwards. But don't worry. He noticed. So then he fixed them. Then he sighed and walked out of the room.
" Good morning… Hatori-" Kureno started to say, since he was right in front of Hatori's door waiting obsessively, but Hatori hit him in the head with the door so he was cut short.
" HA-HA!" Kyo laughed like Nelson, since he had been dragged along by Kureno.
Hatori looked at Kyo and Kureno who were both standing there like they belonged there. " Oh… hey…" He said uneasily, closing the door. " Sorry about that Kureno."
" Oh, it's FINE." Kureno chuckled foolishly, but with a VERY evil glint in his eyes. " We just came to see how you were doing, RIGHT flunky?"
" I AM NOT YOUR-" Kyo started to yell, but quit when Kureno started making little squirting motions with his hand. " Um… yeah…"
" Really…" Hatori said with a suspicous look towards Kureno.
" And we also came to offer you this! Show 'im, flunky." Kureno said, snapping his fingers like a mafia man.
Kyo pulled out a dinner roll with a bunch of minty green toothpaste and held it out unenthusiatically. " I'm not saying it." He mouthed to Kureno.
" Fine. Care for a CUPCAKE, friend?" Kureno asked Hatori really happily.
" …that's not a cupcake. It's a dinner roll with Crest toothpaste all over it." Hatori said disdainfully.
" WHAT? The Lone Chicken is offended you would ever imply such a thing! It is a CUPCAKE! How DARE you insult the Lone Chicken's generosity and INTELLIGENCE!" Kureno said indignantly.
" If it's a cupcake, Kyo, you eat it." Hatori decided.
" WHAT?! HELL NO! THIS IS STUPID AND GROSS!" Kyo yelled, and flung the fake cupcake onto the floor and ran off.
" WAIT, FLUNKY!" Kureno shouted and ran after him.
" I'M NOT YOUR FLUNKY! AND I DON'T CARE IF YOU SPRAY ME OR NOT!"
" We'll see what you say after I get my hands on a SUPER SOAKER 4000!"
"…whatever." Said Hatori and continued on his way to the main room. Inside, all of the teenagers but Haru and Yuki were gathered round sleepily eating breakfast after Ayame had woken them up. I won't tell you WHAT they were eating. You can decide that for yourself, you lucky dog!
" GOOD MORNING TORI-SAN!" Ayame yelled at the top of his lungs as he ran over to Hatori waving his arms around like a fool as if he were miles and miles away and Hatori couldn't see him. " How are you?"
" Alright, I guess." Hatori said slowly, as his last hopes were dashed, seeing Ayame had no giant check and Shigure was sitting off to the side at a little table with a crazy look babbling to himself.
" I'm GRAND!" Ayame chuckled like Kureno. " But Gure-san is acting a little bit strange. I think you should give him a check-up!"
" What do you mean?" Hatori inquired.
" I'll SHOW you!" Ayame said happily and linked arms with Hatori and tried to skip off with him but Hatori didn't skip so Ayame just fell instead. But that was okay.
Meanwhile, Tohru, Kagura, Rin, Momiji and Ritsu, also known as the ones that don't do much and the neglected monkey, were comparing dreams.
" I had a dream that I was walking along and suddenly I came across the land of the STRAWBERRIES! They could talk and everything and I became one with them and their strawberry ways! I LOVED them!" Tohru said happily.
" I had a dream that me and Kyo-kun got married!" Kagura said.
" You got married to the CAT?!" Everyone in the Crazy Gringo Hotel shouted.
" YES! And I LIKED it!" Kagura shouted back.
" I just had depressing flashbacks disguised as dreams again. DARN!" Rin snapped her fingers. Just ONCE she wanted something else!
" I had a dream that I was FLYING!" Momiji said because SOMEBODY always has to have that dream.
Ritsu was too afraid that his dream would OFFEND someone so he didn't say it. But he also felt like he was being rude because he was the only one not sharing his dream with everyone else! In a fit of total panic, he yelled some apologies and ran out of the room.
" Shigure… are you okay?" Hatori asked Shigure uneasily, who was gazing around the room with very red-rimmed eyes.
" I don't think he got any sleep. And LOOK!" Ayame pointed to a trash can that was full of at least a million cans of starbucks coffee and cheese wrappers.
" Shigure, did you have too much caffine?" Hatori asked Shigure sternly.
" Twenty four, twenty four hours to GOOOO, I wanna be sedated!" Shigure sang deleriously, and began banging a coffee mug against his little table along to the song. " I wanna be sedated!"
" I think you need a little nap." Hatori said gently.
" NO! Sleep is for the WEAK!" Shigure protested, and thrust the mug out at Hatori. " MORE frappies!"
" Ayame, go get a large bucket of water." Hatori ordered.
" Okay! Twenty four, twenty four hours to go…" Ayame hummed to himself cheerfully as he frolicked off to go get a large bucket of water.
" How do you know if a monster likes you?" Shigure asked Hatori with a desperate look.
" Uh…" Said Hatori because he wasn't sure.
" It takes another BITE! My GOD!" Shigure cackled insanely. " That's good stuff! Hi, welcome to Starbucks, HOW MAY I HELP YOU?!"
" Here's the large bucket of water." Ayame said. " Would you like to do the honors?"
" Yes, I would." Hatori said, and threw the water all over Shigure. Shigure did that crazy thing that they always do in the cartoons before they turn into a monster or Mr. Hyde, and then he dissapeared under the table for a few seconds. Then he emerged looking very tired and wet.
" I'm cold." Shigure sneezed. " And very caffineted."
" We saw that." Said Hatori.
" I'm NATRUALLY caffineted!" Ayame declared because he is.
" Shigure, why were you up all night? You should have been sleeping." Hatori asked, not knowing he sounded like someone's MOM! And I guess he could be if a seahorse ever got him pregnant.
" I got so excited about Haru's secret that I couldn't sleep!" Shigure whined.
" Why do you need to know that secret so badly?" Hatori sighed.
" Because I DO!" Shigure replied stubbornly. Really, there was no reason for him to know, except that he WANTED to know! " What's wrong with getting what you want?"
" You can't always get what you want." Hatori said.
" But sometimes… you'll find… you get what you… neeeeeed, oh YEAH!" Ayame and Shigure sang as the screen froze and Shigure took a big drink of C2.
" I thought I said no caffine." Hatori said.
" It's C2." Shigure replied.
" Oh." Said Hatori.
HOOOONK!
Haru and Yuki were sitting side by side under the little umbrella in peaceful union. But it was suddenly interrupted by a red-haired individual that came RUNNING onto the scene.
" Hey Kyo." Said Haru.
" GIVE ME THAT UMBRELLA!" Kyo yelled and took the umbrella without even asking!
" Hey… that's mine…" Haru said slowly.
" COME HERE, FLUNKY!" Kureno yelled, wielding his Super Soaker 4000, and started to pump it. Then he fired a stream of water right at Kyo! But luckily, using Haru's little umbrella, Kyo FENDED off the water.
" YOU SUCK!" Kyo jeered, and ran off with the umbrella.
" FLUNKY!" Kureno roared and ran off after him.
" Give me back my umbrella…" Haru called.
" We'll get you a new umbrella." Yuki told him, wondering why on earth Kureno was chasing after Kyo with a Super Soaker. But he didn't worry too much about it. He had more important issues to worry about, after all. Like ANGST, for example.
" It better be as nice as that one." Haru warned the world.
" HARU!" Shigure yelled, bounding over to Haru like a madman. " It's morning!"
" I know that. I'm not THAT slow, okay?" Haru told Shigure in a mildly offended voice.
" No… it's just… you said you'd tell me your secret now!" Shigure said with shiny eyes and he clapsed his hands like he was praying.
" Shigure, you're overeacting." Said Hatori, because he and Ayame had followed Shigure outside to see Haru. Actually, though, Hatori was a little curious HIMSELF what this secret was!
" Oh yeah… I would tell you… but I can't." Haru said slowly, and looked up at the sky.
" WHAT?! WHY NOT?!" Shigure screamed, dropping to his knees like a madman.
" I don't know what it is." Haru said.
" But… but you said you DID!" Shigure cried.
" I do." Haru said, rolling his eyes at how stupid Shigure was being.
" I'm CONFUSED!" Shigure whined pathetically.
" So… you do and you don't?" Hatori asked.
" Well… I don't, but I do." Haru decided. " Some other Haru knows."
" You mean… BLACK Haru knows?" Shigure asked, seeing a glimmer of hope at the end of the dark, dark coffee filled tunnel.
" Maybe." Haru shrugged.
That's it! Shigure thought evilly. I'll just have to piss Haru off SO much, that Black Haru will come! Then I'll learn the secret! Then he chuckled grimly to himself. " So, Black Haru knows, huh? Nyuk nyuk nyuk…"
" THAT'S CRAZY!" Everyone behind Hatori and Ayame shouted.
Hatori jumped then turned around. " What are you guys doing here?"
" We followed you! We want to go to the North Dakota State Fair!" Momiji said.
" But we don't have a car." Hatori replied.
" We'll just take a bus!" Kagura said.
" Oh." Said Hatori. " Well, I suppose we could do that. Alright. As long as nobody left anything in the freezer."
Everyone shared a hearty laugh.
" It's not funny. I'm serious." Said Hatori.
" Haru, you SUCK!" Shigure yelled at Haru randomly.
" That's not very nice." Said Haru, but he didn't sound very angry.
'This will be so exciting! The heart-pounding trip to the North Dakota State Fair!' Tohru's voice came as narration from nowhere, and everyone froze and that crazy music began to play.
" Hey…" Kyo said as he wandered into the frozen people and the Chiisana Inori playing, soaking wet. " What's everybody doing?"
OMAKE!
Once again, I apologize for last time's lateness! I was… busy. But don't worry! This story doesn't end till I find Carl! So you better pray that he can hide real well. Today's victim… I mean, the person who gets asked questions today is Hatori! Don't you just LOVE Hatori? Don't you just love it when Hatori gets tortured? I know I do! I love it more than I love STRAWBERRIES! Hatori got asked a lot of questions, and even though I usually only ask a few questions, I'm going to make him answer ALL the questions because I'm that nice!
Person: How do you put up with Ayame and Shigure?
Hatori: Ah… well… I just do the best I can. And sometimes I use some extra measures if they're needed.
Shigure: He erases our memories! The fiend!
Hayley: This isn't your question and answer! It's Haa-san's! (boot)
Person: What's it like being a SEAHORSE?!
Hatori: …(in a very tiny voice you can't hear) …it's okay…
Person: Marry me?!
Hatori: No… I would only bring you PAIN… and suffering. The Sohma family is frightening, dangerous… and CURSED.
Person: Why are you a boring old guy with a dull personality?
Hatori: …Um… I'm really not sure how to answer this question. I'm not really… dull. Am I? (starts to question himself and feel self-concious) I mean… I suppose I could try a little bit harder to be… I… don't know…?
Person: Don't you know Akito is a crazy person that should be put in a pysch ward?
Akito: (appearing from nowhere) WHAT? WE DON'T NEED YOU! YOU CAN'T BREAK THE CURSE, CAN YOU? WE DON'T NEED THE LIKES OF YOU! IT'S YOUR FAULT! OMAE… NO… SAE… DA! (flings vase at Hatori, but luckily misses)
Hatori: …whatever.
Hatori: Those questions weren't that bad.
Hayley: Oh yeah, I have one more.
Naria: I have something BETTER than pants! Will you put these on? (pulls out purple bunny ears and a grass skirt)
Hatori: NO!
Hayley: YES! Do it! Do it! (chants)
Hatori: You must be kidding me.
Hayley: Either put them on and sing ' Takeshi's Paradise' with Brock, or I'll put you in a sealed fish tank with a horny female seahorse.
Hatori: I don't have to take this.
Hayley: (lunges)
Hatori: (erases Hayley's memory) (runs)
Hayley: (gets up groggily) Hey… where's my retainer case ?
Brock: (runs up in grass skirt from the ending video) I'm ready! Where's Hatori?
Hayley: Hatori who?
Brock: Oh… well… I guess I'll sing by myself! (does his dance) OH-NEE-SAN!
Wow… Hatori ESCAPED! Don't worry, we'll get him later. As for next time, send questions to that crazy cow/ox/bull Haru-chan! Hopefully he'll be awake enough to UNDERSTAND your questions!
Until next time, Happy Late Birthday Naria, never watch the movie Hellboy and don't forget to drink your milk, kids! I'm off to attack the book stores with a bulldozer and demand my copy of Fruits Basket Volume four. MUST HAVE AYAME-SAN-GOODNESS!
Ja!