Old Author Notes:

Thank you to everyone who has reviewed! This week to make up for my absence last week, I am uploading 2 chapters and I feel quite proud to say that they are 2 of the longest chapters in this story so far. Enjoy!

Disclaimer:

By the way, as you already know I DO NOT OWN Mulan, DISNEY DOES!

Chapter 6: Feelings Are Clear

Travelling was tough. My emotions ran through my head like a torrent of water, each one awakening me to the truth and the inevitability that we were going to die. Ping was far back with the cart of cannons. Too far back to help me gather emotional strength. But I had to struggle on through the deepening snow and bitter cold, through the floods of unwanted thoughts and heart-numbing emotions. How I wished, as I rode atop my stallion, that I was at home with my family: the mother who had died when I was younger, the father whose bravery had cost him his life, but brought me great honour. How I found my thoughts travelling to memories that I thought that I'd forgotten. It was a relief to have found a warm retreat to hide my mind in, where I could relive my happiest memories, instead of fearing the bleak future like so many men behind me.

I saw my mother's vague face; all that I could remember from when I was so young, and I saw my father returning from the army and celebration all around. I think that it was at that moment I wanted more than anything to be like my father. To become a great soldier and bring much honour to my family, to return home to a loving wife and to a child who admires me the way that I admired my father. Now, I could see that this would not happen, unless there was a miracle. I would die to protect my country and great Emperor. The same way my father had died.

I needed to plan what we were to do. It was no use being unprepared. Though the Huns could attack at any time, I believed that they would wait until we were at the Imperial City. Our main aim is to protect the Emperor. Without him, the Huns would take over.

My planning was interrupted by a loud explosion coming from my troops. I swiftly turned to see a cannon had exploded. I raced down to where Ping was, and the smoking hole in the cover of the cart that carried the cannons.

"What happened?" I demanded to know. How on Earth could a cannon explode like that? Ping just stood there, as shocked as everyone else, stuttering.

"You just gave away our position!" I shouted, "Now we're…"

I fell to the ground, struck by an arrow. It pierced only my armour, and all I felt was the fall to the ground from my horse. A downpour of arrows fell like raindrops from the mountain. I called out to the men, yelling for them to get out of range. It dawned on me. This was it. They had found us. I had no plan. Nothing. We didn't stand a chance. I couldn't help but blame Ping for this. They would never had found us if it were not for him… but now was not the time for this. There would never be time for this. This was it.

The cart with our ammunition inside was now on fire. My orders were to save the cannons. We needed to stop the Huns, and fighting was our only option. The cannons were our last chance.

Ping saved his horse as the men saved the cannons. I was in too much of a panic to be angry with him. What the hell was I supposed to do? I was going to have to think fast. My men began to fire the cannons, the air became clouded in smoke and my ears hurting with the sounds of cannon fire. My throat became sore with shouting instructions, I was out of ideas. We had one cannon left.

"Save the last cannon!" I ordered, trying to think of what to do. The Huns were heading straight for us. Their huge army outmatching and outnumbering what I had. Like a rapid river, they flowed towards us, their dark forms pouring down the white snow covered mountain. This was it.

"Prepare to fight-" I warned, "If we die, we die with honour" I explained to my troops. I turned to Yao, the small but fiery soldier and told him to aim the last cannon at Shan Yu, the Hun's leader. If they were anything like us, when he fell, they would lose.

It happened in an instant. Before Yao could light the cannon, Ping zipped out and grabbed it. He raced off towards the Huns. It was suicide.

"PING! COME BACK!" I shouted, my eyes widened in panic. He was going to be killed. He was all I had, or at least all I felt I had. He became smaller and smaller the further he ran, towards the charging enemy. Heading straight into Death itself.

"STOP!" I cried out, before chasing after him, tumbling slightly in the snow. The cold was nothing compared to the pain I felt knowing he was going to die. My vision was blurred with forming tears that I refused to let fall. He was far ahead of me and my men far behind. The Huns were almost on top of Ping. Then something amazing happened.

Ping fired the cannon. Just in the nick of time too. Shan Yu appeared to be in front of the boy and the rocket shot off and missed him. And hit the great white-capped mountain behind, causing an avalanche. The wave of white fell down drowning the Hun army in snow. Ping sped back towards me. I was still in awe of what the boy had done. He had a plan and went ahead without my permission, and pulled it off. He grabbed my arm and I snapped out of my stupor. We ran as fast as we could back towards the men who were now hiding under a rock, sheltered from the oncoming flood of snow.

As the snow fell around us, Ping and I grabbed onto his horse, the black stallion who Ping had saved from the ammunition cart fire not that long ago. All I remember is not making it onto the horse. And snow surrounding me so that I could not move and could hardly breathe.

I slipped in and out of consciousness, awakening in just enough time to be pulled onto the up the cliff and under the safety of the rock. Snow cascaded down the surrounding cliff like a waterfall. And we were spared. Ping was seriously out of breath, kneeled down beside me as I sat up, trying to take in the confusion that had just happened. Once I realised what had happened, I looked up at him. He had saved my life. He didn't have to. He could have left me to die, but he had risked his life for me. And I was going to be eternally grateful.

"Ping," I began, slightly breathless myself, "You are the craziest man I have ever met." He looked quite upset at this remark of mine, but I smiled reassuringly at him, "And for that, I owe you my life. From now on, you have my trust."

He smiled back at me for a moment, and I felt warm and cosy inside, despite the damp coldness I felt on the outside. Ping's smile faded to a wince of pain.

"Ping? What's wrong?" I gasped, seeing the red blood seeping through his armour. My eyes widened again. He was still in danger. Shan Yu had done some damage, and I could still lose him.

"He's wounded!" I shouted, "Get help!" The doctor was summoned and quickly, a medical area was established; a tent in a clearing of snow nearby.

Ping slipped out of consciousness. I was a bag of nerves, seeing him go into the tent, I felt like that would be the last I saw of my Ping. The sweet and naïve boy that I knew I had feelings for. I wanted so badly to go in there and tell him. But if I did, I could possibly be facing the realisation that he was dead. Though we had won, and the Huns were defeated, we felt no need to celebrate because the boy, no, man who had saved China was lying near death in that tent. I preyed silently that he was going to be alright. I paced up and down outside the tent. The only thing between me and Ping was the material of the tent, and it was killing me inside knowing that he was in there in pain. If only that were me. The boy would be spared all of the agony. What seemed like hours had passed since Ping was taken into that tent and finally movement stirred the opening of the tent. The medic came out. I held my breath. He looked quite flustered and grim. He whispered quickly into my ear.

"She's going to be alright." He said. She? She? I looked at him in disbelief and he nodded. I barged into the tent and froze. Ping woke up and looked at me, smiling. The sheet that covered him slipped down. His chest was bandaged up in white, but it was not a man's chest. But a woman's. 'He' noticed that I was staring at his chest, and blushing he realised that I had figured it out. He covered up. Or rather she covered up. Ping was a woman. That would explain everything. His feminine attitude towards things, his high voice, his regular bathing habits and small frame. The way he looked at me and the way I was attracted to him. It was all because he was a woman. I felt a whole sense of relief, as if a weight had been lifted from my shoulder. I wanted to hug Ping, tell her the truth about my feelings and celebrate the fact that she was alive. I almost smirked. Almost.

"I can explain.." The girl began. She was most definitely a girl. How come I hadn't noticed before? She was gorgeous. But she was interrupted. I would have listened to her explanation. But Chi Fu bounded into the tent, took one look and erupted.

"So it's true?" He gasped. Then it hit me. Ping was a woman. Women were not allowed in the army. The penalty was death. She had lied and tricked every soldier in the army, including myself. We would be a mockery. And so to stop that happening, I would be told to punish her. I would have to kill Ping. Ping, the person who had saved us all. Her bravery was going to be rewarded with death rather than celebration. How could I look at her? Anger welled up inside me. I had been tricked. A woman had outsmarted me. No matter how I felt, it was unavoidable. I had to kill her. I couldn't take being in that tent with her and Chi Fu. I stormed out, upset and angry, happy and sad all at the same time.

"Shang!" I heard her call out to me. I ignored her. Chi Fu dragged her out of the tent into the cold, the poor girl grimacing in pain and embarrassment. The men were going to find out. The friends she had obviously struggled to make were going to reject her. She covered her chest with the sheet as she was flung forcefully into the snow, Chi Fu not caring about the girl's injury, raving about how he knew something was wrong with her.

Her pulled out her tied back hair as she fell, revealing her secret.

"A woman!" He cried, as gasps echoed around the men. The hero Ping was a woman.

"Treacherous snake!" Chi Fu shouted, hoping to rally the troops into an angry mob, forcing me into my decision.

The girl, helpless and cold sat up slightly and turned with pleading eyes, staring straight at me. She spoke defiantly and strong, despite her vulnerable appearance.

"My name is Mulan. I did it to save my father!"

My mind froze. Her father? She didn't do it to dishonour the army, but to save the life of a loved one… She was every bit as kind as she had made Ping seem. She, this Mulan, was still Ping. My weaknesses were revealed to her before. She knew how sensitive I was when it came to my father. It could be a trick, to save her life. The military part of me said so, unsurely. However my heart told me otherwise. She was genuine.

"High treason!" Chi Fu cried.

"I didn't mean for it to go this far" She continued. She was expecting to die maybe? Or was she not expecting to get through training? Maybe she wasn't expecting to get caught? Whatever her reason, the outcome was going to have to be the same. She broke the law.

Chi Fu was adamant that she was to be executed.

"It was the only way - please…" She cried, wrapping the blanket around herself even more. "Believe me."

I wanted to. I really did. My thoughts raced my heart. What was I going to do? This woman, even though she broke the law, had saved all of China and proven herself as strong and smart as any man in the army, including myself. I owed her my life.

"Hmph." Chi Fu snubbed her. In his opinion women were not worth even civility. I could have hit him, if my head was not to busy thinking over what I was going to do.

"Captain." Chi Fu pressed me on. I had to hurry with my decision.

I pulled out Mulan's sword from the saddle of her horse, much to the horror of the soldiers. Chi Fu smugly told them to get back, reminding them of the law, and ordering them to restrain the now frantic horse. Mulan bowed her head, her short black hair falling into her face. Much to everyone's amazement, I dropped the sword to the ground in front of her. My decision was made.

"A life for a life. My debt is repaid." My heart sinking lower as said so. "Move out." I was going to leave her behind. If she had any sense she would go home and beg forgiveness from her father. If not she would die out in the bitter cold of the mountain.

Either way, I would never see her again. I would have to forget my feelings for her, as I could never tell her them. Of course, my plan was not welcomed warmly by Chi Fu.

"But, you can't just…" He butted in. I had had enough with the little man. I grabbed his collar and pulled him up to my height.

"I said move out." I stressed, anger in my voice. I think I scared everyone, by my attitude. No one disobeyed me. I was mixed up inside. Angry and upset, miserable yet happy, but at the same time emotionally exhausted, relieved and regretful. No matter how impossible it was, one thing was clear however. I was in love with Mulan.

Old Author Notes:

Hee hee. He admitted it. Finally. That was a really fun chapter to write. Hope you liked it.