Reality Bites
Episode 02: The Form
By: Sailor Angie
AN: Hey guys, a few of you were like: 'Why would we want to see the form, won't it be boring?' Oh man, you haven't seen what Andrew can do when he's drunk, trust me, you'll like it. Read, review, and laugh your ass off!
Segment 02A: General Information
First Name: Darien
Last Name: Shields
Birthday: August 3, 1980
Age: 25
Occupation: Business Owner
Industry: Publishing
Job Title: CEO
Income: 1.5 Million/year
Marital Status: Single
Family:
Mother: Elizabeth Shields
Father: Charles Shields
Marital Status: Married
Durations of Marriage: 30 years
Siblings: None
Segment 02B: Personal Information
Why have you decided to apply for the show?
Recently I've noticed such a void in my life. I need to have a serious relationship. I've even found myself being a stupid jerk to my friends when they're just trying to make me feel better
What do you hope to get out of the show?
I'm hoping to find a long term relationship that has marriage potential, because my best friend can't take my moping anymore. I'm sick of being a lonely jerk, who hasn't gotten laid in a year. I'm hoping to find a woman that gets me, that understands who I am and wants to be with me even though I'm crabby and a jerk to my best friend. I want to find someone to cuddle with, walk along the moonlit beach, and feed me gummy bears.
How would you describe yourself?
I'm a control freak who can't be nice to his best friend. I'm a workaholic and this would be a good break for me. Oh, and I think I'm a super sharp dresser, even though I have the most god awful olive tweed jacket you've ever seen. Oh it's just hideous. Everyone at work talks about how ugly it is, but I just keep wearing it because I'm an idiot.
Describe a usual day in your shoes:
I wake up around 4 am, shower, and get ready. I walk to work and pick up a paper and black coffee on the way. I have to be to work by 5:30 am or else I'm a total jerk to everyone especially my best friend and co-owner. I work in my office reading manuscripts and taking conference calls. Occasionally I'll draw up some cover boards. I only leave for important meetings, and my secretary brings me lunch from the cafeteria everyday, so I have more time to work. At the end of the day around 5:30 or 6 pm I'll leave the office to go home unless I need to finish working on a project or if I go out with my best friend. But usually I'm too much of a jerk to go out with him because I'd rather be at home watching Lifetime or The History Channel than having a few rounds with him. I might pick some food up on the way home or stay in and cook something for myself.
On an average Saturday night you are:
Being a jerk and not going out to a bar with my best friend. I might take in an opera, or so some paperwork at the office. Sometimes I have book releasing parties to attend as well.
Are you happy with your job?
My life is my job. I would die without it.
Describe in detail at least 5 hobbies:
Being a jerk, I'm always crabby.
Watching porn, when you can't have the real thing there's nothing wrong with settling for second best.
Hatin' on my best friend.
Being alone, have you ever heard the phrase: 'Silence is golden?' So shut up!
Working, cuz I have nothing better to do unless Cinemax is on.
Give a brief relationship history:
I had an on and off relationship in high school with this chick. She'd basically use me whenever she'd broken up with her boyfriend, and ditch me when she found a new one. Sometimes I really thought I was in love with her, at least that's what I told my best friend later in college. Once in college we were separated, and I cycled through women. My best friend/college roommate and I partied every weekend and had a new girl every week. When I started to work my habits slowed. But when I got my own company it eventually stopped because women were only interested in me for my money. I need a chick who wants me for me and my sexual prowess, not my money.
What kind of significant other are you looking for?
I want a really hot chick who's not interested in my money. She would have to be okay with my busy work schedule and general crabbiness.
Describe your ideal relationship:
I would like to be involved with a woman who can cater to my needs, but give me space when I need it. I need a relationship where both parties give and take equally.
Describe your ideal date:
I often have this embarrassing dream that I've only told my best friend about. I dream that I'm walking on the beach hand in hand with her. Eventually we sit down and just talk about nothing for hours on end. I'm the hugest dorkiest sap.
What are some of your physical and emotional fears?
I'm afraid of bugs, mice, and germs. I can't handle them. I'm also afraid of puppies and kitten. Emotionally I'm scared of commitment and intimacy like every other guy. I've been burned so often and I find I can't stop whining about it.
Segment 02C: Favorites
Movie: When Harry Met Sally
Book: Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus
TV Show: One Life To Live
Music Genre: Classical
Song Artist: Beethoven
Song: Moonlight Sonata
Actor: Rudolph Valentino
Actress: Audrey Hepburn
Writer: Danielle Steele
Artist: Monet
Hero: Sailor Moon
Movie Genre: Romantic Comedy
Clothing Item: Olive Tweed Blazer
Sport: Ice Skating
Athlete: Nancy Kerrigan
Athletic Team: US Rhythmic Gymnastics Team
Smell/Scent: Roses
Color: Pink
Saying/Quote: "Love is blind"
Website:
Hobby: Working
Beverage: Black coffee
Food: Chinese Take-out
Dessert: Cheese cake
Place/Location: Ocean/beach
Flower: Rose
Word: Sex
Physical Affection: Cuddling/snuggling/holding hands
Animal: Ponies
Underwear: Care Bear boxers
Segment 02D: Contact Information
Mailing Address:
Darien Shields
2430 Simpson Ct.
Los Angeles, CA 90527
Work Address:
Johnson-Shields Publishing Inc.
c/o Darien Shields
5281 Broadway Ave.
Los Angeles, CA 90526
Phone:
a. Home: (608) 555-7328
b. Work: (608) 555-5261
c. Cell: (608) 555-8521
d. Fax: (608) 555-3497
X I, Darien Shields hereby certify that the form submitted is valid and agree to any and all terms and contractual agreements listed on the previous pages.
SUBMIT
Segment 02E
It was close to two in the morning when one of the casting directors was just finishing going through the online casting forms. None were any good. But she only had one left to go. As she read through the last one, some of the responses piqued her interest. "Well, one out of a thousand is okay," She turned her computer off and headed for bed.
AN: Remember that Andrew was drunk. Did I deliver in the humor? Let me know! And now it's time for my compromise. Because I can't answer everyone's reviews (even though I really would love to) I've decided to do a Q&A at the end of every chapter.
This week's Q&A was brought to you by: LeiraFrooky:
Q: What is a segment?
A: A segment is one part of a TV show within an episode. What you see between the first and second commercial breaks is a segment. For example an hour show traditionally has four segments: commercial, segment, commercial, segment, commercial, segment, commercial, segment. Recently it's been changing to more segments to allow more commercials. I hope that solves any confusion.
If you would like to be featured in the Q&A section simply ask me a question about the fan fic in your review.
Preview --- Episode 03: The Producer --- The audience gets acquainted with Ms. Serena Taylor, and discover how hostile her work environment is.