Chapter 15
The North Dakota State Fair and a Goldfish in the Zodiac!
And now they were setting off to the North Dakota State Fair! But don't think I'm going to be all cheap like the LAST time when they were all setting off to the museum. I'm not going to have the magically arrive there from nowhere. No, this time, those Sohmas are going to have to WORK to get to the North Dakota State Fair!
" Alright…" Said Hatori who was standing around authoratively as all of them clustered around the bus stop. " Before we get on that bus, I want everyone to choose a buddy. Because I'm through with everyone getting lost and me having to go after them."
" WHAT? A BUDDY? That's so ELEMENTARY SCHOOL!" Everyone yelled.
" I don't care. I'm choosing a buddy. And so will all of you. And I'm choosing Kureno. So there." Hatori said, pointing over to Kureno.
" What?! I'm not your BUDDY!" Kureno said, drawing himself in an offended manner.
" Too bad. You are now. Kureno's taken. Now everyone else choose a buddy." Hatori commanded. Why did Hatori chose Kureno? Probably because that way he could keep an eye on that crazy chicken.
" OH! OH! I want Kyo-kun!" Kagura exclaimed, jumping up and down.
" NO!" Kyo yelled.
" Besides, he's MY flunky!" Kureno argued.
" Okay, okay, I am NOT going through this again. Kyo, who do you want to be paired up with?" Hatori asked Kyo, because like me, he's DONE with all that arguing crap.
" Um…" Kyo said, immediately flustered. He didn't mind making a big deal about people picking HIM, but he didn't want to have to choose someone else. " Uh…"
" Pick me Kyo-kun! PICK ME!" Kagura yelled, jumping up and down.
" No! Pick ME!" Kureno argued, pushing her out of the way and leaping into the air like a fool.
" Kureno, you're already my buddy." Hatori protested.
" We are not BUDDIES! AND WE NEVER WILL BE! ARGH!" Kureno yelled, and marched angrily off to the corner of the bus stop. Which was like three centimeters away.
" Fine! I'm choosing HER!" Kyo said pointing at Tohru who was standing there obliviously. " But not because I WANT to! Only because she gets on my nerves the least out of ALL of you!"
" That's so kind of you to say!" Tohru beamed foolishly and trotted over to him.
" Yuki, you go with them too." Hatori said. Why? Because it can't just be Tohru and KYO. It had to be Tohru, Yuki, and Kyo. It just won't WORK otherwise. Those three always are together! Hardy-har-har!
" Okay… Momiji, you choose a buddy." Hatori said with a brisk little nod.
Well, EVERYBUDDY IS MOMIJI'S BUDDY! But if he had to choose ONE buddy, it would be…
" I choose Haru! Is that okay, Haru?" Momiji asked Haru who was standing there like a buddy-less fool.
" Uh… sure…" Said Haru, who probably didn't know what was going on.
" YAY!" Momiji cheered.
" NO!" Shigure yelled. " Haru was going to be MY buddy!" Then he started to break down and cry. Of course, he only wanted Haru to be his buddy so he could insult him until he CRACKED, but that's to be expected.
" Gure-san! Snap out of it!" Ayame huffed, yanking Shigure up and bitch-slapping him. " How can you shed tears when I'm here and at your side?"
" That's right… you're more than my buddy…Aya…" Shigure said with little sparklies around him.
" Allow me to experience the pleasure of being your partner as we go on various rides at the fair…" Ayame replied ambigously.
" Okay, okay." Hatori said hastily before they even had a chance to go ' Yosh!' " The bus is almost here so hurry up."
" Well, Rin, you're a girl and I'm a girl, so let's go together!" Kagura said randomly.
" FINE! But it's not like I'm HAPPY about it or anything." Rin snapped.
" Um… excuse me…"
Everyone turned around to see Ritsu standing there as if he SHOULD be there.
" I don't have a buddy." Ritsu pointed out.
Oh My God! I just realized that UNFORTUNATELY there aren't any people left for Ritsu to be buddies with! I suppose I could always have Yuki be with Ritsu instead of being with Tohru and Kyo… BUT I WON'T! Poor, poor neglected monkey.
" So what? Who are you? Quit wasting everyone's time and get out of my sight!" Ayame yelled as if Ritsu were offending him, because for all he knew Ritsu was some random transvestite that had just wandered over to the bus stop.
" I'M SO SORRY!" Ritsu screamed and started to run down the street crying.
" Ritsu. Come back. Ayame, why did you have to say that?" Hatori scolded, as he marched after Ritsu to bring him back.
" What? Do we KNOW that guy or something?" Ayame asked everybody.
" That's your younger cousin Ritsu! The monkey!" Yuki exclaimed in an exasperated voice.
" Oh! I thought he was just some random street bum. MY BAD!" Ayame chuckled like Kureno. In the end, I guess Ayame just randomly forgets who people are! Perhaps he often even forgets where he HIMSELF is! As my friend once put it, ' That's the drunkest snake I've ever SEEN!'
" Everyone hates me! I have no buddies! WAAAAAH! I'M SO SORRY!" Ritsu hypervenilated as Hatori dragged him back to the bus stop. " THERE MUST BE SOMETHING SO HORRIBLY WRONG WITH ME THAT I OFFEND EVERYONE JUST BY MY VERY PRESENCE!"
" Hey, Ritsu. I'LL be your buddy." Said some random guy who was also at the bus stop that didn't even know them. His name is Zack. He lives in a pipe. Let's laugh at him.
" Who are YOU?" Hatori asked, even though he probably would have handed Ritsu over to Hitler if Hitler wanted to be his buddy. Not that Hitler would be in North Dakota. He's not anywhere! He's dead! HARDY-HAR-HAR!
" I'm Zack." Said Zack.
" Okay." Said Hatori and so Ritsu got a random buddy. And JUST then, some crazy Buddy Barn Bus came driving up as if it had been waiting for them to make up their minds before it showed up.
" Why, hello. This is quite a group you have here!" That Buddy Barn Guy exclaimed, as he opened the bus door for them all to get on. Just so you KNOW… That Buddy Barn Guy's bus was a FREE bus. Like a school bus only not. He probably went around picking up hobos and people like Hatori that can't afford to pay for bus rides.
" Do you stalk us or something?!" Kyo demanded moodily.
" You know what? You lot are the most ungrateful bunch of people I've ever met in my ENTIRE life!" That Buddy Barn Guy said in a deeply offended manner. " In all my years as That Buddy Barn Guy, I've never met a bunch of ruder misfits."
" ESPECIALLY Haru!" Shigure exclaimed, and looked away when everyone gave him an inquistive look.
" Well, are you getting on or NOT?" That Buddy Barn Guy demanded and started opening and closing the bus door impaitently. Hatori nodded and he resentfully opened the doors all the way. And so they all boarded on! If you want to know how they sat… well, I don't think I'll tell you. It's not like this bus ride is going to take a long time or anything.
" It's a good thing it didn't cost any money. Because I only have… seventy-two dollars and three dimes left. And I'm NOT using my credit card for the rest of this vacation. And no one else will be either." Hatori said, opening his wallet. Hatori's wallet is brown leather with a little fold out picture thingy that has pictures of Kana and his pet dog Frank that died of arthritis a few years ago.
" Seventy two dollars? That's barely enough for us to surrvive another day!" Shigure gasped, and then smacked Haru who was sitting in front of him in the head. " RIGHT, HARU, YOU FREAK OF NATURE?!"
" Why did you do that?" Haru whined, rubbing the back of his head. " I wouldn't do something like that to YOU."
" Shigure, why didn't you bring any money yourself?" Hatori asked crossly because he was tired of people acting like he was Mr. Moneybags!
" I DID. But I'm saving it for something special." Shigure said with a holier than thou expression.
" Like WHAT?" Ayame inquired.
" Something special." Shigure returned stubbornly. Actually, he didn't KNOW what he was going to buy. Or maybe he's just saying that so everyone will leave him and his money alone. You never can tell with that crazy Shigure!
" Will you buy me something? Of course you will." Ayame answered his own question.
" Of course I'll buy you something, Aya." Shigure said, even though he probably won't. " And I'll buy Hiro and Kisa something too."
" They're not here." Said Yuki.
" That's the POINT!" Shigure cackled evily, and then randomly hit Haru on the head again.
" Well… we're here at the North Dakota State Fair. Have a LOVELY time." That Buddy Barn Guy said sarcastically and booted them all off the bus. After brushing themseleves off, everyone stared up at the giant Jurassic Park style gate that led to the fair.
" What do they got, King Kong in there?" Kureno said JUST like Jeff Goldblum and then chuckled foolishly. " Man, I LOVE that movie!"
" WHO DOESN'T?!" Everyone agreed except for Zack. He doesn't like it.
" Wait a minute…" Hatori murmured, looking up at a large sign. " It says men have to pay twenty dollars each to get in. But women get in free on the weekends." And guess what?! It was the WEEKEND! How LUCKY!
" Let's see… there are thirteen of us, and ten of us are men. That comes to two hundred dollars." Hatori thought outloud and looked at everyone. Everyone glanced at each other uncomfortably because they knew that just plain was NOT gonna happen.
But don't worry. Hatori is using his noggin to solve this problem. He looked at everyone slowly, then nodded. " Ayame, Momiji, Ritsu, and Yuki go stand over there." He said, pointing to Tohru, Kagura, and Rin.
" WHAT?! NO!" Yuki yelled, because he didn't want to be put in a group like that.
" We have no choice. If we do it this way, I'll be able to afford to get us all in." Hatori argued, who was actually getting secret amusment at having to do this to those crazy femine men. Not that any of them really cared except for Yuki. Oh well!
" I refuse to do this." Yuki stated stubbornly.
" Why not? You look more like a girl than some of the girls!" Shigure pointed out.
" NO I DON'T!" Yuki yelled.
" You do. AHAHAHAHA!" Kyo guffawed over-exageratingly because he wanted to make Yuki feel bad.
" I know! I'LL pose as a woman too!" Kureno said suddenly as if it were the greatest idea in the world.
" No, Kureno, that wouldn't work." Hatori said.
" Yes it WOULD!" Kureno exclaimed. " The Lone Chicken is MOST effeminate!"
" No, you're not. You're one of the more masculine ones here." Hatori pointed out paitently.
" I'm PRETTY!" Kureno declared and started strutting around like some strange chicken model.
" But I'm the PRETTIEST!" Ayame said randomly, because he was enjoying the fact that he was able to pose as a woman. Of course, his voice is VERY deep so if he talked while pretending to be a woman it'd be very scary. Unless he's dubbed. Then he just sounds like Cher.
" Okay, SHUT UP. Ayame, Momiji, Ritsu and Yuki, you are women." Hatori said as if everything Hatori said magically happened whenever he said it.
" I am not! They'll never believe it." Yuki said in denial.
" We'll see about that." Hatori said. And with that they walked up to the ticket booth which had some crazy young furling of a man named Ticket Booth Van inside.
" Don't worry. I can pay for myself." Zack said and whipped out a large wad of money and handed it to Ticket Booth Van who gave him a ticket. Then Ticket Booth Van gave all the girls their tickets for free. When he started to give Yuki HIS ticket, Yuki froze and gave him a weird look.
" Don't you see that I'm a BOY?" He demanded.
" Aw, that's cute." Ticket Booth Van chuckled and gave Yuki his ticket anyway.
" But I AM…" Yuki murmured to himself in a confused voice, wandering off to question his own gender.
" Alright. Well, that just leaves me, Haru, Kyo, Shigure and Kureno. I only have enough to pay for three people. You two will have to pay for it yourself, Kureno, Shigure." Hatori said.
" But I don't WANNA! Why don't you make Kyo pay for himself? He's the CAT!" Shigure whined.
" The Lone Chicken will pay for himself AND his flunky!" Kureno interrupted in a manly voice, and handed Ticket Booth Van a bunch of money, then took the ticket he received and handed it to Kyo. " Here you go, flunky."
" I'M NOT YOUR FLUNKY! AND I DON'T WANT YOUR STUPID TICKET!" Kyo yelled and swatted the ticket out of Kureno's hand.
" I do! HA! Now I don't have to pay!" Shigure said, catching the ticket. Oh, that sly Shigure!
" Fine. Just FINE. I don't even CARE anymore." Hatori muttered in disgust, and took out his money. " Three, please."
" Hey… are you guys all related or something?" Ticket Booth Van asked as if it were any of HIS buisness.
" Um… yeah. We're Sohmas." Hatori answered uneasily.
" Why, I'M a Sohma!" Ticket Booth Van Sohma exclaimed. " Who would have thought that I would see you guys all the way out here in North Dakota? Do you remember me from New Years?"
Of course, nobody DID. And how did a Sohma get so far as North Dakota anyway? ARGH! MUST NOT QUESTION THE SOHMA IN NORTH DAKOTA!
" So, here we are all together as family!" Ticket Booth Van Sohma chuckled like Kureno.
" Uh yeah… can I have my tickets now?" Hatori asked.
" Why, SURE! You can have them for free, since we're family and everything." Ticket Booth Van Sohma said enthusiastically and shoved three free tickets at them. Hatori blinked and took the tickets. Then he felt sort of bad because he didn't know ANYTHING about old Van, and here he was letting them in free. Whatta guy!
" Well… uh… here." Hatori said, handing Ticket Booth Van Sohma a ten dollar bill. " Go buy yourself some candy or something."
" I can't. I have to stay in the booth remember?" Ticket Booth Van Sohma chuckled like Kureno.
" Oh yeah. Okay, well bye." Hatori said as they all began to drift away from the Ticket Booth with an uncomfortable look. It wasn't like Ticket Booth Van Sohma was a CURSED Sohma or Tohru or Zack so he just didn't fit in with the whole scheme of things.
" Hey! Will you buy me some candy and bring it back here? I get REALLY hungry!" Ticket Booth Van Sohma called.
" No." Said Hatori and they all ran inside the North Dakota State Fair.
" Darn! Oh well! See you New Years!" Ticket Booth Van Sohma, but he never did because he exploded right then and there.
" LOOK!" Momiji yelled enthusiastically as they stepped through the giant gates. " It's Big Tex!"
Everyone looked up at a giant cowboy robot that was waving an arm around and saying over and over in an electronic voice, " HOWDY! Welcome to the State Fair!"
" How come Big TEX is at the North Dakotan State Fair?" Haru asked slowly.
" DO NOT QUESTON BIG TEX!" Everyone yelled at him.
" Alright. Does everyone have a buddy?" Hatori asked. Of course, everyone did. Even RITSU! GASP! Hatori looked into his wallet to see he had sixty two dollars and three dimes left. And since he was planning to buy some pants at the State Fair, and he wasn't feeling particularly generous with everyone, he handed each group three dollars.
" That's for lunch." He told everyone.
" WHAT?! We can barely afford a corny dog with this!" Momiji whined.
" I ALREADY have a corny dog." Ayame chuckled like Kureno.
" That hurt." Shigure pouted.
" Hey! How come we only get THREE dollars?! We have more people in our group than everyone else!" Kyo yelled at Hatori, shaking the three dollar bills in his face.
" That's okay! I just won't eat anything!" Tohru said. Then Yuki and Kyo decided they wouldn't eat anyway, and spend all the money on Tohru. OH WELL!
" We'll meet back in two hours at the karoke bar. TWO HOURS. No excuses." Hatori told everyone sternly. Everyone agreed. And then they all went off on their separate ways. But don't worry. They'll meet again someday. After all, if their NAMES are the Digidestined, then they were DESTINED to be together!
HOOONK!
" Now to get some pants." Hatori said, but he hadn't realized he had said it outloud, so he didn't understand why Kureno gave him a bug-eyed look. He began looking around over people's heads for some random pant store. A Buddy Barn Pant Land PROBABLY would have popped up, but the Sohma family had been so rude to him that he just DIDN'T!
" I have pants." Kureno stated obviously, and started doing the can-can in them just because he could and Hatori couldn't.
" Quit that." Hatori said, shielding his eyes and walking forward.
" That's right! The LONE CHICKEN can do the can can, but the short-dwelling seahorse CAN not!" Kureno laughed sinisterly, and randomly did a cartwheel in front of Hatori. " Not only THAT, but I can cartwheel! WHEEEEE!"
" Kureno, quit acting like an idiot." Hatori demanded, starting to seriously regret picking Kureno as his buddy.
Kureno, who had now decided he would torture this dreaded member of the Mabudachi Trio as much as possible while he could, simply did a handstand and started singing ' I've got a Lovely Bunch of Coconuts' as loud as he possibly could.
" Kureno, STOP THAT." Hatori said seriously, but Kureno couldn't hear him over his own singing. Since people were stopping around them and starting to clap for Kureno, Hatori just shook his head in a disgusted manner and walked away.
" HEY! COME BACK! THE LONE CHICKEN ISN'T DONE WITH YOU YET!" Kureno yelled, and started cartwheeling over to Hatori. Hatori turned around and glared at him.
" QUIT," He said, " Cartwheeling around."
" You're just jealous because YOU can't cartwheel." Kureno said airily.
" I am not." Hatori argued because he really wasn't.
" But it's true, isn't it? You don't know how to cartwheel." Kureno answered, still cartwheeling around like a foolish chicken.
" I do too. But I just don't feel like doing it." Hatori answered, which was sort of true. In his young days as a furling youth he had been able to cartwheel with the best of them, but his skills were rusty after many, many years of NOT cartwheeling.
" Okay. How about this. If you do a carthwheel, I'll quit." Kureno said.
" No." Hatori decided.
" Fine. Then I'll just cartwheel my way into the nearest young lady." Kureno chuckled foolishly, and started to spin away.
" WAIT." Hatori said, and then sighed reluctantly when Kureno looked back at him. " Okay." He said. " I'll do it."
Kureno watched carefully as Hatori bent forward and placed his arms very awkwardly on the grass and placed his legs somewhat far apart. He called upon the memories of his days as a furling youth and took a deep breath. Then he sort of flailed his legs into the air and fell.
" AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Kureno yelled, falling onto the grass too and rolling around in hysterics. " AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! YOU FELL! IN SHORTS! I'm going to tell EVERYONE!"
" I don't think so." Hatori said, and there was a blinding flash. Kureno blinked fuzzily.
" What just happened?" Kureno asked Hatori in a very confused voice.
" Come on. We were going to the clothing market, remember?" Hatori said in a fake nice voice and lifted Kureno up from the ground.
" Oh yeah! NOW I remember!" Kureno chuckled foolishly.
Hey… Hatori, why didn't you just erase his memory to begin with? ARGH!!
HOOONK!
" This is so much fun! I'm so happy that we came!" Tohru said happily as they walked through the sea of random Fair Activities. What have these three been up to, you want to know? Well, Kyo has been challenging Yuki to every single cheap little carnie booth game he can find. YES, even the balloon popping one. And in result, Tohru now had at least a million stuffed animals they had won and given to her.
" Thank you so much for all of the adorable stuffed animals!" Tohru said with shinies all around her.
" No problem…" Yuki and Kyo muttered from behind a MOUNTAIN of stuffed animals.
" I'm carrying more stuffed animals than YOU, Yuki!" Kyo crowed triumphantly.
" REALLY? Then how about you carry even MORE?" Yuki asked sarcastically and dumped all of his stuffed animals on top of Kyo who fell and was now buried under a sea of stuffed animals.
" Yuki-kun, what do you want to do now?" Tohru asked Yuki obliviously as Kyo began to claw his way out of the stuffed animals.
I want to find CHEESE! That's what Yuki would have said if he had no pride at all. But he does have some pride, so he just shrugged and dodged a sock monkey Kyo threw at him as he emerged from the pile.
" Oh, hello Kyo-kun!" Tohru said as if Kyo had JUST gotten there. " What would you like to do?"
" I'll defeat you someday, you damn rat! And take my rightful place in the ZODIAC!" Kyo screamed at Yuki and threw a big panda stuffed animal at him.
" That sounds fun!" Tohru remarked ditzily as Yuki skullfully dodged the panda too.
" I CHALLENGE YOU! I CHALLENGE YOU RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW!" Kyo yelled at the top of his lungs.
"… to what?" Yuki asked doubtfully.
" THAT!" Kyo screamed, pointing to something random in the background. It was a Leek Eating Contest! WHOOPS!
" Never mind." Kyo said quickly, tearing his gaze away from all the people trying to eat as many leeks as they could. " I challenge you to THAT!"
Yuki and Tohru looked over to see he was pointing at some random carnie booth. A carnie who we'll call Carnie Nemo stared at them, and then pointed to himself like a fool. " You wanna play my Carnie Game? MY Carnie Game? Nobody EVER plays my carnie game! WOO-HOO!" Then he got up on his carnie booth and started doing the riverdance.
" YES! A CARNIE GAME! IN OTHER WORDS… A CHALLENGE TO THE DEATH!" Kyo yelled, getting a little bit too excited about the whole thing.
" Whatever. Let me just do this to calm him down, Honda-san." Yuki sighed oh so sexily and sauntered over to Kyo to stand in front of Carnie Nemo's booth.
" Look! A STRAWBERRY stuffed animal!" Tohru cheered and hugged it.
" So what kind of Carnie game is this?" Yuki asked Carnie Nemo.
" TO THE DEATH!" Kyo interrupted, but was ignored.
" Well, BASICALLY…" Carnie Nemo said, whipping out a big makeup set, " Whichever man can make himself look the most feminine using just this makeup kit, WINS!"
" WHAT?!" Yuki yelled, because you just KNOW he's offended by that sort of thing. " That's not a carnie game! That's not a game at all!"
" Well… I actually just like seeing men make themselves look pretty." Carnie Nemo admitted sadly. " I didn't want to be a carnie. I wanted to be… A MAKEUP ARTIST!"
" Okay. This is just sad. Come on Kyo." Yuki said in disgust, and looked over to Kyo who was appling makeup to his face furiously. In his excitement he had taken in the rules and hadn't even thought about just WHAT it was he was doing! OOPS!
" ARGH!" Kyo screamed and began wiping the makeup off his face furiously as Yuki just stared at him in disbelief. " DON'T EVER TELL ANYONE ABOUT THAT! DON'T EVER! I DIDN'T MEAN TO DO IT!"
" That's okay. I think I'm going to ask Hatori to erase the sight out of my memory." Yuki said.
" Oh my! That was the prettiest face I've seen all day!" Carnie Nemo exclaimed as he stared at awe at Kyo's partially makeup removed face. Now Kyo had red all over his lips so it looked like he had just ate some STRAWBERRIES!
" NO IT ISN'T!" Kyo yelled.
" No, no, it really IS." Carnie Nemo shook his head knowingly. " You've made a simple Carnie very happy. For this I must give you a prize."
Kyo started to protest, since he thought it would be a makeup kit or a big fruity poster or something Carnie Nemo-ish like that. But then Carnie Nemo handed Kyo a small little fishbowl with a little goldfish swimming around inside. Anyone who was ever a kid at a fair remembers THOSE suckers. And how they would die in a day.
" Please, accept this prize!" Carnie Nemo said happily, handing Kyo the little goldfish.
" How cute!" Tohru exclaimed.
" I knew she would say that…" Yuki said, only it was in a thought and dark blue and in a very creepy voice for no particular reason whatsoever.
Now, maybe, you think Kyo would be all, " NO WAY! KYO SOHMA WOULD NEVER ACCEPT SUCH A WIMPY LITTLE THING!" or " ARGH! JUST GO AWAY!" Or maybe you would just expect Kyo to chuck the goldfish at the man's head. But not today. Not TODAY my friend.
" Fine…" Kyo muttered, taking the bowl. He looked into it, and saw the little goldfish swimming around obliviously with it's mouth open. There were some little red and white pebbles at the bottom too. " Now will you PLEASE leave me alone?"
" Of COURSE!" Carnie Nemo exclaimed and exploded because that was his only purpose in this story.
" Kyo-kun! Aren't you happy? What's it's name? What's it's gender?!" Tohru asked. " Is it a member of the JYUUNISHI?!"
…fine. I'm only pretending she asked that last part. I think even Tohru knows there is no goldfish in the Jyuunishi. But IF there was, hot damn! He'd be the coolest cursed person IN that bunch! Then again, how could a goldfish race, much less even MAKE it to the God's Banquet?
How could a SEAHORSE make it to the God's Banquet?
" I don't know." Kyo answered to all her questions.
" I'm not sure goldfish have genders." Yuki put in. HE wasn't jealous of the goldfish. If Yuki had a goldfish, he'd probably forget to feed it and it would die a slow, painful death.
" STUPID RAT! EVERYTHING has genders!" Kyo yelled, but not too loudly so he wouldn't upset the goldfish. Kyo didn't want it to fall or anything. He liked watching it swim around in circles for some reason.
" That's not true." Yuki answered and that's probably true.
" Oh yeah. I forgot about YOU." Kyo snapped, but didn't wait for Yuki to reply. He turned around and looked down at the little goldfish with a slightly obsessed look. He liked to watch it swim around and around and around…
" This is so stupid." Yuki sighed.
" I know! Let's name the goldfish Goldie!" Tohru exclaimed as if it were all that creative.
" No…" Said Kyo with fire in his eyes, " I'm naming him RATKILLER!"
" As if a GOLDFISH could kill a rat!" Yuki scoffed as if he were the expert on goldfish.
" If a rat fell into a POND a goldfish could kill a rat!" Kyo argued.
" It would not!"
" It WOULD!"
" Have you ever SEEN that happen?!" Yuki demanded.
" YES!" Kyo lied heatedly.
" Honda-san, I'm tired of this. Do you want to go get something to eat?" Yuki groaned as if the idiot with the goldfish were THAT tiring. Which he is. Poor Yuki!
" Yes! What would you like to go eat, Kyo-kun?" Tohru asked Kyo, who was watching Ratkiller swim around JUST like Figaro always watched Cleo. Except Kyo doesn't think of goldfish in THAT way.
" I don't WANT to eat with HIM!" Kyo yelled. " I'll just stay here!"
" Oh… okay…" Tohru said sadly.
" He just wants us to leave so he can eat the goldfish." Yuki remarked sarcastically as the two of them started to walk away.
" I do NOT!" Kyo yelled. " I would NEVER eat you…" He told the goldfish in a reassuring way as it just sort of glubbed about. He smiled and sat down so he could stare down into the bowl comfortably.
" You're the ONLY one who can understand me, Ratkiller." Kyo said with shinies in his eyes as the goldfish just sort of tried to eat the pebbles at the bottom of the fishbowl.
HOOONK!
" What do you want to do first, Haru?" Momiji asked Haru as they obliviously walked around like the fools they are.
" Hmm…" Haru said since it takes a lot of effort for him to put any thought into ANYTHING.
" I want to get my FACE painted!" Momiji yelled suddenly as if he had never asked Haru anything. " Come on! I saw some people getting their face painted just a second ago!"
" I don't know if I WANT my face to be any different than it is right now…" Haru said, stroking his chin reflectively. " I like it the way it is."
" Oh, HARU!" Momiji chuckled like… Kureno. " You can always wash it off later!"
" If I'm going to just wash it off later, what's the point of getting it painted in the first place?" Haru asked. THINK ABOUT IT! How many times when you were a child did you want to wear that crazy paint face for the rest of your life, and then you COULDN'T and your parents made you take a bath before you went to bed! ARGH!
" Because it's FUN!" Momiji said.
" Oh. Okay." Haru agreed, and followed Momiji over to the little facepainting booth where a bunch of silly people were getting their faces painted. All of those people stared at Haru and Momiji because they were SO beautiful, and then they left, and their parents told them they had to take a bath at the end of the day and they cried and cried.
" I'm getting my face painted like… A TIGER!" Momiji shouted so the whole wide world could hear.
" That's GRRRRRRRRRREAT!" Said the crazy face painter lady that isn't important enough to even have a name.
" What do you want to get your face painted like Haru?" Momiji asked Haru as they sat in their little booths and waited for the lady to get the paint ready.
" Hm… well, I wanted to get my face painted like a tiger, but you already chose it… I guess I was just too slow. AGAIN…" Haru murmured to himself in a dissapointed way.
" I'm sorry, Haru! Why don't you get your face painted like a cheetah?" Momiji tried helpfully.
" No…" Haru said after thinking about this for a few seconds. " I was looking forward to getting my face painted like a tiger so much that the idea of picking any animal other than that just seems demeaning."
" How about a PANDA?!" Momiji said enthusiastically.
" NO." Haru stated. " I HATE pandas."
" Oh…" Momiji frowned. Then he got a WONDERFUL idea! " How about I get a panda and YOU get a tiger?"
" No. Because if you were to get your face painted like a panda I would find you very offensive. And I don't want to get a tiger just because it was rejected by someone else." Haru then sighed as if sitting there in that face-painting booth was the most taxing thing he had ever been through in his whole life.
" Then what will you get?" Momiji asked Haru.
" How about a big red STAR?!" That random lady asked appearing out of nowhere.
" Okay." Said Haru because he didn't find anything remotely offensive about big red stars.
HOOO-Just kidding. Shigure and Ayame were STALKING Momiji and Haru! OOH! Those stalkers! FIENDS! NINCOMPOOPS!
" I WANT MY FACE PAINTED!" Ayame announced as they peered from the side of some random brick wall to watch Haru and Momiji get their faces painted.
" No. Be quiet and have some more cotton candy." Shigure said distractedly and gave Ayame a huge stick of cotton candy that he had bought for him.
" OKAY!" Ayame yelled, and ate the cotton candy happily. Considering how hyper he NORMALLY is, and considering the effects of cotton candy, it's safe to say he'll be in all caps lock mode for quite awhile.
' Heh-heh!' Shigure's voice came from off-screen even though his mouth wasn't moving. ' This is my chance to bring Black Haru out without Hatori getting onto me! I have to do everything in my power to offend him!'
" And what offends Haru more… THAN TRAFFIC LIGHTS!" Shigure shouted to the world as he pulled out one of those random children's play traffic lights from nowhere.
" WHY TRAFFIC LIGHTS?" Ayame asked curiously.
" You'll see… ever since he was a child, Haru and traffic lights did NOT mix." Shigure chuckled like Kureno to himself and recalled the time when Haru had been a wee lad and Shigure had been a young furling of a boy…
FLASHBACK
" Hey Haru! Let's play Traffic Lights!" Teenage Shigure said WAY too enthusiastically, so you just KNOW he's up to no good. He and Haru were at the park together because… they need to be for this flashback.
" Okay!" Little three year old Haru said after about four minutes.
" Alright… now remember, greenisgoyellowgokindofandredisstopokaygotitlet'sgo!" Shigure said at the speed of light and turned on the traffic light toy to green. Haru just blinked because he hadn't comprehended anything Shigure had said beyond 'Alright.'
" WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! WHY ARE JUST STANDING THERE?!" Shigure screamed at Haru, jabbing one of his fingers at the green light. Of course, Shigure had written green, red and yellow by each light, since he's colorblind and has to remind himself which is which. But don't worry, little Haru couldn't read. He was STILL confused!
" Uh…" Little Haru said and started to run as fast as he could, but then Shigure switched the light to yellow quickly.
" SLOW DOWN!" He bellowed at Haru, who was so startled that he tripped. He started to get up but then Shigure turned the light to red.
" DON'T MOVE! YOU IDIOT!" Shigure yelled like a drill sargent. And as SOON as Haru froze, he turned it back to green. " WHY ARE YOU JUST LAYING THERE?! GET YOUR REAR IN GEAR!"
And so the cycle of confusion continued until Haru got so confused that he fainted.
END FLASHBACK
" AH…THAT REMINDS ME OF THE TIME WE USE TO GIVE KYO CAKES WITH LEEKS IN THEM…" Ayame sighed with nostalgia.
" We were the BEST big cousins!" Shigure chuckled like Kureno. " Or not!"
" HEY LOOK! HERE THEY COME! HERE THEY COME!" Ayame exclaimed, jumping up and down as Momiji and Haru came walking from about seven centimeters away from them.
" Hi Shii-chan! Hi Aya!" Momiji waved obliviously.
" 'sup?" Haru said JUST like in the episode.
" Why, it's KISA AND HARU!" Ayame laughed like a fool. " What a surprise, running into YOU at the state fair!"
" Aya, that's Momiji. And we went to the state fair WITH them. But… in any case… GUESS WHAT HARU?!" Shigure suddenly yelled like a drill sargent and whipped out the traffic lights. " The light is on GREEN!"
" Maybe I should have gotten a GREEN star too…" Haru said wistfully, but unfortunately for him, the face painting booth had already exploded.
" WHY AREN'T YOU RUNNING?!" Shigure screamed.
" I don't feel like it. Sensei, I'm not FOUR anymore." Haru said in a mildly offended voice, as he admired his red star with by his reflection off his chains.
" ARGH! That's RIGHT!" Shigure said, slapping his forehead.
" Do you like my star?" Haru asked Ayame.
" Why, yes, Momiji, I think it's quite becoming!" Ayame answered obliviously.
" Aya, that's Haru." Shigure sighed.
" But you just said he was MOMIJI!" Ayame argued.
" THAT'S Momiji! THAT'S HARU!" Shigure said.
" OH…" Ayame said in a way that suggested he really didn't care.
" I'll just have to draw Black out in ANOTHER way! CATCH!" Shigure yelled all of a sudden and flung the traffic light toy at Haru's head. Luckily, Haru is a martial artist and everything, so he just dodged it.
" Hey… be careful. You could have hit my red star." Haru said with a little frown. Wow! I think we've found something Haru loves more than his chains!
" YOUR STAR IS STUPID! AND UGLY!" Shigure shouted desperately.
" That's what anyone who doesn't have it says." Haru said in an all-knowing voice.
" Why is Shii-chan acting weird?" Momiji asked.
" I don't know, Akito. I just don't know!" Ayame said, shaking his head.
HOOONK!
" PANT-world! Now I bet THERE'S a place you can find pants at!" Kureno chuckled foolishly as he and Hatori stared up at a large sign that said PANT-WORLD and had a picture of a pair of pants painted on it. Isn't alliteration FUN?!
Even thought Hatori agreed with this statement, he decided not to say so. He considered going into the store WITHOUT Kureno, but that crazy chicken probably would have gone off to find his flunky or something.
" Come on." Hatori said and they walked into Pant-World. Just so you know… Pant World doesn't REALLY exist. If you go to the North Dakota State Fair, or ANY State Fair for that matter, you are not going to find Pant-World. I'm sorry. That's just the way it is.
" Hello!" Said a big guy with glasses that was wearing pants. " My names Hagrid! How can I help you?" He then grinned at Hatori VERY happily.
Hatori suddenly became self-concious again over the fact that he was wearing shorts AND he was a seahorse. In another two seconds, he would have gotten over all this, but Kureno just HAD to go ahead and say what we all know needs to be said.
" He needs PANTS." Kureno stated as Hatori hung his head in shame.
" Pants? WHY? Those shorts are quite nice on you!" Hagrid said kindly.
" Huh. You're the ONLY one who thinks so." Kureno snorted vainly.
" Yeah… but I'd like to just buy a pair of jeans. Please." Hatori added quickly.
" I think you should wear the shorts! If you shaved your legs just a LITTLE, it would be even more splendid!" Hagrid said as if he hadn't heard what Hatori had said.
" No… I want the pants…" Hatori said in a voice that was starting to become just a little bit dangerous.
" Well, everybody WANTS the pants. That's why they come here. But sometimes you can't always GET the pants, capeesh?" Hagrid nodded, winking at Hatori.
"…what are you trying to say?" Hatori asked.
" Well, my one-eye-obscured-from-sight young friend, I'm afraid I've sold out of all my pants! They were so popular here that there's none left!" Hagrid laughed as if it were really that funny. Which it kinda is…
" WOO! Tough break, Hatori!" Kureno chuckled foolishly.
" You have to be kidding me. You don't have ANY pants left? Why the hell would you be called PANT-WORLD if you're just going to run out of pants?" Hatori demanded, voice becoming more and more heated as he spoke.
Hagrid just gave Hatori an uncomfortable look and shrugged. " It's not like I WANTED to run out of pants." He admitted.
" Oh. Oh, THANKS. That helps a LOT." Hatori said sarcastically, with a big fake smile.
" Your welcome! Have a good day!" Hagrid laughed heartily, and then his giant spider came and carried him and Pant-World off to the magical world of Harry Potter. And now you know what Hagrid does on his summer vacations! BOO-YAH!
" Look on the bright side…" Kureno said. " Oh… wait… there ISN'T a bright side! AT LEAST NOT FOR THE MABUDACHI TRIO! GWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
I'll show you… Hatori thought with a sort of desperate pant-needed fevor. I'll show you all!
HOOONK!
This would be the part about Kagura and Rin if we actually cared. Luckily…
We don't!
HOOONK!
Ritsu and Zack stood there awkwardly. Or at least, Ritsu did. Zack was just FINE with his surroundings, just like he always is! Whether he's in a tube, a moving truck, a reactor, or in court, Zack is always one COOOOL cat!
" So… what…do you like…?" Ritsu asked meekly.
" Drugs!" Zack said. " And my very original spiky black hair. Oh yeah… and my name! I mean… ZACK. Just say it. ZACK."
" Zack." Ritsu obeyed.
" It just doesn't get any better than that." Zack sighed, shaking his head with a winsome smile. " Noooo siree."
" I hate to ask you this, being just a very simple neglected monkey, but why did you want to be my State Fair buddy?" Ritsu asked.
" Because… you don't need a reason to help people." Zack said as he looked far off into the distance with a devil may care smile.
" WOW! Do you want to go eat Takoyaki with me?" Ritsu asked enthusiastically.
" WOULD I?" Zack replied and so the two of them walked happily into the sunset even though it's only noon. OH WELL!
" HEY! THAT'S MY LINE! NOT ZACK'S! MY LINE!" Zidane yelled.
Oh, Zack… EVERYONE wants to steal your identity!
OMAKE!
Wow… that took awhile. But we made it to the Omake! Obviously, I haven't found Carl yet, or I wouldn't be talking about NOT finding him. Anyway… Ayame-san! I got Volume Four, and BOY, did I get my fill of Ayame-san! I also got a lot of questions for him! Let's ask, SHALL WE?
Person: How do you manage your shop while you're on vacation?
Ayame: Mine does all the work for me, of course! Ohohoho (you should have known that! Ohohoho…)
Person: Can you make a dress for me?
Ayame: Of course! I would be happy to make a dress for you!
Hayley: Demo, you're fictional.
Person: Yuki and you are so bishy! Can you give me a signed autograph?
Ayame: GET IN LINE, GET IN LINE! (whips out the copies of signed autographs you just KNOW he has, and starts passing them out to everybody) And have this picture of Yuki in a dress too!
Yuki: I THOUGHT THAT WAS DESTROYED!
Hayley: (swat) LEAVE, YUN-YUN!
Person: Aya-san, Will you make a very sexy outfit for Shigure, then send me a picture of him wearing it? because... because... Your the greatest, Aya-san! I love you! Please?
Ayame: OKEY-DOKEY! (puts Shigure into a bondage outfit complete with leash)
Shigure: This is demeaning! I LIKE it!
Naria: Aya, is it true you're having an illicit love affair with the ALL POWERFUL Kuja? And if you're not, then would you? Huh? Huh? And are you and Shigure ONLY joking, if you know what I mean? Eh? winkwinknudgenudge YOU'RE PRETTY!!
Shigure: AYA! (gasp) You dare betray me?
Ayame: NEVER, GURE-SAN! (hugs) And no, we're not joking! Love is NO joke, kids!
Shigure: Don't do drugs!
Hayley: Since when is this GURE-SAN and AYA question time?! (boots Shigure off)
Ayame: (clueless grin) I'm pretty!
Person: Would you ever cosplay as Sesshomaharu from Inu-Yasha? I think you look like him?
Ayame: Why Sesshomaharu is my long lost brother that I have a gap with!
Hayley: That's YUKI!
Ayame: I know. I kid, I kid.
Person: Will I be on the question and answer?
Hayley: Uh… did you ask a question…?
Person: How did you keep your hair long in High School? KIDDING, KIDDING! Why'd you and Shigure put Hatori's pants in the freezer? HASN'T THE POOR MAN/SEAHORSE ENDURED ENOUGH?!?!?!?
Ayame: Oh, Tori-san… I too have discovered just how evil a freezer can be! Snakes and pants must unite to fight the threat of freezers!
Person: If you and Yuki could switch bodies for a week, would you?
Hayley: Heh-heh… that would be like, ' Help! I'm trapped in my idiot older brother's body!' Remember those books? Heh-heh… heh…
Ayame: Excuse me! I am not an idiot!
Hayley: Give me a hug.
Ayame: Okay! (hugs)
POOF!
Ayame: I am a snake.
Hayley: We can see that.
Now, wasn't that enlightening? And if it wasn't… WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?! GO AND ENLIGHTEN YOURSELF ELSEWHERE, THEN! GEEZ! As for me, I've got lots of homework I should be doing, but I sacrifice time for you! The people!
SOMEONE GIVE ME BISHY LOVE!
Wait… I know how to make myself feel better! (reads the Many Woes of Hatori) AHAHAHAHAHAHA! THAT'S better!
So, until next time… just remember…uh… do…whatever it is… you do…yeah… And ask that crazy horse Rin some questions, why doncha? Or not! Da-huck!
Ja!