Excuse the lateness, I did that thing again, where I wrote about a million and one different versions of this and I'm still not very happy. The shortness is explained below.

breathe

Interlude

I crawled out of the world

And you said I shouldn't stay

I crawled out of the world

Can I make it right?

Can I spend the night

Alone?

- Blue by Angie Hart and Joss Whedon

Buffy sat up in bed suddenly, clutching at her throat as she sucked in large gulping mouthfuls of air, the last vestiges of her nightmare blurring her vision and making her weep silent tears.

Just breathe Buffy

The panic, the desperation of the unknown as the darkness surrounded her, the deep hurt in the middle of her chest that made her want to claw and scream as her unused organs struggled back to life, her lungs straining at the effort, her heart feeling too large for her chest.

Just breathe

She remembered telling herself that after the first few moments of waking up in her grave, confused and frightened, it was the only thought she could cling to and the whole experience wasn't one she was eager relive. But, as it turned out, something must have broken inside of her the previous night, and her dreams had been filled with the deep darkness of her grave.

It wasn't supposed to be like this once she had finally faced her fears and told someone the truth. She was supposed to be all better now.

Wasn't she?

Throwing back the covers and picking up her dressing gown off of the floor with unsteady hands, Buffy made her way through the quiet house to begin her morning routine, starting with a cold splash of water to the face.

She stared at her dishevelled appearance in the mirror with an intensity she had lacked since her return, the water dripping down her neck to settle in the hollow of her collarbone.

Breathe

She took in every feature, every new freckle on her slightly upturned nose as she breathed slowly through her slightly parted lips.

Her mouth was different she suddenly realised.

Although she had stood in front of the mirror many times in the days after her resurrection, she had always focused on her eyes and the blankness that had served as her mask. It had been easy to disguise and veil emotions she wanted to keep from her friends by keeping her eyes free from expression, but it was her mouth that gave her away.

The last time she had stood in front of this mirror, excluding the perfunctory glances every now and then, had been just before the arrival of Oz's letter and she remembered her mouth being a thin, hard line then, reflecting the feelings of repressed longing and anger she was only now realising she had felt. What she was still feeling to an extent.

But as she wiped away the last of the dampness from her face with a hand towel, eyes still firmly on her reflection, she could see a softness to her mouth that she had thought was gone forever.

Yes, there was wariness from her troubled sleep, but there was also something youthful and less brittle, like she was more willing to smile than she had ever been.

Buffy shook her head derisively but smiled faintly nonetheless and finished up in the bathroom feeling a little silly for staring at her reflection for so long.

It looked like the girls had already gone to school which left her and Oz alone in the house again, if the soft snoring from below was any indication.

The sound made Buffy's smile widen as she paused at the top of the stairs. It was nice having someone else in the house when she woke up, the slight snoring noises not loud enough to be disturbing, but enough to let Buffy know Oz was still in a deep sleep.

.....Inhale.....

.....Exhale......

.....Inhale......

.....Exhale......

It was comforting.

Sitting down on the top step and tilting her head to the side so that it rested against the wall, Buffy closed her eyes and matched her breathing to wolf's as she wondered over the event of the night before.

.....Inhale.....

.....Exhale......

.....Inhale......

Buffy hadn't expected Oz would have been as good at fighting as he had been. She had made sure to keep an eye on him throughout the brawl which in the end, had been unnecessary as she remembered watching him punch a much larger vampire in the gut with enough power behind it to convince her that some of the wolf had come out in Oz during the conflict.

Had he learned to fight like that in the two years between the last time he had been in Sunnydale; the two years Buffy had noticed they had not spoken of, or maybe in the time he had been away with the monks learning those control techniques that weren't ever properly explained to her. Maybe he had always had those moves, Buffy just never taking the time to notice.

.....Inhale.....

.....Exhale......

Oz.

The wolf was a puzzle to her now that she had taken the time to notice.

He was so similar to the person she remembered from her years at Sunnydale High; not exactly quiet, but by no means a loudmouthed chatterbox, he still exuded that calm acceptance that he had always displayed, yet there was a wisdom, an oldness to his being that if possible, made his stillness even more... still.

He had listened to her patiently last night, without preconceptions or judgement, but at the same time had been avoiding the subject of his own experiences the past few years.

It made Buffy feel slightly uneasy at the imbalance of their relationship.

He now knew her deepest and darkest secret, yet she didn't even know what country he had been in for the past two years, let alone anything deep or dark.

.....Inhale.....

But she did know a lot more about him from their day together than she thought she ever would.

She knew he liked to drown his pancakes in maple syrup; to the point of decadence in fact, and could eat up to eight pancakes in the same fashion in one sitting.

For someone so lean in build, she didn't know where he put it all or how he could be so calm with that amount of sugar in him.

She knew he shared a secret love of hers for soap operas, and had spent the afternoon with him making fun of the over acting and dramatisations while occasionally shushing each other, loving every moment of said over acting and dramatisations.

Buffy even knew he owned a pair of boxers with little puppies on them, a pair he had tried to unsuccessfully hide amongst his other plain, less embarrassing underwear, as they folded his laundry together. He had later explained with a slight blush, that they had sentimental value; a present from his aunt Maureen, soon after she had told him of his cousin's lycanthropy.

She oddly found him attractive as she remembered how the slight hue of pink had crawled up his neck and stained his cheeks, having never seen such an event before, it made him seem more real to her now. Like he was more human somehow; someone with a full range of emotions, not just 'Willow's ex'.

.....Exhale......

''Buffy?''

--------

So sorry it took this long and the chapter was supposed to be longer too with more plot development but turned into interlude.

I'm leaving for Macau tomorrow and wont be back for a month, so I thought I should send what I had out now. I'll try and work on it while I'm away too, so don't forget about me! I WILL be back.

The song Blue by Angie and Joss, was like a light bulb for me, I think I might appropriate coughstealcough a line from it for the title cause it kind of embodies where this fic is going, what you guys think?

Thanks and kisses to: Jen, nimacu, Perfect Darkness, Seren Lunar Echo, The Red Cheese is Wax, Ivy Gort, Mister Gordo, at-nightfall, onlimain Tasha and MG all the feedback is wonderful! I cant believe I hit and passed the 50 mark, and not a flame in sight! knock on wood, not sure after this short update that wasn't really an update, it might have been worse than not updating at all. Sorry again!

at-nightfall & MG: Thank you for the suggestions! Like I said, I might use a line out of 'Blue' but thanks anyway. Kisses!

Perfect Darkness: I can see the psych degree is working though, you hit the nail on the head there, and I'll be perfectly honest with you, I don't know where Will's addiction will lead (maybe I'll have her try to end the world by summoning an underground church with a weird plastic effigy.. oh wait) but I don't think it will be large part of this story.

The Red Cheese is Wax: I'm sorry! And even more sorry it will be longer till the proper chapter!