Chapter 20
As Elijah Wood Would put it… 'SHOW-down!'
CAN YOU FEEEEEEL… CAN YOU FEEL THAT HYBRID RAINBOW? Whether you can or not, here's the next chapter of the super popular Shooruba! ( credit to whoever it was with the review that coined that phrase)
" I still can't believe you did that." Shigure said, following Hatori up the road.
" Did what?" Hatori replied.
" UM. Throw my labtop off a cliff. You're just a… a big jerk!" Shigure said overdramatically, and kicked a random rock with his foot. Unfortunately, he was wearing sandals so he stubbed his toe and began hopping around like a fool.
" Shigure. You have been nothing but cruel to me this entire vacation. I think I had the right to repay the favor." Hatori scoffed like Carson, but already, he was starting to feel a little bit bad. After all, Hatori really ISN'T the kind of guy who would throw a labtop off a cliff when it gets down to the nitty gritty.
" I had a lot of important, irreplaceable things on that labtop!" Shigure whined, and seeing Hatori look a little guilty, continued. " I wrote down my dreams and what I planned to do with them someday, but now they're all lost forever…"
Hatori was feeling too bad to reason that you don't have to HAVE your dreams on a labtop to still HAVE them. " Well…" Said Hatori awkwardly.
" No. I don't want to hear anymore Haa-san. You've betrayed my trust and I'm afraid that I can never trust you with it again."
" Huh?"
" You betrayed me."
" But you trusted that I would betray you?"
" Yes."
" Then why would you trust me?"
" Because you're a… betrayer…" Shigure said awkwardly, and realized suddenly that neither of them knew what the other was talking about.
" LOOK! IT'S NIGHT!" Shigure shouted randomly because there was an awkward silence after that. Hatori looked up and saw that Shigure was right. It was INDEED night! Just how long were you guys out in that crazy random forest anyway?!
" I guess we ought to be getting back on the road then…" Hatori said.
" AT NIGHT! On the road?! ARE YOU AN IDIOT?!" Shigure gasped.
" What? I've driven at night."
" You have? You should know better! It's dangerous." Shigure said, shaking one finger.
" Well… maybe. But it won't be this time." Hatori said quickly. Yes, he knew it probably would be dangerous to drive with a carful of crazy animal transforming people at the same time, but he's so desperate to get home now he wouldn't mind a few others getting killed in the process.
" Whatever. You know what, Hatori? I think this vacation has made you a lot more disagreeable.""Shigure remarked as they walked up to the doors of the IHOP. Then he swung the doors open like Aragorn, and entered dramatically into the store. Hatori followed, shaking his head.
" HATORI!!!" Kyo yelled like a fool, running up to Hatori. " HARU ATE ALL MY EGGS!"
" I did not." Haru said, appearing randomly beside all of them.
" YES YOU DID!" Kyo howled.
" And what am I supposed to be doing about this?" Hatori asked.
" SOMETHING!" He demanded.
"… Just get over it, Kyo, and quit acting like a toddler." Hatori said.
Kyo stared at Hatori as if Hatori had just asked him to unwillingly commit a sexual act.
" Yeah, Kyo. Get over it." Haru added in a very annoyingly calm voice.
" I HATE YOU GUYS!" Kyo screamed, and ran around the IHOP yelling like a fool.
Hatori sighed, and slunk back into his booth to eat his food that he hadn't touched while he had been reading the horrible, insulting novel. He then ate his hashbrowns very slowly and gratefully. Only after he had recovered some of his HP did he realize Ayame was sitting across the table, reading the tiny plastic menu that describes the deserts.
" Why are you reading that?" He asked.
Ayame coughed loudly and raised the tiny menu higher so now it covered his eyes and his nose instead of just his mouth and his chin.
" Why aren't you answering me?" Hatori asked.
" CHUH!" Ayame scoffed like Carson. " Excuse me, Tori-san, but I am reading the desert menu."
" It seems more like you're angry at me. Also, you're reading it upside down."
" I KNOW that. I am trying to learn to read upside down, but SOME people can't leave me alone. SOME people just run out on you in the middle of beakfast! I NEVER!" Ayame cried.
" Sorry." Hatori said in the most un-sorry voice ever.
Immediately, Ayame flung the menu down and started talking in a very forgiving voice. " Now, now, Tori-san, there's no reason to make that face! I know you must be beating yourself up, even KILLING yourself, even (in dub Yami Yugi's voice) OBLITERATING yourself, over the fact you have hurt your dear friend, but I'm here to say, that it's all alright. I have found within my heart to forgive you…"
" I HATE EVERYONE!" Kyo yelled, passing by their table.
"… and now you must forgive me of everything I did too, i.e, spending all your money. You do! You forgive me! How wonderful! Now everything is a clean slate." Ayame finished quickly.
" What… no, you still owe me money…" Hatori said.
" AHAHAHAHAHA!" Ayame laughed. " HA! Owing money… that's a good one, Hatori."
" Yeah," Said Shigure, appearing from nowhere like Prince Tricky and sitting down next to Ayame. " If someone owes you money, you have to tell them that very day that they owe it to you. And it's been MORE than one day."
" That is NOT a rule. You just made that up." Hatori said angrily.
" EVERYONE GO TO HELL!" Kyo yelled, and Hatori sprung up super-fast and pinned his neck to the wall. Then he quickly erased Kyo's memory of Haru eating his eggs. Unfortunately, he didn't erase the memory of Kyo GETTING the eggs, so now Kyo went around demanding who ate his eggs.
And so… time went by… Why? Because it can. Soon, it was the next afternoon.
" Why haven't we left yet?" Hatori asked, watching everyone play Dai Hin Min on the floor.
" BECAUSE!" Everyone shouted.
" Haa-san, play cards with us!" Shigure whined.
" No." Said Hatori.
" But you always used to play cards with me!" Shigure cried.
Hatori sighed. " This better not bring up a-
FLASHBACK
" Let's play Old Maid, Hatori!" Tiny furling Shigure demanded, throwing a pack of cards in front of little furling Hatori. Little Hatori looked at the cards disdainfully, and then longingly at his giant book about the lives of freshwater manatees and their habitat.
" PLEEEEEEEASE?!" Tiny Shigure whined in the voice he would use for the rest of his life.
" Okay." Little Hatori sighed because back then he was a furling who was easily convinced. Then they played Old Maid! It was so much fun. But not for Hatori. See, Shigure had bent the card that WAS Old Maid, but Hatori didn't realize that, so Shigure kept not getting the Old Maid! That rascal!
" You NEVER pick the Old Maid…" Little Hatori said sadly.
" I guess you're just stupid Hatori." Tiny Shigure said.
He's RIGHT, Little Hatori thought. I better keep reading books and get smarter and smarter and then become a doctor because doctor's are smart, and be anti-social so others will think I'm not only TOO much of a nerd, but also boring! And so just because he kept being the Old Maid, Hatori went back to reading about freshwater manatees and became a doctor.
END FLASHBACK
" And you're STILL an Old Maid." Shigure chuckled like Kureno. " Not to mention a nerd."
"… I think it's time to quit playing cards." Hatori said like an Old Maid.
" AWWWWWW…" Said everyone. Hatori then summoned ALL the cards to his hand like Gambit! Just kidding. Everyone sighed, threw their cards on the floor and ran off so Hatori would have to pick them all up by himself.
Well, Kyo didn't run away. Why? Because Kyo wasn't even THERE, you fool. He had walked outside to feed Ratkiller some hashbrown crumbs. Unfortunately for him, little did he realize, he had gotten his goldfish YESTERDAY at 1:32 and as he approached the car… it was EIGHT seconds from 1:32!
The perfectly healthy Ratkiller swam around in circles, as Kyo neared the car.
8…
Kyo tried to open the door handle, but it was locked. But Kyo, being Kyo, didn't realize this, and tried hard to open the temporarily un-openable door.
7…
" Oh. It's locked." Kyo realized, and reached down to unlock the door.
6…
Kyo opened the door and looked down at Ratkiller. " Hey, Ratkiller. I brought you some food."
5…
With those happy horsehoe eyes, Kyo then emptied the crumbs into the fishbowl.
4…
" It's good, isn't it?" Kyo asked as if that retarted goldfish could actually SAY something back.
3…
Ratkiller ate a hashbrown. He thought it was okay. He would have rather had fish flakes.
2…
But then again goldfish are like that.
1…
What are fish flakes made out of anyway?
" RATKILLER!" Kyo screamed in agony.
Huh? Oh yeah! As the clock struck 1:32, Ratkiller's eyes suddenly turned into X's, and he spontaneously combusted. Just kidding. His HEART spontaneously combusted! MWHAHAHA! Such is the life of a carnival goldfish.
" RATKILLER! RATKILLER!" Kyo cried, shaking the goldfish bowl in disbelief. " RATKILLER!"
" It's all… just a dream…" Ratkiller said with the last of his strength, but the fact that Kyo can't understand goldfish made it just look like the goldfish was globbing it's mouth randomly. Then Ratkiller shuddered and died.
" NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Kyo screamed. He hugged the bowl and rocked it back and forth. He got a little wet in the process. Then with burning eyes and a heavy soul, he looked down at his dead goldfish.
" Those who made those hashbrowns… the hashbrowns that killed my goldfish… THOSE THAT MADE SUCH A THING WILL SUFFER!" Kyo pledged as fire burned in the background.
HOOONK OF SADNESS!
" Wheeee! I'm an airplane!" Momiji yelled like a fool as he jumped from table to table around IHOP.
" Momiji! Quit that." Hatori said, following him from table to table like a fool. " Come down so we can wash your face off."
" NO! I told you I want to wear this face paint FOREVER!" Momiji argued, leaping off the table and onto the floor where he began running from Hatori.
" You can't. It's messy." Hatori argued like a neat freak and began to chase him. All of the other Sohmas just sat there and watched this all happen with bored expressions.
" You can't catch MEEEEEEEE" Momiji said in his horrible dub voice but luckily the horror was stopped by Kyo, who slammed the door open, his eyes red-rimmed. UNFORTUNATELY, Momiji ran into Kyo and he turned into a cat!
…just kidding. Momiji is another Sohma. Not to mention a boy! HARDY-HAR-HAR! You stupid if you do' now dat!
" Kyo! You look funny!" Momiji chuckled like Kureno.
Kyo looked slowly down at Momiji with a murderous look on his face and ' Kill the Wabbit' began to play in the background. Thank goodness Hatori took Momiji away from him, or who knows what would have happened to our friend Momiji.
" What's wrong with you, Kyo?" Hatori asked, noting that Kyo looked NOT-so unusually upset. But he's Hatori so he still has to ask.
" It's… Ratkiller. He's dead!" Kyo exclaimed, with his voice all choked up.
" OH NO!" Tohru cried, running up to Kyo to clapse her hands. " Kyo-kun, I'm so sorry!"
" That's okay… it's not your fault…" Kyo said bravely, pretending that he had an itch on his nose when he was really rubbing away the tears.
" Ratkiller? Whose Ratkiller?" Shigure demanded. " How COME I don't know about any of this?"
" My GOLDFISH!" Kyo yelled in the most dramatic voice possible. And if it's Tomokazu Seki, that's pretty dramatic.
" OOOOOH… your goldfish! That's right!" Shigure said slowly, slapped his forehead and then chuckled like Kureno.
" Kyonkichi had a goldfish?" Ayame asked.
" WOULD YOU GUYS TRY AND BE A LITTLE MORE SENSITIVE!" Kyo yelled at them.
" What happened to it?" Yuki asked.
" It DIED! DUH." Kyo snapped in an offended voice.
" But how did it die? Did you accidently kill it?" Yuki continued.
" WHAT?!"
" Maybe he accidently turned into a cat and ate it!" Ayame exclaimed, using the facts he knew to solve the problem. And he knew Kyo was… the CAT! And Ratkiller had been… a goldfish! And cats eat goldfish!
Yuki just thought Kyo was stupid for getting too emotionally involved with that old goldfish, BUT never getting emotionally involved with anyone else!
" I DIDN'T EAT HIM!" Kyo screamed.
" I think he ate him." Yuki and Ayame said in a rare moment of brotherly conformity.
" I didn't eat him! Ratkiller ate some hashbrown crumbs from THIS resturaunt and then he DIED!" Kyo said defensively.
" Really?" Hatori asked in a voice that was faking interest.
" YES!" Kyo said zealously.
" Maybe he was allergic to hashbrowns…" Haru said.
" GOLDFISH CAN'T BE ALLERGIC TO ANYTHING, YOU TWIT!" Kyo cried.
" I bet they can too. Right, Hatori-nii-san?" Haru said, rolling his eyes.
"…" Said Hatori, but not out of stupidity of the situation. In fact, he was wondering if a goldfish COULD be allergic to anything. And if so, how would you know? It's not like you could ask the goldfish, and I doubt there's any scientific way to know.
AHHHHH! STUPID ANOREXIC, ALLERGIC GOLDFISH!
" In any case, we're all very sad about your goldfish Kyo. If you want, we can bury it behind the IHOP." Hatori said in a voice that suggested he didn't really care about the stupid old golfish.
" I didn't come here for a FUNERAL. I came here for… REVENGE!" Kyo hissed after a long pause. " Revenge against the resturaunt that purposely killed my goldfish!" Ah, naïve Kyo, not realizing the natrual life cycle of the average fair goldfish.
" Now, Kyo… I don't think we have time for revenge. We need to be getting home." Hatori said.
" REVENGE!" Kyo yelled, not giving up. And he said it in a voice with a random spanish accent. SOMEONES been watching a little bit too much Count of Monte Cristo!
" Kyo. It was a goldfish. Eating hashbrowns didn't kill it." Shigure said in a disgusted voice.
" THEN WHAT DID?!" Kyo demanded.
" Uh…" Said Shigure and Hatori, trying to think up a good excuse. THEY didn't know why Kyo's crazy old goldfish died! LIKE THEY NEEDED TO KNOW! They're REAL men and don't have time for things like goldfish!
" You just loved him so much that he couldn't take it and his heart burst!" Ayame said brightly.
" WHAT?!" Kyo yelled.
" Hey! You said the same thing when I couldn't find my hermit crab! Only you said my love was so great he had to leave." Yuki said angrily.
" THAT'S NOT TRUE! I LOVED THAT GOLDFISH WITH JUST THE RIGHT AMOUNT OF LOVE!" Kyo screamed at Ayame.
" And what amount was that?" Ayame asked.
" The RIGHT amount!" Kyo said stubbornly.
" Suuuuuure. Anyway, it's not like bothering the staff would help you anyway." Shigure said, shrugging his shoulders and sighing overdramatically.
" Huh? Why not?" Kyo asked with a confused look.
" They've all exploded!" Shigure exclaimed with horseshoe eyes.
" WHAT?!" Kyo demanded, turning to look at the writer.
WELL SORRY! I didn't think you'd have any further use for those crazy IHOPians. HARUMPH! All that's left now is that guy whose nose vaguely resembles Beat Takashi!
" Hi." Said the guy with the nose like Beat Takashi.
" I'll just take my REVENGE ON HIM THEN!" Kyo yelled in a voice that sounded like dub Inuyasha, and everyone shuddered.
" Oh please don't take revenge on me! I'm just the cashier! And my whole life I've waited here hoping to meet someone from my long last family!" Beat Takashi Nose cried pititfully, crossing his elbows together.
" What's your name?" Hatori asked curiously.
" Beat Takashi Nose Sohma." Said Beat Takashi Nose Sohma.
Everyone gave each other a creepy look except for Haru, who didn't get it. Don't worry, give him time.
" Well, I can't take revenge on my very own flesh and blood… no matter WHAT their nose looks like." Kyo whispered to himself.
I wonder if he is ALSO one of the Jyuunishi?! Tohru thought to herself. Even though… she's ALREADY met all twelve of the Jyuunishi! ARGH!
" So… what do you think your family would be like, if you ever met them?" Hatori asked Beat Takashi Nose Sohma carefully.
" Like… RANMA! Only a shojo and filled with bishounen!" Beat Takashi Nose Sohma said enthusiastically.
" And NO angst at all!" He continued just as Hatori was about to tell him the truth. But then of course, he didn't feel like ruining Beat Takashi's expectations and decided to keep the truth to himself. After all… the Sohma family is DARK… SHADOWY… AND…CURSED.
" But… but who am I going to get my revenge on NOW?" Kyo whined.
" How about Ritsu? Nobody cares about him." Shigure said with a little shrug.
" He's not even here!"
" Momiji?"
" He's too girly!"
" Kagura?"
" She IS a girl! (and she could beat me up…)"
" Aya!"
" HEY!"
" He's too weak."
" Then fight his brother!"
" Ratkiller's revenge is worth MORE than the likes of Yuki!" Kyo declared.
" GEE KYO! CAN'T YOU JUST GET OVER IT?!" Shigure yelled in frusuration. " A real man would just let it be and honor Ratkiller's memory, then get on with his life!"
" W-what?!" Kyo yelled in an extremely shocked voice.
" This is suddenly a lot like a cliched shonen anime scene…" Hatori observed.
" You aren't doing Ratkiller any good by using his death as an excuse for violence! After all, Ratkiller didn't support violence! He supported uh…um…" Shigure said, unsure what to say after that. Darn! And he had been getting into the gist of it and everything.
" AQUARIUM PEACE!" Ayame put in quickly, with his hands on his hips.
" HNGH!" Kyo hissed as if he had just been punched and the camera cut to him very quickly with a bullet sound effect.
"… so are we just going to bury the goldfish?" Yuki asked.
" I don't know. Are you over your revenge thing, Kyo?" Hatori asked.
" Yeah…" Kyo said sullenly. " But that doesn't mean I won't get my revenge SOMEDAY!"
" Of course it won't." Hatori said in a reassuring voice. Then he turned towards the door. " Okay, well, better get going home."
" WAIT! Aren't we gonna bury Ratkiller?" Kyo demanded.
Hatori clenched his teeth, counted to five, then turned around. " Of course. Let's go outside, dig a hole, and bury him there."
" I'm not burying Ratkiller on the same ground these… PEOPLE work in!" Kyo said in a disgusted voice.
"…okay… well, that doesn't leave us with many options…" Hatori sighed.
" I want Ratkiller to be able to return to… the sea." Kyo said in a reflective Tomokazu Seki voice.
Hatori started to point out that Ratkiller had never even BEEN to the sea, but didn't. He also started to point out that since Ratkiller was a FRESHWATER fish, a goldfish, that if had ever set fin into the sea while alive his lungs would have imploded. But he didn't say this either.
" How do we get your goldfish to the sea, Kyo-kun?" Tohru asked foolishly.
" All rivers lead… TO THE SEA!" Kyo said dramatically, pointing at the wall.
" But there are no rivers in North Dakota." Haru said.
" Haru, there are rivers EVERYWHERE." Yuki scoffed like Carson.
" Nuh-uh." Haru protested and pointed to a giant map of North Dakota on the wall of the IHOP. And guess what?! There WERE no rivers! WHY?
Say it with me… NEVER QUESTION NORTH DAKOTA!
" But… if there's no rivers… how will Ratkiller make his journey to the sea?" Momiji pondered outloud.
HMMMMM…
…
HOOONK!
" It was really nice of Beat Takashi Nose Sohma to let us use the IHOP's restroom!" Tohru exclaimed. " Just with that kind gesture, my heart is full."
" ME TOO!" Kagura exclaimed.
" Not me." Rin said. Durdy-dur-dur.
"…this is my first time seeing the inside of a girl's restroom." Haru admitted, looking around as if he had expected much more than what he was seeing.
Kyo, Yuki and Hatori nodded. Momiji saw one at the beginning of the story! REMEMBER?! As for Shigure and Ayame… uh…
" Oh, I've SEEN girl's restrooms." Ayame said in a suggestive voice.
" Yeah… you didn't even have to crossdress to get into them, like me." Shigure nodded.
" You two are disgusting." Hatori said.
" Yep. I've DONE things in girl's restrooms." Ayame continued.
" I bet you have, you dirty little b-"
" COULD YOU TWO SHUT UP?! THIS IS A FUNERAL! SHOW SOME RESPECT!" Kyo yelled, then turned back to the toilet they were all staring at. Hatori stood next to it and held the fisbowl.
" Well… anyone who wants to say anything about Ratkiller…" Hatori said lamely, and you could tell he SO was out of his element.
" You go first, Hatori." Everyone said.
Hatori looked down at the fishbowl awkwardly, and then started to speak in a strained voice. " Ratkiller was… a very noble goldfish. And he will be sorely missed by all that knew him."
" What will you miss the MOST about him, Hatori?" Shigure called in an evil way.
Hatori looked at all of the teenager's expectant eyes. " His… orangeness…" Hatori said awkwardly and quickly passed the bowl to Momiji.
" I don't think ONE memory of Ratkiller is okay to forget! WAAAAAAAAH!" Momiji cried.
" WAAAAAAH!" Cried everyone, then quickly got over it. Momiji passed the bowl to Tohru.
" Ratkiller-san… was wonderful. Kyo-kun… is wonderful too!" Tohru sniffed, and passed the bowl to Rin.
"…Ratkiller brought back many memories to me…" Rin said mysteriously, hinting at her MYSTERIOUS, angst-ridden past that involved… GOLDFISH. Rin passed the bowl to Haru.
Haru looked down at the goldfish. Then he looked back at Kyo.
" I'm sorry I ate your eggs, Kyo." Haru said sincerely.
" It was YOU?!" Gasped Kyo since Hatori had erased his memory of that. Haru passed the bowl to Kagura.
" I LOVED THIS GOLDFISH MORE THAN ANY OTHER GIRL! EVEN IF HE HAD TURNED INTO HIS TRUE FORM, I WOULD HAVE STILL LOVED HIM!" Kagura cried, and passed the bowl to Yuki.
Yuki looked down at Ratkiller. Then he looked at Kyo. " Goldfish still can't kill rats." He said.
" SHUT UP YUKI!"
Yuki rolled his eyes and passed the bowl to Shigure and Ayame, who looked at the dead goldfish with blank expressions. Then Shigure howled and dropped to his knees and starting sobbing over the toply.
" WHY GOD WHY?! WHY THE GOLDFISH?!" Shigure screamed, shaking the bowl passionately.
" IT'S OVER!" Ayame cried, hugging a random sink. " MY SUMMER AND MY DREAM!"
" That's enough of that." Hatori said like a short dwelling seahorse and snatched the fishbowl from them. He then handed it to Kyo. Kyo gently poured Ratkiller into the toilet.
" Would you like to do the honors, Kyo?" Hatori asked.
Kyo started to reach for the flusher, but then stopped. " It's too… hard." He said softly.
" Okay." Said Hatori quickly, and simply flushed the toilet. Ratkiller spun around a few times and then was gone forever. Just like that… down the toilet.
" Alright, let's go people." Hatori told all of the depressed Sohmas, except for Shigure and Ayame who were singing ' The Time Has Come' in off-key voices. Hatori hit both of them on the head and they all shuffled out of the girl's restroom, some more eager to get out than other's.
And so… Ratkiller was dead. And the Fellowship was broken.
AWK!
HOOONK!
" Stop! I cannot go any further. We must rest." Akito gasped, falling to his knees, gripping to the traveler's staff they had mugged off some fellow with a tail name Cray.
" But Akito… we're almost there! You can't give up now!" Kazuma exclaimed.
" MINION! I just CAN'T! It's too much for me!" Akito hissed.
" I am not your minion. But it's right across the street!" Kazuma reasoned, pointing at the IHOP sitting there across the street.
" SHADE! I REQUIRE SHADE!" Akito yelled, throwing a tempature tantrum. Kazuma sighed, rolling his eyes, and then picked up Akito and walked about a mile down the hill because there was no shade nearby them. Then he put Akito under a tree.
" Happy?" He asked Akito.
" Never. Now, we shall plan our method of attack!" Akito said, jabbing his traveler stick at the ground as if it served him any purpose. Well, being a motley crew of bishounen, I'm sure you guys will think up of something!
Oh wait… Brock's there. Well, if Brock's not a bishounen, then my name isn't Brock but it's not Brock, it's Hayley so therefore Brock isn't a bishounen.
" You never said anything about ATTACK… I could never hurt………..KYO." Kazuma said. But that's a LIE! Because you grabbed his hand and threw him into a fence and then you chuckled like Kureno! But that's okay. I forgive you Zuma.
OI, OI, OI! YEAH, YEAH, LET'S SING ABOUT THAT CRAZY FENCE!
I am just a fence,
That stands in Japan.
I sit by the dirt road,
And the sky is my friend.
One day a man named Kazuma,
And a cat named Kyo,
I watched them talk together,
And then Kyo struck a BLOW!
It was deflected by Kazuma who simply smiled and said,
' You're still my troublesome son, Kyo',
And threw that cat so he hit his head!
…
Okay. That was just sad.
" I'll use… my TEETH!" Kiba growled as if everyone were really that scared of his teeth. Which I am. I mean, did you see him ripping out those people's throats? OUCH!
" I'll use… MY ONIX!" Brock yelled in a really cheesy voice, but didn't do anything because… no one wants to see Onix.
" And I will use my status as GOD!" Akito cackled evilly, and stood up. " TOGETHER WE'RE INVINCIBLE!"
Unfortunately, as soon as he said that, a dark portal opened up out of nowhere, and Brock and Kiba started to gravitate towards it. Kazuma grabbed Brock's hand and Akito grabbed Kiba's.
" W-what is this?!" Kazuma yelled.
" It's ending the near of the story! There's no need for us random minion side characters anymore!" Brock yelled in an overly dramatic Eric Stuart voice.
" We have to return… to our OWN TIME!" Kiba yelled. (Wow. There's so many things I COULD be making fun of at this point… I don't know which one I actuall AM.)
" But… we haven't finished our mission! You can't leave NOW!" Akito howled in an enraged voice.
" The force… it's too strong…! I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK! WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE IN THE END ANYWAY!" Kiba whined.
" And I never die! Or age! OR GET LAID!" Brock cried.
" Hold on!" Kazuma said, grabbing Brock harder. Akito decided he was tired of holding onto Kiba and so just let go. Kiba slipped into the dark portal and was gone… forever. But NEVER gone from our hearts!
" Once I return… I'll lose all my memories of the time I spent here together with you guys…" Brock said in an overdramatic sad voice. ( Seriously, there's just too many things to choose from.)
" No! You can't forget EVERYTHING!" Kazuma cried in his blind, completely random love for Brock.
" Yes, Kazuma. Even THAT." Brock said, shaking his head. " But don't worry. Even if these memories of mine are completely erased, I'm sure I'll still remember you somewhere, in the deepest recesses of my heart."
" ME TOO!" Kazuma sobbed, even though his memory isn't being erased.
" Goodbye… Kazuma…" Brock said, and let go of Kazuma's hand. ( I think we'll just say Kate and Leopold. Only without Hugh Jackman. Or that slap-happy ending.)
" NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Kazuma cried, falling to his knees, as the dark portal spontaneously exploded. He beat the ground with his fists and cried for that crazy pineapple-haired friend of his.
" Kazuma! Get ahold of yourself!" Akito said in disgust and jerked Kazuma up and bitch-slapped him.
" I'm sorry Akito. I got a little over-emotional there!" Kazuma chuckled like Kureno, immediately snapping out of the tearful portal parody scene.
" Now… without those two… our only choice is to charge the IHOP at full force! And then… FONDLE THE MEN! AND THROW THE WOMEN OUT WINDOWS! And once and for all… kill that pesky Tohru Honda!" Akito laughed.
" Okay, as long as no one gets hurt!" Kazuma chuckled like Kureno.
HOOONK!
" Is everyone finally ready?" Hatori sighed, pacing back and forth as everyone sat at IHOP as if it were impossible for them to think about getting into that crazy box car. " Because I am."
"…EH." Shigure said, making a little hand motion. " Maybe."
" Why aren't you ready? We're not doing anything here? Why can't we just go home?" Hatori demanded.
" Because… home is BORING." Everyone said.
" Better it be boring than painful." Hatori said, which is his philopshy towards life.
" When we go back, we'll have to go to SCHOOL again. At IHOP, I NEVER have to go to school!" Momiji pointed out. And what a good point it was.
" Well, Momiji, you have to go to school to get a job and become a succsessful adult." Hatori said gently.
" What if I want to work at IHOP? I can just stay here!" Momiji exclaimed.
" I want to work at IHOP… then I can help make jam…" Haru said slowly.
" Well, you're NOT." Hatori told Haru sternly.
" But you told us that we could do anything we put our minds to, Hatori-nii." Haru reasoned.
Hatori paused. He couldn't go back on his inspirtational advice! And he couldn't get the best of Haru! In fact… NO ONE CAN GET THE BEST OF HARU! ARGH!
" That's it. Everyone gather up, because we are going home NOW." Hatori said, pointed down at the ground because the ground is the symbol of… EARTH! AND LEADERSHIP!
" Awwwww…" Said everyone.
" Kyo, you go out and get Kureno, we'll make sure everyone uses the restroom and then go. I am not stopping once we get in that car." Hatori said in a very serious, no nonsense voice.
" WHAT?! My goldfish just died! I don't want to see Kureno!" Kyo protested, but then saw Hatori was in the early stages of the wrath of Hatori, and grumbling, he stalked out to go find Kureno.
" But what if someone has to use the restroom again?" Shigure asked Hatori.
"…then we'll stop." Hatori admitted.
" What if we get a flat tire?"
" We'll stop…"
" What if the car runs out of gas? Hey, Aya, remember when the car ran out of gas when you were driving?"
" Ah, good times, good times…" Ayame chuckled like Kureno.
" We are going home and that's all there is to it. Got it?" Hatori said dangerously.
" OH-TAY!" Everyone said like Buckwheat. Actually, that scares me to much. The all just said Okay.
HOOONK!
You may NOT know it… but Kureno had been very busy the whole time these IHOP chapters had been going on! He was conducting a secret… EXPEDITION! Wandering the woods of IHOP, he was searching for his long lost Chickmobile. Even though he never had one in the first place, he had already forgotten that. So he had been wandering around, basically in circles, pressing the buttons on the TV remote over and over again like a fool.
As he was doing that… Akito and Kazuma were very nearby, sneaking up on the IHOP! Which is kind of stupid since they're all inside the IHOP anyway… but we forgive them.
And… as they were all doing THAT, Kyo was walking blindly in between the both of them. In a moment of cleverly planned coincidence, the four of them all walked into the same area at once. There was a moment of silence.
" FLUNKY!"
" MINION!"
" I AM NOT YOUR FLUNKY!"
" I am not your minion!"
" GASP! SHISHOU!"
" GASP!…………"
" MAN-SLAVE!"
" MASTER!"
"…….KYO!"
" AKITO, YOU BASTARD!"
" WRETCHED DEMON CAT!"
Kazuma looked at Kureno and Kureno looked at Kazuma.
" I have no random exclamation to yell at you. I don't your name. Much less who you are." Kazuma admitted to Kureno.
" That's okay." Said Kureno, and then turned back to Akito. " MASTER!" He yelled, and ran up to Akito, who patted him on the head.
" SHISHOU!" Kyo said happily and ran up to Shishou and tried to punch him, but Kazuma deflected it and then patted Kyo on the head and it was so happy and sparkly.
Then they each looked back at their previous partner and shifted awkwardly.
" Shishou! It's been so terrible! This vacations sucks, and Yuki's been so retarted and… and… MY GOLDFISH DIED!" Kyo yelled, and then started to cry.
" There, there, let it all out……….KYO." Kazuma said, hugging Kyo and patting him on the back.
" I MISSED YOU SHISHOU!" Kyo said because we all know Kyo loses all his Kyo-ness when he's around Shishou.
" Master! It's been terrible! My plans to kill the Mabudachi Trio didn't work at all!" Kureno cried, but Akito just slapped him.
" What have I said about trying to kill those three?! DON'T! THEY'RE THE BEST ONES!" Akito said angrily.
" I'm the best one!" Kureno exclaimed in a hurt voice.
" Of course you are. Kazuma! As I have regained posession of my manslave, I have no further need for you. You are freed of being my minion." Akito said to Kazuma.
" Okay! But I never REALLY was your minion." Kazuma laughed warmly. Of COURSE, you weren't, Kazuma. Keep telling yourself that.
Kyo looked at Kureno expectantly. Kureno simply smiled.
" Don't worry, flunky. To me… you will always just be… FLUNKY." Kureno said. " Even though now I must return to my master's side, I'll never forget the wonderful experience of friendship we had!"
" WE DIDN'T HAVE ANY!" Kyo yelled.
" Now… my feathery servant, and my disagreeable feline, you will LEAD me to the rest of my pets!" Akito cackled evilly. Oh man, he was SO ready to ruin that crazy vacation!
" Sure thing." Said Kureno, but then he remembered he didn't know the way. Kyo rolled his eyes and started marching towards the IHOP with the rest of them following. Kyo didn't really care about the consequences. Why? One thing… he's the CAT. Two… he has SHISHOU by his side. And Three, he's not a member of the Jyuunishi, so he probably won't get punished.
" You drove here too, Shishou?" Kyo asked Kazuma.
" Yes, I did……………KYO. It was the adventure of a LIFETIME!" Kazuma said, even though it really wasn't.
" How did you know where we went, master?" Kureno asked Akito.
" Oh… a little BIRDIE told me… AH HA HA HA (snort)HA HA HA HA!" Akito cackled insanely.
DA-HUCK! Anyway, Kyo led them to the front of the IHOP where they stood there like crazy people. Akito stepped forward and took a vase out of his robes and flung it at the IHOP. " ALL YOU MISERABLE EXCUSES FOR ZOOLOGY CLASS SPECIMENS BETTER GET OUT HERE RIGHT THIS VERY INSTANT!" Akito screamed.
Immediately, all the Jyuunishi piled out. Why didn't they run? Because they're powerless against God! Gee, that must be tough.
" Akito!" Shigure exclaimed.
" What are you doing here?" Hatori asked in what was trying to be an innocent voice.
" I'm glad you ask… HATORI… because I was going to tell you anyway!" Akito smirked as if had just said something clever. " What made you all think you could go off on a summer vacation without MY permission?!"
" We do a lot of things without your permission." Ayame pointed out.
"…like what?" Akito said, as if this were new knowledge to him.
Everyone looked at each other.
" Well… I take a RECORDER class!" Momiji exclaimed foolishly.
" HOW DARE YOU! I FORBID IT! OMAE… NO… SEI DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Akito yelled and pointed vindictively at Momiji, who began to cry.
" Anyone else?" Akito barked.
"…I watched Silence of the Lambs. Without any parental supervision." Haru admitted.
" Haru!" Hatori exclaimed, since he's a big softie and worries about his poor little cousins watching those crazy rated R movies.
" YOU'RE DESPICABLE! HOW DARE YOU CALL YOURSELF A COW?! OMAE… NO… SEI DAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Akito screamed at Haru, who hung his head in shame.
No one else really wanted to admit to anything, so they all just stared at Akito blankly.
"Uh… anyway, Akito, we're sorry about not asking you. We'll never do it again. But why did you come all the way out here?" Shigure asked in a confused voice.
Akito glared maliciously and then he grinned as if he were about to say the most evil thing in the world. Everyone watched in horror, expecting him to say something like, ' Erases Honda Tohru's memory!' or, ' I'll lock you all up in a closet!'
" I have come…" Said Akito dramatically, " To RUIN this vacation!"
There was an awkward silence. All of a sudden, there same the sound of someone trying to hold in laughter. Everyone turned around to see Hatori was covering his mouth and trying not to laugh hysterically.
"…Hatori?" Everyone asked.
Now Hatori couldn't hold it in any longer and started chuckling crazily like a fool. Hatori chuckling in shorts in quite a terrifyng sight. Everyone had to take a few steps back.
" R-ruin this…ha-ha… vacation… ruin THIS vacation…hahhahahahaha!" Hatori said, tears starting to run down his eyes from laughing too hard. Everyone watched with creeped out looks until finally he got ahold of himself and wiped away his tears. " Sorry." He said, still chuckling. " But… ah… too funny…"
Kind of spooked out too, Akito paused for a few seconds, then pointed at Tohru. " And I've also come… TO KILL HER!"
" GASP!" Everyone shouted.
" How could you want to kill Tohru? Everyone LOVES Tohru!" Shigure reasoned.
" SILENCE! I'LL KILL HER!" Akito said. " YOU HEAR ME, GIRL?! I'LL KILL YOU! IT WILL BE VERY BAD! YOU WILL CRY!"
Tohru stepped forward, and suddenly THAT music began to play. Yes, THAT music. " Akito-san… I know you must be feeling very sad right now… but everyone… everyone loves you, Akito-san!"
Everyone privately scoffed like Carson to that.
" And having given me the life I have now… there's an umeboshi on your back, and your reason for living is that right now you are alive, Akito-san!" Tohru continued in a big meld of Tohru POW-AH!
" Shut up! Shut up!" Akito said, covering his ears.
" You're a part of the team. That's all that matters. You don't need a reason to help people." Zidane said, walking up to Tohru's side.
" SHUT UP!" Akito yelled, falling to his knees.
" We are all part… of the great Circle of Life…" Mufasa said, randomly appearing out of nowhere.
" ARGH!" Akito said, falling down to the ground, no match for all that good advice. He twitched a few times, but then it became clear that the powers of good had just scored a Critical Hit, Overdrive, Limit Breakin', Trance Inducin' KO!
" ALRIGHT!" Zidane and Mufasa exclaimed, and slapped each other a high-five. Then Zidane climbed on top of Mufasa and bounded away, shouting, " Remember kids, KINGDOM HEARTS IS GONNA ROCK, BEE-YOOOOTCH!" Then they were gone. Thank goodness.
Then everyone was happy, because the reign of the terror of Akito was over. But it STILL didn't explain WHO had sent Akito after them!
" No one TOLD Akito… so how did he know?" Yuki pondered outloud.
" I'LL tell you how he knew…" Came a very evil, sarcastic sounding voice. Everyone turned around to see the BIRD, sitting on top of the roof with the most sinister look you can imagine a bird having.
" He knew because I told him! ME!" The bird laughed in a very threatening way.
"… is that Akito's little bird?" Ayame asked in a voice that suggested he couldn't really believe it.
" Finch." Hatori corrected because… well… it IS a finch, isn't it?
" Hey… FINCHES can't talk!" Shigure said in a distrustful voice.
" Uh…" Said the finch. " Well…"
" But I know what CAN talk… WOOPERS!" Shigure reasoned.
Hey… can it be… WAIT A SECOND! Hayley popped onto the scene and marched towards the roof. " You're no EVIL FINCH!" She yelled. " You're… CARL!"
Being identified, the finch broke into a cloud of black smoke, and there before them revealed itself to be none other than… CARL! THE SARCASTIC, TALKING, MISSING PURPLE WOOPER!
" Yeah, yeah. Well, can you really BLAME me?! I mean… for GOD'S SAKE, WHAT OTHER SORT OF CHARACTER WAS I SUPPOSED TO BE?! THE OKAMI?! She's repetive! And boring! JUST LIKE THIS STORY!" Carl yelled.
" HEY! YOU BETTER NOT START CRITICIZING ANYTHING NOW, CARL! You have got a LOT to answer for!" Hayley yelled. " Why did you hide from me for so long?!"
" Because… I figured if I got Akito to ruin the Sohma vacation, then there would BE no vacation… therefore no story… and therefore no QUESTIONS for me to have to answer!" Carl said, looking around shiftily.
" Well… the vacation was ruined from the very beginning…" Hatori pointed out.
" And I would have gotten away with it too! If it weren't for those meddling Sohmas and their stupid Honda Tohru!" Carl said angrily.
" You are in for some MAJOR PAIN when we get home, Carl! And NOT the movie!" Hayley promised, and withdrew a Master Ball and flung it at Carl.
It flew far over his head away. Turning around to watch it soar off, he laughed. " HA! MISSED!"
Hayley took this oppurtunity to whack him in the head with a mallet and then dump his sorry ass into her backpack. Muttering something about, ' time wasted instead of doing Geometry Packet', she stalked off, and poofled away.
" Was that Deus Ex Machina?" Yuki asked.
" I don't think you could even call it that." Hatori admitted.
And so… after a long journey… there was only one more chapter to go.
HOOOOOOOMAKE!
Man! I spent all that time traveling the world for NOTHING! NOTHING! Okay… I got these pretty wind chime things but… STILL! What a waste of time!
Carl: Not like you'd have anything better to do then sit around and whine about Homework.
I don't do that!
Carl: You're so pathetic! WHAT'S SO HARD ABOUT TRIANGLES, HUH?! HUH, HAYLEY?! ANSWER ME THAT!
CARL! YOU ARE MAKING ME VERY ANGRY! For one thing, you didn't answer a SINGLE question this whole story! And now it's about to end! What was the purpose of even trying to find you?! And another thing! Since when did you turn into a finch?
Carl: Since I FELT like it! GOD! ALWAYS NAGGING!
That's it… I'll get to you later… anyway, sorry for the long wait AS USUAL. This is our last Q & A segment and it's with no other than… BROCK! Yes, Brock, even though you have left the story, your memory lives on… probably. Anyway, let's get askin'! Ask, Ask, Ask! I WAAAAAANT NEW WALD!
I would also like to quickly thank everyone whose EVER reviewed these stories! And to please keep reading my other fanfics that I right after this. Arigatou Minna-san!
Perpetual Hysteria: Brock, in YOUR OPINION, what Pokemon is the STRONGEST? I've been dying to know, for I am a BEAUTIFUL YOUNG GIRL who one day hopes to be a great Pokemon Trainer, and even though you're just a breeder I desperately seek the answer! righteous pose
Brock: Well… maybe you should come over to MY place, and I'll show you whose 'Pokemon' is the strongest… nyuk nyuk NYUK… no, but seriously the strongest Pokemon is… KAKUNA! HE CONTROLS… THE WORLD!
Foxgrrl: Brock: what would happen if you ever opened your eyes?? would there be nothing?? or just some weird colorless crevace...??
Brock: Well, let's SEE! (opens eyes) (the world is filled with blinding light) Nothing happened!
Somewhere… in an ancient temple… GATCHA-WATCHA-DAH is awakening…
Bigfoot: Can I hug you? does anyway) glompuu!
Bigfoot: THANK YOU NICE GIRL. (crushes you under his… FRAME!)
Dragondolphin: I have a question for Bigfoot. My friend said that she is your loveslave and gave birth to your child. Is this true?
Bigfoot: NOT TRUE! YOU LIE! YOU LIE! BIGFOOT SAY NOT TRUE! (sobs)
Hayley: JERRY, JERRY, JERRY!
Here's a question for me! Let's see…
Rakuen-san: Is Bigfoot ever gonna appear to the story?
Bigfoot: (expectant look) WELL?
Hayley: Ah… maybe next time Foot-chan.
Bifoot: (depressed look) IT OVER… SUMMER AND DREAM.
Rachey: Brock (not Takeshi) are you having a secret love affair with Ash (Satoshi?)
Brock: Well… I NEVER!
Hayley: He's having one with Kojiro! (kyaaa kyaaa)
Brock: LIES! LIES! ARGH!
Foot-chan: You are so awesome! Let's grab a burger sometime, k?
Bigfoot: BA DA BA BA DA… BIGFOOT LOVIN' IT!
Genny: Hayley, by any chance do you watch YuYu Hakusho?
Hayley: I watched enough to know… it made me laugh… then cry. Go Ogata Megumi! (when I don't like a show, that's the only positive thing I can think to say…)
Naria, I still have yet to receive your crazy picture……
…
Kristen: (my very sweet, very cool REAL LIFE friend! Yes, I have friends in real life who actually read my crap) Why are all the guys in Furuba clean-shaven?
Hayley: That's one of those laws of anime. You can't have hair on your face unless you're OLD AND NOT SEXY. Unless… you are Jet Black. OH, JET BLACK… THE OLD SEX!
Anyway… thanks again for all your questions and reviews and what not. I'll treasure it… until I forget about it. In any case, next time is the last chapter, and after that is my new fanfic, which I hope you'll read too.
Soshite…
JA BAI BAI!