Metal Gear Solid: Operation Snake Eaten
By dacop
Chapter 2: Sokolov
((Dremuchij South))
Snake: Where should I be headed?
Stratikeo: Sokolov should be north.
Zero: He's right.
Snake: Hey, Major... what's YOUR codename?
Zero: Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you... I need you to call me Major Painendeass.
Snake: Painende-what? -scratches head-
Zero: Major Painendeass.
Snake: Oh.
Para-Medic: Be careful, Snake... there might be some dangerous creatures that might harm you. It's a jungle out there, Snake... take care of yourself.
Snake: I will.
((Dremuchij Swampland))
-Snake walks through a grassy path, and stumbles upon a thick swamp.-
(Call from 140.85: Major Painendeass)
Major: Snake?
Snake: What?
Major: That's a thick swamp right there.
Snake: I've seen these before, Major.
Major: I know... make sure to run... errr... WALK, like hell if you want to go through it.
Para-Medic: Or you won't be finishing the mission anytime soon...
Snake: Whatever...
(Call Ends)
-Snake walks through the thick swamp thing... but then a magpie lands on his head.-
Snake: -still in the middle of the swamp- Argh! Stupid bird! Get off me!
-Snake drowns because he spent too much time in the middle of the muck.-
Game: SNAKE IS DEAD... TIME PARADOX
Snake: Argh! This stupid game is too realistic for me... -chooses continue-
-Snake walks through the swamp thing again but makes it through-
Snake: -sees an Indian Gavial- Aww... look at the pwetty lizard!
(Call from 145.73: Para-Medic)
Para-Medic: SNAAAKE!!!!
Snake: WHAAAAAT???
Para-Medic: Don't move!
Snake: Why?
Para-Medic: That's an Indian Gavial, not just some lizard, you bonehead!
Snake: Aww, look at it; it's chewing on my leg...
Para-Medic: ...you should feel the pain in...
Snake: It's shooo kuhyoot!! Whosh the widdle croc? Ish you! Yesh, ish you!
Para-Medic: 5... 4... 3... 2... 1...
Snake: It's so, so... AAAAHHHH!!!!
-snake dies from bleeding to death-
(Call Ends)
Game: SNAKE IS DEAD... TIME PARADOX
Snake: Ok... that was just dumb, but I can just keep on restarting... right? -selects continue-
-Snake goes through the grassy path, the swamp, and avoids the Gavials.-
((Dremuchij North))
-Snake kneels down on the grass, and takes out his binoculars.-
(Call from 140.85: Major Painendeass)
Major: Snake. Remember, this is a STEALTH mission.
Snake: So, I can't be seen. I know.
Major: Those are sentries, right?
Snake: Right... they're armed with... notebooks... pencils...
Major: Anything else?
Snake: ...AK-47s... and grenades.
Major: Remember... killing them isn't the only solution.
Snake: I gotcha.
(Call Ends)
-Snake sneaks up to the schoolboys, trying to grab them...-
(Student: "RED !" on head)
Student: Hey!! -calls on radio- This is the prefect! We got a situation here!
(Alert Mode)
Snake: Oh crap...
Student: Don't move, you filthy American! -takes out his rifle-
Snake: Seriously, what can a silly schoolboy like you, do to me?
Student: -whoops Snake's ass with CQC and finishes him off by emptying his magazine on his broken-boned corpse-
Game: SNAKE IS DEAD... TIME PARADOX
Snake: Wow... he's good. -picks continue-
-Snake takes out his binoculars and comes up with a strategy... unfortunately it was a stupid one...-
Snake: HEY!! FREE ICE CREAM!!
(Student: "!" on head)
Student: Who goes there?
(Caution Mode)
Snake: OVER HERE!!! -waves-
(Student: "RED !" on head)
Student: An intruder! -aims at Snake-
(Alert Mode)
Snake: What? You don't like Chocolate?
Student: -throws a pen at Snake's head, killing him instantly-
Game: SNAKE IS DEAD... TIME PARADOX
Snake: Okay, this is getting really lame... really fast. -picks continue-
Snake: -he activates his radio-
(Snake calls 141.80: Stratikeo)
Stratikeo: What's the problem?
Snake: For middle school students, they pack quite a punch...
Stratikeo: Have you forgotten? Once CQC is rendered useless, it's time to use camouflage.
Snake: Camouflage?
Stratikeo: Yes. Go into your Survival Viewer and select "Camouflage". The only uniform you have now is Leaf, and Shit.
Snake: Okay...
Stratikeo: Well there are a lot of brown-colored rocks there. Select Shit from the Camouflage menu.
Snake: Got it.
(Call Ends)
Snake: -puts on the Shit camouflage and pastes him against the walls-
-Snake sneaks by the two prefects without them noticing him...-
Snake: -sings- La la la... I'm just some shit on a rock... no need to notice me... eedee dee dee doo doo...
(Student: "?" on head)
Snake: Yes... I got past those morons...
((Dolinovodno))
-Snake kneels down again, and looks through his binoculars.-
-He sees a student down below, and a hornet's nest above him... he smiles.-
Snake: -shoots the nest and it falls... the hornets scare the student and he runs away-
(Student: "!" on head)
Snake: Heheh... jackass.
-Snake slides down the ledge but then some hornets are still there.-
Snake: Uh oh... AAAAHHH!! -runs but then he slips and falls into the river below, instantly dying a most painful death-
Game: SNAKE IS DEAD... TIME PARADOX
Snake: ...you know, I'm not going to say anything. -picks continue-
-Snake kneels down, and shoots the hornet's nest. The hornets scare the living crap out of the guard students and they all run away... Snake plans to kill some time so the hornets would go away.-
(Student: "!" on head)
(Snake calls 140.85: Major Painendeass)
Major: Yeah, Snake?
Snake: Hmm... I wonder. I thought these students were supposed to have a lunch break...
Major: I'm afraid you're misunderstood. They ARE on lunch break. It's just that there are just some prefects walking around to make sure Sokolov is still safe.
Snake: Figures...
(Call Ends)
Snake: Good... the hornets are gone. -slides down-
Snake: I scared them pretty good... and HEY, there's a hornet's nest here... it's all empty.
(Call from 145.73: Para-Medic)
Para-Medic: Snake?
Snake: Mmm?
Para-Medic: That's a Baltic Hornet's Nest you got there.
Snake: What's so good about it?
Para-Medic: What's NOT good about it? Though it looks empty, there are still some drones and worker hornets you can eat. They're nice and crunchy.
Snake: Nice... a good afternoon snack... perfect for a soldier.
Para-Medic: Not only that, the honey inside is delicious! It contains many nutrients. In other words, it's the perfect survival food!
Snake: Sweet...
Stratikeo: Uhh... Snake?
Snake: Stratikeo! What's up?
Stratikeo: You know... there's a probability that we're going to meet each other real soon.
Snake: And?
Stratikeo: Come on, Snake! Save some for me!
Snake: No.
Stratikeo: Selfish bastard...
Snake: Whoop-dee-doo.
(Call Ends)
-Snake slowly crosses the drawbridge and heads for the old factory.-
((Rassvet))
-Snake looks through his binoculars again and sees more students.-
Snake: Some tight security THEY have... feh.
-But then, Snake sees something slithering around his feet.-
Snake: -tries not to scream-
(Call from 140.85: Major Painendeass)
Major: SNAKE!
Snake: Wh-wh.. what?
Major: What's wrong?
Snake: There's... a... snake... on... the... ground...
Major: You're such a wimp, Snake! Shoot it with your tranquilizer!
Snake: Oh yeah... -shoots the snake and it falls asleep... Snake grabs it-
Para-Medic: Wow! You just caught a Reticulated Python!
Snake: Wow! I don't believe it! A Reticulated Python! Betcha-by-golly-wow!
Para-Medic: Yup!
Snake: ...what's a Reticulated Python?
Para-Medic: -sweatdrops-
Snake: Well?
Para-Medic: It's some snake that dwells around that area.
Snake: So is it TASTY?
Para-Medic: I don't think so.
Snake: Well... crap.
Major: Hey Snake! Come on... you gotta eat something!
Snake: I'm saving my hornet's nest for dessert and I gave my calorie mates to some dog before the mission.
Major: Well... you've eaten a snake, right?
Snake: Yeah... in survival training. I dunno if I'd order one in a restaurant but...
Major: At this point, you don't have much of a choice... don't you?
Snake: ...it's a piece of crap. -throws snake at a guard and to Snake's surprise, it scares the living hell out of the student guard-
-The scared student guard runs into a wall, and dies.-
Snake: Wow... it's kinda lethal. Ha ha ha.
Para-Medic: Umm, I made a mistake, Snake. The Reticulated Python actually tastes INCREDIBLY DELICIOUS.
Snake: .......
Para-Medic: You just threw away a good meal.
Snake: ...I hate you.
(Call Ends)
-Another student sees him-
(Student: "?" on head)
Student: What's wrong? -kicks his fellow guard-
-He sees that he's dead-
Student: What?? He's dead!! -looks around and then calls on his radio-
Student: HQ! The enemy is firing from an unknown position! Requesting backup!
(Caution Mode)
Snake: Whoopsie... -hides behind wall-
-Snake crouches so his shadow isn't seen very much-
Student: He's gotta be around here somewhere!
Snake: I'll call Stratikeo... he'll know what to do.
(Snake calls 141.80: Stratikeo)
NO RESPONSE
Snake: What the?!? Major Painendeass! Where's Stratikeo?
Major: We have no idea. We lost contact with him about a few minutes ago.
Snake: Damn it...
(Call Ends)
Student: Oh well... he must have been scared to hell by a snake and run into this wall and died because of forced blood trauma to the head. FALSE ALARM!!!
(Normal Mode)
Snake: Well... THAT was relieving.
-Snake ACTUALLY sneaks by all five guards and knocks at Sokolov's door-
KNOCK KNOCK
Snake: Sokolov? Are you there?
Sokolov: Tweet! Tweet! I'm just a birdy! STUPID-ASS SEVENTH GRADERS!!! YOU CAN'T KILL ME!! I AM INVINCIBLE!!! HAAHAHAHHAH!!!
Snake: Oh brother...
Oh noes! Will Snake ever lead Sokolov to safety? Find out in the next installment of Metal Gear Solid: Snake Eaten!