A few words to my reviewers:

To Agent Silver: On your first point: Yes, and many girls love bad boys, but not all girls would have the nerve to date a guy with tentacles--or live with the possibility of having Doc Ock as a father-in-law... On your second point, the nearest Barnes and Noble is fifty miles away (curse it). But I did sneak into a B. Dalton's while my parents were shopping and bought the Spider-man 2 novelization :-)

On a second note, I'm not giving any spoilers, but watch for Noreen Osborn in the future.

Now, for the story! How will Peter react when he hears of his potential new son-in-law from an unwelcome source? Read and review, please!

Chapter 5: Jameson

9:30 am. The Daily Bugle headquarters

Peter Parker had just walked into the Daily Bugle headquarters, looking for his daughter. To his immense dismay, someone else was too—and wasn't too happy to be doing it.

"Parker!" an obnoxious man snapped in his ear, chomping on a cigar at the same time. "Where's that daughter of yours? Like father, like daughter, eh?"

Peter looked at his former boss, J. Jonah Jameson. Peter thought after all these years the publisher would have retired. He thought Jameson kept himself alive out of pure spite.

"Tell your lovely daughter she's fired, will ya?"

"Actually, she's a freelancer, like I was," Peter corrected. "You can't fire her, as you haven't technically hired her."

"Well if she was on full time I'd have fired her ass a long time ago. You ought to teach your daughter about punctuality, after you learn it first. Where is she?"

"Actually I was about to ask you that, Jameson."

"What do I look like, a babysitter?" Jameson snapped. He chomped on his cigar some more as he checked the e-mail account used to send in news tips.

"This is interesting," he finally said.

"What—free Viagra?"

"Shut your mouth. Guess who Spider-girl's dating?"

"How should I know?" asked Peter—although he really should.

"She's dating Doc Ock's boy! And I heard he's got a set of tentacles just like dear ole dad! Ironic, isn't it?" He shuddered, then nervously chomped some more on his cigar, reeking of smoke. "God, what if those wall-crawlers have kids?!"

Betty Brant, Deputy City Editor, popped her head in. "I think it's sweet. The children of two mutual enemies falling in love—just like Romeo and Juliet!"

"Well, we all know how that play ended," snapped Jameson. "Wanna bet on how long those two eight-legged freaks last? I'm going for two weeks."

City Editor Robbie Robertson had also overheard. "I heard you guys talking and I can't help but wondering what their, um, bedroom life would be like…"

"Hoffman! Get me a barf bag, I need to projectile vomit," yelled Jameson.

Peter rapidly clenched and unclenched his fists. It was all he could do to keep from exploding and doing something he was really going to regret, either from Jameson bad-mouthing the next generation of spider-powered superheroes, or the news that his daughter was now dating the son of his mortal enemy. There was only one word to properly describe Jameson—it starts with a "p" and rhymes with "tick."

Jameson began yelling at his reporters. "Well, what are you waiting for, doom? I want you guys to dig some dirt on those two teenage menaces, and be sure to add some speculation on the crime sprees they're probably planning over those candlelit dinners, got it?"

"Sure thing, Mr. Jameson," volunteered a young reporter called Jayson Blair. Jameson liked him because he was willing to write anything—but anything, that smeared Spider-girl, without bothering with trivialities such as research and libel laws. He even had experience making up articles for the New York Times.

Jameson took a few more puffs of his cigar. "Parker, how's your son? He's serving with the Marines in Iraq, isn't he?"

"Yes, and he's fine," Peter said.

"Now there, Parker," Jameson said, wagging an index finger in his former employee's face, "is an example of a real hero. A soldier willing to lay down his life for his country and his freedom—not some web-swinging clown in tights that can't even show their face."

Peter was on the verge of being sick. "What in hell are you standing there for, Parker? Get your butt out of here, and don't show your face around me until your precious little daughter's in tow. I want her to snap some pictures of the two lovebirds. Oh yeah—tell my almost-daughter-in-law I said hello."

Jameson leaned back in his chair and took a deep breath. "I love the smell of scandal in the morning!"