Chapter 14

Akito and Kazuma's Bogus Journey!

Kiba was the first to get up in the morning. He sat up from the grassy field at the side of the road they had all been sleeping in and looked down the road. He might have thought, ' Hey, wouldn't it be a better idea to just get a hotel?' but this is KIBA we're talking about, so he didn't.

" I wish we had gotten a hotel." Kazuma moaned. He was the second person to get up.

" Silence, minion!" Akito snapped. He's BEEN up but in a sort of tranquilized, insane state so we don't count him. " I can't stand those houses that are full of so many insignificant fools."

" It's beneath my PRIDE to stay at a hotel." Kiba added, resisting the urge to tear down the road repeating 'Cheza cheza cheza.'

" So it's not beneath your pride to ride around in a car?" Kazuma challenged.

" That's not a question of pride." Kiba said in that angering, all-knowing way that always pisses Tsume off.

" Okay!" Kazuma said like he always does, since he's not Tsume, and stood up. " Man, I'm HUNGRY!" He looked over to Brock who was asleep inside his little orange sleeping bag and said, " I sure wish Brock would get up and make us some more jelly donuts!"

" I AM up." Brock said staring straight at them.

" Oh…" Said Kazuma in a slightly startled voice. " I thought you were asleep." But that's okay Kazuma. With Brock, you can't tell WHAT state of conciousness he's in! HARDY-HAR-HAR!

" Pineapple-headed one! Make us a banquet!" Akito yelled. " And make it a banquet fit for the GODS! Wait… GOD! Because there is only one God! ME!" Then he started to go into a coughing fit.

" Well, I don't know about it being fit for a GOD…" Brock chuckled warmly in his Eric Stuart way, " But I'm sure I can rustle up something good enough for us."

" And a God!" Akito insisted.

" No…" Said Brock good-naturedly, " I don't think so."

" Yes, you DO think so." Akito decided. " And this time, it will be a banquet that only I and my new Zodiac animal are invited too!"

" What do you mean new zodiac animal?" Kazuma asked suspicously.

" The wolf! I've decided that from now on the Jyuunishi will include a wolf." Akito said with a fond look at Kiba who was frolicking around randomly off in the distance.

" You can't just DO that! There's only twelve animals in the Zodiac!" Kazuma gasped.

" Not anymore. Now there's thirteen." Akito replied.

" But that's not fair! How come you don't let …………….KYO join the Zodiac? How come you don't let the cat become a member of the zodiac?!" Kazuma demanded on behalf of Kyo and Kazuma's poor neglected bald old grandfather!

" Because I don't want HIM in the Zodiac! He's the CAT!" Akito argued. " For some random reason he has a horrible ugly Donnie Darko Praying Mantis form!"

" Well, you can't just let a wolf join the Zodiac." Kazuma decided.

" Fine. I'll just replace something with a wolf. Like the pig. Or the sheep. No one cares about them." Akito replied. I'm not really arguing with him on that, but I'm certain SOME of you would.

" You can't do that either!" Kazuma argued. I know, he's normally very easygoing but this was for the sake of KYO! Kazuma would walk to the ends of the earth and back for Kyo!

" WHAT DO YOU KNOW? YOU DON'T MAKE THE RULES! I HATE YOU! OMAE… NO… SAE-"

" Can we GO yet?" Kiba whined, having ran back. " We have to go to North Dakota NOW! There's no time to waste!"

" There's PLENTY of time to waste. Kiba, can't you just sit down and relax?" Kazuma demanded.

Kiba was just about to say, NO, Kazuma didn't know what he was talking about, because they had to find CHEZA, but Brock interrupted them by walking foolishly up waving a ladle and wearing a pink apron with frills. " Alright! The foods ready! I made ice cream sandwiches and bacon double cheeseburgers!" Then he handed all of them about three onigiri rice balls each.

" Don't eat them TOO fast." Brock chuckled like… Eric Stuart. I bet you thought it was going to say Kureno, weren't you? WEREN'T YOU? AHAHAHA!

" I'll eat them quickly. To eat food slow goes against my pride." Kiba said cooly, then awkwardly ate the riceballs considering he's a…wolf, and they don't normally eat riceballs. What he REALLY wanted was a nice DEER!

" Mmmm-MM! I love your cooking Brock! I can't cook at all." Kazuma chuckled like Kureno. Or at least… I THINK he can't cook. All I've ever seen him make is a odd little rubber octopus thing that little Kyo suspends into the air so I'm not certain. BUT THAT'S OKAY!

" Why, everyone can learn to cook, Kazuma. You've just got to put your mind to it, and remember that even if you make mistakes, sometimes the BEST dishes are mistakes." Brock said kindly. What are you Brock? The male version of Tohru?

" I don't like this! I WON'T EAT IT!" Akito screamed and threw the riceball at Brock's head, where it stuck into his hair and remained there for all eternity. " Let us move on to our destination! Carry me, Kiba."

" It's beneath my PRIDE-" Kiba started to say, but then he remembered who he was talking to, so it's safe to say THAT sentence wasn't finished.

" But I went to all this trouble to make your bacon double cheesburgers!" Brock complained. " I put my heart and soul into making them!"

" You can make us more riceballs later, minion." Akito said as Kiba hoisted him into the air and carried him the two feet from the side of the road to the car.

" RICEBALLS? RICEBALLS! What's a RICEBALL?" Brock gasped.

" SHUT UP! I'M TIRED OF YOUR STUPID DUBBED VOICE!" Akito shrieked as he began to jiggle the car door handle furiously, and continued to do so until Kazuma unlocked the door. Then they all piled into the car.

" Turn on the radio, Kazuma. And make it SNAPPY…" Akito said JUST as he snapped his fingers at the end of the sentence.

" Okay!" said Kazuma like he always does and turned it on. Unfortunately, since they're out in the middle of nowhere, they couldn't pick up any radio station but the Buddy Barn Music Radio Station which was just playing ' The Reason' by Hoobastank over and over. And since that song OFFENDS me oh so very much, we will just not go there.

" It's against my PRIDE to listen to Hoobastank." Kiba put in sensibly.

" Hoobastank? Is that a new Pokemon?" Brock asked. You know what? Hoobastank DOES sound like a Pokemon! From now on, I'm considering Hoobastank as the FIVE-HUNDRETH Pokemon! Of course, I don't know HOW many of those little bastards there are now, but… yes.

" I want SINGING! AND I WANT IT NOW!" Akito screamed like an impaitent little child.

" Alright!" Said Brock and started to sing in his japanese voice. " Ano machi, kono machi, HITOMEBORE, dono michi furarete fuwa FUWA-"

" NO! NOT YOU! Kazuma! Serenade me with your beautiful voice." Akito said with a creepy look towards Kazuma.

" Okay!" Said Kazuma like he always does, and began to sing JUST like some crazy little kid's tape, " Let's go ridin' in the car, CAR, let's go ridin' in the car, CAR-"

" NO! Not that one. Sing me my FAVORITE song." Akito said as if he HAD a favorite song.

Kazuma started to sing ' Oh, Tennanbaum' but then he remembered that wasn't Akito's favorite song so he started to sing THIS song.

' Old Mackito had a farm! EEE AYE EEE AYE OH!

And on that farm he had a seahorse! EEE AYE EEE AYE OH!

With a 'meep, meep' here,

And a 'meep, meep' there,

Here a 'meep',

There a 'meep',

Eveywhere a meep-meep,

Old Mackito had a farm! EEE AYE EEE AYE OH!'

This went on for awhile, as it should have. Then Kazuma stopped singing and everyone was sad. ESPECIALLY me. Because Kazuma is the MAN! And his singing is da BOMB!

In fact, Akito was so dissapointed at the song ending that he started to have a seizure! His eyes began rolling and he started twisting painfully all over the seat. Kiba, who was sitting next to him, just sort of blinked and then edged away carefully.

" Oh My God! Akito's dying! PARTY PARTY PARTY!" Everyone in the world shouted.

" Somebody's GOT to save him!" Brock yelled foolishly. " But wait… I can save him! I'm a breeder that doesn't breed!"And with that, he whipped out some of that spray medicine he always uses and sprayed Akito in the face.

" …what did you DO?" Kazuma asked as Akito quit spasming and just sort of went limp with a blank expression.

" I adminstered a sedative drug on him! He'll be FINE!" Brock chuckled like Eric Stuart.

" DARN!" Everyone in the whole world shouted.

" Well, then… I guess I won't worry about it and just keep driving!" Kazuma said like the easygoing guy he was and DID SO!

EEE AYE EEE AYE OH!

Akito was on the Yellow Submarine!

" Why, 'ELLO Akito!" John Lennon said.

" I thought you were dead." Akito frowned.

" I can't 'ELP being dead, now can I?" John Lennon asked as the rest of the Beatles nodded around him.

" Let's sing a song for Akito!" Ringo said happily. Do you know why he's happy? Because he's alive. And he's got the COOLEST NOSE EVER!

" Let me take you down… 'cause I'm going to… strawberry fields… nothing is real…" The Beatles started to sing.

" NO! SHUT UP!" Akito yelled.

" Why, you're just a big blue MEANIE!" Paul clucked.

" Hey Akito… don't make it bad… take a sad song… and make it better…" All of The Beatles started to sing.

" Oh, I can never stay mad at YOU crazy Brits for long!" Akito sighed.

EEE AYE EEE AYE OH!

My name is Paco. I live in Taco. I make three pesos a day.

…

" What happened?" Akito muttered groggily.

" You were sedated. Look, Akito! We're almost to North Dakota!" Kazuma pointed ahead. " I can finally see ……………….."

" FASTER! Push yourself until you FAINT!" Kiba yelled impaitently while they all waited for Kazuma to finish his sentence.

" Do you hear that Bird? I'm almost there! Where shall we meet you?" Akito asked his little necklace.

"…I can't come to my stone voice communicator thing like now. I'm probably watching the Brak Show or something, so uh… just leave a message…TWEEEEET!" The stone tweeted and then went quiet.

" I'll try again later." Akito grumbled.

"……KYO." Kazuma finished.

OMAKE!

Yes, this chapter was short. But that's because the NEXT chapter will be LOOOONG! Besides, how much can you expect me to write about Akito, Kazuma, Kiba, and BROCK? Not a lot I hope. Anyway, I didn't update very quickly THIS time because I, Hayley, went on vacation! To New Mexico! It was a BLAST! There were CAMELS there! But they didn't yodel. (sniff) I got a roadrunner figurine and a nice night at a WONDERFUL hotel! Not the Crazy Gringo Hotel, the Doubletree Hotel. So anyone who lives in New Mexico, I compliment you on your lovely state and the lovely town of Albaqurqe! DA-HUCK!

Anyway, back to QUESTIONS! This time, our good friend Haru got asked questions. He got quite a lot! As for your question Naria, I'm afraid I couldn't ask him it in person, because I was afraid BLACK Haru might get some ideas. Then again… do I really WANT him to NOT get ideas? Hmm… (evil look)

Person: Haru, can I touch your chains?

Haru: …(reluctant look) If you HAVE to.

Black Haru: NO! THEY'RE MINE! HANDS OFF!

Person: Will you ever remember your secret?

Haru: Uh… I dunno…

Black Haru: SHUT UP AND GO AWAY!

Person: Have you ever realized how incredibly gorgeous you are?

Haru: Why, thank you. And yes, I have. I am the sexiest cow alive.

Black Haru: YES! RAWR! I'M VERY MEAN AND I TALK IN ALL CAPTALS ALL THE TIME! GRAAAAAWER!

Person: What's your secret, Haru?

Hayley: Now REALLY. Do you really expect me to reveal something like that in the question and answer? And even if I DID, it's not like anybody READS the question and answer.

Person: Are pandas black on white or white on black? Since your hair is already (mostly) white, what color will it turn when you get old? Do you think you'd be able to count the stars if you jumped over the moon?

Haru: For the first question… I don't know. Unless it were an ALBINO panda. Then I would say it was just white on white. I plan to never get old, and even if I did, it wouldn't matter what color my hair is because I will be one sexy old dude. I don't think I could jump over the moon. Maybe I should go try… (wanders off)

Black Haru: RAAAAGE!

Hayley: Black Haru, CALM your rage!

Black Haru: RAGE RISING!

Hayley: (hugs) There! Now you're a cow!

Black Haru Cow: So I'll just stampede over you.

Hayley: Oh yeah… (runs)

Next time send questions to Aya, who has returned from being blasted into the atmosphere. I STILL haven't gotten volume four… WAAAAAAAAH! WHY GOD, WHY?! WE HAD A DEAL, YOU AND ME! NOOOOOOOOO!

Ja!