Where I'm from, having a dream doesn't make you smart.
Pre-pilot. Multi-chapter.
So why did Ryan go boosting cars with Trey that night? Didn't he use to be the good boy? What happened?
DISCLAIMER: Characters etc... are property of Fox and Schwartz. Not mine. Don't sue.
Thanks to my beta BonnieD.
Thank y'all for the great reviews – do keep reviewing, it's such an incentive to keep going!
Warning – R-rated for language, sex and drug references.
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Chapter 3: Boyz N the HoodThere was no point calling his brother that early in the morning – Ryan was better off just turning up on his doorstep. He knew that going to Trey's was probably a bad idea in the long run, but at this point, staying home was worse. He let himself out of the house without a backward look, stuffing a half-full pack of cigarettes he found in the living room in his jeans and set off on his bike.
As he rode down the streets in the early morning light, he tried to think it through. School was pretty much over for the year so it didn't really matter if he blew off the rest of the week. Besides, what he'd said to Theresa was true – he was past caring. Fuck school.
This much he knew – he was done dreaming a way out of the shit-hole that was his life. He was done pretending he could escape the white trash existence he was so clearly destined for – why deny the genes? So his mom was a doped-up alcoholic with a cokehead boyfriend? So what? His dad was in jail and his big brother dealt drugs and jacked cars. It was the kind of family he came from. Ryan Atwood in college? Who was he kidding? It would never work. No one would ever buy it – not with that kind of history, no matter what his SAT scores said.
No, it was time to face up to reality. He wasn't going to get anywhere being the good kid. Not with his fucking mom selling out on him. He might as well try to learn something off Trey and start upping his street smarts. Maybe it was time to go and play with the big boys. At least if he hung with him Trey might stop treating him like a pussy.
By the time he pulled up in front of Trey's seedy apartment block, in one of Chino's less salubrious neighborhoods, he had almost convinced himself that this was the best way to go. He knocked on Trey's door with more confidence than he felt. His brother could be a bitch in the morning.
It took a good five minutes before a sleepy and clearly pissed off Trey yanked the door open.
"Ryan? The fuck... What time is it?"
"Um, eight, I guess? Sorry, man, but I kind of need your help." Ryan looked up at Trey through his lashes, a little uncertain. Trey stared back at him, still annoyed but at least he hadn't slammed the door shut.
"What's up?"
Ryan bit his bottom lip and looked down. "AJ."
"Shit." Trey's expression softened. "She took him back already?"
Ryan nodded, eyes still down.
"Stupid bitch," Trey muttered. He opened the door wide and motioned Ryan in, looking him up and down as he walked past him. "Did he...?"
"No. I left. And I guess he's still on his best behavior with Mom. But, Trey, she's, you know..." Ryan grimaced. He didn't want to say she was back on the booze. Because he knew that Trey would say 'I told you so' and he'd feel like a jerk for having bought it for so long. But Trey didn't say anything; he just pulled Ryan in for a one-armed hug, in a rare display of brotherly affection.
"So you want to crash here, little bro'?"
Ryan shrugged. He tried not to sound too pathetic. "Yeah, you know, just for a couple of days. Until I figure out what's happening."
"Man, with that fucker around, you can always stay here, you know that," Trey said with feeling as he made a half-hearted attempt at clearing some space on the living room floor for Ryan to dump his backpack. The place might as well have 'bachelor pad' stamped on it. It was a mess of empty pizza boxes, full ashtrays, half-full beer cans and stray clothes, with a pile of girlie and motor magazines in a corner, a few CDs strewn about, and on a low table – surrounded by dirty cups and dishes and more random crap – cigarette papers and an open bag of weed that Ryan eyed speculatively. Trey caught his glance.
"You want some? Go ahead. I'm going back to bed because I've only slept, I don't know, four hours tops and I need more. We can talk later. You know where all the shit is anyhow." He yawned and walked back to the bedroom. As he was about to go through the door he turned back to Ryan and smirked. "Oh, and don't, you know, walk in or anything. I've got company."
Ryan smirked back at the closing door and sat down on the couch, having cleared some space. He sighed as he looked at the mess around him. He hated crashing at Trey's because his brother was such a pig. And unlike home, he had nowhere to retreat from the chaos – just the living room, which meant he could only go to bed when everyone had left, and Trey liked to party. He might as well get stoned, he figured. It made it easier to put up with all the shit. Plus, right now, it was exactly what he needed. He rolled himself a large one, lit it and settled back on the couch, inhaling deeply. He hoped there was some still-edible leftover pizza somewhere in one of those boxes, because he was going to be very hungry pretty soon. Unless he fell asleep first.
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When Trey finally got up several hours later, his little brother was spread out on the coach dead to the world. In the ashtray next to him were the remnants of a couple of sizeable joints. Trey smiled to himself. Ryan didn't let himself go very often, but when he wanted to, he could indulge with the best of them.
The girl who'd spent the night – what was her name, Tina? – had just left. Trey had made it clear he didn't expect her to hang around, seeing as his brother had come over and there were family issues to discuss. It was as good an excuse as any to get rid of her, and it happened to be true. She'd gotten a lot of free drugs out of him anyhow so he didn't reckon she'd complain. And she seemed to have enjoyed the fun later, too.
Trey managed to find a couple of clean cups and made coffee in the dingy kitchen. He looked at Ryan sprawled on the couch, looking very young as he slept, and felt his chest tighten. What the fuck had Dawn done this time? She'd fallen off the wagon, okay, but how could she take back that bastard AJ, after all the times he'd beat up on Ryan? Sure, Ryan had a smart mouth, and hated AJ, and should've known better than to answer back to him, but it was his mom and his home, and the guy was making his life a misery, from what Trey could tell. It was too bad he was still at school and underage, and had to stay with Mom.
He walked over to the couch and shook Ryan gently by the shoulder. Ryan started and looked around, disorientated. Trey handed him a steaming cup.
"So, shouldn't you be at school or something?"
Ryan eyed him over the rim of the cup. "Since when do you care about school, Trey?" he asked, his voice even.
"Hey," Trey protested, "You're the one who's been making a big deal of it." And then he bit his lip, realizing how stupid he was being. Shit.
"Yeah. Well, it's not like it matters anymore." Ryan shrugged. He looked up at Trey then and his expression was blank. Trey felt uneasy. He'd never seen his brother this... detached. When Ryan got really upset or hurt he would sometimes fold back in on himself and close down, shut up and refuse to communicate altogether. He turned mute and hid away, like a wounded animal. But this emotionless response was something else.
"So, got any plans?"
Ryan didn't answer immediately. He sipped from his cup, staring into its depths. When he finally spoke Trey was again struck by how calm and cold his voice was. "I thought you and I could hang together, you know. You keep telling me I know jack about real life, so why don't you show me. I guess I could learn a couple of things off you." And then he looked straight at Trey with a defiant expression and Trey felt caught between a rock and a hard place. He wanted to tell Ryan that he was better off not knowing all the shit that came with the territory, because Ryan was still his baby brother – but he also knew that if anyone had to teach Ryan anything it should be him.
It wasn't much of a choice, actually.
"'Kay. I'll see what we can do about that later. But you're such a little bitch Ry, I don't know if I'll be able to make anything out of you," he said with a forced grin. He tried to put a spin on it, but he didn't like the idea that his smartass kid brother was headed his way. Trey was nothing if not a realist. Jacking cars and dealing pot in Chino was okay as far as he was concerned, but not the career path he would have chosen for Ryan. Because Ryan was smart, and soft, really, and not half as much of an asshole as Trey tried to pretend he was, and he had what it took to get out of Chino – if only he could get a break.
Ryan just closed his eyes.
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Later that day, they went to a pool hall nearby where the guys hung out – and where Trey did a fair amount of business. Ryan squared his shoulders as they walked in. It was that kind of place, where it paid to look a little meaner, and bigger, than he was. He had been there a couple of times for drinks with Trey – they never carded anyone, though, which was a definite bonus.
Arturo and Eddie were already shooting pool under a fug of smoke at one of the back tables. Eddie smiled as he saw Ryan.
"Hey kid, what're you doing here? Isn't school still on?"
Ryan shook his head at him. "Not really." He looked sideways at Trey. "Just hanging. Any chance of a game?"
They played a few games, Ryan easily holding his own even though the others had months of practice on him. He was good at calculating angles, thinking his shots through beyond the obvious, and at being discreet when he set one up for later. Eddie could sometimes figure that out – Trey and 'Turo not so often. After an hour, Ryan was twenty bucks up. You didn't not play for money with these guys. He looked at the table meditatively, studying his next move.
"You hustling me, punk?" All of a sudden Arturo was in his face, looking menacing. Ryan took a step back, hands raised.
"Whoa! 'Turo?" Theresa's brother was shorter than him, but built like a brick shithouse. He could probably knock Ryan down in ten seconds flat. But he was smirking, so Ryan let his breath out. "Fuck you, man. What was that about?"
"I swear you are just like Trey, Ryan. Except that you keep your mouth shut and you can actually shoot pool, not just brag." Arturo said, lighting a cigarette.
Ryan snorted. "And how does that make me like him?" He leant over and lined up his shot as he talked, keeping his eye on the ball. Just as well Arturo was mad already because he was about to sink two in one.
"You're a sly little bastard, that's how," said Arturo. Then he noticed Ryan's move. "Fuck you, Ry! Okay, that's it. Next time you come round our house looking for a friendly face I'll kick your ass out."
Ryan froze. Did Arturo know about last night? No, impossible. For a start, he wouldn't have let Ryan sleep there. Arturo must have known Ryan slept with his little sister, but he'd never let it happen under his nose. He'd almost caught them once, a year ago, in her bedroom, and it hadn't been pretty. Ryan and he didn't talk about it, and now that Eddie was dating Theresa, it was unlikely he'd let anything like that go by. No, it was a chance remark. He focused on his cue and potted the balls smoothly. Trey laughed and smacked him on the back.
"Shit, Ryan, you keep doing this I swear I'll take you out on the scam for real. You're about ripe for some hustling, bro'. I know this place up in Chino Hills where we could make some good money."
"Who's that 'we' you're talking about Trey?" Ryan shot back. "If I have to win back the money you'll lose us on the tables we're not going to go very far."
Eddie and Arturo both cracked up at that. "Hey, Trey, remember that time at Larry's?" Arturo said. "You ended up begging that bitch girlfriend of yours for enough money to keep those fucking bikers off your ass."
Trey rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah, okay. Thanks for the brotherly support, you shithead." He picked up his cue and started looking for an easy shot.
Ryan picked up his beer and sipped it, smirking. It wasn't so bad, hanging with Trey and Arturo and Eddie. Sure, he was still the little brother, but in the past year he'd made the transition from annoying little kid to being one of the guys. They still talked over his head sometimes, but he'd earned some respect. He could play a good game of pool; he could beat them at cards; he could smoke and drink with them without puking; and – that was the clincher – he wasn't bad at getting laid, either.
Ryan wasn't quite the pussy hound that his big brother was – shit, Trey was always looking to get some – but since last summer, when he'd worked construction and bulked up, his luck had changed. He found out, much to his surprise, that he was no longer the scrawny kid ignored by the girls (well, apart from Theresa, which was a different thing altogether), but that he could score with the pretty girls at parties. And that carried street cred with Trey and his friends.
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Ryan was forty dollars up by the time they called it an evening – a good thing since he'd been flat broke – which meant he got to buy the beers on the way back to Trey's. They always ended back there – Arturo still lived at home, and Eddie, the only one of the three with a proper job, balked at having to kick everyone out when he needed to go to bed. Also, Trey had a shiny new DVD player and a stash of DVDs thanks to one of his "business deals". And he always had weed.
"So what have you got, man?" Arturo said as soon as they walked in. "I'm in the mood for something, you know, cool. Maybe some music, man. Got any nice new DVDs in your stash?"
"Oh, I know what you're gonna want to watch, 'Turo." Trey knelt down by the TV and started sorting though the pile of DVD cases before shoving one into the player. "Ryan, roll us a joint."
When the film started, Ryan let out a groan. "Not fucking 8 Mile again, Trey! I swear you're obsessed with Eminem, man."
"Shut up, bitch. And get this joint started instead of pissing and moaning."
Ryan lit up and sank back into the couch. No one else was complaining, so he was going to have to put up with it. The problem was, that film reminded him altogether too much of the home he was escaping – drunk mom and violent boyfriend included – for him to enjoy it. Although it didn't seem to bother Trey. The similarities didn't escape the other two, either, as the film played on.
"Man, Kim Basinger is your mom," Arturo muttered, before he was silenced by a swift kick from Eddie. Ryan stared stolidly at the screen and inhaled deeply, keeping the smoke in his lungs as long as possible. He tried to focus on the music rather than the action. Yeah, Kim Basinger was his fucking mom. Only more fucking glamorous.
"So whassup, man, seriously?" Eddie asked when the credits were rolling. "I mean, what happened? I thought your mom was going straight."
Ryan didn't reply immediately. Eddie shot him a thoughtful look "Sorry, Ryan, none of my business," he said, seeing his discomfort.
Ryan shrugged. "Didn't work out. It's not like it was a big surprise anyway."
Eddie nodded and slapped him on the back sympathetically. "Shit happens, man. Hey, have another beer."
Ryan took the bottle and knocked it against Eddie's. "Thanks, dude," he muttered before taking a gulp. Eddie smiled at him before turning back to the TV. Trey was back at the DVDs, this time looking for porn, he'd announced. Just as well, thought Ryan. That at least was safe. And fuck, he was feeling buzzed and a little horny anyhow.
He took another sip and looked around him. The guys were bantering with each other, laughing, waving cigarettes and bottles in the air. He could do this. As long as he didn't think about it too much, this was cool. Getting drunk and stoned and shooting pool or watching porn with the guys was kind of fun. Stupid, but fun. It also meant he functioned in a blur, the kind of blur that made it easier not to think about things. Things like his future. Or, indeed, his present. Also, it would make crashing on Trey's lumpy couch much less unpleasant.
On the other hand, Ryan knew that at some point he was going to have to sober up and face the music. Like sorting something out with his mom, and getting his hands dirty with Trey's business. And no matter how much he tried to talk himself into it, Ryan wasn't entirely comfortable with that. But it's not like he had any choice.