Chapter 18
Drive Pico-Pico Drive and IHOP
Laa dee daa dee daa… DAAAAA… HMM? What's this! Oh yes! The fanfic! Let's get back to those crazy Sohmas! DA-HUCK! The last time we left them they had been uncerimoniously kicked out of the Karoke bar after Hatori had finally lost his last tiny amount of money. Now he's one of those people in which you pick them up and shake them and a MOTH flies out of their pockets!
Unless you know some sort of crazy person that has MONEY and moths in their pockets, but that person must be some sort of serial moth killer. Like… MOTHMAN! Actually, Mothman would probably be the HERO of the moths, not the-
" AHEM!" Everyone shouted.
Oh yeah… Anyway, now they all stood outside of the massive gates of the State Fair which had just exploded. Sorry about that guys! But we just can't have a fair if the SOHMAS aren't going to be there!
" What do we do NOOOW?" Momiji asked impaitently.
" We need to go back to the hotel. And you need to wash that face paint off, Momiji, before you go to bed." Hatori told Momiji in his motherly voice.
" WHY?! I wanna keep it on FOREVER!" Momiji whined.
" No. You can't. You have to wash it off." Hatori replied sternly. If ONLY he could remember how he felt as a child when HE got his face painted, and then he could UNDERSTAND Momiji and meet him halfway, and then life would be more FUN! But then again, Hatori's life doesn't seem like it CAN be fun anymore.
" What? Do you mean we're just going to go back to the hotel NOW?" Shigure exclaimed.
" Yes." Hatori replied. " We are going to go back, go to sleep, and then in the morning we are going to go home. And I don't care if I have to call in a Spanish Yacht to get us there, we will." Hatori added menacingly.
" WE GET TO RIDE ON A SPANISH YACHT?! WOO-HOO!" Everyone shouted and started dancing around like fools.
Hatori started to say that NO, he had OBVIOUSLY just been sarcastic, but then found he didn't have the will to even say it. " Come on. Let's all go to the bus stop and wait for him to come pick us up."
" Um… HATORI? You don't have any money anymore." Shigure said, rolling his eyes at Hatori.
" Um… SHIGURE? You have money." Hatori replied, mocking that EXACT sort of tone.
" Um…BOTH OF YOU, why don't we just call That Buddy Barn Guy to give us a free ride again?" Ayame asked, partly because he had thought of that, but MORE partly because you can't have Shigure and Hatori and NOT Ayame do the 'UM' thing.
" I guess we could try calling him… but I don't know if he'd give us a ride after what just happened." Hatori said outloud with a little begrudging frown.
" The LONE CHICKEN will solve this! He'll call for his CHICKMOBILE!" Kureno exclaimed, and whipped out the television remote that he had stolen from the Crazy Gringo Hotel. Then he started pressing the VCR button over and over as if that were supposed to drop a Chickmobile out of the sky from nowhere.
" Kureno… did you steal that?" Hatori asked slowly.
" The Mabudachi Trio is NOT invited onto the Chickmobile." Kureno replied haughtily, and started pressing the button harder. " Why is this not working?! FLUNKY!!"
" I am not your flunky! And I'm not even going to dignify that question with a response." Kyo added angrily, hugging Ratkiller's fishbowl to his chest.
" Fine! I'll pay for your stupid bus and you! And you! And you! And you!" Shigure said, pointing over-dramtatically at everyone. " And you! And you! And… hey? Where's Ritsu?" He said suddenly, looking all around.
" I don't know… he was at the fair with us… where did he go?" Yuki murmured, glancing about. Hatori and Tohru were looking too, by the way. Everyone else just didn't care.
Hey… Why are you all looking at ME?! OKAY! FINE! I forgot Ritsu AGAIN! In fact, this time I did MORE than forget him! I PURPOSELY forgot him! And there's NOTHING you can do about it! MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
" Well… I'm sure he'll find his way home alright. He is twenty-one, after all…" Shigure said with a shrug, figuring that that made one LESS person he would have to pay the bus ride for!
" Shigure, you're twenty-seven and you make me drive you to and from the movie rental store." Hatori pointed out.
" I might get JUMPED!" Shigure protested.
" Why hasn't the bus come yet?" Haru whined randomly. No, he's not Chronic Liar Haru anymore. Or is he? I can't tell. Can you tell? ARGH! " It's taking so long… When will it get here?"
" Haru, we just decided to take the bus five SECONDS ago." Rin pointed out angrily. Yes! She's here! Isn't it MYSTERIOUS?!
" I want it to be here now. This very second." Haru said as if it were the only thing he had ever asked of the world.
" Hey, look! We're not even standing ON the bus stop square!" Momiji exclaimed, and then stamped his foot down on the bus stop square that was three centimeters away from them. As soon as he did, a bus came ZOOMING out of nowhere. No, it wasn't the Buddy Barn Bus. It was the Zoom-Zoom bus.
Why is it called the Zoom Zoom Bus? That's because whenever it appears, the music from the car commercial with the African-sounding guy starts playing.
" ZOOM ZOOM ZOOM! YEAH, YEAH, YEAH… AH-NA-NA-HEY-HEY!" Came the music from nowhere as the Zoom Zoom Bus came swerving up. Shigure and Ayame began dancing like fools along to the music. Hatori shook his head slowly.
" What a remarkable bus!" Tohru said as the bus door opened and the music stopped abruptly.
" Aww…" Said Shigure and Ayame.
" HELLO!" Said some random bus driver named Pico-Pico. " Do you wish to ride the Zoom Zoom Bus today?"
" Um… yes?" Shigure said, a bit disturbed by how… FRIENDLY this crazy little man and his fast bus were. " Yes, we would."
" ALRIGHT! You've made Pico-Pico very happy today! And by the looks of it, also very rich! Let's see… Pico-Pico can count! ONE… TWO… THREE… FOUR…"
" Do we have to ride this bus?" Haru asked.
" FIVE… SIX… SEVEN… EIGHT… NINE…"
" What's wrong with this bus Haru?" Hatori sighed.
" It's too fast. And I'm the ox. I'm beginning to feel as if I'm being made fun of for being so slow." Haru said in a sad little voice.
Hatori decided to ignore Haru and pretended to be very fascinated with the sidewalk.
" The only thing that makes me happy is the fact that I have this red star." Haru admitted.
" TEN… ELEVEN!" Pico-Pico said, because it takes him a LONG time to count. " Eleven people! So you will owe Pico-Pico fifty-five dollars!"
" WHAT? Why is it so expensive?" Shigure gasped. Of course, if it was someone ELSE and not Shigure paying for the bus ride, I'm sure he wouldn't have cared. YES, SIREE.
" Pico-Pico has to pay for the background music and his nightly dinner of crab!" Pico-Pico replied and stuck out his hand. " Come on now, pay up!"
" FINE…" Shigure sighed, and started ushering everyone onto the bus but Haru, as he handed Pico-Pico fifty dollars. " I hope you're all very happy. I could have been spending this money on OTHER things."
" Hey…" Said Haru, as he tried to move onto the bus, but Shigure jumped in front of him. Yes, now is the time for Shigure to take his REVENGE! That crafty canine!
" Sorry, Haru, but you SNOOZE you LOSE!" Shigure yelled, even though Haru hasn't snoozed at all. He snapped his fingers and Pico-Pico closed the doors to the Zoom Zoom Bus in Haru's face. " BON VOYAGE!"
Haru might have made some sound of protest but it was drowned out in the sound of the engine rumbling and the Zoom Zoom song playing. Then he stood there and looked down the street blankly.
" Oh well." Said Haru. " At least I have my little umbrella."
Then he remembered… he didn't HAVE his little umbrella!
" That's okay." Haru reminded the author. " I still have this red star."
Oh yes. That's right.
HOOONK!
" Any second now, Flunky, we'll jump from this bus onto the CHICKMOBILE! It will come… it will come…" Kureno said to himself sinsterly as he stared obsessively out the bus window.
" I'm NOT your flunky." Kyo replied, making sure Ratkiller had the best seat possible on the bus! No, I don't think a goldfish REALLY cares what sort of seat it has on a bus, but Kyo doesn't know that! Or maybe he does and is too much of a fool to care.
" This bus looks just like a normal bus. I thought it was going to be more exciting." Yuki said outloud.
" You want Pico-Pico to be exciting? He will put on a Puppet Show for you!" Pico-Pico exclaimed, letting go of the steering wheel and turning around with strange sock puppets that had sprouted to cover his hands.
" DRIVE, PICO-PICO, DRIVE!" Everyone screamed at him.
" Oh-KAY!" Pico-Pico chuckled like Kureno and began to drive again, barely missing crushing a small North Dakotan old lady named Granny Sue who exploded anyway.
This driving… it's reminding me of someone… someone's driving… Hatori thought nervously.
" Can't we go any FASTER?! I want everything in the windows to be a big blur! Just one big BLUR! What are you pushing? Eighty miles an hour? Can't you even do a hundred?" Ayame yelled up at the driver.
" No… Pico-Pico is not capable of doing over ninety-five, sir. He aplogizes to you. And so do his sock puppets." Pico-Pico said sadly.
" This is so fun!" Tohru exclaimed. Momiji would have echoed her, but he was too busy… being a rabbit! No, he didn't transform into a rabbit. He was just doing rabbit things. Okay, he was chewing on a carrot and couldn't speak because his mouth was full. Where did he got the carrot? Okay… I don't know. I JUST DON'T KNOW, OKAY?!
" Why is it fun?" Kyo asked as if he were OFFENDED.
" I don't know. In some ways it's almost like we're flying through the sky, isn't it?" Tohru said happily.
" I don't know. I don't think flying through the sky would be like this." Kyo said thoughtfully, since it was something he had never put any serious thought into.
" That's true." Tohru said.
" Kureno might know. Hey, Kureno? What's it like, flying through the sky?" Yuki asked Kureno who was sitting at the back of the bus, away from them, by the way.
" Do not speak to the Lone Chicken unless you are SPOKEN to!" Kureno yelled at them creepily, then turned around and pressed his face against the window for no reason.
" You can ask ME! I know what it's like to fly! Many times Yuki has granted me the wonderful sensation while I was a snake! Oh, what a kind and thoughtful gesture of my little brother!" Ayame chuckled like Kureno.
" I was trying to fling you off into a place so far away that you could never slither back." Yuki replied dryly.
" One time, Haa-san turned into a REAL dragon, and we all soared into the clouds…" Shigure added, since he didn't want to be left out of the conversation.
" No I didn't." Hatori said.
" How come you CAN'T turn into a dragon, Hatori?" Shigure said suddenly in an angry voice, as if Hatori were always keeping it from everyone.
Hatori stared at Shigure. " I don't KNOW." He said in a mildy offended voice.
" Maybe you have an ULTIMATE form, just like Kyo-kun and it's a REAL dragon." Kagura said thoughtfully.
" I'm not sure." Hatori said.
" Well, you better hope for YOUR sake. I would hate to have to go through my whole life as a seahorse. I mean… you wake up in the morning. You're the seahorse. You have lunch. You're the seahorse. You go to sleep. You're STILL the seahorse." Shigure shook his head. " That would be veeeeeeeeeeery boring."
" Seahorses are very cute!" Tohru said randomly in an attempt to bring a positive light to seahorses but it didn't work.
" Oh, SURE, they're cute. All of the animals in the Jyuunishi are CUTE." Shigure scoffed like Carson.
" I don't think the cow is cute. I just can't find it in myself to think a cow is cute." Ayame said thoughtfully.
" I think the cow is very cute! And it's also helpful when you need to go for a ride!" Tohru said. But it's not like anyone would actually ride around on a cow. If you did, then you would be made MOCKERY of. Or ignored. Maybe both.
" SPEAKING of cows… Can we go to Mcdonalds?" Momiji asked randomly.
" NO!" Yelled everyone, because we've ALREADY gone to Mcdonalds in this story! And you want us to do it TWICE? YOU ARE SAYING INSOLENCE TO ME! THAT IS INSOLENCE!
" Speaking of speaking of cows…" Ayame said like an idiot, " Where's our boy Haru?"
Everyone waited the five minutes it usually took for Haru to say, " Here," but… HE NEVER SAID IT! Everyone looked around the Zoom-Zoom bus frantically for that crazy old Cow! Actually, only Hatori did. HA!
" Haru? Where's Haru?" Hatori called, fearing the worst.
" Maybe he didn't get on the bus." Shigure said innocently, waving his little fan that appears from nowhere.
" Why would he do that? Hey… where's RITSU?" Hatori realized all of a sudden, and took several deep breaths to try and calm himself down but it didn't work because he's wearing shorts, broke, AND Haru is missing!
" Alright," Hatori said sternly, turning around. " Who were Haru and Ritsu's buddies?"
" I was Haru's buddy!" Momiji exclaimed. No one was Ritsu's buddy.
" Momiji, when did you see Haru last?" Hatori asked Momiji slowly and sort of creepily.
" When Shii-chan left him behind to eat our dust." Momiji replied brightly.
Hatori turned around to Shigure, who had spread out the little fan to obscure his face.
" Shigure?" He asked dangerously.
" Nobody's home." Shigure replied from behind the fan.
" Why did you leave Haru behind on purpose?" Hatori asked, grabbing the fan and flinging it onto the floor like a common hooligan.
" Because… because…" Shigure said lamely, then decided to use a common strategy and burst into tears. " Because he hurt my feeeeeeeeeeelings, Haa-san! Just looking at him made me feel so bad! You don't want me to have to feel that way? Do you? Do you?"
" I'm so sorry!" Tohru cried, bursting into sympathetic tears. " You were dealing with this pain the whole time and I couldn't do anything to help you!"
Then Momiji started to cry because Tohru was crying. " I want to see Haru!" He cried.
" Pico-Pico-san… can you please turn this bus around?" Hatori asked Pico-Pico in a strained voice as he tried to ignore all the people that were crying around him. " We have to go back."
" Where?" Pico-Pico asked, and suddenly Hatori realized that they hadn't even TOLD Pico-Pico where they wanted to go in the first place and that he had been driving them around in circles crazily around the town.
" We accidently left one of our number behind, and we need to go back and get him." Hatori replied slowly. " And after we pick him up, we need you to take us to The Crazy Gringo Hotel."
" Your story touches Pico-Pico very much, sir!" Pico-Pico sobbed because the story had randomly touched him even though it wasn't that touching. He took his hands off the steering wheel to show that the puppets were crying too. " It touches his puppets as well! Of course, I will do anything you ask sir-"
" DRIVE, PICO-PICO, DRIVE!" Everyone screamed at him.
" Oh-kay!" Pico-Pico chuckled like Kureno and resumed driving just in time to miss a bunch of little kidnergartners he was about to mow over, but it didn't matter because all of them exploded anyway except for one boy whose name was Franklin. He's a turtle.
" Pico-Pico will go back to where he picked you up now, sir. And then he will take you to the Crazy Gringo Hotel. FREE OF CHARGE!" Pico-Pico cheered.
" YAAAAY!" Everyone hooted.
" But… we've already paid you." Yuki pointed out.
" Oh well!" Pico-Pico laughed. Oh, you crazy Pico-Pico.
Then Pico-Pico put the pedal to the medal and went into… WAAAAIT for it… HIGH GEAR! As he zoomed down the road back to the remains of the North Dakotan State Fair, everyone held onto their seats to keep from being thrown off that crazy Zoom Zoom Bus. Do you know how fast the Zoom Zoom bus is? Well… it's like… WHAM! there's this bus… with all this STUFF. And then, just as you think it can't get any faster… WHAM! there's another car… with all this STUFF! My WORD!
Meanwhile, Haru was standing there on the curb like a patient fool. They'll be coming aaaaany second now. Haru told himself calmly, and thought about things that made him happy.
And just as he thought that, like an ironic literary device, the Zoom Zoom Bus came zooming up. But Haru wasn't happy. Why? It skid past one of those pesky puddles that are always right next to the curb, and water splashed all over him.
" Now I'm wet." Haru said after ten minutes. Yes, he was on the bus.
" Sorry about leaving you Haru." Shigure said as if it were an innocent mistake. But don't worry. WE know the truth.
" Why didn't you YELL, Haru? So we'd come and get you!" Rin demanded angrily.
"…huh?" Said Haru, since he hadn't been listening.
" I STILL feel like we're forgetting something…" Hatori frowned to himself. Of course, it was the fact that he had left his watch in the restroom earlier. What? OH! You're thinking about Ritsu.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
" Okay guys! Pico-Pico will now take you to your next destination." Pico-Pico let everyone know, and then WHAM! Just when you thought it couldn't any crazier… there was this… STORY about all this… STUFF. And it was called… SHOOPUF BASKET!
Sorry. It's just that I love to make fun of that commerical. Oh please, understand, oh gomen nasai.
" Haru… you smell like wet leather." Rin said angrily, since Haru was sitting next to her, and pushed him out of the seat. He then stumbled into Kyo.
" DON'T GET NEAR RATKILLER!" Kyo yelled, FAR too overprotectively, and shoved Haru all the way into the back of the bus. Haru endured all this with a calm expression.
" Now, now… let's not be mean to the Haru." Shigure said, shaking his finger back and forth. You see, he's already over his grudge with Haru now that he got his sweet, sweet revenge. At that moment, his cell phone beeped.
Where is his cell phone? In his cell phone carrier, of course! Where does he keep the carrier? Well… there's some places, unfortunately, we just can't take you.
" Since when did you have a cell phone?" Hatori asked.
" Since couples talk FREE!" Shigure yelled. " BOO-YAH!" Then he and Ayame gave each other a big high-five.
" Now let's see… I have EIGHTEEN voice messages…" Shigure murmured to himself. " All from the SAME caller. I WONDER who it could be?" Then he pressed play.
" Um, Sensei… I was wondering about the manuscript… well, anyway, just give me a call back." Came Mitchan's calm voice.
The second one had her sounding a little bit more urgent. By the time they got to number eighteen it sounded like this;
" GOODBYE WORLD! I CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE! I JUST CAN'T! THE MANUSCRIPT IS DUE IN TWO DAYS AND I DON'T HAVE A SINGLE PAGE OF IT FROM YOU, SENSEI! WHY, SENSEI? WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO MITCHAN? WHY? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!"
" Oops." Said Shigure.
" Why do you have to torture that poor woman so much? Why don't you just call back and tell her everything is going to be okay, and you'll have the manuscript ready for her when you get back?" Hatori sighed.
" Um… actually… I haven't." Shigure admitted. " I completely forgot about the manuscript."
" What?" Hatori blinked. " You haven't finished it?"
" I haven't started it, more persay…" Shigure said, stroking his chin sagely. " Wow. Now I have a two hundred page novel due in two days and I haven't written a single word."
Now, ANYONE but Shigure would probably be jumping up and down and screaming and pulling their hair out at this point. But that's anyone BUT Shigure. Everyone stared at him as he just sat there with an unfazed look.
" Um, Shigure? How are you possibly going to finish it?" Yuki asked.
" Why, don't you worry Yuki-Pukey. Your old uncle Shigure has everything AAAALL figured out." Shiugre chuckled like Kureno.
" For that woman's sake, I hope so." Hatori said grimly. Hey! You know what? Why does Hatori even CARE about Mitchan so much? Do you think he's in love with her? You know what! I bet he is! YEAH! THAT'S IT! THAT'S DEFINITELY IT!
YEAH! BOY! AM I RUNNING OUT OF LOGICAL THINGS TO WRITE ABOUT OR WHAT?!
" Pico-Pico has arrived at the designated designation!" Pico-Pico shouted.
" Finally." Hatori sighed. " Now we can all get out, get our stuff, and then leave this terrible vacation behind us."
" Um… Tori-san." Ayame said, tugging Hatori's sleeve.
" Not now Ayame." Hatori said.
" BUT TORI-SAN-" Ayame shouted.
" NOT… NOW…" Hatori said in a Terminator sort of voice and Ayame decided not to point out what he saw outside in the window. Everyone piled into a line like little ducklings behind Hatori and followed him off the bus. Shigure was walking and typing on his little laptop that came from the same place everything he does. Yes. He is multi-talented. He can WALK and TYPE at the same time! Why, I can barely walk, much less do it while I type!
" I hope to see you someday again! Until then… Pico-Pico bids you adieu! And his puppets too!" Pico-Pico added, wiping a tear away from his eye with one of his sock puppets.
" LITTLE WASHUUUUUU!" One of the little puppets said.
" DRIVE AWAY, PICO-PICO, DRIVE AWAY!" Everyone screamed at him. And so he did. " ZOOM ZOOM ZOOM! YEAH, YEAH, YEAH! AH NA HEY HEY!" The music played but there was abruptly an explosion because no one ever thought about Pico Pico or his stupid puppets ever again.
" Well…" Hatori said in a triumphant voice as if he never expected them actually to get back to the hotel, " Now we can… pack…up…" His voice trailed off as he stared at the pile of rubble that once was The Crazy Gringo Hotel.
" That's what I was TRYING to tell you, but nobody listens to AYAME." Ayame clucked in a disgusted voice.
" OH NO! ALL OUR STUFF!" All of the crazy teenagers cried and started running around in circles. Then they all realized they didn't have any stuff and calmed down.
" NOOOOO!" Kureno screamed, falling to his knees. " All of my brillant schemes… all my carefully drawn blueprints! GONE FOREVER! GONE FOREVER!"
" I'm sorry about your plans to kill us, Kureno. I myself, have just lost my favorite red toothbrush." Ayame said, patting Kureno on the head.
" Hey! Me too!" Shigure gasped. " I don't have a toothbrush anymore!"
" ME EITHER!" Momiji screamed and started to hypervenilate. Everyone started to panic and run around in circles again.
" Everyone calm down!" Hatori yelled because his head was hurting. " They're just TOOTHBRUSHES."
" Just because you don't brush your teeth, Hatori, doesn't mean you can make light of our peril." Shigure told Hatori in an offended voice.
" I do too brush my-"
" Zip it. No. Zip it. Zip it good. www. " Shigure said everytime Hatori tried to say something in his own defense.
" What's wit all da RACKET!" That Crazy Gringo yelled, shuffling out, still wearing Hatori's pants that completely swallowed up his legs.
" HEY YOU! CRAZY GRINGO!" Everyone yelled.
" Why is everything all blown up?" Yuki asked.
" Well, DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH…" That Crazy Gringo said for a really long time, and then had to stop and take a couple of breaths. " This story is almost over, capeesh? When the story starts to end, certain steps have to be taken. For one thing, you can't stay at this hotel anymore."
" So… you blow it up?" Hatori asked in a very dangerous voice. " You blow it up so all of our things like, oh… say… our clothing and hygenic products are buried in the rubble forever?"
" Uh-huh." That Crazy Gringo said.
" What about our car?" Shigure asked. " I don't see that anywhere and we need it to get home."
" I sold that on E-bay." That Crazy Gringo shrugged. " But don't worry. I got you an even better car so that you can get home okay."
Everyone waited for the even BETTER car to come, but unfortunately, only an even WORSE car came. It was one of those stupid cars that's shaped like a box with blue stripes on it that only three people can fit in properly. And perhaps a gerbil. But not a goldfish.
" So you're just leaving us broke, without any of our belongings, and with a horrible mode of transportation?" Hatori demanded of the pant-stealing Gringo.
" Oh yeah. Here. Everyone get's a peppermint, complimentary of the hotel." That Crazy Gringo said and passed one out ot everyone. Yuki stared and wished that it was CHEESE instead of peppermint but of course that would never happen. Ew… cheesy peppermint…
" And now… I'm off." That Crazy Gringo said as a helicopter came out of nowhere, and the theme from The Apprentince started to play as he walked towards the helicopter like Donald Trump. Then it lifted off and carried him away and this is the last time you will see him in the SOHMA'S lifetime.
Everyone stared at the blue box car blankly.
" SHOTGUN!" Kureno shouted.
" Darn…" Haru sighed, and snapped his fingers.
" That's no fair! Women should go first!" Kagura protested.
" NO… CHICKENS should go first." Kureno chuckled foolishly.
" Nobody is going first. Obviously, not all of us will be able to fit in this car." Hatori corrected them.
" Maybe it's like one of those CLOWN cars. It looks small, but you can fit like… A HUNDRED CLOWNS inside!" Momiji enthused hopefully.
" I don't know… Shigure?" Hatori asked, since he's at the end of his rope, and Shigure is the second smartest person there.
But all Shigure did was hold up a cardboard sign that said ZIP IT, because he was busily typing away at his manuscript. Hatori sighed, and turned to Ayame. No, Ayame isn't the THIRD smartest person there. He's more like… EIGHTH. But he's a member of the Mabudachi Trio.
" I think we should see if it's a clown car like Tohru said." Ayame shrugged.
" But you don't have to follow my humble opinion!" Tohru exclaimed even though she HADN'T said that it was a clown car. ARGH!
Well… to save a lot of time, and the reader's waning patience, it WAS a clown car. Well, it was a car that had an unfoldable back so that more people could get in. No, I don't know if those REALLY exist. Anyway, there was room for everyone, but only two seats with seatbelts. Everyone else would have to bounce around haphazardly in the back.
" Well… I'm the one driving." Hatori said. DUH.
" I called Shotgun! I called Shotgun!" Kureno declared.
" But I'm the one WRITING! I have to have STABLENESS!" Shigure whined.
" WHAT ABOUT RATKILLER?!" Kyo yelled at the top of his lungs and everyone stared at him.
" Ratkiller has to sit in the front." Kyo said now that he had everyone's attention.
" But Kyo… he's a goldfish." Hatori pointed out.
" I don't care. Either Ratkiller sits in the front seat, or I turn into my TRUE form." Kyo said with his arms crossed.
Well, since Kyo's true form REALLY smells bad, that crazy goldfish got to sit in the front seat. Everyone else looked despondently at the crazy cramped space they would all have to pile into.
" Well…" Said Hatori. " I have a good idea on how to make riding in the back a little bit more bearable."
" TELL US HATORI!" Everyone pleaded.
"… Everyone who turns into a small animals can hug Honda-kun, therefore making them into small animals that won't take up space. Discounting the girls of course." Hatori added.
" WHAT?! BUT WE DON'T WANNA!" Everyone with an embarassing Jyuunichi form shouted. In other words, Hiro and Ritsu. Oh… well, then no one shouted. Hatori would shout but he's getting to drive.
" It's the LEAST I could do for you!" Tohru exclaimed.
" But I can't write when I'm a dog!" Shigure whined, pointing out the obvious.
" But you're one of the bigger people here." Hatori sighed.
" Are you calling me FAT?!" Shigure gasped, drawing himself up in a huff.
" I don't mind." Said Haru. He held out his arms towards Tohru. " Go ahead."
" Haru, you'll turn into a cow. You're not one of the people I had in mind for this idea." Hatori told Haru sternly.
" Oh yeah? Well you're plankton. I think Tohru should hug YOU." Haru replied cooly.
" I have to drive. And no more arguing. Everyone but me, Haru, and Momiji gets a hug."
" What? I wanna hug from Tohru!" Momiji whined.
" Momiji, you're already small." Hatori pointed out.
" Man! I wish I was big!" Momiji wished but of course his wish didn't come true.
" The Lone Chicken will not be hugged by the likes of YOU." Kureno said proudly, and snapped his fingers back and forth at Tohru in a dissing sort of way, then strutted into the back part of the car.
" Okay! I respect your feelings!" Tohru exclaimed foolishly. Then she gave Yuki, Ayame, Shigure and Kyo a BIG hug! She didn't hug Kagura or Rin. Don't even make me tell you why. Of course, if you DON'T know why, that means you've never even REALLY seen Fruits Basket and you just like to read random fanfics. And that's just IMPOSHIBIBBLE!
" I am a snake." Ayame stated obviously. He then slithered into the back part, followed by Shigure who was carrying his labtop in his mouth. Yuki and Kyo followed, glaring at each other all the way! Tohru, Kagura, Rin, Momiji, Kureno and Haru followed them. It was still sort of cramped, but just imagine how cramped it would be if those four WEREN'T animals!
" Alright, then. Let's go." Hatori said, and turned the key and kicked into… waaaaait for it… LOW GEAR! Because Hatori doesn't drive in high gear. He drove contently along. He was so… GLAD. Now they were headed home. FINALLY.
" Maybe I can write as a dog." Shigure thought outloud, and tried to push his paw down on the letter 'H'. Hngmujh appeared on the screen. " Nope." Said Shigure.
" I could write for you, if you just told me what you wanted to say." Momiji said.
" No, Momitchi, I'm afraid what I write is not for young, impressionable ears." Shigure said proudly.
" Why? I wanna read!" Momiji exclaimed, and he and Haru grabbed Shigure's labtop and started skimming through the word document.
" No! Give that back!" Shigure barked.
" What are YOU going to do? You're just a dog. Hey, let's go on Quizilla. He has the internet." Haru said, because who doesn't love taking those CRAZY quizzes?
" Haa-san, they took my labtop!" Shigure whined.
" Tough luck." Hatori said, ignoring him. So Shigure whined pitifully, but it didn't work, so he curled up with his tail hung low.
" I'm hungry." Kyo said randomly.
" Well, there's a nice juicy goldfish right in the front seat." Ayame said in a tired voice, as if he had to tell Kyo EVERYTHING.
" WHAT?! ARE YOU SUGGESTING I WOULD EAT RATKILLER JUST BECAUSE I'M THE CAT?! WELL, I WOULDN'T! YOU HEAR THAT, YOU STUPID BASTARD!" The Kyo cat called desprately at the front seat. " Don't worry Ratkiller! I'd NEVER eat you!"
" Okay. Then eat Yuki." Ayame said.
" NII-SAN!" Yuki the rat exclaimed.
" Just kidding." Ayame chuckled like Kureno. " Although I always wondered if he could really do that."
" I would never eat Yuki. I'd probably get poisioned from his nastiness and die too." Kyo scoffed, but not like Carson, that's too disturbing to think about.
" You couldn't eat me if you TRIED." Yuki scoffed like Carson.
" What a strange conversation." Shigure observed.
" Hey look! I'm Peregrin Took and his Simpleminded Idiocy! Which secret LOTR personality problem are YOU, Haru?" Momiji exclaimed, as they were taking those crazy Quizilla tests on Shigure's labtop.
"… Meriadoc Brandybuck and his Insatiable Bloodthirst." Haru replied after a few seconds.
" I could TOO! Not only that, but in the forms we are in now, I could kick your ass!" Kyo snapped, bristling in anger.
" Could not."
" Could too!"
" Baka neko."
" KUSO NEZUMI! THIS IS THE DAY I BEAT YOU!" Kyo yelled, raising one claw and swiping it down at Yuki.
Just before the claws hit him, the Yuki rat leapt up into the air, a matrix camera rotation occurred, and kicked Kyo in the throat. Kyo went flying into Kagura.
" KYO-KUN! ARE YOU OKAY?! Let me comfort you." Kagura said, glomping Kyo.
" Oro?" Kyo said with swirly eyes.
Then Yuki landed perfectly on the floor, and it would have been the coolest thing ever but he was just a rat.
" This quiz is making me hungry!" Momiji whined as they took a quiz on what sort of Cheese were they. (Haru was MUNSTER!) " Can we get something to eat?"
" Me too." Said Haru.
" You can have something to eat when we get home." Hatori said, in denial that they were ever getting out of the car again until they got home.
" But that'll take FOREVER!" Momiji cried.
" HEY! I didn't know you were going to starve us until we got back to Japan! Now I want to get something to eat!" Shigure exclaimed in an offended tone.
" Me too! I am very hungry! I feel my body growing weak! I can't feel my arms or legs!" Ayame cried, slithering around in circles.
" WE'RE HUNGRY, HATORI!" Everyone who was hungry whined.
" Don't…you want to just… wait…until we get… home?" Hatori said in a very desperate voice.
" NO!" Everyone shouted.
Hatori sadly gave in, and looked around for somewhere to eat. He then saw IHOP. Hooray! Everyone loves IHOP! So he pulled in to the parking lot, and then turned around to look at everyone.
" Okay." He said. " We'll eat here. But Shigure and Ayame, you have to pay because I have no money to my name anymore."
" FINE." Ayame and Shigure sighed.
" And we'll have to wait for you four to turn back into your original forms. So everyone get out while we wait for them to transform back." Hatori said, and everyone got out except for Ayame, Shigure, Kyo and Yuki.
" What is IHOP?" Momiji asked since he's a poor, unenlightened Japanese child.
" It's a resturaunt." Hatori replied.
" Do we have to hop?" Haru asked.
" No." Hatori said.
" Good." Said Haru. " I don't like to hop."
Finally, everyone turned back into a human and put their clothes on and hopped out of the car. Then all of the Sohmas and Tohru started walking towards IHOP.
" I will NOT go." Kureno stated randomly and everyone turned around to stare at him. " The Lone Chicken will have nothing to do with ANY IHOP. Instead, I will stay here and guard the car."
" Whatever, Kureno." Everyone said and continued on their way.
" Flunky! Aren't you going to stay with me?" Kureno called.
" No." Said Kyo.
The IHOP was very deserted except for a random trucker named Trucker Bill who walked out soon after the Sohmas arrived and then exploded, leaving his poor truck truckerless. Even though this doesn't happen in real life, a lady in the front told everyone ' Welcome to IHOP' and gave everyone a sheet with the Specials on it so they wouldn't have to ask about it later.
" The tables only sit four. We'll have to split up." Hatori said.
" NOOOOOOOO!" Ayame and Shigure yelled dramatically.
" What? It's not like you two have to split up." Hatori said.
" We know. We just like to be a funny contrast to you and your boring melodramatic common sense." Shigure said.
" …" Said Hatori, and now they all decided where they would sit.
Table 1
Hatori Shigure
Ayame
Table 2
YukiKyo
TohruHaru
Table 3
RinKagura
Momiji
Yes, it is safe to assume you won't be hearing a lot out of Table 3. Also, these are those crazy BOOTH tables, not the square ones. It's rectangular. OKAY! RECTANGULAR!
With that said, HAJIMEMASHTA! DA-HUCK!
HOOONK!
" Here's your menus. Can I get you gentlemen any refreshments?" Asked Sue the exploding waitress.
" You must wait paitently, while I go through every drink and the possibility of drinking it, and then I will tell you what drink I desire." Ayame said very slowly, as if Sue would not understand if he didn't go slow.
" Okay." Said Sue.
" I'll take a coffee, please." Hatori said politely, taking his and Ayame's menu from her.
" GASP! Hatori, that's what I was going to get! You copied me! Now I have to get something else." Shigure sighed, taking his menu and putting it in front of the labtop in front of him.
" No you don't." Hatori started to say.
" Zip it. Now… Sue-kun, was it? What would be your personal reccomendation?" Shigure said in a very sexy voice.
" Orange Juice!" Sue exclaimed, because she has no brain, and didn't even notice Shigure flirting with her.
" Orange Juice it is." Shigure said. Then they all waited another ten minutes for Ayame to make up his mind.
" I will have… tea. But it must be the most perfect tea you have ever made in your life. It must be brewed from your finest tea leaves, and mixed with just the right amount of sugar. And it must not be too sweet, but it must not be bitter. And you must not brew it with a spoon. You must brew it with a perfectly round wooden brewing stick. And it must have a lemon attached to the rim that will not ruin it. And it must be the most beautiful lemon in the world…"
" Okay." Said Sue and walked off.
"… and there must not be too much ice, but not no ice at all. The ice must not melt until I am ready for it to melt…" Ayame was still saying.
" She's gone, Aya." Shigure pointed out.
" How rude! When she comes back, I shall complain." Ayame said in an offended manner.
Hatori hid his head behind the menu and sighed deeply.
HOOONK!
" Here's your menus. Can I get you kids any refreshments?" Asked Sue the exploding waitress.
I hope there's CHEESE listed here somewhere. Yuki thought, looking through the menu. " Um… yes. Just let me think really quick."
" I would like strawberry juice, please." Tohru said because she LOVES strawberries.
" I'm sorry. We don't have strawberry juice." Sue said.
" Okay. Then I'll just have water." Tohru said happily.
" Soda." Said Kyo. " PLEASE!" He exclaimed randomly, because he had almost forgotten to say it.
" What kind of soda?" Sue asked.
" Uh…uh…" Kyo said, getting very self-concious and under stress. This is why you could never take Kyo on a date to a resturaunt. " Uh… SPRITE! NO WAIT! UH, YEAH SPRITE! SPRITE! SPRIIIIIIIITE!" He yelled, standing up with a triumphant look. " AND I DON'T CARE WHAT ANYONE ELSE THINKS!"
" We don't have sprite. We have seven up." Sue said.
" Okay." Said Kyo quietly, and sat down turning very red.
" I will have tea please." Yuki said politely. Kyo glared at him. " What do you want, Haru?" Yuki asked Haru.
" Huh?" Said Haru who hadn't been paying attention.
" What kind of drink do you want?" Yuki asked again patiently.
" Oh… Hm…" Haru said and went into deep thought and everyone waited ten minutes for him to decide.
" Water." Haru said finally.
" WATER?! YOU WASTE ALL THAT TIME FOR WATER! YOU'RE SO STUPID!" Kyo screamed at Haru who just ignored him and started looking through the menu.
" Okay." Said Sue and walked off.
HOOONK!
" Here's your menus. Can I get you girls any refreshments?" Asked Sue the exploding waitress.
" Orange Juice!" Kagura said.
" Coffee. And make it STRONG." Rin said.
" Milk, please!" said Momiji.
" Okay." Said Sue and walked off.
HOOONK!
" What is taking so long?! How disgraceful!" Ayame clucked.
" Ayame, you asked for the most ridiculously, painstakingly made tea ever." Hatori pointed out.
" Well, EXCUUUUSE me. I think you should be just a little bit more grateful, Tori-san, as I am paying for YOUR food." Ayame said proudly.
" But I didn't even want to eat…" Hatori started to say.
" That's okay, Tori-san. You know I would do anything for you. Please choose any item on the menu and I will get it for you without any hesitation!" Ayame said, patting Hatori on the back. " And on that note…" He got up and yelled across the room. " ALL OF YOU CHILDREN WHO I AM BUYING FOOD FOR, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO CHOOSE ANY ITEM UNDER TWO DOLLARS!"
" TWO DOLLARS?!" Kyo screamed from the other table.
" I don't know what to choose…" Shigure said, stroking his chin.
" May I choose for you?" Ayame asked hopefully.
" Sure." Said Shigure and handed over the menu.
" It all looks pretty good. But I think I'll get-" Hatori started to say, but then Ayame grabbed his menu too.
" I will choose for you too, Tori-san! You two be grateful for my diligent planning!" Ayame exclaimed and then was very quiet as he started to map out what the Mabudachi Trio would eat at IHOP.
Hatori sighed and looked over at Shigure who was typing. " So what are you writing about?"
" HEE-MEET-SUU." Shigure said just like Yuki in that episode.
" Well, what kind of story is it?" Hatori asked again curiously.
" BUTT OUT, HAA-SAN!" Shigure said in a very loud and overdramatic voice. " I am trying to write and you keep asking annoying questions! Can't you leave me alone and be QUIET for once in your life? GEEZ!"
Hatori sighed again, and proceeded to amuse himself by reading the backs of sugar packets.
HOOONK!
" This is so fun!" Tohru exclaimed.
" No it's not. I have to sit with Yuki AND Haru." Kyo said angrily.
" I'm fun to sit with." Haru said in an offended voice.
" No, you're not." Kyo replied.
" Minna-san, what do you think you'll get?" Tohru asked everyone happily.
" I don't know yet." Yuki lied as he stared obsessively at a picture of a cheese omelet and tried not to drool.
" Hm…" Said Haru.
" Kyo-kun, are you going to get fish?" Tohru asked.
" Idiot! This is a pancake resturant. Why would they have fish?" Kyo said angrily.
" Maybe they have fish pancakes!" Tohru exclaimed.
" Maybe they have LEEK pancakes." Yuki put in.
" They BETTER not!" Kyo yelled, as if he were going to blow the mother down if it DID.
" I like jam." Haru said finally.
" Me too. I wonder how you make jam?" Tohru said randomly.
" Hm… me too." Haru replied. " I wonder if they make it in a factory."
" That would be a very fun factory to work in!"
" I should work there."
" OH MY GOD! THIS IS THE STUPIDEST CONVERSATION WITH THE STUPIDEST PEOPLE AT THE STUPIDEST TABLE EVER!" Kyo yelled at the top of his lungs.
HOOONK!
Bladdy bladdy waddy
HOOONK!
" I'm back. Now have you decided on what to eat?" Sue the exploding waitress asked, having returned with the drinks.
" YES! Now listen very carefully now, because if a single thing goes wrong with this order, I will demand a full refund, or make you cook it again until you get it right. I want the most perfectly round pancake with a circumfrence of 8.2 and a radius of 4.1, with just enough syrup so it covers the pancake but doesn't fall off the pancake and get stuck on my fingers, so that my hair will get sticky if I touch it. The butter must come from the finest cow…"
" Why won't you tell me about your story?" Hatori asked, passing Shigure his drink.
Shigure ignored him, but took the drink.
" My friend will have hashbrowns. They must be just the right shade of brown, or else I am afraid they will have to be disposed of. They must be crispy on the outside but perfectly soft on the inside. It must easily melt in your mouth, but if it falls apart when he touches it, I will not accept it. The parsely that comes with it must look beautiful but also taste good if he decides to eat it…"
" Why won't you tell me?" Hatori demanded. " Is it dirty or something?"
" How dare you accuse me of writing something dirty, you bad, bad man!" Shigure gasped in a mock high pitch voice.
" Now my friend sitting next to me will have the eggs. The chicken that laid these eggs must have been a chicken with the purest white feathers, and the eggs that the yolk comes from must have been perfectly round and smooth with no spots on them, or strange bumps. The eggs must have been kept in a sealed carton, not one that was partially open at any time…"
" Wait… are you just not telling me to make me mad? Or is it really something you don't want me to know about?" Hatori asked suspicously.
" Sorry, Hatori can't talk now, gotta write." Shigure said quickly.
" Let me see that labtop." Hatori said, reaching over the table but Shigure scooted away so he couldn't reach him.
" Do you have all that written down? Also, the food must be delivered to us exactly ten minutes after it is made, otherwise it will be old and unfresh and not fit to eat anymore." Ayame finished.
" Okay." Said Sue and walked off.
" Tell me!" Hatori said.
" Yara!" Shigure said with happy eyes.
" Can I see?" Ayame asked and Shigure immediately showed him at an angle where Hatori couldn't see. Then they both started to snicker.
Hatori glared and went back to broodingly reading the sugar packets.
HOOONK!
" I'm back. Now have you decided on what to eat?" Sue the exploding waitress asked, having returned with the drinks.
" Yes. I will have the cheese omelet." Yuki said super fast, because he was afraid that if he didn't say it quickly, then the world would explode or something and he wouldn't get his cheese.
" Cheese omelet. Do you want that with EXTRA cheese?" Sue asked.
Yuki started to say DO I EVER?! But then he remembered everyone was around him and how silly he would look if he ordered extra cheese. So with all his strength he managed to say, " No."
" I would like the strawberry pancakes, please." Tohru said.
"…(bacon and eggs)" Kyo mumbled self-conciously.
" What?" Sue asked.
" Bacon and eggs." Kyo said quietly.
" WHAT?" Sue repeated.
" BACON AND EGGS!" Kyo screamed at the top of his lungs and stood up in his seat again.
" Sure. Do want them sunny side up?" Asked Sue
" Okay." Said Kyo, took his seven up from her and started sipping it in an embrassed way.
" And you, sir?" Sue asked Haru.
" I don't know… it's really hard to decide." Haru said slowly.
" You BETTER not make us wait ten minutes like last time!" Kyo threatened.
But this time, Haru made them wait THIRTY minutes. It was really horrible because Yuki was growing more nervous and nervous by the second, because he kept waiting for some sort of disaster to happen that would keep him from eating his omelet, and Kyo kept whining the whole time and Tohru kept saying, " That sounds good!" everytime Haru said something.
" Toast." Haru said finally.
" Just toast?" Sue asked.
" Just toast." Haru replied.
" How many pieces?"
" One."
" Okay." Said Sue and walked off.
" Toast? TOAST? ONE PIECE OF STUPID TOAST?! IT TOOK YOU THIRTY GODDAMN MINUTES TO DECIDE ON JUST A PIECE OF TOAST?!" Kyo screamed at Haru.
What sort of jam should I use on my toast? Haru thought contently, off in his own little world.
HOOONK!
" I'm back. Now have you decided on what to eat?" Sue the exploding waitress asked, having returned with the drinks.
" Pancakes! But they have to be shaped like a cat!" Kagura said.
" Pancakes for me too." Rin said sexily, but it was even more sexy because she was ordering sexy pancakes.
" I'll have pancakes, but can I have chocolate pieces that look like a smiley face?" Momiji asked.
" Okay." Said Sue.
" YAY!" Said Momiji.
" Okay." Said Sue and walked off.
HOOONK!
" If you guys don't let me read that, I'm going to be really mad." Hatori said.
" OOOH…" Ayame and Shigure said in an overdramatic voice.
" No, I'm serious. I'll never take you guys with me to Farmer's Market again." Hatori said seriously.
" WHAT? But we always got to Farmer's Market together, every year! It's a Mabudachi tradition!" Shigure exclaimed.
" Well, if you can't even show me the stupid story, I'll just have to break that tradition." Hatori said.
Ayame and Shigure looked at each other uncomfortably.
" And I won't give you any Christmas presents." Hatori decided spontaneously.
" But I LOVE your Christmas presents! You always spend so much time carefully picking them out and wrapping them, and you even have a card with a carefully written card with it, and all we give you in return is a Blockbuster giftcard!" Ayame cried.
" Well, tough cookies." Hatori said with a smirk, and sat back and knew he had won.
Shigure sighed. " Fine…" He said reluctantly and slid the labtop over to Hatori.
Hatori scrolled to the top of the page and began to read. " Once there was a young man named Henry…"
HOOONK!
" So… how do you guys feel about this vacation?" Haru asked everyone.
" Sucked." Yuki and Kyo said at the same time Tohru said, " LOVELY!"
" I don't think it was bad, but I don't think it was good. I liked it when I saw ' The Notebook.' I didn't like it when Kyo stole my umbrella." Haru said thoughtfully.
" Shut up about your stupid umbrella!" Kyo snapped.
" That umbrella was a Christmas present to me from Hatori-nii. He got it for me because he said he didn't want me to catch a cold in the rain anymore." Haru let Kyo know.
" Who CARES?" Kyo snapped, but now felt sort of bad about it because Hatori was the only Sohma who always got Kyo a Christmas Present too besides Kazuma.
" It's almost Christmas! I wonder what to get Uo-chan and Hana-chan…" Tohru said aloud. " I know they'll probably get me something wonderful, so I have to do my best!"
" I wonder what they'll give me." Haru said.
" Like they'll get YOU anything." Kyo said.
" Everyone should get me something." Haru said in a surprised voice.
" Well, I won't!" Kyo yelled.
" That's okay Kyo. I'll still get YOU something." Haru said kindly.
" ARGH!" Yelled Kyo.
You're a mean one… Mr. Kyo…
" DON'T SING THAT!"
HOOONK!
Heedy heedy HEEEE!
HOOONK!
" Here's your food. Enjoy." Sue the Exploding Waitress said and gave everyone their food.
" TOOK you long enough." Ayame said, but he was ignored. Sue handed Ayame his perfectly round pancake, Shigure his perfectly shaded hashbrowns, and Hatori his perfectly laid eggs. Shigure stared in amazement that the food had actually been cooked with such perfection.
" This food is… it is…" Ayame started to say, and then looked up at Sue. " TOO perfect. I am afraid you have made it so perfect that I can not even bear to look at it."
" Okay." Said Sue and walked off.
" It's okay Aya. I'll eat your pancake for you." Shigure told Ayame, and immediately been scarfing down Ayame's pancake and his own hasbrowns like a starved dog.
" Why aren't you eating, Tori-san?" Ayame asked in a wounded voice, since Hatori hadn't even looked at the eggs Ayame had ordered for him.
"… Shigure?" Hatori asked slowly.
" Nani?" Shigure replied with a mouth full of food.
" Did you base this book on me?" Hatori continued politely.
" My heavens, of course not! What could EVER make you think a thing like that?!" Shigure gasped overdramatically.
" ' Henry looked down at Kate, her form small and distant to him, even though she was close enough for him to feel her every breath. He cursed that he had been born with such a curse that caused him to shrink to the size of her thumb whenever he made love with her. She couldn't live with such memories in her heart.
' It's okay, Kate. I'm going to hit you with this shovel. Hopefully you'll go into a coma and forget all about me.' Henry told Kate.'"
Hatori quit reading and then stared at Shigure with a very angry expression.
" Hatori, I do not understand how you can think that story has anything even REMOTELY to do with you." Shigure scoffed.
" It has EVERYTHING to do with me! You just took my life and twisted it around- horribly, I might add. What gives you the right to sell out my own sorrow?!" Hatori exclaimed, banging one fist down on the table.
" Hatori. The person in the story's name is HENRY. Not HATORI." Ayame stated as if Hatori were the stupidest person in the world.
" DUUUUUH." Shigure added.
Hatori stared at Shigure, who was grinning evilly, and was filled with a sudden urge. He then picked up the labtop and ran out of the resturaunt.
" HEY! HATORI! WHERE ARE YOU GOING WITH MY LABTOP?!" Shigure yelled, running out after him.
" YOU TWO ARE SO UNGRATEFUL TO ME, LEAVING ME HERE ALL ALONE AFTER I WENT TO ALL THIS TROUBLE!" Ayame yelled after them, but then realized he was okay because he had a little mirror in his pocket and began to admire his own reflection.
HOOONK!
" Here's your food. Enjoy." Sue the Exploding Waitress said and gave everyone their food.
YES! YES! YES! Yuki screamed mentally, and took his omelet with trembling hands. He then placed it in front of him and stared at it obsessively.
" Oishi!" Tohru exclaimed, taking her pancakes.
" Here's yours, sweetie." Sue said and gave Haru a tiny plate with a slightly singed piece of toast on it. Haru looked down at it with a very surprised look, as if he had thought toast was something else, and definitely not what was being served to him.
" This is it?" Haru asked in a dissapointed voice.
" Yup." Sue said, placing Kyo's eggs in front of him. Haru looked enviously at Kyo's eggs.
" I wish I had gotten those." Haru said.
" Well, you DIDN'T." Kyo said moodily, digging his fork into an egg.
" Okay." Said Sue and walked off.
Everyone began to eat but Haru. Yuki ate the cheese omelet, savoring every morsel. I bet you can't imagine anything happier and cuter than happy little Yuki and his omelet right now. Tohru just LOVED her strawberry pancakes! Kyo was eating his eggs, but slowly because he's a slow eater. Haru stared down at his toast as if he hated it more than anything in the entire world.
" Kyo-kun! Are you enjoying your eggs?" Tohru asked foolishly.
" Huh? Oh… I guess…" Kyo said uneasily, looking up at her. When he looked down, the amount of eggs looked smaller. He frowned and continued to eat.
" Look! Hatori-san is running out of the resturaunt!" Tohru exclaimed as Hatori went rushing out of the resturaunt on his long, short-wearing legs.
" Where the hell is he going?!" Kyo grumbled, watching him run off. He looked down at his plate. Now even MORE of his food was missing. He looked at Yuki. Yuki was happily eating. He looked at Haru. Haru hadn't even touched his toast.
" Haru?! Are you eating my eggs?!" Kyo yelled.
Haru shook his head innocently.
" There goes Shigure-san too!" Tohru exclaimed, and Kyo turned to watch Shigure running and yelling like a fool. When he looked back, now he only had a LITTLE bit of eggs left.
" HARU!" He yelled. " STOP EATING MY EGGS!"
" Am not." Haru replied with his mouth full.
" YOU ARE TOO, YOU STUPID LITTLE PUNK!" Kyo screamed.
" What's that?" Haru said, pointing behind Kyo in the most excited way he could muster.
" What?" Kyo replied, falling for it like a fool. When he looked back, he had no more eggs left.
" HARU!!" Kyo screamed in agony. " ARGH!"
" Do you want my toast?" Haru asked.
HOOONK!
Bladdy BLADDY BLADDY!
HOOONK!
" HATORI!" Shigure yelled as Hatori ran through the woods. " GIVE IT BACK!"
Hatori didn't stop running until he came to a large cliff. He then stopped and stared at Shigure, who was running up to him. He gave Shigure an evil look.
" YOU wouldn't!" Shigure exclaimed, slowing down down to a jog.
Hatori wound up his arms in a pitching motion.
" NOOOOOOOO!" Shigure screamed dramatically and lunged as Hatori chucked Shigure's labtop off the cliff. He then watched it fall millions and millions of miles down until he couldn't even see anything but a tiny dot. And then the tiny dot dissapeared.
" YOU HORRIBLE BASTARD! HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME?!" Shigure cried, and took out his little fan and hit Hatori on the head with it. Hatori just smirked.
" That felt good." He said.
Just so you know, the labtop hit a raccoon named Tanuki-san on the head. Tanuki-san dragged the labtop back to his home and learned how to use it, became the smartest raccoon in the world, and wrote what would have been a best-selling novel, but then he exploded. So sorry.
OMAKE!
Wow… that took a LOOOONG time. Luckily, I got this just in time for Christmas for all of you. Hee. Christmas is my birthday you know. Be sure to remember that! RIGHT! Oh yes, and person, you didn't see Carl. That was a Carl minion disguised as Carl. How do I know? Because Carl is a wooper. And he doesn't wear shirts.
I forgot to say this last time, but oh well. Send questions to Kazuma next time! (Don't worry, it WILL come.)
Anyway, HAYLEY got a lot of questions! Let's answer them, Hayley! OKAY!
Rachey: Wait, do you like Hatori? Is that why you make fun of him so much? I love Haa-san! Hearts
Hayley: OF COURSE I LOVE HATORI! He and Ayame are tied for my favorite character! I'm a lot like both of them in separate ways. I make fun of him because I love him and you have to admit he's funniest when he's being tortured.
Did you know I used to live in Dallas, Texas?
Hayley: OH YEAH! DALLAS TEXAS! FULL OF CRIME! GO US!
And in Chapter 1, you wrote: "Like Ken being a detective", did you mean Hidaka Ken? Our very own ex-J-leaguer turned assasin? And why did I aske this 17 chapters later? A mystery... Like Rin...
Hayley: Uh… actually I meant Ken from Digimon. But what you said is COOLER! (thumbs up with the big cheesy Kenji grin)
Person:
Who's your favorite character of Fruits Basket and WHY?
Hayley: As I said earlier, a tie between Ayame and Hatori. They're both just so… fun. And I'm a mix of them both. I like to be alone, and don't ask for much from other people, but I am very proud, don't care what other people say about me, and I suppose you can guess from reading this fic, very STRANGE and LOUD.
What's your favorite pairing?
Hayley: Hm… Definitely Tohru and Kyo. Those two go together like… bread. I recently got into Yuki and Machi, though.
3. Do you like the Madubachi (I hope I spelled that right ;;) Trio?
Hayley: You did. And yes. I live for Mabudachi.
Bigfoot: NO QUESTIONS FOR BIGFOOT?! BIGFOOT SAD.
Hayley: Ah well. It's okay Foot-chan. So send questions for Kazuma next time. He's DA MAN! OI OI OI, YEAH YEAH, LET'S SING ABOUT KAZUMA! (hopes you've memorized that song by now)
Ja!