Authors Note: This hasn't been beta-read so I apologize if it has grammar/spelling errors in or if the characters sound a bit off. Please let me know what you think of this, complaints, suggestions; any feedback would be helpful as long as it is constructive.

Spoilers: For Season One episodes 1-14

Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to Stargate in any incarnations of course and I'm not making any money, this is just some harmless fanfic fun.

He knew he'd been drugged, it had been hard to convince his brain it had been Cinta they'd killed and not Elizabeth.
He'd almost given in when he'd started believing that, only he kept on picturing her, reminding himself it wasn't what it seemed.
That it was Cinta; Cinta who'd wanted it to happen.

He'd tried to stop them taking her from the cell when they had separated them a week or more a go.
He'd failed but as she'd left she'd turned back to him a small weak smile on her lips.

She'd been happy, willing her death, her reunion with her son as she saw it.
But she hadn't been expecting such a prolonged and painful death, the days of torture for both f them with his never ending refusal to give the wraith what they wanted.
Only happiness, the good in it was that she is set free by it in the end

Except the wraith probably sucked souls too, leaving them without existence. It was a harsh unhopeful thought he couldn't help but have.

Either way Cinta was gone.
They'd left her there for him to watch for several hours. Her body limp, eyes open staring to the floor sadly. She didn't look too happy to him, despite his certainty she's wished to die.

The horror of it wasn't lost of him though, Cinta had been saved just so he could watch. her pain extended to extend his pain.
As if his throbbing head from the probing and chemicals hadn't been enough along with the wraiths scratches.

She seemed to bestow them sweetly upon him, like a kiss. Not of fondness but a mark. Like he was her pet. Hers to order and punish.

There had been plenty of punishment too. She couldn't understand his resistance and even seemed afraid he'd managed to evade her combination of hallucinogenic bombardment, psychological befittingly and psychic intrusion. He'd even caught a glimpse of fear in her eye the first time he'd stopped her from seeing into him. Since then she seemed more determined to break him and so he was sure any fear was a fear of failure. He thought he might be a project for her. His pet status, the markings by her, as a warning to others who wanted the glory of getting information out of him. He'd heard wraith voices outside the entrance several times. It made him feel a bit better to know she was under pressure, that the Wraith weren't singularly powerful beings. They had an order, perhaps a hierarchy.

But how he wished he could have cradled his head in his arms, away from the spotlit scene in front of him.

She'd mentioned several times the threat of brain damage from what she was doing. He didn't take it idly though he'd already vowed that not even his own life mattered. He wondered exactly what she was doing to him, all he knew was it made his head hurt agonisingly, the bright light scalding him more. They had a limit though, after which they'd leave him for a few hours, administering a painful chemical into his system. For awhile it would increase the aching in his head but it was some sort of healing agent that allowed them to try again, the damage repaired and ready to be redone if he once again resisted.

And it was surprisingly easy to resist once he'd worked it out.
They could only see the forefront of the thoughts so all he gave them was himself.

By now he was sure she had grown weary of the images he'd projected of his childhood and the haunting melodies of his favourite piano pieces interspliced with his thought of Elizabeth. Nothing more than his feelings, nothing specific enough to give any information away.

But it was fun to infuriated Lilith with the visage of her. Almost as if it made Lilith jealous.
Or perhaps it was she couldn't feed off anything remotely positive.
That almost made up for the cruel rehashing of every bad memory she found in him.

Every other emotion going through his mind she relished, stripping away somehow.
Fear made her smile, anguish made her laugh, pain made her happy but love she couldn't use.
It seemed to be a flavour Lilith despised, thought unpalatable to her mind.

Often giving up on interrogation frustrated at how much hope Elizabeth could invoke, how he held on for her instead of falling to pieces and opening wide to the Wraith and their wishes.

But Lilith was full of surprises and just when he thought she had nothing left she'd found more to toy with him.
And he completely underestimated how much of a pet he was to her.

They'd let him out but on a leash. Placing a control collar on him. There were no gadgets to press to make it buzz him, it didn't even seem based on electricity but he didn't want to tempt her to activate it even if he saw no means for her to do so.

He escorted her to what she had eloquently called the banquet.
He'd been quiet, unsure whether that meant his time was finally up.
He could only hope.

When they arrived Lilith had smirked at the guards as they passed, showing off her prize.
Rodney had followed her in mutely thinking nothing could be worse than anything she'd come up with yet.

The room was enormous and held a surprising amount of furnishings compared to what he'd seen before however that did not hold his attention.

It was like something out of a horror film.
Humans milled around, hung tied to the walls and strapped into chairs. Instruments of torture were strategically placed too. A great number of Wraith were amongst them, stopping to take their pick of their food and to play with it too, inflicting their savoured pain and fear upon them before sucking their life out. It was such a contrast the near glee and eagerness of the hungry lustful Wraith set against the utter chaos, death and decay of their unfortunate victims whose corpses and skeletons lay sprawled around haphazardly without any attention.

"Why are you showing me this, these, things?" he hoped he sounded disgusted even though he could barely speak, spitting out the word things because by right there was no names for such misery, only a place, the depths of hell.

It felt like he was in the ninth ring of hell, reserved for traitors, betrayers. Even though he'd yet to give up his secrets to her.
She grinned amused by his ignorance.
"Because you abhor these things." and she smiled pleasantly enjoying his brief confusion.

The answer seemed as awful as the reality would be should it come to that.
"It adds to my flavour I presume"

"You are smart my one"
"I'm not yours!" he shouted out in defiance. Feeling his blood boil in anger. Would the stupid Wraith never realise he would die before he broke, that he would not condemn those he loved to the same fate.

Her smile faltered at his disobedience and at his flash of hope which she saw embodied in the woman she'd tried to eradicate from his mind.

"Don't worry yourself about that, about her, your Elizabeth, she is as dead to you as you are to her, as that pathetic woman is upon the cross. You are mine now, always mine"

Then she had hit him with the fury. The collar grasping his neck tightly to which his hands could not remove it. His lungs heaved for air as his neurons simultaneously burst into flames of white hot pain, hitting every part of him at once, erasing all feeling in its overload. Leaving only the clear memory of that which inflicted the state. Very briefly she got her wish, in his pain his body given over to her control.

Only she couldn't keep him under this spell for it would kill him and that would have been merciful, something he knew she would never do until she had attained her goal. Even then she would kill him not for mercy or out of gratefulness but as her victory and vengeance.

Emotion sucked dry
Feeling high but I am not
Lack of emotions making it all so clear
And any one that appears is seen so starkly
Knowing truth
Clawing at it, trying to keep
Don't take away my soul, my very being
Don't let them take away all the feeling