Disclaimer: Artemis Fowl belongs to Eoin Colfer, Penguin Books and other such people. I have no claim to anything mentioned in those marvellous books but Liam Brambling, Professor Kurik and the plot of this is mine. You may only steal them with permission.

Author's Note: This is going to be long. This is just an introductory chapter and is set just after book 1 at St. Bartleby's. I figured that because Artemis had not been going to a boarding school previously (it hints at that when talking about Butler), that he was new at St. Bartleby's after Christmas. There is a point to my creating a new character and Liam will be quite central to the plot. He not a Gary Stu, another child crime prodigy or anything other than human.

This story was going to originally be a short vinaigrette without a plot and only dealing with a new character's opinion of Artemis (like one of those arty-farty HP ones about a death-eater life) but it added a plot to itself and so it will end up novel length.

Chapter One

The Gravity of the Situation

"Actually, genius is a highly overrated commodity. Ask almost anyone at the Farm." - Cage of Butterflies (Brian Caswell)

Artemis was definitely in a very foul mood. The fact that his own mind was supplying him with puns wasn't improving the situation much either. The time over Christmas at the manor had been so cheerful and happy but that had been ruined when his mother, Angeline, had decided to call the most prestigious boarding school in Ireland and ask if there was any place available for "her little Arty". The principal, being the brown-noser he most certainly is, offered an immediate orientation and placing in the school for a fee only slightly higher than the usual.

So here he had landed sitting in an uncomfortable leather chair, his mother on his right and Butler standing behind him, surveying the small principal with his worry-lines and an off-centre toupee. Prinicipal Guiney shifted nerviously in his chair that looked a lot more comfortable than the one Artemis was sitting in. He gave another glace towards Butler and hurredly looked back down to the neat piles of paper on his mahogany desk.

"As I was saying, I'm sure your son will be entirely happy here at St. Bartleby's. You're a gifted little boy aren't you, Artemis. Skipped a few grades haven't you? Well, we'll but put you in with the 13 year olds so they're at your level." He spoke this in the voice one uses to address small children while you tell them that the toothfairy doesn't exist. Artemis could see through to the subliminal meaning: 'not another one of these snotty kids whose parents are so proud of him they can't see the fact that the kid is a rotten, imperious, know-it-all.'

He looked over at Mrs Fowl again. "Where was Artemis going to school before winter break? I'm sure that his previous school also … objected to the presence of your 'butler' on the school grounds. I afraid we don't allow for any personal staff for any of the students here. We teach independence and highlight discipline, and your bodyguard will not be allowed on the grounds. If you'd like to follow me I'll show you some of the facilities at this college. Artemis–" he had changed to his young idiot voice again. "…If you'd like I can show your mother around and Fletcher here can show you to your dorm." He pointed his hand with the stubby red fingers to a prefect of about 16 years.

Artemis shrugged and followed the prefect from the office. He could feel his freedom slipping away before his very eyes.

* * * * *

Liam Brambling's life took a decisive turn for the worse on the first day of term after the winter holidays. Of course, he didn't know it just yet but the idea that life sucks would cross his mind more than once on that cold day.

It had seemed to be just another boring, mundane start of term, until Principal Guiney stood up, tapped the microphone with one hairy finger and said in his expanded monotone: "I hope you will all join together in welcoming our new student, Artemis Fowl the Second. Fowl will you stand up, please."

A boy two rows in front of Liam, and slightly to the right stood up. He was slightly shorter than average but was probably about 12, the same age as Liam. He was wearing the self-contented look that sat on 99.8% of the faces in the assembly hall. The other 0.2% was taken up with Doctor Shortis: the Psychologist who knew he had every mental disease in the book. And Mrs Heyney: the Religious Ed teacher who was so unsure of herself that she gave everyone A+'s on their assignments because she didn't want any students to dislike her. They did anyway.

The kid sat down again, smoothing down his blazer. He still thinks he is special, even in a room full of people so special Only Child and Golden Boy syndromes ooze from every pore. It was almost laughable in the predicability. He'll be pampered by the staff because they know that who ever Artemis Fowl the First is, will have their resignations (or heads) if his darling little boy isn't treated just right. And when he gets to his dorm tonight he'll probably start bragging and his dorm mates will put him in the top bed of the bunk with the removable supports. And about midnight he'll come crashing down to the reality of St Bartleby's School for Young Gentlemen. Liam almost laughed at the mental image. Almost.

Principal Guiney finished his speech which, as always, had 3 second pauses between each clause of each sentence and made it look like he was in kindergarden, reading from a big poster of first words. Finally eight hundred boys rose as a single organism from their hard blue seats and flowed out the door like so much sewage. Liam checked his diary. Science and Commerce before morning break. He could survive that. Well that's what he thought.

* * * * *

You may need some background information on Liam Brambling before you come to any conclusions about how bad this latest development will be to his ego and his life at St. Bartleby's. The Bramblings weren't a particularly old family in the grander scheme of things (only being able to trace their line back 12 generations). The family is based in Wales, but Liam's grandfather was quite rebellious in the fact that he had two sons instead of the customary one. Liam's father, the younger son by name of Ferran Brambling, moved to Ireland when he came of age so that he would not be competing with his elder brother, Christopher Brambling the Eigth. Liam's mother was an Irish woman with a rather peculiar inclination towards what she considered "being in touch with nature". And for this reason Liam's younger sister is named Jacaranda. It should also be noted that "Brambling" is the name of a rather insignificant type of bird and Niamh Brambling thought she was being rather witty when she wanted to name her son "Swallow", after yet another small brown bird – thankfully Liam's father disapproved.

Liam had been packed off to snob boarding school at the age of 7 to "shape his personality" and they finally figured out that he was exceptionally intelligent, having not know previously that teaching yourself the Latin language was unusual at the age of 6. They did an IQ test and discovered that technically Liam was a genius. It gave Niamh another thing to boast to her friends at the Country Club: Her darling son who was so good with his little sister has an IQ of 154. Liam didn't resent her for that because it was better for him if she had a hobby to distract her from reality.

He did resent the fact that his genius, however spectacular, was specialised. He could learn a new language completely in mere weeks and crack any code put before him, but in schoolwork he was only amazing rather than Earth-shattering. It was in his opinion that it wasn't very hard to be amazing at St. Bartleby's because the teachers had to act cautious around the students and give everyone high marks. And the students themselves are the results of generations of breeding for strong chins and wide foreheads, and so some Darwinism has taken place in the direction of looks and away from the cerebral.

This form of evolution becomes painfully obvious to Artemis Fowl when he walks into his first class for that morning: Science.

Something shall also become painfully obvious to Liam Brambling because until now he has never met someone who is more intelligent than himself. It shall be quite an education.

* * * * *

Fletcher had pointed him in the direction of the science labs and had then left Artemis to find his own way there, strutting off to his own class with his nose so high in the air it had left the atmosphere behind. It was quite frankly amazing that he hadn't dropped dead from trying to breathe in the vacuum of space. It wasn't difficult to find the right class, not for Artemis anyway. Only about half of the students were there, and those present were all talking even though the professor was standing at his desk looking around at the class in a pathetic, pleading sort of way. He spotted Artemis at the door and hurried over with a hopeful smile plastered all over his round bald head.

"You're the new boy aren't you? I'm so happy to have a new student in my class, it makes for a refreshing look on what we've been learning. We've been doing a subject on forces at the moment and I hope you'll be able to catch on. Well, if you're still having trouble when we're almost through I won't make you sit the test for it. I do so enjoy having a new student. A new mind all ready to learn and fill up with science and maths and other such stuff. What did you say your name was?"

"Fowl…um…Sir."

"What a fine, fine name to have young man. I'm your professor and I hope you're a science nut like me. Why don't you sit over there next to Brambling, he'll be able to answer any question you might have about the work we're doing. He's a very bright young lad, all full of enthusiasm and energy. Sit, sit!"

The professor, who hadn't even mentioned his name, had been pointing over to the only boy in the fourth row. He was rather Gothic, was probably very tall if he didn't slouch so much and had one of the most uninterested expressions on his face that Artemis had ever seen, and he included reflections in that equation.

The boy, Brambling, looked Artemis up and down with a soft smile. "So…which breed are you." Artemis raised a questioning eyebrow as he sat down. "There are only two ways to get into this school; money and/or connections. So either Artemis Fowl the First is a criminal or a politician. Both crooks but that's life."

"My father is missing. His ship sunk en route to Russia about a year ago."

"So he was a criminal and the Mafiya wanted him dead." Artemis was careful to keep his face as expressionless as the other boy's and so simply raised the other eyebrow. "Don't worry your head kid, as I said we're all the sons of crooks. My father is involved in making sure the brothel trades in Belgium doesn't fall. Someone's got to be doing the dirty work, may as well be us rich and noble buggers."

Artemis looked at the tall boy in an appraising manner. He was obviously quite shrewd and very observant really. A possible asset to exploit maybe? "I take it you're not an optimist?"

"Oh, I'm just a realist kid, just a realist. My parent don't listen to me when I say know more than Professor Kurik over there and so I just sit through, get 100% on my tests and watch the idiots around me ogle and seethe. As if you can send an intellect like mine to a school for the moronically rich and still expect me to be more than a social retard. Oh, well, I have my games to play. I've almost made the psychiatrist insane. Sampson's holding the books for how long it'll take. See, as I said, we're all crooks. Don't you talk much or something?"

"You think you're smart don't you?"

"And you think you're smart by not answering questions. It just makes you look like the weedy little brat that you are. And I don't think I'm smart. I just am and there is nothing you or I can do about it."

Brambling smiled in a self-deceptive way, shrugging his shoulders and glancing around at the class, where only 4 boys were coping down the information from the blackboard. "You'd think at these fees they could afford to install some new equipment like whiteboards. It's just so they look rustic and traditional. There are inkwells in the computer labs! Anyway, it's not hard to be the smartest in a group like this; a common rat is more intellectual than this class of ours. Why am I even talking to you? You're as brain-dead as the rest of these pretty boys. I swear I'm becoming another one of those suicidal maniacs. And people wonder why genii burn out early?"

"What make you think you're a genius? Anyone slightly more intelligent than the average mob thinks they're special. You're just another wannabe. You don't fit into the normal and so you think you must fit into the elite. It's a nice idea. You did say you're a realist though." Artemis sat back to watch the results of his little legitimacy test. He didn't have to provoke him at all to find out about his opinion of the world in its entirety. That boy really needed a hobby.

"A Brambling is a bird, right? Small, brown, got a little 'tak' noise. What's your first name?" Artemis's had a small smirk on his face as the other boy murmured something unintelligible. "Sorry, I didn't catch that."

"Liam. Not like you can talk. What sort of name is 'Fowl'! And Artemis was a Greek Goddess. I don't care about your opinion anyway, you're just another pretty boy without a life."

It was at that point that a fat boy in the second row cleared his throat like a bullfrog and asked Professor Kurik how they create zero gravity to train Astronauts for space. The boy clearly wasn't expecting or even wanting an answer, and had simply asked it to see the stuttering and open-mouthed look on his teacher's face as he stuttered to find an answer other than "I don't know". The Professor tried to seize the metaphorical backdoor before it slammed and indicated for Brambling to answer the question instead.

Kurik sank down behind his desk with the look that many may have during a midlife-crisis and fumbled with something in the drawer of his desk. The class had suddenly fallen silent and turned in their seats prepared for a load of tech-no-babble that nobody could ever hope to understand. Brambling coughed nervously, "Um… I don't think we can actually get rid of gravity at all. The astronauts and cosmonauts usually just train for Null G in water." He let out a breath as most of the class shrugged and swivelled back around to face the front or their friends.

Artemis smiled and answered. "They also do training in specially designed planes. They take them to a certain altitude and do into a complete nosedive; the speed of the fall gives the closest simulation to what Null Gravity would feel like. There are also theoretical methods, which are only in the mathematical formulas now, of ways to create the effects of gravity, like they use in StarTrek. If they could create the effects of gravity then you could use it to balance out the effect of the Earth's gravity and so create the illusion and effect of Zero G's. It would also be useful in moving from one place to another and would make air transportation cheaper because of the reduced effort it would take to leave the surface of the planet."

The class had all turned back around to look at Artemis and he gave them a small grin before looking down at his books. Professor Kurik clapped his hands together excitedly, "I've heard about that. It's so gratifying to find someone else who takes such an interest in the wonders of physics. Thankyou for that explanation. Did that answer your question, Bell?"

Artemis turned to Brambling who was glaring at him in a way that would make milk curdle. He gave an innocent look and said, "You know genii, having to immerse themselves in theoretical aspects because of reduced social stimuli."

"So you're a conceptual mathematics genius, are you? Like Einstein and Hawkins? I'm language and code myself. If you ever need a completely new language deciphered in a week, I'm your man."

"A week? I did that in a day and a half. My speciality is that I don't have one."

"Like DaVinci?" Brambling sounded almost scared by the prospect.

"Like DaVinci."

Another Author's note Please point out any mistakes I've made or tell me about how you think things should go from here. Brownie points to anyone who can tell from what book I got the name "Brambling", and also the book where I found the name "Kurik". I'll reply to reviews at the end of next chapter.