Disclaimer: I own Artemis Fowl, Butler and everything else that you recognise from the Artemis Fowl books. You see, I'm really Eoin Colfer and I'm also the head of all his publishing companies and… Okay, I'm still asleep. But I do lay claim to Cheryl Tumbleweed and her friend Betsie who I'm really quite fond of.
Author's Note: Kitty – I was going to have Foaly tell Root that—Blah! If I say that I'll spoil half the chapter. Well anyway, I included Grub just for you.
Thanks to: bride_of_lister (I think that might be a problem with the upload of it. I couldn't understand what you meant in this case but it has happened to me before.),
Kitty Rainbow (I know I could have worked the time-jump into the prose but I've done that before and someone always stands up saying that they don't understand.),
Skywise (I was trying to make him sound confused and desperate and he can't be OOC since he's mine and so maybe I'm just making him schizophrenic),
animefanatic07 (x3!!),
Lady Game (If you had put an exclamation mark there it wouldn't have been appropriate. ::grin:: But I'm glad that you're interested in what's happening. And I changed the titles and I like the stick which resides in Artemis' rear-end.),
Miadevil (cute reviews like that one make me smile. Thanks.),
Eleida (bamboozled the brains out of you? Strange…),
big friendly killer whale (You started? Um… sorry but what did you start? Are you going to join the BFW and Blue Yeti flaming brigade led by Monkey Queen? And yes, BFW is full of crap but it's all in jest and he does make it hilariously funny.),
Ivycreeper (I'm glad you appreciate the bioweapons. And damn you for researching for New Moon! I was reading it and then I saw research and I was inspired and I ran off to research so I didn't feel so inadequate.),
ozzy (The code is not only Ghnommish (which is all Artemis has on his PC) but a mix of many different languages and so it's not as simple as that. And I had to find a way to get to the plot!),
The Seasyngr (I love your name. And I thought it was suitably un-genius enough for my genius, I'm glad you agree.)
Chapter Six
Tumbleweed
"This just keeps getting better and better…"
- O'Connell (The Mummy)
Butler looked over his shoulder at the young man seated behind him. The laptop was open on his knees but he had such a vacant look on his face as he thought things through that it ended up seeming as if he wasn't thinking at all - just gazing in a stupor at the screen in front of him. Butler knew that on the screen the translations would be sitting, most possibly haunting Artemis with their gaps and incomprehensibility.
As he watched the disk came out. This was one of those little things which Artemis unconsciously did when he was deep in thought. His father had given him a little disk of potent purple sujalite when he was young and he still carried it around with him everywhere. And when he was thinking about something especially hard it came out of his pocket and was slowly rolled between his fingers and thumb on his left hand. But it wasn't the disk of royal purple that Butler had become accustomed to seeing in his charge's hand or pocket; it was the gold coin that Holly Short had given him only a manner of days ago.
That was probably a second indication of what was praying on his mind. The first indication being the fact that they were driving to Tara to send out a warning.
The coin stopped rolling and Artemis looked up from his screen. "Butler, I think I'm going to have to ask Brambling for help with this last code. I'm not going to understand this in ten minutes."
"Yes, Artemis. That will be a good idea."
"Well, I… But if I… Doesn't matter."
He turned back to his laptop with a forceful and purposeful look. He hummed a bit to himself, twisting his mouth around in concentration.
"Butler? Do you have your mobile?"
Butler picked it up from the dash and threw it over his shoulder, Artemis catching it in his lap.
"Thank you."
He plugged it in to the computer and then began typing so fast that it was amazing that you could even see his hands. The school would have records of Brambling's phone number.
* * * * *
Holly Short heard her alarm go off but in her unasked for opinion, 5pm was far too early to be getting up. So she slammed her hand down on the snooze button. She lay in the half consciousness of early twilight and shifted around so that her back was to the window into her apartment from which the sounds of Thursday evening markets flooded the room. Thursday is considered by many to be the worst day of the week, as you may be lethargic from the first three days and not yet have the anticipation of a Saturday sleep-in.
She lolled in her bed for another few minutes until the point in time when it becomes extremely necessary to get up in order survive the wraith of Beetroot. The alarm went off again.
"--although it's a lovely fresh start of the night for most, there are continuing problems involving fractions of the Anti-Atlantis Association and their supporters. There were some raids and small riots over the day and the LEP have their work out for them if they are going to manage to calm both the terrorist supporters and the frightened crowds. They are also experiencing huge difficulties due to those of their forces who are still out of commission from the Goblin Uprising of last week. I have on the line my good friend, Private Chix Verbal, a sprite from the heart of Police Plaza who'd going to tell us the latest. Good morning Chix--"
Holly was already running down her hallway pulling on her uniform without having breakfasted or showered. It is not a good political time to be a LEP officer.
She ran out into the street with the tongue of one of her boots flapping loose and her hair in a bedraggled, sticking up mess. The door of the block slammed shut behind her as she ran forward tugging her uniform straight. She rounded the corner into Small Street and bowled over a young elf that was probably about her age. And bowled over was the only accurate way to describe it. Holly tripped and landed 2 meters distant and the man rolled to a stop far away in the center of the street.
Holly shook her head and rose to her feet, scrambling over to the man who looked slightly stunned. She held out her hand to help him to his feet and he graciously took it.
"I'm so sorry for that. I'm in a hurry and I wasn't looking out for anyone."
"You're Captain Holly Short recon, are you not?"
"Um, yes. Why do you--"
"Oh, nothing, nothing. I've just heard about you that's all."
And he held out his hand for her to shake. This was a curiosity in itself because although she was … infamous, nobody treated her well. Or wanted to know her.
"Oh. Right." And she shook it, still in a state of perplexment. And she just stayed there, looking at him in puzzlement.
"Don't you have to be somewhere. You said you were hurrying."
"Oh, yes. Right." And she turned to go, continuing to run in the direction of Police Plaza. Looking back over her shoulder at the man. Strangely enough, he was now walking back the same way he had been coming from when she had bashed into him.
* * * * *
Artemis gave another look at the screen with the Brambling details and pulled out the cable attaching the laptop to Butlers mobile which was servicing for an Internet connection. He flipped the phone open and dialed in the number.
It rang almost 8 times before a gruff man picked it up.
"Brambling household. Who is speaking?"
"Artemis Fowl. I'm Bramb-- Liam's … acquaintance."
"Yes. I'll notify him that you are on the phone."
Fur Elise played into the earpiece. Artemis tapped his fingers on the door and looked out at the passing landscape - they were almost at Tara.
"Fowl? Are you going to--"
"I need to know how to translate the last of the code."
"But it's finished. Why would you--"
"I need you to tell me how the numeric fractions are translated. It's important."
"That's easy. It's a computer font. MS Reference 2. Listen, I need your hel--"
Artemis shut the phone with a snap and pulled up a word program on his computer. How could he be so stupid to have missed doing something as simple as that? He pulled up the numeric code that had been causing him so much trouble on screen.
He cross-referenced it to the alphabet in MS Reference 2. It fit. The last of the messages. Perhaps it could tell him more about what The People had to do with all this.
'The batch to control the writer Taliesin is also ready. You have to tell me names so that I can prepare it for administration… will that... Action to be taken soon.'
Butler looked in the rear-view mirror again to check on Artemis. After translating the last of the messages that he had been stressing over for so long he looked more stressed and puzzled than ever. The gold coin found its way back into his hand and began to roll.
* * * * *
Holly was breathing hard as she ran up the steps of the makeshift LEP headquarters which was being used while Police Plaza was being renovated after the disaster that was the Goblin Rebellion. These offices were small and only the senior administrators had anything which could resemble an office even in bad lighting. The rest of the LEP, when not in the field, had to make do with a series of tables in a large room - which was also the mess hall.
Holly walked in unnoticed and moved over to sit down at one of the benches in the corner that the recon squad had made their own. Some of the others gave her a small and weary smile as she sat down in front of the pile of paperwork that was topped by a bright orange notice proclaiming that it was her job for the day. The rest of the squad's benches were mostly empty – the crews posted to various places around the city in an attempt to keep the public and riots down. From the look of the frantic secretaries at the door, it clearly wasn't working very well.
Holly was flipping over to the next page to see if it was even slightly more interesting when Commanders Root and Azores came bursting in through the front doors in the middle of an argument. Root looked so furious he was almost purple and his lower eyelid was sure to be twitching, whereas Azores had the look of stupid calmness that comes with businessmen and office-workers who are too arrogant and complacent. Root was doing his very best to not spit in his co-worker's face but with Root… His face tells all.
"But see here, Julius. Your recon teams are not equipped to deal with things like this. This is a physical and peace-keeping exercise—"
"SO! We need all the arms we can get and recon is better trained than the street officers. We don't need arguments! …We need a miracle."
"But what about equipment? We don't even have any reasonable guns to give them with the Koboi stuff out of commission and lack of supplies. And there's only one pair of wings left and that's completely broken! Your men can't help if they don't have anything to fight with."
"This isn't about fighting. It's about keeping the peace! We need officers to help calm down the scared civilians. They don't even need to be armed – it's better if they're not! They need to been seen and need to show that everything is under control. And my recon are the best there are for sensibility and—"
"But nothing is under control! And what about Short?! Hmmmm? She's not—"
"Captain Short is the best of the best. She's going to the riot at Fisher street, where the bulk of the AAA is. Short! Go to Foaly. He'll sort you out."
Holly paused and stared at him from over her paperwork.
"That's an order! Now, Short!"
Holly pushed herself off the bench and past Commander Azores who was stuttering and trying to hold Root back. She could hear the sounds of places being assigned to her colleagues by her Commander as she jogged past the secretaries and smiled slightly. Root was definitely one of a kind.
Once Holly got to Foaly's temporary Op Center it became apparent that no equipment was quite accurate. She was being sent to the worst riot in the Underground with a barely working Nutrino Blaster (the original model that had never been much good) and, after realising that the last pair of wings defiantly did not work, her own legs to get her to the other side of the city.
She jogged most of the way and only slowed down slightly when she came to the junction of Cable and Fisher streets. She could see the moving crowds down towards her right, and the center of attention was a flying sprite high above the heads of the rest who appeared to be yelling out encouragements to the mob. He was the main source of trouble. Holly took off running again, watching the crowd to see were help was needed and where it would be better to get out of the way and flee. Most of the LEP forces in this area were some of the first out and so a great many of them were flying above the crowd, although admittedly, very lethargically. And half a dozen fairies were trying to creep up behind the flying leader, led by Captain Vein – one of the best in the force.
Holly reached the throng and began to move about the edges trying to get some of the People who were unsure about their stance to go home. There was even a few young kids who looked stuck and so she helped to make a pathway out so that they could go back to their homes. Occasionally Holly looked up at into the air where the real riot was going on and sighed at her inability to do anything.
The crew above were fighting against the police forces, without weapons but there were quite a few sprites and their species are known for their proficiency in aerial combat. A Lieutenant came down after being punched from the air and she rushed over to him, lent a bit of her magic, and then, when she knew that he was going to be all right, pulled off his wings and took to the air. Here she could make a difference.
She circled around and joined onto Vein's team who were still trying to bring down a group of fierce protesters whose purple armbands designated them as belonging to the AAA. The main sprite who was vocalising so loudly was in the center with a band of followers surrounding him, protecting him. There was at least 10 rebels and the team which was trying to take them was only small – the rest of the force being held up elsewhere. It would be difficult and it was also so very important. The center sprite looked like someone quite high up and the LEP was clueless as to the plan of the organisation and needed some people for questioning.
Just as they were getting ready to make a group charge, Holly spotted someone in the remains of the scattered crowd below. It was the man from the street who she had bashed into.
And then the troops around her were pushing her into the melee of the aerial battle dance.
* * * * *
The car glided to a stop close to the hedge that was the boundary between the fay Tara and the open grasslands of the humans. Before Butler had even pushed down the hand break, Artemis was out of the car and staring at the hedge as if it was the embodiment of all his other, more serious, obstacles. Butler got out himself and looked around him before moving to Artemis' side. Artemis pulled out two modified versions of the fairy helmets, handing one to Butler and putting the other on his own head.
And, with Butler taking point, they walked through the hedge. And through the sunglasses they saw … no one.
The entirety of Tara, favoured holiday destination and 'to be' spot of the Fairy world was empty. It was one of those moments when you expect cartoonish tumbleweed to blow across the ground.
"Artemis." Butler called and Artemis turned around.
Butler was holding a female fairy over his head that was dressed in a uniform of some sort (not of the LEP) and with an absolutely astonishing hairstyle, which almost looked like a three-tier cake. And she looked quite terrified of being 4 foot taller than she naturally was.
Artemis felt a bit of a pang looked at her petrified face. "Why, don't you put her down, Butler? I don't think she'll be going anywhere soon." And she wasn't. Well … maybe to the bathroom.
Artemis took off the helmet-sunglasses and peered at her name badge. Translated it said "Hello. My Name is Cheryl Tumbleweed. I'm here to help." He had expected a tumbleweed to blow across the clearing but not quite like this.
"I have a way for you to help, Cheryl. I'm—"
Her voice trembled but still retained its nasal qualities. "Artemis Fowl?"
"Why, yes I do believe I am."
"You won't do much good if you want to kidnap me because no fairy is ever going to give you any more gold!"
"I. Don't. Care. I want you to pass on a message for me. To Captain Holly Short of the LEPrecon."
She gasped in the theoretical way that Artemis had previously thought had only belonged to bad soap-opera acting. "Were you in it together? Everyone thought it was suspicious that you managed to outsmart the LEP but if the crazy captain was in on it as well… that must have been why you managed it."
Artemis took a deep breath and tried to calm down and not strangle the fairy with his own hands. "What is your job, Cheryl?"
"My name isn't Cheryl! I never told you that my name was Cheryl! You aren't so—"
"It's on your name tag. And I already called you by it. Now, for the last time, tell me what your job is."
"I'm a security guard. I mainly just help tourists around and the like. But it's really dead quiet today because the shuttle service has been cancelled because of some riots. I had been sent up before it all began happening though."
Artemis breathed out, "What's been happening? Nevermind, I know you won't answer and I'm sure it's not that important. And thank you for telling me. So that means that you have some method of communication to the Underground, right?"
"Well, yes. But I'm not helping you! That would be treasonish."
"There is not such word as," his voice dripped with distaste, "'treasonish' and believe it or not I'm trying to help."
"Why would you be doing that?"
Artemis was silent for a moment in half-stunned contemplation, but then Butler brushed past him and pulled Cheryl into the air by the front of her uniform for a second time. "Listen to me you little garden ornament. You are going to listen to Master Artemis and then you're going to do what you're told. You are not going to argue and you're not even going to speak. Understand?"
She nodded and looked down at the ground seeming to move far below her.
Artemis moved forward again. "Listen closely. You are going to repeat this to either Captain Short, Commander Root or Foaly the LEP technician. Short's life is in danger. There is a threat on her life or health, which I think is coming from a human, but it has at least some fairy involvement. She is going to be a target of this… enemy… and I think she might be exposed to some sort of disease. I don't know any details but just tell her to get out of sight."
"And you want me to—"
"Pass
that on to Short, Root or Foaly. Got
it? Good. Do. It. Now." Yelled Butler.
Cheryl scampered off and opened what looked like a more sophisticated version of a walkie-talkie.
Artemis and Butler made there way back out to where the car was parked nearby; Artemis looking as pensive and troubled as ever and Butler, looking over at his charge, concluded that this was probably more because of the inexplicable nature of his own actions rather than whatever it was that was going on. Lots of things had not been exactly 'normal' lately.
They entered the car and Butler continued to look at him in the rear-view mirror. Artemis stared out the window at the Tara hedge for a moment or two then turned back to his computer and aimlessly scrolled through whatever it was that was on the screen. Butler took the silence as an opportunity.
"What do we do now, Artemis?"
"I don't… We're going to Brambling's place in Southern Kildare. I'll get you the address."
Butler turned and looked at Artemis with a shocked expression, asking the question with his eyes.
"There is more to him than meets the mind."
Butler half-shrugged to himself but he also knew that he wasn't going to get anything more from Artemis. He started up the car and pulled back out onto the road.
Artemis was staring at the screen in shock. There were some of Brambling's files that he had left on the school system. And they were signed 'Taliesin'.
* * * * *
Cheryl literally scampered off when Artemis and Butler left her and she listened carefully to hear for the sounds of them leaving. She was tempted for a moment to ignore the Mud Boy and refuse to tell anyone what he had said because it could be a trick but they had used eye-ball orders so she couldn't stop herself from carrying them out and … he had sounded serious.
So, she got a line through to her friend Betsie who works as a secretary in the LEP (in the Retrieval section too, which is a high honour) to see about delivering the Mud Boy's message. The line rang twice and then Betsie's voice came onto the line.
"LEPRetrieval. How can I help you?"
"Betsie, it's me, Cheryl."
"Oh, have you called about the Amalbus Dinnerware party at my place tomorrow? You really shouldn't call me in work hours; I deal with emergencies you know."
"I think it might be more important than your Dinnerware party, Betsie."
"Good, reliable stuff is just so hard to come by these days. But Amalbus is still exceptionally good. It's all that fancy-pants technology that's doing it. Why I believe that my Ronnie was so—"
"I've got to talk to Commander Root. Or the girl captain. I got a message I have to pass on."
"Since when do you know either of those two? They're high up's they are! How about you give me the message and I'll write them a little memo and get Sandra to pop it in on a desk?"
"I'm under" her voice dropped to a secretive level "eye-ball orders to pass the message onto the Commander, the Captain or some technician."
"Eye-ball orders! There's a Mud Man involved?!"
Cheryl's voice went even quieter and you could almost hear the winks. "A Mud Boy. Fowl. He says he has to warn the girl captain – the one he kidnapped - about … something. I shouldn't tell you what."
"Now this is big. I beat I could even patch this call through to him rather than give it to Janie to handle. This is exciting! I wonder what it all means. I'll get you through in a sec hang on."
Against all odds, Fur Elise is the standard call waiting music for the Underground as well.
Five minutes later, (after Root had terrified Cheryl even more than Butler had and so gotten the full story out of her,) Root stormed into the almost empty hall of desks and offices with his face even redder than a squashed tomato. He seized one of the only people left – happening to be Grub Kelp – and sent him scurrying for Fisher street with the orders of "GET SHORT BACK HERE, NOW!!" ringing in his delicate ears.
By the time Grub got back to the LEP offices he really, really wished his Mummy had talked him out of joining the LEP like his brother Trouble had done.
He barged back in the door still running and quite obviously having a mild asthma attack. Root was standing in the middle of the room. Waiting. And glaring at anyone who so much as even looked in his direction.
"Well? Where is she?" He asked in a seemingly calm voice that was nevertheless layered with palatable tension.
"When I got there they had pretty much calmed everything down. They—"
"I don't care about the rioting! Where is Short?!"
"Newt said that she fainted dead away a few minutes back. They think that she must have been hit on the head or something but apparently it was a bit strange because nobody was near her at the time. She's still unconscious but Trouble's men are bringing her back now."
Root head flopped down and if someone had been very, very close and listening hard they would have heard. "D'Arvit." But it was so softly spoken that it was more of a prayer than a blasphemy.