Chapter 19

Akito de Para-Para and The Most Intelligent Traveler in the World

Wow. We haven't heard from Akito, Kazuma, Kiba OR Brock in a long time. Don't worry. They didn't explode. In fact, they were stealthily transgressing through their own plotline as the OTHER plotline was going on. By the time I got around to writing this, they had ALREADY reached North Dakota, those sly…people…

" FINALLY! NORTH DAKOTA!" Akito cackled insanely. " We are here, Bird." He whispered to the little jewel.

" Uh… yeah… well, I'm busy right now, so can you find something else to do until I can get back to you? Chirp." Came the bird's voice from the crazy jewel thing.

" Fine…" Akito sighed. " Minion, find me something to do until the bird is ready to tell us of his plans."

" I am not your minion. Is anyone hungry?" Kazuma asked.

" If you are hungry, I WILL MAKE FOOD! IT'S MY ONLY PURPOSE IN LIFE, BESIDES BEING INFAUTATED WITH RANDOM WOMEN!" Brock exclaimed like a fool.

" We don't NEED food. We can live off the MOONLIGHT!" Kiba declared, even that was a lie. Believe me. I tried it.

" Kiba, it's daylight outside." Kazuma told Kiba.

" Oh." Said Kiba. " Well, in that case, I want a Happy Meal."

" Me too. I want to try my luck with this… 'Happy Meal' once more…" Akito said menacingly, rubbing his hands together.

" Why have a Happy Meal when I can make you BACON DOUBLE CHEESBURGERS?" Brock asked incredolously, unable to understand the stupidity of his own dub.

" Pineapple haired one! I desire not your disgusting rice balls!" Akito hissed.

" They're BACON DOUBLE CHEESBURGERS!" Brock protested.

" NO THEY'RE NOT!" Akito yelled, grabbing the onigiri that stuck to Brock's head earlier and started shaking it around. " IS THERE ANY CHEESE? NO! IS THERE ANY BACON? NO! IS THERE ANY BURGER? NO! THEREFORE IT IS NOT A DOUBLE BACON CHEESEBURGER!"

" Is it a donut?" Brock asked.

" NO! IT IS A RICEBALL!" Akito screamed.

Brock looked at Akito. Then he looked back at the riceball. Suddenly, he realized he had been living a lie all his dubbed life, and found himself unable to say anything in his own defense.

" Now… Happy Meal…" Akito said dangerously in his lispy japanese voice, pointing ahead at some random North Dakotan mall that had popped out of nowhere.

" Do we have to?" Kazuma sighed. " I would much rather head over to Colters Barbeque."

" NO!" Akito yelled.

" Okay!" Kazuma said like he always does, and drove over to the North Dakotan mall which we will call Ballyview. I know I said we couldn't go to Mcdonalds last time, but that was with the SOHMAS. This is with Akito. And I can't go against Akito's rule. Why? It is… the curse.

(sobs)

So, Kazuma drove up all nice and spiffy to the Ballyview mall. Everyone was amazed because they had never seen a mall before, then quickly got over it. Kazuma let everyone out of the car and they proceeded to the Food Court.

" Okay…" Said Kazuma as they were walking there. " Does EVERYONE want a Happy Meal?"

" YES!" Shouted Kiba and Akito. Brock said nothing. Don't worry. He's still depressed. There he was, thinking he was a master chef who could cook donuts and bacon double cheeseburgers out of RICE, but in reality he was only making riceballs…out of rice.

Kazuma chuckled like Kureno randomly.

" Why do you chuckle, minion?" Akito asked as if that were a crime.

" I'm not your minion. I was just remembering all the times I used to take …………KYO up to Mcdonalds and get him a Happy Meal. And he'd always end up getting the GIRL'S toy instead of the BOY'S toy. HAH HAH HAH!" Kazuma laughed as if it were the most hilarious thing in the world but nobody else shared his good cheer.

" It's close… Mcdonalds…" Kiba randomly said in a dramatic voice.

" Kiba, can you PLEASE stop that?" Kazuma sighed, angry because no one had laughed at Kyo with him, and taking it out on Kiba. " Everyone knows that's just one of the MANY reasons Wolf's Rain didn't measure up to the fan's expectations."

" We did too measure up to expectations. We have more people watching us than anyone watching YOUR show." Kiba scoffed like werewolf Carson.

" UM. That's because your show was on Cartoon Network which is just for a bunch of dub-loving weenies." Kazuma scoffed right BACK.

" WHAT'S WRONG WITH DUBS?!" Brock cried in his overdramatic dub voice.

" Cartoon Network isn't for weenies! What about… INUYASHA?" Kiba demanded.

AHAHAHAHAHAHA! AHAHAHAHAHA! AHAHAHAHAHA!

Everyone turned around to stare at Hayley strangely.

Sorry guys… it's just… AHAHAHAHA! INUYASHA! Hee-hee… (wipes away tear and suddenly looks very evil) Someday… the Inuyasha will die…

" Our show was wonderful." Kiba said once more.

" No, it wasn't. It was Weiss Kruss, only not. Even worse, it was Weiss Kruss with an intelligent plot, but NOBODY CARED!" Kazuma said in his best debating voice.

" QUIT HATING! HATER!" Kiba shouted.

" OH, GO LOOK FOR CHEZA, YOU RAKUEN OBSESSED IDIOT!" Kazuma shouted back.

" Cheza? Where?! Cheza…Cheza…Cheza…" Kiba repeated over and over looking all around.

" Here's the Food Court." Kazuma said because that's enough making fun of dub-loving weenies. " Is everyone SURE they want Mcdonalds?"

" YES!" Akito hissed impatiently.

" Well, I WANTED Colters." Kazuma said hopefully.

" No one cares what you want you dumb minion with alternatively blonde or silver hair. Now go get me my Happy Meal this VERY INSTANT!" Akito yelled and caused a lot of people to turn around and stare at him with googly eyes.

" I'm not your minion. Okay!" Kazuma said like he always does, and walked off to go get the Happy Meals. Akito found a table right next to a fountain that he wanted to sit in, and threw random potted plants at the small children that were sitting there. After they ran away screaming, he, Brock, and Kiba sat down and waited patiently for Kazuma. Okay. So not so patiently.

" My whole life… I thought I was a master chef. But I'm just an average ONIGIRI maker." Brock sighed. I believe he's having a midlife crisis, ya'll.

" Not only that, but your eyes are lines." Kiba pointed out not too helpfully.

" I know. They don't even have a COLOR. And all my Pokemon are ROCKS. And BORING rocks at that. In fact, I'm so pathetic I have a Pokemon whose name is a pun on PINECONE." Brock sighed again.

" That's pretty bad." Everyone in the Food Court agreed.

" Well, at least you don't have to be the master of TWELVE beautiful people who obey your every command, not to mention a FEISTY but still very hot demon cat. NO ONE APPRECIATES MY PAIN!" Akito shouted.

I wish I were Akito… I think it's time to sing again.

OI, OI, OI, YEAH, YEAH, I WISH I WERE AKITO!

I wish I were Akito,

And I'd be insane.

I wish I were Akito,

And I'd cause the Sohmas PAIN!

If I were Akito,

Everyday would be full of HATE,

And I'd be hiding something shocking,

Unless you've read chapter NINETY-EIGHT!

I'd throw a vase at Hatori,

And tell him he's cold as snow,

I'd grope and fondle Haru,

And throw Rin out a WIN-DOW!

Oh, if only, only, only,

I had my little Jyuunichi,

MY KINGDOM FOR AKITO,

MY KINGDOM FOR AKITO!

Aki, aki, poisonous Aki,

Aki, aki, my Mabudachi Aki!

…

" I'm back! Here's your chicken nuggets, Akito." Kazuma said, handing Akito a Happy Meal. I wonder if it's such a good idea to eat chicken nuggets when you are doing an evil BIRD'S bidding, but… oh well.

" Yes…!" Akito hissed like the spoiled brat he is, and went immediately to open his Happy Meal Toy. With help from his minions, he opened it only to find this time, he had gotten… a Mynci. The most neglected Neopet in the world.

" ARGH! THEY INSULT ME FURTHER!" Akito screamed, and flung the Mynci at Brock's head, where it took the place of the Onigiri and stuck there forever and ever.

" Here's your Happy Meals, Kiba and Brock. As for me, I got a Big Mac." Kazuma chuckled like Kureno and sat down as they all began to eat contently.

HAH HAH HAH DA-HUCK! Hee…MAC-donals…GET'S ME EVERY TIME! (slaps knee)

Once they were done eating, well, they didn't know WHAT to do! Hey, that kind of sounds like that rhyme about the little old lady and her boot. Anyway, they were wandering out like foolish wanderers, when suddenly, SOMETHING caught Akito's eye!

" What is that?" Akito demanded, pointing to a DDR machine, sounding interested.

" It's a DDR machine. It's a game." Kazuma said, since in his younger days they called him PARA-PARA Zuma-zan, the MASTER of DDR. Or at least… I think they did.

Akito watched two young furling boys play the game and admired how they could step on them little arras' so dangum fast! After the furling boys stepped off and exploded, Akito marched over to the DDR machine.

" I wish to DDR." Akito let everyone know.

" WHAT? YOU? AKITO?" Everyone in the world gasped.

" Yes." Said Akito. " Kazuma, bring your shiny metal coins over here and insert them so I may play."

" I don't know Akito… you're so SICKLY…" Kazuma frowned.

" SHUT UP! DON'T TELL ME WHAT I CAN'T DO!" Akito yelled like Locke on Lost and everyone was so moved by this that they decided to just LET Akito do that crazy old DDR. As Akito took a crazy stance at the center of the arrows, Kazuma put the coins in.

" RET'S DEE-DEE-AH!" Yelled the Crazy Japanese guy who I will love forever and ever, and someday I will find him and have his children.

" Yes… 'ret's…'" Akito said in a very lame way.

" PICK A MODE!" Yelled that crazy guy. Akito foolishly just reached out and punched a random box and it happened to be the HARDEST mode.

" Akito…" Kazuma said with a little sweatmark.

" SILENCE!" Akito said, and picked from the songs. Much to the Takeshi living inside of Brock's pleasure, he chose 'Mezase Pokemon Master Para-Para Remix by Yoko Ishida.'

And so the music began to play! Akito watched the arrows fly by the screen, but instead of at least TRYING to step on them, he just sort of watched… and watched…and watched… He watched as if he weren't even PLAYING, or as if he were trying to READ something. Finally, he took a deep breath, and stamped ONE foot down on the Up Arrow and got ONE 'Good!' Then with a look of satisfaction, he kept his foot there and savored the moment.

Meanwhile, he was missing about a MILLION other arrows. But apparently Akito was satisfied with just that one.

As Kazuma watched the green meter getting lower and lower, he just couldn't take it any longer. " AKITO, MOVE!" He yelled, and pushed Akito off the machine, and then started DDRING TO DA MAX! Even in those crazy wooden slippers! With barely twenty seconds left in the song, Kazuma quickly got all Perfects and the score of A. And this is a man wearing wooden sandals and a YUKATA!

" You really ARE Para-Para Zuma-san!" Everyone gasped.

" I did it too! Why are you all praising HIM?!" Akito yelled.

" You were losing!" Brock chuckled like Eric Stuart.

" QUALITY OVER QUANITY!" Akito shrieked and was about to go on a tirade, when suddenly his Akito-sense was tingling! Actually, the little necklace thing was glowing. Akito pressed the Up C button and the bird's voice came.

" Hey, guys, they're at IHOP. Get a move on and I'll meet you there!" The bird said urgently.

" GASP! The time has finally come for me to teach my precious Ark to try and go on vacation without ME!" Akito growled menacingly. " Come on, minions. We must get to IHOP as soon as possible."

" TEEN TITANS… GO!" Everyone yelled and ran out of Balleyview and it exploded. Then they got in the car and started driving.

…

OMAKE!

What? You're not ready for Omake? Well, it was sort of a short chapter… But there just wasn't anything else to say. Hmm, but what could I do to make you feel better?

Hey! I know! Today in my class, this kid brought a book called Shichuu no Uchuu! And in it was a story called, ' The Most Intelligent Traveler in the World.' Wanna hear it? Okay!

An intelligent tabibito was on a journey. The reason he was intelligent, see, was because he didn't trust anyone and was always looking out for himself, therefore he was never without anything.

On the journey, many people tried to trick him…

Lady: My little brother is sick! I need money for medicine!

Tabibito: NO HE'S NOT!

Lady: No, really, he is… see? (shows little boy coughing up a storm)

Tabibito: Aw, he's FAKING it! (marches off)

Lady: Oh, cruel tabibito!

Brother: This sucks. (dies)

Old Lady: Can I have your shoes, tabibito? I have to walk through the snow to get to my crops.

Tabibito: You already HAVE shoes!

Old Lady: Um… no I don't. (shows bare feet)

Tabibito: YOU'RE HIDING THEM!

Old Lady: …why would I do that?

Tabibito: I dunno. Why don't YOU tell ME?!

Old Lady: I'll pay you…

Tabibito: I already have a LOT of money. (marches out)

Old Lady: Oh, cruel tabibito!

And so, this Tabibito continued on, refusing to help anyone he came across. And everytime someone said, ' If you gave this to me, it would really help' he would say, ' Well SUCKS FOR YOU!'

Soon, everyone became so hostile towards the cruel tabibito that he wasn't having that much fun in the town anymore, and so he went into the forest all alone. There, he met the goblins.

" Oh, I'm so hungry!" The goblin cried.

" Sucks for you." The tabibito said.

" Can I have one of your arms?" The goblin asked as if that were a casual thing to ask.

" HELL NO!" The tabibito exclaimed.

" Oh come on, which arm do you write with? I won't take that one." The goblin whined.

" I'M AMBIDEXTROUS!" The tabibito shouted.

" Well… can I have your nose?"

" WHY?"

" Well, it's not a very NICE nose…" The Goblin admitted.

" You're trying to trick me just like everyone else! EAT LEAD!" The tabibito shouted and pulled out a shotgun and shot the goblin. Then he continued his way through the forest and shot anything that got close to him. And so, his life continued in much of the same way. As soon as anyone got within five feet of him, he chased them off to the point in which they would never come near him again.

The tabibito went through his life gaining many riches for himself. But he was never given anything by anyone else. When he died, he died like Elanor Rigby, but everyone was saved since he was, after all, such a cruel tabibito.

Which is the better way to live? The foolish tabibito or the intelligent tabibito? Would you rather be giving or hoarding everything away? It doesn't matter if you act nice or not. You can be an intelligent tabibito, and not be cruel. Most of us are.

There are very few foolish tabibito in the world. They are more rare than the spotted Frogwollop. Let's all try to take care of them, okay?

OMAKE!

Only two more chapters to go… AND CARL DIDN'T ANSWER ANY QUESTIONS! Oh, that stupid Wooper… just wait until I find you, Carl.

Yeah, everyone so sorry about dying. But the Mamoru found me and regurgiated life, so now I'm just DANDY! Naria, I wanna see your picture but the link in the review doesn't work and I must have accidently deleted your e-mail… can you send it to me again? (cheesy Kenji smile)

I want to write a Christmas Shoopuf Basket, but this will have to wait until after Shoo-ball. Just so you guys know, it WILL come in the future.

And now, questions for Kazuma. DA MAN! OI, OI, OI, YEAH, YEAH, LET'S ASK QUESTIONS TO KAZUMA!

But first a question for ME!

Person: Who IS this Machi person?

Hayley: Oh, that's my fault for talking about manga chapters only released in Japan. You won't be seeing her in America until probably late next year. Let's just say she's a love interest and she's a GREAT character.

Person: What was Kyo-kun like when he was younger? AND why do you have grey hair? Are you old or something?

Kazuma: ……………..KYO was a delightful, innocent child. And I only have grey hair in the Anime. In the manga it is blonde. I am not old. Well… compared to everyone else I am. Oh well! (chuckles like Kureno)

Rachey: So, Kazuma-san, I am such a big fan of you and your awesomeness! So, can I start a "Kazuma Is The Sexxorz fanclub"?

Kazuma: ( laugh that makes you feel all warm inside) Why, thank you. I don't really think I'm that deserving of such a club, but if you feel like it, go ahead? (smile)

Kyo: HEY! DON'T SAY STUFF LIKE THAT ABOUT SHISHOU! IT'S EMBARASSING!

Hayley: KYONKICHI! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!

Naria: Kazuma, the one who trains the Sohma, who trains them in the fields... and trains them in the plains...
Will you kill and eat Akito? Or at least feed him to Kiba, he must be VERY hungry, and you don't want an angry flowermaiden/North Dakota paradise obsessed wolfy to chew on your ankles, now would you? Do it...you know you want to...All work and no play makes Kazuma a... o.o ...a...uhm... Kazuma!

Kazuma: Actually… I would like to kill Kiba. (obsesses over his random hatred of Kiba)

OH OH OH!! Bigfoot!! I have a question just for you!! Where do you live? And can I visit you someday? I'll bring crumpets!

Bigfoot: BIGFOOT LIVE WITH SHISHOU NOW! YOU COME, BRING CRUMPETS, WE TALK!

Kyo: WHAT?! Only I can call Shishou, Shishou! AND YOU DO NOT LIVE WITH SHISHOU!

Bigfoot: YES DO, KITTY-BITTY.

Kazuma: Actually, ……………KYO, he does. I took him in because my Aunt Cindy was a Yeti, and we all used to make fun of her, and now I will repent.

Kyo: WHAT?!

Kazuma: Come, BIG…………….FOOT. Let's go home.

Bigfoot: OKAY.

Kyo: THIS IS SO STUPID!

Ahaha… Anyway, next time send questions to… BROCK! But not Takeshi! Ooh… if you send a question to TAKESHI… I'll have to do something I DON'T want to have to do…

Thanks for the imaginairy Christmas Presents, and everyone have a Merry Holiday! ON, DASHER! ON, BLITZEN! ON, VIXEN, THE SEXIEST REINDEER! NOW DASH AWAY, DASH AWAY, DASH AWAY ALL!

Ja!