Review Spotlight:
Alien Explosion- Um... no. Stratikeo is "The Boss". Remember? He said "Snake, try to remember some of the basics of CQC." xD Anyways I found out a good way to make the TIME PARADOX not seem old. Please read on. xD
TheDonutMistress- Ah the legendary MGS fic writer reviewed me! Thank the heavens!
Metal Gear Solid: Operation Snake Eaten
By Stratikeo
Author's Note: If you can count how many times Snake lost in the game after the series is finished... I'm going to be impressed... XD.
Chapter 3: Come Here, Kitty Kitty Kitty...
((Still in Rassvet))
Snake: Well, I can't get in... I'll try to get his attention.
-Snake goes around to the back and goes near the place where Sokolov's window is.-
Snake: Here goes nothing. -tosses a chaff grenade through the window-
Snake: That should wake him up. -realizes that what he threw was actually just a regular frag grenade- Uh oh...
BOOM!
Sokolov: -gets blown to bits-
Game: SOKOLOV IS DEAD... TIME PARADOX
Snake: I hate my life... -picks continue-
Snake: -breaks the door down and sees Sokolov burning some papers-
Sokolov: -burning some papers-
Snake: -points his gun around to check for enemies-
Sokolov: Are you here to kill me?
Snake: I'm not a seventh grader. I'm here to rescue you.
Sokolov: Then... are you with Volgin?
Snake: No.
Sokolov: -finishes burning papers-
Snake: Hurry up or else those pathetic kids will get suspicious.
Sokolov: Yes. Take me to America. OOOH SAAAAYY CAAAN YOU SEEE!!!!
Snake: Sshhhhhh!!! Quiet!
(Student: "!" on head)
-The student sees Snake-
(Student: "RED !" on head)
Student: HQ, intruder alert! Requesting for ba-
-Snake shoots the student with a tranquilizer dart-
-The student collapses-
(Student: "Zzz" on head)
HQ: What's going on? Respond! There is a possible intruder in the area. Sweep the place now!
(Caution Mode)
Snake: Damn it... Sokolov! Let's get out of here!
Sokolov: So we're skipping the long talk about Volgin and the whole war thing?
Snake: Unfortunately, yes.
Sokolov: ...
Snake: Now come on!
-When the both of them come out, some guy spinning a Makarov comes out.-
Ocelot: Well, well well... who have we got here? Are you really The Boss?
Snake: -does his goofy CQC stance-
Ocelot: What is that stance? -thinks deeply-
Snake: -still aimed at Ocelot-
Ocelot: -points to Snake- You're not The Boss... are you?
Snake: No. My name is Snake.
Ocelot: Oh. If you're not The Boss... then die.
Snake: ...
Ocelot: ...meow.
-nothing happens-
Snake: Isn't it supposed to be "RRAAAWWRRR!!!!".
Ocelot: Thanks for calling them for me.
Snake: Damn...
-GRU soldiers appear-
Student: Hey! You're some GRU person! Die!
Ocelot: -fires a test paper through his gun, killing the student-
-Ocelot does that fancy shooting thing and kills the rest.-
Snake: -startled-
Ocelot: You couldn't POSSIBLY be The Boss. You can't even beat a seventh grade kid!
Snake: I may not be, but I know as much as she does.
Ocelot: Oh DO you?
Snake: Yep.
Ocelot: So... how do they put the cream in the Twinkies?
Snake: I have no idea.
Ocelot: I knew it! You're an impostor!
Snake: ...well I noticed something though.
Ocelot: What?
Snake: That gun of yours... is loaded with compressed test papers which prove to be extremely lethal to seventh graders. And you tend to bend your arm and jerk it back a little to absorb the recoil. Pretty impressive, but isn't that a revolver technique?
Ocelot: -thinks-
Snake: Using a tactic learned right in the middle of a battle isn't very smart. You should know that by know.
Ocelot: Well, being in a stance like that isn't smart either. In fact, it's downright stupid.
Snake: STUPID?!?!? Hey! Close Quarters Combat is very effective!
Ocelot: Only when The Boss uses it...
Snake: Are you the president of her fan club or something?
Ocelot: The Boss is a she?
Snake: No comment.
Ocelot: So why the goofy stance?
Snake: Well, I can switch from a gun fight to a knife fight instantaneously.
(Call from 140.85: Major Painendeass)
Major: Snake... why are you talking to the enemy?
Snake: Well you know... probably 50 years from now my second son will take over his body and go on a killing spree or something.
Major: You know, I'm not even going to ask.
Snake: You better not, Major. You better not.
(Call ends)
Ocelot: Enough talk! Die! -tries to shoot Snake but the gun jams-
Snake: ...
Ocelot: DAMN IT!!!! -throws the gun away and tackles Snake-
Snake: Oof!
Sokolov: AAAAHHH!!! -runs away-
GRU Soldier: Colonel! He's getting away!
Ocelot: Forget him! Kill this guy!
GRU Soldier: But... he's scary!
Ocelot: God you're hopeless...
Snake: Scary? No, no nononono... I'm SEXY.. not SCARY... SEEXXYY.
GRU Soldier: Oh! You're sexy!
Snake: GAY! HAHA YOU'RE GAY!!! -shoots the GRU Operative with an MK22-
GRU Soldier: You... tricked.... me... -passes out-
Ocelot: Hah! Gotcha! -sends a powerful blow to Snake's "family jewels"-
Game: SOLID, LIQUID, AND SOLIDUS SNAKE ARE DEAD... TIME PARADOX
Snake: This is the dumbest simulation ever... -picks continue-
Game: SNAKE IS GAY... TIME PARADOX...
Snake: Son of a...
Game: HA HA HA HA.
Snake: -picks continue-
Ocelot: -attempts the low blow-
Snake: -grabs Ocelot's knuckle and throws him in a badass CQC style-
Ocelot: GYAAHH!! -falls and hits his head on a piece of metal-
GRU Soldier: ....
Snake: What are you guys looking at? -shoots the other guards with the MK22-
-Every GRU Soldier is now asleep-
Ocelot: You...
Snake: Well... I gotta admit. That was some fine shooting. You're pretty good.
Ocelot: Pretty.... good.... -passes out-
Snake: Hmm. Oh yeah! I'm the most badass soldier on the planet.
(Call from 140.85: Major Painendeass)
Major: Snake? Snake! What's your status?
Snake: Bad... ass.
Major: What?
Snake: Nothing. I just single-handedly knocked out four GRU operatives and their colonel.
Major: You're wasting precious time, Snake! You have to protect Sokolov! By the way, where is he?
Snake: Umm... I'll get back to you on that later...
Major: Wait! Snake what the hell are you-
(Call ends)
Snake: -looks for Sokolov- Where the hell is that old prune?
((Dolinovodno))
Snake: Sokolov! We have to get out of here!
Sokolov: Please... you have to get me out. I want to see my wife and daughter again in America.
Snake: I see. Well, you're going to see them pretty soon, old man.
Sokolov: Thank you very much.
Snake: Now follow me. -goes to the drawbridge-
Sokolov: -looks down to the river below and whimpers-
Snake: Don't look down!
Sokolov: -looks straight but he's still whimpering-
Snake: -sees someone in the distance- What the?
???: Well, hoooowwwwwddaaaayyyyy, Snake!
Snake: What? Who the hell are you?
???: Don't I sound familiar? -emerges form the fog-
Snake: You... you're Stratikeo!
Stratikeo: That's right.
Snake: What's with the getup?
Stratikeo: -is wearing some kind of sneaking suit- Hmm, it looks good on me.
Snake: It's horrible.
Stratikeo: Well that's not the point. -drops two heavy containers and the bridge rocks violently-
Sokolov: WHAHAHAAA!!! -falls on his ass-
Snake: Watch it!
Stratikeo: Know what these are? They're nukes.
Snake: Nukes? What for?
Stratikeo: That's not important. They're a gift for my new hosts.
Snake: Hosts?
Stratikeo: Guess what, Snake? I'm dissin' you! I'm movin' to Russia, baby! Yeah!
Snake: What? How could you? You're... wait! What could you do? You're just a kid! Don't fool around. Go home.
Stratikeo: In case you're forgetting, this is just... a simulation. -snaps his fingers-
Snake: What the?
Major Zero (the real one): Snake! What's going on? Log out of the simulation, now!
Snake: I can't something's blocking me!
Major Zero: We've been hacked by a dangerous individual named Stratikeo! The simulation program has been altered!
Snake: That's.... YOU!! -points to Stratikeo-
Stratikeo: That's right, Snake. I'm a hacker... and I use GameShark. You can't defeat me.
Snake: Just try, bitch!
Stratikeo: -puts his hand in front of Snake and he gets blown backwards-
Snake: ARGH! -falls-
Sokolov: AAAAAA!!!
Stratikeo: Quiet, old man!
-A helicopter hovers over the area-
Stratikeo: Say hello to my brothers!
Some Guy: We get to fight side by side again, boss!
Some Other Guy: I have waited long for this day...
Some Old Guy: We meet again... -eyes bulge out- ...boss.
Some Guy with a Mask: ...fire is fun... fire is your friend...
Some Other Guy: Oh shut up.
Stratikeo: BROTHERS! We shall fight together again!
-The Sky turns gray and it starts to rain-
Stratikeo: What? It's raining shit. Is he constipated?
-Some hooded ghostly guy on a toilet floats around and his face looks sour and farting sounds are heard-
Stratikeo: Wha...? -looks around and everything turns normal again-
???: Kuwabara... KUWABARA.
Stratikeo: Why... it's the fried chicken guy. Hey Volgin.
???: My my, what a joyful scene!
Stratikeo: Whatever.
Volgin: Welcome to my country... and to my unit.
Stratikeo: ...
Volgin: -hums the Rocky theme song- DAN! ...DAN DAN DAAAAN!!!
Stratikeo: ...
Volgin: -picks up the nuke casings- Recoilless nuclear warheads. This will make a fine gift for me.
Stratikeo: Now get out of here you filthy son of a dog.
Volgin: Woof woof! -runs off with the Davy Crockett-
Snake: Hey, why are you doing this?
Stratikeo: Because I'm the bad guy, idiot! Hey, get the old guy!
Some Guy: Roger that.
-Some bees and hornets appear and Some Other Guy picks up Sokolov-
Snake: SOKOLOV!!! I'm warning you. I'm going to shoot you! -aims his gun-
Stratikeo: Think you can pull the trigger?
Snake: Yes.
Stratikeo: Oh well. Die! -whoops Snake's ass with CQC and throws him off the bridge-
Snake: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! -lands on the river-
Some Guy: The new blood has been rejected!
Stratikeo: He's just a child, too pure for us Cobras!
Some Other Guy: Boss, actually YOU'RE also a child... technically.
Stratikeo: Yeah, but I rock... and I made HIM roll.
Some Other Guy: Oooookaaaayyy...
Stratikeo: Oh yeah... oh yeah... I beat up Snake... oh yeah...
Volgin: WOOF!! WOOF!!
Stratikeo: Drift away... Jack.
Volgin: AAAWWOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Stratikeo: Oh shut up, Volgin! -throws a rock at him-
Volgin: AWOOF!! -passes out-
Oh noes! Did Snake survive Stratikeo's ass-whoopin'? Will Snake live to undergo a REAL mission? Find out at the next installment of... Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake is EATEN!!!